The amazing human hair trade

Strange-but-true tale of the most visited place in the world

THE HIGH PRIESTS of Hair have defeated the secret wig cartel. Yay! The world can breathe a sigh of relief, and concentrate on fixing lesser problems, such as the global financial crisis.

If you’re thinking: “What on earth is he wittering on about now?” you’re in good company, as my boss and my wife use that line daily.

But the sad truth is that very few people follow the Asian human hair trade, although it’s a fascinating industry, honest.

 

Quick introduction: Many years ago in India, someone hit one Lord Balaji on the head and left him with a bald spot. Sympathetic princess Neela Devi gave him the world’s first hair transplant. It was 100 percent successful. (This was the point at which the present hair-challenged writer started following the story.)

The grateful Balaji suggested that people come to his temple, cut off all their hair and leave it on the altar for her.

I imagine his market research team predicted a low take-up rate for this unattractive-sounding offer.

They couldn’t have been more wrong. The researchers probably failed to add the all-important variable “human capacity for weirdness equals infinity” into their equation.

It turned out that the people of planet Earth had been waiting anxiously for someone to demand they make a pilgrimage to a temple where they hack off all their hair.

The number of people arriving hairy and leaving bald grew and grew until there were long queues.

Today, the shrine in Tirumala, Andhra Pradesh, is one of the most visited places in the world (possibly even beating Charlie Sheen’s bedroom). Thirty million annual visitors leave behind 300 tons of hair. (You know the problem, right, Charlie?)

This huge pile of tresses powers the Asian human hair trade, a massive under-the-radar commodity market.

Now here’s where the drama comes in. Recently, a cartel of evil wigmakers made a secret deal not to bid against each other, causing human hair prices to plummet. Would the Hair Priests go broke?

No, this month, they got a computer and moved the auction to cyberspace. Auction income soared to a record US$28 million.

Anyway, let’s help these guys. Can anyone think of a better marketing slogan for the Asian human hair trade?

Here are five ideas to start with:

5) The Head-Masters;

4) The Mane Men;

3) Shear Madness;

2) The Best Little Hair House Not in Texas;

1) The Lunatic Fringe.

***

BALD CELEBRITIES LOOK GREAT

TOM CRUISE

ANGELINA JOLIE

JUSTIN BIEBER

Taylor Swift


There’s a great website which baldifies your favorite celebrities here.
Of course, the present writer could do with the OPPOSITE treatment.


***

READER PETER Lloyd of Hong Kong wrote: “Did you notice the Al-Shabaab spokesman is a Mr. Rage? You can’t make this stuff up.”

***

A TEACHER presented with an award for outstanding service as an educator revealed to the Bangladesh Daily Star that she hadn’t been paid for 14 years.

A similar report came out of Japan last week about a man who had cleaned a toilet for more than 20 years without pay.

What’s up with these people? The rest of us earn money and pretend to work hard. These guys work hard and pretend to earn money.

***

I SUSPECT the Rowenta appliances company had male university students in mind when they added a warning to the irons they sell: “Do not iron clothes on body.”

Have a great weekend. Mr Jam over and out.

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Comments

[Sarah Fairhurst]

Too obvious but.... Hair today; gone tomorrow?

[TS]

Another "get rich quick" scheme that actually works, and I can't participate.

[Jason]

Is it just me, or does Nury look like Sonny Bono with that hair?

[Paul]

Comedian Chris Rock made a really interesting documentary called GOOD HAIR (2009). (watch the trailer )

He looks at the African American hair industry from all angles, and part of it looks at the hair trade that comes from India to make very expensive ‘weaves’.

[Bianca Schlimm]

You already made up an new song: "with or without hair" (heir?)

You look so young with the weird hair, aren't you happy you do look more intelligent without any?!

hair-challenged, like so many German women!

[rafanjr]

...just a quick question. who has more hair? Asians or Caucasians?

[peter wei]

Fortunately, I still have my hair on, but all in grey! However,this doesn't
bother me that much so long as I stay healthy! Isn't this life?

[Ask Mr Know It All]

Asians have 100,000 strands, while Caucasians have a wide range. Redheads have only 80,0000 wiry strands, while blondes have more than 130,000 thin strands.
But it's worth remembering that most Caucasians have quite dark hair, with the obvious exception of central Scandanavia.
So in fact, easterners and westerners average out about the same, with westerners slightly higher.

[Ask Mr Know It All]

To add another curious statistic or two, most Asians think of Europeans as fair haired people, but 80 per cent of French, Italians, Spanish etc, have dark hair. Even in some of the northern places the figure is not as high as one might expect. In southern England, more than 50% have dark hair. The same is true for Germany, despite Hitler's fantasies about a blond Aryan super-race.

[Bob Palitz]

Tress Traders

Brunette Results

Follicle Futures

Neither Hair Nor There

[Lift Lurker]

I can only come up with "Manes Sans Frontieres."

I want to come up with something that use "Occupiers" but I can only come up with "Occupiers of Bald Street" which is not so funny.

So I now have to do pilgrimage to Tirumala and offer my hair. Is there minimum donation? I think if they shave my head they only get a sprinkle of bristles and a layer of skin cells.

[rafanjr]

...Liftie, you could sacrifice more hair...just think of the other regions of your body that farm strands of curly hair. (and i meant armpit or nosetrils)

[rafanjr]

... i never thought that hair could count til 100,000... i have always imagined that it would be more than that...caucasians are way more hairy than asians both by impression and by the numbers presented... how come they don't hair folklore like what asians have?

[tamanna]

....that is just eww.

and you look great mr jam!

[grandpa]

Mr jal and hair
I think that I saw that pictures on one of the old records from the Beatles.

[Ram]

Been there... Done that (When I was a 9th grade student)... "Long queue" is not good enough to describe the crowd... When I was there, it took us 36 hours to reach the place where the idol is...

and the more money and influence one have decides the amount of time you ll spend waiting and the time and proximity you can have to see the idol...