How a child solved the Middle-East problem

Kids may be small but they are way smarter than we are

ARRGGHH! My kids have started reading the newspapers and watching the TV news. What a pain! That means I have to constantly explain things to them. “Er, the lady is swinging around a pole because she’s a firefighter and they slide down poles to get to their fire engines. Why the bikini? Well, when you fight fires, you get really hot.”

When the latest rocket fight broke out in Palestine, I thought that would be a tough one to explain. But to my surprise, it wasn’t. This intrigued me—the world’s most intractable problem was de-constructed instantly by kids.

The next time I was doing a discussion on a school visit, the same thing happened again!

One child immediately saw what was wrong AND how to fix it. Kids are amazing.

So here are the answers as a handy 10-point plan that UN negotiators can stick on the wall of the peace process meeting rooms.

I call it “How A Child Solved The Middle East Problem.”

1) If you both want the same thing, you have to SHARE.

2) Even if the other person won’t share, you still can’t hit him.

3) If the other person hits you, hitting him back will just make it worse.

4) Sitting on something that belongs to someone else does not make it yours.

5) If something can’t be shared, then you have to take turns with it.

6) Saying “It’s mine now” doesn’t mean it’s yours forever.

7) Saying “I got it first” doesn’t mean you’ll have it last.

8) If you can’t sort it out yourselves, ask a teacher for help.

9) When the teacher says something, you have to do it even if you don’t feel like it.

10) If you really want to stop the other person being an enemy, give him some candy.

Short, simple and brilliant. Okay, UN Special Co-ordinator for the Middle East, our kids have done their bit: the next step is up to you.
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TERRORISTS HAVE plans to implant deadly explosives inside human beings, security officials said. They would be timed to explode in the air. Why go to all that trouble? Just feed them pastries from the cafes at Taoyuan International Airport in Taiwan.
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ARCHEOLOGISTS recently discovered the first household pet: the bones of a dog which lived with humans 10,000 years ago. Next: Archeologists find 9,999-year-old stone pooper-scooper and a granite sofa horribly scratched on one leg.
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FIFTY PERCENT of men would forgive their wives or girlfriends for having a love affair if it was with another woman, according to a survey sent in by reader Mel Collison. “I imagine the figure would rise to 98 percent if photos were provided,” he added.
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ASTRONOMERS BELIEVE they have located a planet 60,000 kilometers in diameter made entirely out of diamond, Science journal reported last week. In related news, thousands of women have decided what they want for their wedding anniversaries.
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LATEST LETTERS AND COMMENTS FROM READERS: Bianca Schlimm, referring to the previous post, asked: “What does Gaddafi Duck mean?” It’s a joke, Bianca – it sounds like “Daffy Duck”, a cartoon character, if you say it out loud..

On the subject of names which sound odd, Graham Lovell wrote this morning: “Here in North-West London during the 70’s there was a telephone entry that was drawn to my attention.  When you see a page of initials followed by a surname it may not mean much, but when you see the entry “R Sitch” you want to find something funny to say and ring them up.  It didn’t cross my mind at that time to see how many Ducks lived locally.”

Jia Ming Suen writes: “I'm a big fan of your columns. Just wondering though, does your writing ever get affected by your mood? I mean let's say you had a really really (like really really really really really) bad day --- how do you still come up with such light hearted articles?”

I have a toilet in my head. I lock my bad mood in the toilet and only let it out when I have finished writing. Try it. It really works.

Thanks everyone, have a great weekend.
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Technorati Tags: how a child solved the middle-east problem,Israel,Palestine,peace process,terrorists,ingest,first dog,diamond planet

(Illustration shows models and is used under a Creative Commons 2.0 attribution licence. Link 1 link 2 link 3 licence )

Comments

[Anna Anna Anna]

The peace plan is good. On the downside, to implement it, you wouldhave to actually replace the adult negotiators with children, who see thesense of the logic above. They would probably do a much better job

[Ram]

Jokes about names reminds me about some funny anagrams I came across...

* William Shakespeare: I'll make a wise phrase
* George Bush = He bugs Gore
* Jennifer Aniston = fine in torn jeans
* David Letterman = Nerd Amid Late TV
* Sherlock Holmes = He'll mesh crooks
* Princess Diana = end is a car spin
* Christina Aguilera = Ugly Satanic Hair
* Saddam Hussain = Humans sad side
* Justin Timberlake = im a jerk but listen

[Bianca Schlimm]

http://greenchilies.wordpress.com/program

Here you can have a look at the asian film festival in Berlin this weekend.

For every movie you can see a trailer if you go through the programm.

Some movies are about very sad topics, poverty, kid without arm, transgender people being spit at. Maybe this a side of asia that some of you don't get to see in your movie theaters.

I thought duck might mean something naughty to some of you, thanks Nury
:-)

"ding, going up"

[grandpa]

"TERRORISTS HAVE plans to implant deadly explosives inside human beings, security officials said."
Security official would say ANYTHING to keep their jobs...terrorizing the populations.
They would not have a job if they did not invent terrorism/
"FIFTY PERCENT of men would forgive their wives or girlfriends if"
The first fifty percent would forgive , the second 100 % would not know anything about it...
"ARCHEOLOGISTS"
They are like hungry puppies : throw them an old bone and you keep them busy for years
"ASTRONOMERS BELIEVE they have"
They spend so much time watching empty dark skies that they believe anything which produces light....

[Chamin]

Later, security officials introduce a new body sensor to detect these in-body explosives. We pay more tax on our air tickets, and wear towels through the security gate.

As for the evidence on the pet, I am not convinced until they find a bone that the pet used to fetch :-p

[Bianca Schlimm]

I have a crude joke:

Two Al Quaida people are sitting in an airplane.

The stewardess is offering strong drinks.

"No thanx, we've got do some flying later on."

[Bianca Schlimm]

http://make-everything-ok.com/

[kim]

Thanks, Bianca - I didn't get the Gaddafi duck joke either.

Nury -whatever inspired the punitive(?) TOILET in your head? Anyway, it sounds rather uncomfortable. Wouldn't a small box do? (My brother had one he used to lock the universe in when it got too overwhelming for him.)

[Bianca Schlimm]

grandpa this is for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV5chy1N1-k

what is your book called? do you really publish it in three languages at once?

unfortunately the new leaders of Libya are going on with keeping Europa "black-free", there is racism going on in the prison cells right now

[Lift Lurker]

"ding, going up"

This ding is know as the 'dingtone'

Most beautiful tone in the planet.

[Bob Palitz]

It's worse than you think with the terrorist plans.

They were going to plant explosives on livestock. It's a bomb in a bull.

They tried it once with a pig. That was a ham grenade.

[TS]

I have a toilet in my head.
Alright, within half a minute I already had a list of five jokes. After ten minutes a narrative rivalling Lord of The Rings was all mapped out.
I will spare you (Peter Jackson, give me a call) and restrain myself to:

I lock my bad mood in the toilet and only let it out when I have finished writing.
Sometimes the fan fails and a stink escapes.

[Lift Lurker]

I lock my bad mood in the toilet and only let it out when I have finished writing.

This is worthy to belong in the classic advises in writing:

"Omit needless words"

"Prefer verbs to adverbs"

"Do not end your sentences with a preposition"

"Avoid the male pronoun at all cost"

"Get libel insurance"

"Be aware that plagiarism checking website are getting better and better"

"Prefer to write in the countries where journalist do not get murdered"

"Write only in the languages you know"

etc.

But I not very sure I agree with toilet idea. I believe the writer should take the view of the reader. Since many read in the toilet (TS, surely, also yours truly). Writers must write in the toilet.

[Lift Lurker]

Why do subject of toilets keep me awake...

I make a haiku:

Our posts are flushings
of what we hold in our mind
Makes room for the next idea

[TS]

It would be foolish not to take advantage of the latest wireless technology and convert the traditional down-time to up-time when stewing in the fumes of abolution.

I think that the world might be ready for Bluetooth enabled toilets. It will be paired with the closest reading device with a compatible App installed.
When the need arises, all the user have to do is push a button or perform the appropriate screen gesture on the device and the toilet cycles a courtesy flush.
No more awkward twisting to reach the flush button on the toilet.

[Jason]

What news are your kids watching with pole dancing girls in bikinis? Perhaps it's time I switched from BBC World.

As to Palestine and Israel, that situation will never change. As this is a satirical forum, I shall refrain from laying into the culprits with the venom they deserve.

[Lift Lurker]

TS, that is scary idea. What if my tablet get hacked that disable the flush button until I enter my credit card number?

Speaking of bluetooth, my research department come up with the ultimate wireless device: Wireless Yo-yo.

[Paul]

Since we are on the subjects of technology and toilets, allow me to share a quite useful app for those on the go.

It is a free app called SitOrSquat: Bathroom Finder and it allows you to do a search for the closest bathrooms to your GPS determined location. It also allows you to create locations and rate locations as well creating an ever expanding community database of places to take care of business. Over on iTunes for those in need. ;-)

[Chamin]

Apparently, counselors are people who have public toilets in their brains!

[TS]

I agree with Jason on the Palestine and Israel problem.

Tom Waits sums it up in his song "Road to Peace":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-2TxIcdaOs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

[rafanjr]

...aaahuh Chamin.... go on....

[Chamin]

@Rafanjr,

Just applied a bit of math to Nury's toilet metaphor. It is part of their job for counselors to listen to many people with bad moods :o)

[Peter Wei]

The tinge of humour contained could well be sensed. It would, however, be utopia if the earth would revolve the way to satisfy all human needs.

The Palestine question remains outstanding. US President Obama's suggestion for peace talks between Israel and Palestine has been turned out (sorry, should be "down") cold by the former. The hatred sown by Israel has led to extremism and terrorism costing heavy loss of lives. The same is the case with the USA which can never forget the 11/9/0l tragedy. Can an answer be found until the Judgment Day?

[peter wei]

Mind if I bring up a new topic? Today's (12/09/01) Mid-Autumn Festival in HK and China. Unfortunately, it falls on the same day EDT time when the US twin towers were attacked by terrorists with heavy casualties 10 years ago.

As Sino-American relations still leave something to be desired with the problem of arms sale to Taiwan unsettled, perhaps China may consider presenting some moon cakes to Pres. Obama or offer to share the moon with him through a joint space program to further detente between them.

Best wishes and deep sympathy to all Americans!

[kim]

Please could people avoid using this forum to give vent to their strong political feelings? It's not really appropriate/possible for a fully nuanced debate to be carried out here, and I'm not happy to be beaten over the head with people's unchallenged opinions.
And it is surely not a place for the expression of loathing against any group of people?