By Nury VittachiA guaranteed fail-safe method
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Rika wrote a comment just now telling us to watch documentaries on what happens to chicken etc as it is processed--as it will put you right off eating the stuff. This is really true, and watching shows about mass production of food should form part of every diet.
It's funny, many readers have started "healthy eating" programs. Several of my chubbier friends and workmates are doing the same.
But here's the weird thing that quite a few of my workmates complain about.
Often the most stringent diets have no effect. Worse still, several dieters actually PUT ON weight. They suffer terrible starvation all day and then discover that they are half a kilo heavier at the end of it!
Fear not. I can tell you why. You see, there are certain strange laws of physics and biology that ONLY apply to diets. For example: "Brain cells come and brain cells go; but fat cells live forever."
Further, most dieters (and nutritionists) don't know about the Dieting One-Way Principle. Skipping 10 pieces of chocolate cake causes you to lose half a kilo, but eating one piece of chocolate cake puts it all back on again.
Now, I have been carefully observing some of the dieters I know, and understand why many of them fail. Here is a typical case, whom I shall call Ms X, to avoid embarrassment for her, and nasty repercussions for me.
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Day one. She weighs herself. She grimly writes down the bad news. Her fists tighten to show just how fervent she is to achieve a breakthrough.
Breakfast: One cup of tea with no milk or sugar, followed by one small yogurt.
Mid-morning break: Another cup of tea with no milk or sugar.
Lunch: Skinless fish with steamed vegetables.
Mid-afternoon snack: One small apple.
Dinner: Steamed chicken breast, plus illicit side order of french fries which don't count because they are eaten off a friend's plate.
Dessert: One small banana, followed by one sneaked chocolate bar, which has no calories, as it is eaten in the dark.
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Day two. Morning weighing: Face darkens as weighing scale shows zero reduction.
Breakfast: One cup of tea with no milk or sugar, followed by two small yogurts.
Mid-morning break: Another cup of tea, this time with skimmed milk but no sugar.
Lunch: Steamed fish with side salad.
Mid-afternoon snack: One tangerine, followed by a pack of cookies which doesn't count because no one saw her eat them.
Dinner: Salmon fillet with salad, plus an unofficial large roast potato with sour cream which doesn't count because she ate it standing up in the kitchen while clearing the plates.
Dessert: Illicit medium-sized bar of chocolate eaten as reward for making it through the second day.
Late-evening snack: Two more medium-sized chocolate bars followed by entire family-sized tub of ice cream eaten straight from the freezer.
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Day three. Morning weighing: Scale shows one-kilo increase. She starts the day in a furious mood.
Breakfast: Eight small yogurts. Three cups of tea with full-fat milk and three spoons of sugar in each.
Mid-morning break: Four bars of chocolate and a large cappuccino.
Lunch: A whole barbecued suckling pig.
Mid-afternoon snack: A bag of apples and six bars of chocolate.
Dinner: An extra-large deep pan super supreme pizza.
Dessert: A three-kilo family-sized cheesecake.
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Day four. Morning Weighing: A further two-kilo increase leads to a phone call to best friend.
"That diet's completely useless. I tried it religiously for three days but it had no effect at all."
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But here's the good news for my larger friends. The average weight of citizens of most countries is climbing steadily. Instead of lowering your weight, just hang out for a while. You'll soon be average.
