Mr Jam goes to Japan

There’s one phrase you have to know before you get there

JAPAN IS THE WORLD’S most polite place. Ninety per cent of utterances consist of the phrase “thank you”. Many residents live their whole lives without saying anything else.

The tricky thing is that “thank you” in Japanese is 12 syllables long. “Dou-mo a-ri-ga-to go-zai-ma-shi-ta.”

I tried repeatedly to say it on my recent visit to the country, but only succeeded in getting all the way to the end once—by which time, the train doors had closed and the person I was thanking was several kilometers away.

That’s because Japanese trains move at the speed of light. You’ve barely sat down when the train announcer is saying:

“We will be arriving in Tokyo in one minute. Stay on the train for a further minute if you wish to get off at the following stop, Australia.”

Any train driver who puts his brakes down a fraction of a second late ends up screeching to a halt in Antarctica.

***

It’s vital to learn to the words for thank you, because Japanese people express gratitude for everything and expect you to do the same. Whether you buy something, eat something or stand on someone’s foot, the person will bow and express deep gratitude. “Thank you for standing on my foot.”

***

Japanese bank robberies proceed as follows.

BANK ROBBERS: “Thank you for the loot we are stealing.”

TELLERS: “No problem. Thank you for choosing us for your stealing needs. Come again.”

***

The bad thing is that robbing banks is pretty much a must. Everything in Japan is so expensive that foreigners really cannot get by for long without considering major crime sprees.

To buy a one-day rail pass, you have to remortgage your house. For a two-day rail pass, you have to additionally give up your first-born. (Some parents are delighted.)

***

(Small bunch of grapes costing US$130 – pic by abram22)

***

In fact, even during periods when the Yen exchange rate falls, the whole money thing remains a serious problem. Japan has one thing in common with primitive human societies such as the jungles of Papua and the bars of Queensland. You can’t buy anything with cards. Only cash is accepted.

Since I spend most of my time in Hong Kong, where money is not accepted in many places, it was a shocker to be in a place where the hotel manager wanted a cash payment equivalent to the Eurozone debt before he agreed to release my lunch (a live octopus) to me.

I asked him to point me to an ATM machine.

“There’s only one in this town,” he said. “And it closes at 2 pm so you’d better hurry.”

I would have said thank you, but by then the ATM would definitely have closed.

***

The only disaster was the day I took my two daughters skiing, completely forgetting that none of us could ski. We proceeded acrobatically down a mountain on heads and bottoms until we ended up at a cliff edge.

A blizzard hit the mountain and all the chair-lifts stopped. There was no way up, and going down or staying still was certain death.

What to do?

Luckily a man with a skimobile appeared and whisked us to safety. I tried to say thank you but he was home and in bed before I was halfway through.

I love Japan.
***

Japanese schoolboys

Japanese mothers

Japanese cyclist

***
The main reason for visiting the country in the dead of winter was to allow my deprived children to encounter snow for the first time. Below is a two-minute video of the Small Portions finally getting to touch the stuff – and then having their butts frozen off as the pretty snowfall turns into a slushy blizzard. (Bonus: Glimpse of frequent commentator Chamin included.)

Technorati Tags: Japan,Tokyo,winter,first time to see snow,politeness,onsen,snow monkey

 

Comments

[Fat Chinese Man]

Personal observation while at Tokyo Disneyland:

1. Happiest place on earth...for people who like to queue (and the Japanese really like to queue)

2. Whenever a sign says "ride may not be suitable for people of certain shape and size", they mean morbidly fat people.

3. Underneath the hot stuffy costume which makes it difficult to reach an itch, Mickey ain't smiling.

4. Saw a little Japanese having as much glee and mischief repeatedly saying "sumimase", as a Msian kid saying "f**k".

5. Saw a grown man taking a photo with Donald alone, after queing for 45 minutes. First thought was, "is he dying soon?"

[grandpa]

Uncle
You have not fully experienced snow until you plant a tent in it and try to sleep through the night

You have not fully experienced snow until you tried to do "sweet" things with your spouse

[grandpa]

Yes
I know
I am french

[grandpa]

beware of snow in Japan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCJWZI678B0

[Jason]

To be equally polite, learn the phrase: "do-ita-shi-ma-shi-te.” You're welcome.

After my last trip to Japan, I actually had a moment of sadness while on their trains after noting how polite people were, waiting there turn to board as passengers exited first...when I realized I would have to return to rude, pushy people on the MTR.

[Stevadore]

Ahhh, Japan, you're right. Great food, polite people, its easy to see how visitors are entranced and never leave.

But why on earth is it still a cash society? It infuriates me that everywhere except the big international hotel chains, you have to pay for everything with wads of banknotes.

[Chamin]

Nice to see the kids having fun with snow. I saw my first snow in my first winter in Kyoto, and was so happy.

Here is the protocol for a polite snowball fight :-p

Person A:" Excuse me, is it okay if I get you to ask me to throw this snow-ball at you? Thank you"

Person B: "Thank you very much for considering me a valuable target for your white snowball. Now please go ahead, once I finish preparing a bigger snowball for returning the favor. I am looking forward to it."

:-p

[peter wei]

1. No denying Japan is the world's most polite place.
2. The USA is not any less so according to my experience as a tourist with Americans years ago.
3. Courtesy counts, but perhaps sincerity should be more so.
4. Jap products sold in HK bearing Jap directions only due to nationalism are resented.
5. Finally, isn't it true that "arigato" only would serve the purpose in Japanese, just as "Hi", "Ni Ho?", "ca va?" and "como esta?" would do in English, Chinese (Putonghua), French and Spanish?

[john]

your article in the standard was one of your worst yet. your humour is more suitable for a 5-year old to read (pun intended).

I can't tell whether you were trying to be funny or informative, either way it was demeaning and almost insulting.

[Liana]

your comment above, John, was one of your worst yet. Your abuse is more suitable for a 5-year old to read (pun intended).

[Lynne Diligent]

This was such an interesting post. I thought it was fascinating that Japan requires cash and Hong Kong uses cards. I enjoyed your humor about "thank you" in Japan. I also found your video extremely interesting. I was really surprised by the amount of snow, Japan being surrounded by water. Was the deep snow taken far in the north, or in a mountainous area? The amount of snow is similar to what I experienced in Minnesota (the center of America, up near Canada), or what someone would expect in a mid-continental Canadian winter. You had a lot of interesting things in your video. I also enjoyed, and was surprised by, seeing the monkeys enjoying the hot springs at the end. I wonder how they get dry without freezing, being covered in fur like that? I also liked your reason for taking your children to Japan in the middle of winter, to experience snow!

[grandpa]

John
Being from one of the place in the world where people are reputed for being rude, I would like to presently remind you that this place is not for grumpy ones.
If I was not living in a hot country, I would fling a snowman at you , without warning , and without an apology.
Obviously , you have understood, did you not? that I have the minds of a 5 year old child,
I am laughing at the idea of a dark suited, uptight, grumpy character squashed by a snowman.

Thank you for brightening my weekend

[Lift Lurker]

The Japan train is amazing.

We all know which transport make use wait 3 hours and check our shoes just to board it.

I think in many Western countries the trains are not as advance as Japan, and the words are very short and efficient, so the situation can be awkward sometimes:

(Train is coming)
A: See ya!
B: Bye

(A get in train. Train sit in station)
A: Well...see ya!
B: Yes, bye

(Train not moving)
A: Really had a nice time!
B: Me too! Ciao!

(Train still not moving)
A: Call me ok?
B: I promise

(Train still not moving)
A: Give my regards to C
B: Sure will! Bye

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: Wish the train would move soon
B: Yeah...

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: Did you gain weight?
B: No. Why do you say that?
A: Nothing. Well, See ya

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
B: I hope train moves soon
A: What do you mean? Had enough of me?
B: No, no of course not.

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: Well... bye. let's do this next year.
B: Yes. see ya.

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: (forced smile at B)
B: (forced smile at A)

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: (sigh)
B: (sigh)

(Train not moving. Awkward silence)
A: Does this make my butt look big?
B: Not much.

(Train lurches. Move finally)
A: Ok, finally, bye (B*tch)
B: Take care! (OMG, thought she never leave)

[Lift Lurker]

I know Uncle Jam attend church, so here is theology question: can you use snow for baptism?

[Nury]

@Grandpa and Liftie -- hilarious, you guys are in great form.

@Lynne -- don't say such nice things, people will think I made you up (I didn't)

@fat chinese man -- I looked up your link, saw your pic, you are not fat at all

[JY]

Great post, love the humour, though just wanted to point out (from the loads of japanese anime I've watched), there are much shorter ways to say thanks; ie 'domo' or 'arigatou' =)

Stumbled upon this blog following a published article in the Sun (Malaysian daily), looks like I'll be coming back for more!

[peter wei]

Is Japan snow more beautiful, just as some traditional Chinese claimed that "A Western moon is brighter"?

[grandpa]

Snow is very beautiful..............seen on a TV screen

As a matter of fact , it is soooo beautiful that it is cool..... especially when you have a closer look at it.....

"We all know which transport make use wait 3 hours and check our shoes just to board it."
I am relieved to see that you are not sick, or worse..... being so silent about the fastest way to travel...
You had me scared......concerned and worried..
Now things are back to normal.
Can passengers see snow from your "flying cubicles"?
By the by
This year being the end of the world, are we going to see your face soon?

[grandpa]

The snow is beautiful in Russia too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dWw9GLcOeA

[TS]

I know Uncle Jam attend church, so here is theology question: can you use snow for baptism?

Of course, it's very similar to a normal baptism:

"...in the name of the Father"
priest throws snowball in face of baby
"and Son"
another snowball
"and Holy Spirit..."
last snowball.


Another variation, Baptisms of Fire, have now been banned in most countries.

[peter wei]

The idea of baptism with snow would be a novel one. The only drawback is the one to be baptisted might get pneumonia and return early to the Lord!

[sej]

Uncle, You've made me jealous... I want to go back to Japan, in Winter this time though. I went to Japan back in 2003... in summer, and it was stinky hot...

Grandpa, on a side note, I finally went for my first proper flying lesson today. Sorry Liftie, but flying a plane can in no way compare to pressing a few buttons in a lift.

[Fat Chinese Man]

Dear Mr. Jam,

With all due respect, are you accusing me of lying? If you are, thank you. You have just made my week.

I must point out though that I have no intention of misleading anyone, just that I've been called fat in so many different languages, such as "gemuk" (college mates), "bulat" (client), "fei chai" (company tea lady), "fat man boobs" (my flesh & blood brother), that one can't help but believe it too.