Every bride comes with a gun

This is what happens when men are in charge of society

GUYS: ARE YOU looking for an Asian wife with something extra? Brides in an Indian town come with a free gift: a gun. A tradition in the town of Dholpur, Rajasthan, requires families to give away their daughters with armaments. “Do you take this woman and this Beretta PX4 Storm to be your lawfully wedding wife and firearm?” Not sure which is more dangerous. Probably the woman. Definitely the woman.

Anyway, I heard about this from a reader named Irfan, who was worried that “parts of Asia are becoming like America.” No way, Irfan. Parts of Asia have been like America for years. Not long ago, top Philippines politician Miriam Defensor-Santiago admitted that the romantic Christmas present her husband gave her was a Heckler & Koch semi-automatic handgun. Odd gift for a lady? No. She told a radio interviewer it was an upgrade from her “usual” one.

Irfan said officials had stopped issuing gun licenses in Dholpur, to try to break the tradition. In response, fathers have postponed their daughters’ marriages. You let men run society and this is what happens.

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I used to think Japan was the wackiest part of the world, but this year India is the capital of craziness. Did you read about the air-travelers from that country who were asked to cough up US$30,000 to pay for refuelling their aircraft? European airline Comtel was on route from India to the UK when it stopped in Vienna, in need of aviation fuel. Passengers paid up.

I like this idea. You start an airline. Once everyone’s on board, you say: “Welcome to Jam Airlines. Your pilot is Captain Grandpa Fardel. Would someone from first class please pay US$100 million to finance the purchase of this Airbus 380, please? Meanwhile, business class passengers can start making sandwiches for the lunch service, and those in economy can clean the toilets.”

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THE US government last week introduced a bill to classify pizza as a vegetable in schools. Women, nutritionists and doctors weep. Men and children rejoice.

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READER PETE Spurrier was on the road in Hong Kong last week when he noticed that his taxi driver was barely turning the steering wheel. “I used to be a train driver,” the man explained. Pete said later: “Luckily the route I asked him to take was more or less straight.” A driver who can’t turn corners? On an island? I give the guy a week.

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THE SPRING and summer collections from top fashion designer Marc Jacobs were stolen on the way to a show in Paris last week. Police are looking for a thief wearing a giant rainbow hoop dress with a peacock on his head.

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US PRESIDENT-wannabe Mitt Romney last week told an interviewer: “I tasted a beer and a cigarette once as a wayward teenager and never did it again.” I wonder what his biography is going to be called? “The Wild One”? It strikes me that being this goody-goody cannot be a positive thing.

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SEEN ON A street in Kyushi, Japan: “Stop. Drive sideways.”

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BIANCA SCHLIMM asks whether the publishing companies which will make books from your Facebook pages are real. Yes, they are.  Here’s a picture of the final product.

They will also make a poster of your face using your photographs. Here’s an example:

If you think your status updates and Facebook photo albums deserve to be preserved for eternity in physical form, Egobook is best contact through Facebook, so click here. 

I wouldn’t mind a poster of the beautiful Bianca:

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THANKS FOR all the great postings in the comment column about the previous post. I loved Richard’s line about Justin Bieber, and Grandpa and Liftie did excellent mini-columns themselves. Peter Wei, does the vote-rigging scandal you propose have enough funny incidents to make a good topic? Remember most of the readers are outside Hong Kong, so topics we discuss must have global appeal. Can you check it out for us and report back on funny angles?  Suzy, thanks for your recent comment pointing out that Comtel, the airline mentioned above, is European. In fact, this was included in the original draft, but the newspapers’ versions of these columns are edited down to fit the space, so things are often trimmed out. I love India (and all of South Asia), because of the wonderful wackiness of stories people send me from there—keep them coming.
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Technorati Tags: Dholpur,bride,gun,Egobook,Comtel

Comments

[Jason]

I'm back from Shanghai, hope I didn't miss anything too controversial last week. Anyway, my bride comes from a head-hunting tribe. She came with (or in the family home) a spear (which I would love to have one day), an axe and a 12 inch bolo knife. My sister-in-law and her husband are both gun-packing feds. I pity the fool who tries to mess with me and by extension them!

[Ram]

You guys get the "licence to wed" and "licence to kill" together. "GUNGRADULATIONS"...!!!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Thanks Nury.

http://www.mein-taschenkalender.com/

here you can design your own calender in German style. you can choose to have a little table on every day with one , two or three beers. So you can keep track of your daily drinks...or football results.

If I do this I am going to put the poor worker in the bank automat as front picture, the one you designed saying life was too short for the wrong job. So true :-)

[Jason]

Grandpa, you mentioned to me before that their are flights from Manila to San Fernando. Any airline recommendations or carriers to avoid at all costs?

[peter wei]

Did India get its trigger-happy idea from the USA with a staggering number of deaths from gunfights? Fortunately, young people nowadays don't marry, they co-habit. Don't you agree to their option?

[peter wei]

Vote-rigging scandal - The funny thing about this is: we have ICAC in HK, but not in other states or regions. Can't you appreciate our C/E Donald's humor by stressing this fact to rule out any unfair possibility?

[Denmark Rogers]

I don't know about India being that trigger-happy but it really is growing there. Hopefully it won't go that way.

[grandpa]

@Jason
I did not say flights from Manila to San Fernando.
I said Baguio, but the was before your in-laws closed its beautiful airport for life

The road from San Fernando to Baguio is good .it takes less than two hours ..
I remember speeding downhill at night , in heavy rain and half asleep .It was wide enough to avoid running off the road, down a gully
Maybe it takes more time going uphill

You can fly with Cebu Pacific ( remember the dancing stewardesses, oops do not show this post to Fortuna or you might taste the bolo knife ) to Angeles City ( Clarke , airport code CRK , aka DMIA, Disodado Macapagal International.)
From there you could charter a flight with Omni Aviation based on the same airport, (unless they started scheduled flight to San Fernando since I visited them 4 years back.)
They left me with a good impression .
Send me pictures when you fly there

[grandpa]

This is funny
People were surprised about the way I talked about marriage a few years ago
Now ,you officially admit that marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
And this enemy comes with a gun.....

Boy, I would not be happy to be 20 in 2011

[Lift Lurker]

(I post this earlier but I think it went to spam folder so I have to recompose)

The wedding preparation and ceremony must be very interesting:

- When the bride go shopping for wedding dress, she ask: "Does this look good with my semi-automatic?"

- When the bridesmaids discuss their outfit they ask: green or beige? frilly or simple? bull-pup assault or pistol?

- When the marriage is finished, the official say: "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may fire her gun"

- When the bride toss the bouquet, all the unmarried ladies try to be the first to blast it apart in mid-air

- As the couple walk down the aisle, the guests throw basmati rice and shell casings, while everyone fire their guns in celebration

[Jason]

Thanks gramps. I think we'll be hitching a ride with the sister and her hubby, as they will be driving up.

[Lift Lurker]

(I also post this earlier but spam filter very strict today?)

I think this will be trend for airlines. They all have to compete on price (ha ha they cannot copy Lift free service)

First come "low cost airline". Then come "budget airline".

Soon it will be "Self-Service Airline"

All flight will be advertise and come with open positions available to all passengers. If you want to fly, you need to help in the trip:

Trip Hong Kong to LONDON January 25, 2012. Current positions available:

- pilot (preferably experienced and sober)

- co-pilot (experience will be appreciated but not required)

- stewardesses (bring your own uniform. Aeroflot experience need not apply)

- emergency drill presenters

- baggage handlers (before and after flight)

- food servers

- food preparers (greasy fastfood experience prefer. Chefs need not apply)

- toilet cleaners (as per Uncle Jam)

- check-in personnel (great opportunity to pick your own seat)

- Persian or Pashtu speaker (in case we lose our way and cross into foreign airspace, we need to ask for directions)

- standby doctors

- standby morticians

- bouncers

- secret marshals

[peter wei]

Licensed empty gunshots to salute a wedding celebration wouldn't be a bad idea, given the fact not a small number of traditional Chinese marriages are celebrated by the explosion of firecrackers!

[A different lurker]

very funny comments!

[peter wei]

@Jason - Did you fail to log into Mr. Jam's diary when in Shanghai? I was there last year and succeeded in logging into the Standard, but obviously some news had been censored, I believe!

[grandpa]

@LL
Your comments are very funny but really, really inaccurate.
Everybody knows that any child , id he is tall enough to see over the dashboard , can fly a plane...as long as they have three months experience with Flight simulator.
But WE , the ones with the KNOWLEDGE, can tell you that we could sell cheaper tickets by leaving pilots on the ground ...
Like you have been doing in the elevator industry for ages....

[rafanjr]

gramps, jason, Baguio Airport is still open... but i think only one airline uses it for a few days a week... and gramps, i can imagine the drive down to that airport...

[Anonymous]

I like your article. Wish I could access it easier through Facebook or Twitter. Keep up da good work! :)