A faith founded by a guy who loved teasing the elite has to be funny
QUESTION: How do groups of angels greet each other? Answer: Halo, halo, halo.
Christians and Jews have a well-developed comedy sub-culture. Not only are there Judeo-Christian comedians, but many pastors and rabbis build humor into their regular talks – not to mention the signboards outside their buildings.
Readers have been working with this columnist this week to fight the lie that Asians are humorless. We’ve compiled funny but non-offensive jokes from many Asian communities, including Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu.
Since the number of Christians in Asia (250 million and rising) will shortly overtake the number in Western Europe (280 million and falling), here are some gems from Asian Christians:
1) A young woman confessed to her priest that she was guilty of the sin of pride: “I look in the mirror and think of myself as beautiful.” The priest said, "That's not a sin, that's a mistake."
2) Q: How can you tell if someone is half-Catholic and half-Jewish? A: He never misses confession but always takes his lawyer.
3) Christian Doctor: “Your recovery was a miracle!” Christian Patient: “Thank God! Now I don't have to pay you.”
4) A pastor says to a man about to be baptized: "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"
The man replies: “Yes. My wife made sandwiches and a cake."
The pastor says: "I am talking about the condition of your spirit.”
The man says: “Oh, that. I have two bottles of vodka and some scotch.”
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Christianity’s founder was a witty iconoclast who was constantly teasing both the religious authorities and his disciples, so joking has a long tradition in that faith.
Today, priests even tell jokes about priests, like this one:
A priest is on a subway train. A man opposite lowers his newspaper to reveal himself to be a hard-living man who smells of alcohol, has lipstick on his collar and is wearing rumpled clothes in which he has clearly been out all night.
With pain in his eyes, the man asks the priest: “Father, what causes dyspepsia, gout and cirrhosis?”
The priest replies: “My son, they are caused by a wild lifestyle, gluttony, alcohol abuse, and the company of wicked women.”
The man says: “Amazing.”
The priest says: “Would you like to be free of these ailments?”
The man replies: “I don’t have them. The newspaper says the Pope has.”
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But my favourite Christian joke is a modern one.
A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead.
A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side.
A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side.
Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help.”
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Often, the best humor is accidental. It’s almost impossible to take a small child to a church or temple without him saying something to make you crack up, like the child who prayed:
“Dear God, please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.”
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Let’s give the last word in this column series to atheists:
Q: Did you hear about the Dial-a-Prayer service they have for atheists now?
A: You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers.
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