Would you be a good parent?

Take our quiz and find out

JUSTICE FOR CHILDREN in China and India! Almost 300 Indian girls named “Unwanted” by their parents were legally given pretty new names in a ceremony last week. The girls chose names such as Aishwarya, after the cute Bollywood star.

(Young Indian girl)

There are calls for similar moves in China, where hundreds of thousands of girls have names such as “Pending”, which is short for (this is not a joke) Pending The Boy Child We Actually Want.

I’m thrilled that Asian lawmakers are working to rename these girls, but I hope they’ll ALSO use their legislative powers to punish the parents by forcibly renaming them Mr and Mrs Idiot-Heartless-Monster-Kick-My-Butt-Really-Hard.

The fact that this needs to be done is proof that we MUST introduce an exam before allowing people to have children.

Here’s a draft version, we could call:

The “Are You Ready To Be A Parent?” Quiz:

1) How old are you?

(a) Over 18.

(b) Over 70.

(c) Under 11.

2) What’s your attention span?

(a) Eighteen years.

(b) Four to five minutes.

(c) Sorry, I already stopped doing this quiz.

 

3) What gender are you?

(a) Male.

(b) Female.

(c) Not sure, how do you tell?

 

4) “I think of children as…”

(a) Children.

(b) Like adults but smaller.

(c) Fashion accessories.

 

5) How much do you like babies?

(a) I adore them.

(b) I’m fine with them, as long as they don’t change my lifestyle in any way.

 

6) Will you give your child a stupid name that traumatizes her or him?

(a) No.

(b) Yes.

(c) I am a celebrity, so of course.

 

7) “If my child is a girl, I will….”

(a) Celebrate.

(b) Throw it away and start again.

 

8) “I think a suitable name for a girl is….”

(a) Mary, Mei, Madhui, etc.

(b)  “Oh-%#$+#-its-a-girl”.

 

9) “I have prepared for parenthood by….”

(a) Take a parenting course.

(b) Watching a Michael Jackson video.

(c) Reading “Lolita”.

 

10) Has drinking or drug-taking impaired your ability to answer questions in a straightforward, logical way?

(a) No.

(b) Footprints in the butter.

***

MUAMMAR GADAFFI’S driver said the despot spent his final days “living on rice and noodles” and “making delusional statements about how the world would one day recognize his greatness”. Hang on. Isn’t this how ALL adult males spend their days?

***

A BANK IN Washington was last week robbed by two masked men wearing George W. Bush’s face, US news wires reported. Have news wire staff looked at their pension funds recently? We’ve ALL been robbed by a guy wearing George W. Bush’s face.

***

SCIENTISTS BUILT robots which can play ping pong, a news agency in China announced last week. Why? They’re supposed to be creating robots that WORK on humans’ behalf, not have FUN on our behalf. What next? A machine that makes our wives happy? Oh wait, they have that, it’s called the ATM.

***

THANKS FOR the comments on the previous post, about the human hair trade. I was fascinated by them – some great slogans. And it was good to hear from Ram that he actually supported that temple in his younger days. I can see from his picture that the gods rewarded him with thick strong hair today.

As for the pic of me with hair, yes I confess. I was the fifth Beatle. 

***

GOING BACK to that despot, the press reported that Muammar Gadaffi’s body was taken to a shopping mall and stored in a freezer before he was buried. I can imagine his wife’s aggrieved reaction: “He never came to the mall with ME.”

Mr Jam over and out. Your turn. Would YOU make a good parent?

Technorati Tags: parenting fail,are you ready to be a parent,parenting test,humor,funny

Comments

[Jason]

I have never understood such short-term thinking on the part of Indian and Chinese parents. If everyone has boys, who are they going to mate with when they grow up to continue the family name? Duh!

[grandpa]

What is a baby?
1 An animal with four legs and a fur
2 An animal with two legs and no fur
3 A chocolate factory

What is a diaper?
1 something that goes on babies' head
2 something that goes on babies' butt
3 a chocolate biscuit

Why do you want a baby ?
1 to please your missus
2 to please you mum
3 to please your dad
4 for tax incentive

Do you consider a baby
1 a short term investment
2 a long term investment
3 a retirement investment

Do you consider a baby girl?

1 Your future waitress
2 You future maid
3 Your future treasure
4 don't know

Do you consider a baby boy?
1 Your future business plan
2 your heir
3 your pride
4 the pillar of your old days

Which one do you consider easiest?
1 Have a baby
2 sail across an ocean
3 fly to the moon

Let me see if you are ready

If you did not answer any of the questions: you are not ready yet
If you answered ANY question you are ready for the roller coster ride of a lifetime.

You'd better enjoy it , because it will not stop soon.

[grandpa]

@ Jason
I do not know about India, but the little I heard about China is that it is the only country in the world with a long term vision of the future;
when the pressure it too hard it will come with this motto

"Move West , the country of milk and honey where girls are beautiful sexy AND single"

It is called soft power, (an invasion that no army can stop)

Guys would blow themselves up for a promise like that.

[tamanna]

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=159083590853678&set=a.142078912554146.29403.141864562575581&type=3&theater

how accurate..
and damn grandpa I mistakenly answered one question! you should have said that rollercoaster ride thing before we start reading the questions..

[rafanjr]

...they say deep penetration increases your chances of having a baby boy...

[Dul]

My cousin was named "Gandhika" by my aunt and uncle. Although it means fragrant in ancient language, it means "Stinky" in general spoken Sinhala.
He legally dropped the name as soon as he turned 18.
Need entertainment? just ask him about his name and he will go on and on about how his parents thought my other cousin's name rhymed with "monster" when they has a son named stinky right at home!

[Paul]

I had the good fortune to be able to see the new Bollywood blockbuster RA.One (Film Trailer) over the weekend. It’s the story of a father who creates a video game for his son and the video game characters end up becoming real. Talk about setting the parenting bar high. I blame Shah Rukh Khan ;-) He both writes code and busts-a-move… :-D

[peter wei]

Have you been good parents?

My wife and I lobbied to fit our 2 children - l boy, l girl - into famous schools. They subsequently failed to live up to school standards and were dropped out to join common governments schools only! Luckily, they did not too bad in job-landing after school!

By the way, bias against girls in traditional China is now thrown into the limbo!

[peter wei]

@ grandpa

A baby is the future boss of society. A diaper is something that goes on babies' butts. Having a baby is to please parents and to add zest to marriage. A baby girl is a responsibility in marriage, and so is a baby boy. Having a baby is easier if there's love!

[grandpa]

@ Peter Wei

Not only you are ready, you are "experiencedly" ready.

How is the rollercoster ride?

[Chamin]

I see that being a good uncle/aunt is way easier than being a good parent. The parents do all the hard work; I get to have all the fun, and also be the coolest family member.

[marina]

I bambini sono la più bella cosa di questo pianeta chiamato Terra.
Mrjam perchè vedo tutto, vedo la finestra sul mondo ma non vedo live e love in quello che ho ricevuto?
Manca il simbolo di qualcuno, di un Re!
Solo lui può trasmettere amore e vita.
Ho paura di essere stata ingannata.
La vita è un film ma anche un puzzle?

[Paul]

Speaking of being a parent, my students had to do a presentation on comparisons of 'Asian values' and 'Western values' and for a moment of comic relief they cleverly pointed me to this clip Typical Asian Parents from from the British series GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME

[Ask Mr Know It All]

Google translation of Marina's comment above:
Children are the most beautiful thing on this planet called Earth. Mrjam because I see everything, I see the window on the world but I live and love in what I received? Lacks the symbol of someone, a King! Only he can communicate love and life. I was afraid of being deceived. Life is a movie but also a puzzle?

[Tutor]

It's very unreasonable for the parents to name their child "Unwanted". Everyone in this world deserve to live like they deserve to be wanted and to have a precious name.