Slap your guy, earn cash

Ladies, now you can be paid for committing domestic violence

WATCH OUT, GUYS. Women in Asia are bringing back slapping. Your cheeks may be in SEVERE danger.

While domestic violence is generally seen in a negative light, especially if it involves spouses murdering each other, the female-to-male face-slap is seen as something quite different. It’s an elegant little act, designed to shock men and empower women.

A new scheme in which women earn cash rewards every time they slap their husbands has been running for six months in India, and feedback has been positive among women, and some men too.

I am not making this up. I heard it from reader Anya B., who forwarded me hard evidence. In the current scheme, you get 1,000 rupees (US$20) each time you wallop your guy to a maximum of 10,000 rupees.

Payments are sponsored by industrialist turned politician TG Venkatesh, the Deccan Herald reported. The scene is running in Andhra Pradesh, but enthusiasts are hoping it will spread around India, and possibly the world.

This is how you do it.

1) Wait for your husband to commit a sin. (Most popular so far is drinking too much.)

2) Gather witnesses.

3) Wait for moment of surprise.

4) Sharply slap your right palm against his left cheek (reverse if left-handed).

5) Fold arms, don air of superiority and give him THE LOOK.

The presence of witnesses maximizes humiliation and stops him fighting back. Their statements provide evidence for your cash claim. It really works. So far, 210 women have received money.

Anya said: “It only applies to slapping. There’s no bonus for tormenting your husband in other ways. That you just do for the pleasure of it.”

***

A MAN entered a supermarket, put an ice cream into his underpants, and then walked out, retrieving it later to eat. He was taken to a Florida police station, UPI reported last week. Surely a hospital would have been better?

***

READER KARUNA MENON was walking past a group of anti-greed protestors camped under HSBC bank in Hong Kong when he had a good idea.

In Asia, just hanging out on the street is not going to work. “They’ll probably be mistaken for out of work maids,” he said. Instead, they should “stand in a neat queue” outside the bank. “Within a few hours, most of the living population will join the queue,” he said. “The queue will be so long that it will close down the entire financial district.”

Good idea. Those of us with long memories will remember occasions in Asia when rain showers cause bus queues to take shelter near banks, triggering massive bank runs. I bet the weather angels have a real giggle whenever that happens.

***

A READER tells me that some Swanson brand frozen dinners have a line on the box saying: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” Note this is only a suggestion. If you prefer to bite into frozen rock, go ahead.

***

THREE THINGS Confucius didn’t say but would have if he lived in these times:

1) Man who runs in front of car gets tired.

2) Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

3) Man who drives like hell, bound to get there.

***

MORE on the “can a phone be your friend?” angle. Here’s a video review of Siri, the talking computer that’s part of the new iPhone 4S. Just watch the first couple of minutes. It shows how the computer reacts to a really annoying guy with supreme patience. I’m not sure if he is intentionally being irritating or whether that is just his personality.

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Coming on Friday: The Asian trade in human hair

Technorati Tags: women paid to slap men,face slap,siri,confucius,humor,funny,Occupy Hong Kong

Comments

[Jason]

Confucius say: Woman who put husband in dog house, soon find him in cat house.

And in Wan Chai that can be a dangerous place!

[rafanjr]

...if slapping a man in front of an ogling crowd is not embarrassing enough...then they the ladies could do more...and if they do, it may give birth to masculinism.... supporting the cause of male pride.

[Jason]

I hear women can earn money wrestling each other. :D

[Paul]

Getting paid to slao men for their bad behavior in front of spectators? I think they already have a reality show of this in the U.S. and its called Cheaters. ;-)

(Note: note appropriate for the kiddies).

[H.B.]

I've never been slapped by a woman. I feel rather embarrassed about it!
It's strange because women have always told me that i am a really annoying person......

[peter wei]

This is rare in China, except as a love gesture between couples. Considering the general belief that Indian parents pay heavy dowries to marry off their daughters, the rewards could be regarded more or less as a small return on investments in marriage contracts!

[Lift Lurker]

Husband: Here is the plan. I go to drink beer. Later you go there and cry and cry and slap me. When later you receive the money, I use 1/2 to pay for the beer. You use 1/2 to go shopping. Then we go again next week.

Wife: Sounding like a plan!

[Karuna]

oh ! these Indians and their antiquated moral values !!
Just slaps !! what about whips, handcuffs... ?

@Nury, you need to talk to your pal Anya and this politician guy. Get them to see the BIG picture. You know what I mean !!! If required, our Jason can help you explain things better.

[Nury]

Liftie, exactly the same idea was occurring to me -- what a great scheme to add a little treat for both husband and wife!
@ HB You;ve never been slapped? Your time will come, I suspect

@Paul -- i looked at your link, it's amazing a whole show of couples screaming swear words at each other... only in America!

[Lift Lurker]

“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”

It is only matter of time until the food companies learn from the shampoo companies how to double their sales:

1) Heat in microwave
2) Eat
3) Repeat

[TS]

It is only matter of time until the food companies learn from the shampoo companies

Do you mean, never call things by their real names?
If there's water in it, call it Aqua.

[Mike]

It is only matter of time until the food companies learn from the shampoo companies

Or write a second set of instructions in Gaelic that mean nothing so the product will seem cosmopolitan.

[Lift Lurker]

Because of psychology, the stores know that we think 14.95 is more close to 14.00 than 15.00, so they use 14.95 in the price. They try to manipulate us in every way they can.

In the same way, the shampoo companies know that some of us suffer from Asperger's Syndrome which means we take things so literally.

1) Lather
2) Rinse
3) Repeat

They do not tell us when to stop repeating ("Mommy! I have use up the full bottle of shampoo, can I stop repeating now?")