Mr Jam’s technology special

Today we explore the amazing world of Modern Science

A SCIENTIST wowed the media last week by showing how a slime mold, “a simple creature with no brain”, can navigate a maze to find its way home. Big deal. I was not impressed by the press release from Professor Toshiyuki Nakagaki of Japan.

I mean, even Mel Gibson can get himself home from the bar in one piece without trouble, on occasion.

Apologies in advance if my comparison of a slime mold to Mel Gibson is considered offensive to slime molds.

***

 

No, when it comes to tech-y news, I was much more taken with the “Iran building its own Internet” headline in several newspapers the other day.

A spokesman said Iran’s replica World Wide Web would be ready “within a few weeks.”

If so, Iran must have 100 million people composing rambling blogs, another 100 million setting up cat-picture websites and a further 100 million producing bad porn.

I just wouldn’t want to be the poor schmuck assigned to write Iran’s version of Wikipedia: “One article down, 19.9 million to go.”

(Iran’s information superhighway)

***

Meanwhile, a reader showed me a neat tech trick you can do at any mobile phone shop. You go in, pick up the iPhone 4S on display and reset Siri, the talking assistant.

When it asks you for your name, you say something funny. Suggestions:

1) “Eww! My sensors detect a disgusting substance on your hands.”

2) “Wow, you’re hot. Press my love button, baby.”

3) “Help! I’m being stolen!”

Etc.

Siri starts by saying what it thinks is your name, so everyone who tries the phone after you will hear whatever phrase you put in, for example: “Man, you ugly! Put me down!”

***

ANNOYED to have seen so many criticisms of SOPA, a plan to stop people robbing the companies which pay artists, filmmakers, actors, writers etc, and not one of them offers an alternative. Shame.

***

MALAYSIAN AIRLINES staff are working on a scheme to let customers check fellow passengers’ Facebook pages to learn about each other.

I love this plan.

Imagine walking up to someone on the plane and saying: “The rest of us in the cabin note that you press the ‘like’ button for every reference to Justin Bieber, so I’m afraid we must ask you to leave this aircraft at once.”

Of course, we may show such a person a measure of leniency in certain circumstances, such as if he’s the pilot.

***

DOGS HAVE social skills similar to children, scientist József Topál of the Hungarian Academy of Sciences told reporters last week.

What is he talking about? Dogs have WAY better social skills than children.

When was the last time a child rewarded you for coming home from work by licking your face?

When was the last time a sullen dog demanded money?

***
THOUGHTFUL LETTER from reader R.M. Hadzi: “You recently wrote a column about real-life happenings which reflect fairy tales. In the tale of The Emperor’s New Clothes, bad guys create something which individuals in power talk about as if it was real, but ordinary people know doesn’t exist. This exists in real life: it’s called ‘Asian democracy’.”

***
Happy Chinese New Year from all of us at the Quite Good Noodle Shop!

 

Technorati Tags: Toshiyuki Nakagaki,slime mold,Mel Gibson,Asian democracy,Iran internet,Mr Jam,Nury Vittachi

Comments

[Jason]

Is there a correlation between having a non-functioning brain and believing in the insane religious ramblings of one's father?

And is there such a thing as 'bad' porn?

[Lift Lurker]

The Japanese professor is breathtaking

(I mean his name is hard to say aloud without pausing to breathe).

But I also mean his discovery is breathtaking. Does it mean our future computers will come with 'Slime Inside' logo?

I need to remove 'slime' from my quiver of insult words.

[Nury]

Hi guys.

Jason, you're right, Mel Gibson's father is a famous nutter whose ramblings have been horrifying Catholics and pretty much anyone with a functioning brain for years.

Despite this, Mel Gibson was one of the most pleasant, decent-seeming celebrities for years, and I used to quote the fact that he was a hunk adored by women but impressively had stayed married to the woman he'd wed as a penniless nobody.

But then after 26 years, he divorced her, became a drunkard, and adopted his father's mad tirades against the Jews etc.

Makes you wonder about hereditary craziness...

As for porn, I can't claim any expertise. Family men who ricochet between crowded homes and crowded offices have zero access. It's a situation that some people would see negatively, but it's probably a bonus in real life...

Liftie -- I can't actually work out how a slime mold can think if it has no brain cells. Can you?

[Lift Lurker]

I think I first come across Nakagaki's slime molds from book 'Emergence' by Steven Johnson. Very enjoyable science reading.

Family men who ricochet between crowded homes and crowded offices have zero access.

Capitalism will find way. Don't worry.

[Slime mold]

Apology accepted, but we will consider reaching your house in large groups, if you compare us again with celebrities.

[grandpa]

One bark is worth a thousand words:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ntDYjS0Y3w&feature=g-logo&context=G23139d3FOAAAAAAAbAA

[Bianca Schlimm]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VyZghameV_I

just and only laughing laughing laughing! :-)

[Karuna]

@Nury, how come you support SOPA ?
With the amount of ideas and articles you lift from liftie and other funny commentators on this blog ;-) you should be a opposing SOPA :-D
Honestly it is the interactive experience of your blog through internet, led me to buy your books and... thereby creating profits for the publisher company who paid you for your work.

[Nury]

Hi Karuna, thanks for your note. I don't support SOPA as such -- I don't know enough about it.

But I'm opposed to people who say: "Your attempt to fix a really serious problem is imperfect to say the least, therefore we can pour scorn on you and then walk away."

That pretty much sums up every anti-Sopa essay I have read so far. They acknowledge there's a problem, mock people trying to fix it, and do nothing about it themselves.

One HK pirate website alone is estimated to have sucked US$500 million out of the pot used to pay workers in creative industries.

A tiny percentage of those workers are studio bosses and movie stars. 99 per cent are office staff, factory workers, van drivers etc. I feel sorry for them.

Anyway, hopefully the debate will move on to constructive grounds eventually...

[Chamin]

But those backing SOPA are not so honest either. Warner Brothers claimed that Harry Potter movies lost money, so that they don't have to share profits.

http://www.worstpreviews.com/headline.php?id=18219

> 99 per cent are office staff, factory > workers, van drivers etc. I feel
> sorry for them.
I guess the bigger part of the money goes to business tycoons anyway, because this 99% do not earn more with more sales.

[rafanjr]

Bianca its too infectious.

[Bob_Accra]

Well..

1. Intellectual property deserves protection.

2. IP owners (software publishers, movie studios, music publishers, etc) always grossly overestimate losses incurred from piracy.

3. Freedom of speech and creativity also deserve protection.

4. Laws have to be enforceable and respect due process.

5. Pirates and IP thieves shouldn't be able to hide behind national borders, since the purloined content doesn't respect borders.

6. National legislatures are the gathering places of people who are organically incapable of writing a law without creating negative unintended consequences.

7. Sometimes a law is nothing more than an attempt to be seen to be doing something, in the eyes of the public or in the eyes of people who make donations to an election campaign.

8. Some people who argue against SOPA and PIPA have genuine concerns about freedom of expression; others just want to keep stealing stuff for free.

So let's take all of the above and design a strategy. :-)

[Sandra]

interesting post

[Lift Lurker]

I like idea of Malaysia Airlines. Passengers can sign up for flight and airlines publish your name with all other passenger and you can select your seatmate and pay additional charge.
Other passenger can also bid to sit near you:

Booking Seat. Select your seatmate:

1) Mr Vittachi (will be asleep throughout flight) - (add extra $300 to ticket price)

2) Miss X - supermodel from Brazil (add extra $2300 to ticket price)

3) Griego the fat greasy butcher (ticket price sale: 10% off)

4) Mr Jones, executive at industrial company, bachelor (add extra $1500 to ticket price)

5) Mr R, local Latter Day Saint Missionary (50% discount)

6) Johnny, loud, spoiled 12 year old boy (49% discount)

7) Miss Y - quiet librarian, 40 yr old. never speaks (add extra $200 to ticket price)

8) Gaylor the Razor - serial murderer on parole (add extra $25, plus free life insurance)
etc.

[grandpa]

Can we do that in elevators too?

[Karuna]

Status update - just walking into a LIFT

[rafanjr]

@Karuna:

Ding! Lifted.

[outraged artist]

Chamin: your argument is dishonest.
What you are basically saying is that because you saw an allegation that one person on one side of the debate may have done something dubious, this somehow invalidates the argument for their side. This is dreadfully unfair in my book.
Its also absurd to say stealing movies effects fat cats, not workers.
When I buy a movie, it creates revenue for the group of people who made it, and everybody in that group has a stake, from the humble toilet cleaner to the accountant to the make-up person.
When you steal movies, someone loses their job, probably the poor old toilet cleaner.........

[grandpa]

Culture is like agri-culture:
there are the ones who toil, and the ones who reap.
Anything threatening the rapers ends up with the toilers loosing the little they got:their job
under the name of copyright protection, this time...

[Chamin]

@outraged artist: My argument is not dishonest because I don't download movies. I watch them on air planes or in theaters (hopefully some day they will show movies in lifts too :-p)

But there is this old saying "people who live in glass houses should not throw stones"... (one of my friends modified it to "should not change clothes" :-p)

[Karuna]

@Nury
Checked the HK pirate website that you mentioned about. Find that the owner of this company is a guy called "Kim DotCom" a german guy with extra body fat. His image reminds me of a super villain from Austin Power movies. Good material for an dedicated article and compare Kim with your old boss Murdoch.

[granpa]

Kimdot com is to the music industry what Robin Hood was to the sheriff of Nottingham; just a little more greedy, but not as smart since he got caught
I can imagine the title of uncles' next pot
Star wars:the war where villains are fighting to grab the stars

[Lift Lurker]

Chamin first things first.

First we want to help increase the people's literacy levels through promoting practice of reading in Lifts.

It is one area where we lag behind aviation and toilets.

Gung Hei Fat Choy!