A place to park your man

 
Finally a chain store has seen the wisdom of making a creche for guys

MEN CAN ONLY see two colors, red and not-red. Red is for sports cars and not-red is for everything else.

I realized this when my wife took me to a furniture shop and asked me if I preferred cerulean or celadon.

I thought: We’re buying a sofa. Why is she asking me about dinosaurs?

Luckily I came out with the right answer, which was: “Which one do you like? I expect I’ll like the same one.”

It worked. I once survived a FIVE-HOUR shopping spree using only this answer, repeated pretty much continuously.

Big news: furniture chain store IKEA is introducing a crèche in which women can park shopaphobic men.

Manland is a room with video games, table football, sports on TV, free hot dogs, etc. The concept is being tested in Australia.

 

Now ladies, before you get any ideas about abandoning us in Manland (pic above) for good, note that women are given a buzzer which goes off after 30 minutes to remind them they MUST pick up their men before leaving.

Although IKEA has not said whether they will introduce it as a permanent feature, feedback for the experiment has been good. Men like it because they avoid answering tough questions, and women like it because they avoid listening to stupid answers.

And of course you end up with a new sofa in a lovely pale shade of stegosaurus.

***

A COOKIE which is 102 years old is to be sold in London by famous auctioneer Christies on Thursday this week. Amazing! Clearly the Christies people use the same supermarket I use!
***

FORMER AUSTRALIAN Prime Minister Kevin Rudd complained last week that airport officials tried to stop him bringing Vegemite into the US.

I have no sympathy! His own nasty immigration department is ultra strict, banning all food to “stop foreign animals breeding” in their country.

I knew someone whose Christmas turkey was taken away at Sydney airport. How often do cooked and stuffed turkeys breed?

A friend of a friend had his guitar confiscated. Did they think he might plant it and grow hippies?

Incidentally, I’ve tried Vegemite. I thought was great. Or, to be more accurate, my boots thought it was great, and were left gleaming.

***
SIGN HELD by protestors in Wall Street this week:

“One day the poor will have nothing to eat but the rich.”

Yes, but the fat content will play havoc with our cholesterol counts.

***

MALE DEEP-SEA squid are bisexual, probably because they live in darkness, scientists at the Monterey Bay Aquarium in California said last week.

Socializing in the dark with ten limbs must give rise to odd conversations:

“Is that your hand on my third, fourth and seventh knees, Cecil?”

“Not sure, Bruce, one of them might be. Let me ask around.”

***

MUAMMAR GADDAFI released an audio file saying that he’s “still” leader of Libya, but just doing it “temporarily” from a secret location. Just like Israel “still” wants a fair deal for the Palestinians, but is “temporarily” building cities on their land.

***
 

TWO CRABBY men in their 60s fought on the ground after their Zimmer frames got tangled up, the UK Daily Mirror reported last week.

Oh dear. I hope Mr Jagger and Mr Richards weren’t on stage at the time.

***

Happy Monday. Drop me a note. Do you think all major stores should introduce a Manland? Or are you a guy who likes shopping?

Have any readers actually eaten Vegemite and lived? Is it true that it is made out of engine sump oil?

Coming up later this week: a cure for “girly” boys.

 

 

Technorati Tags: creche for men,gay squid,gaddafi Duck,IKEA,Manland

Comments

[rafanjr]

...guys are not cars that you park... unless you ride them...oh yeah girls park guys because girls ride them guys...

[Irene]

Isn't the Manland idea great? I know several guys (my Dad including) who'd love skip the discussion about fuchsia or lavender sofa.

Maybe all stores in Mong Kok and CWB should pitch in and open one big Manland so that when girls go shopping, guys can just be guys among guys doing guy things.

[farah]

not applicable for me. even if me and my husband go for household shopping we end up fighting over patterns, colors, shades etc. he's way too fussy over anything related to clothes. i on the other hand really don't care as long as it looks good. the only way to shut him up and follow me around is when we go for kitchen items shopping.

[peter wei]

What a fine idea! I'm sure, however, arcade operators lack no new ideas 'parking shopaphobic males'!

A fashion show, a burlesque for the more romantic ones! A lobby with sofas offering free tea or coffee, or seating place for the more serious ones to do crossword puzzles or go internet!

[grandpa]

Asians really have no sense of humor:
I bought on the internet, direct from China , three shawls of the best quality(a mixture of cashmina and real silk), a purple one , a red one , and a brown one.
I was surprised,( should not have been ) to receive the following email:

"Dear sir, we apologize to let you know that we are unable to process your order, since we do not have the shawls in the colors you requested ."

GASP!

Me, after remembering your post about men's color blindness

good morning
I just bought three shawls.
"Please Send me one red/burgundy ( second picture from left), one purple and one brown ...
Please let me know if you have more questions"

"hi
friend ,thanks for your letter ,the second picture is black/red ,send picture to you and confrim ,which picture is brown? "
Me , trying to be nice

Me
"I confirm red/black (second picture)
purple
and Brown ( picture to the right)"

"friend ,please confrim this 3 shawl colour ,one is black/red(the second picture ),one purple ,which is brown? please tell me which picture?"

I would like to order the red first shawl on the left side of your picture, the purple one , and the last one on the right side which is brown, but I do not mind if you send me the fifth , which is also red .
The answer flew back at lightning speed with lightning destructive power , including the sound.
"hi
friend ,is the third picture (purple and brown) ?this picture is same one shawl ,because these shawl is double-face ,so you can choose another colour again "

"Good afternoon
I confirm red/black (second picture)
purple
and Brown ( picture to the right)

hi
friend ,ok! then we will send the black/red(the second picture),purple ,the last picture(fuchsia) to you tomorrow ,if you have any questions please email to me ,thanks!

good mornng
My apologies, I am a man and I do not know the difference between fushia and brown
I would like to confirm that I take the
red( second picture from left)
purple (third picture from left
brown ( 6° picture from left)
hi
friend ,the sixth picture is red/brown,ok! we will send this 3 shawls to you,thanks!

One week later, I receive this mail from France
"Papa what is in the package you sent me?"
three shawls of the better quality to keep you warm
A red one for you
a purple one for my mother
and the brown one for my sister"

"I do not see any brown shawl
I have a red one , a purple one , and a burgundy"

Silence

Do you think that they communicated in my back to make me loose my sense of humor?

[grandpa]

@ peter wei
And a nice hostess to pass the drinks, like we do , in Aviation

[Peter B]

I just love the Manland idea. I would happily accompany my wife to ANY store that has a good Manland - as long as they serve Guiness and have a live feed to the the Rugby World Cup matches ( with replays on demand for early morning and late night shopping)

PS : @ Farah.... whereever did you find your husband ? Sounds like he was lurking somewhere on Venus instead of staying put on Mars where he belonged.

[Peter B]

Vegemite tastes very much like Marmite

Goes great with cheese on toast or lettuce sandwiches

[Jason]

I'm baaaaaaa-ack!

Why go to all the trouble of building a manland? Just do what I have been doing for years...let her go shopping while I stay home and sleep in. Everybody wins.

Has anyone seen the sign outside Canny Man? "Husband sitting services" I have a photo, but not sure how to post it

[grandpa]

"Why go to all the trouble of building a manland?"
Just to make sure that they can buy more ,since their camel ( or donkey or whatever names they give us) is waiting for them in the park

[Barbara Dyer]

ok nury, i love your work and i am going to try to ignore the vegemite comment.. in fact reading this has given me a hankering for vegemite on shoes. i mean toast... as for the ikea thing... it's the other way around for me... he is the shopaholic. lucky me :)

[Baby Tori]

I guess my boyfriend will just ask me to go to IKEA everytime we meet from now on.

[Ram]

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/84/daycarer.jpg/

[Nury]

Ram, great pic, thanks;
Jason, welcome back
Grandpa -- good to know that there are other guys who can't tell the difference between one color and the next

[Lift Lurker]

This Manland depress me so much. I think I am not modern man at all.

I do not like them you see.
I do not like video games.
I do not like table football.
I do not like sports on TV.
I do not like them at all.
I do not like hot dogs (I am burger man)

Where is Manland where they write poems, and debate in Latin and talk dirty mathematics?

What is next?

Will they come up with Girlland in Basketball events so you can go to watch LA Lakers with your wife?

Gymland in church so your husband can work out while in church?

Mahjongland so you can play Mahjong while your wife watch Mozart opera?

TVSportsLand so you can watch baseball while your wife deliver baby?

But it do not make sense. In these days everyone can instantly go to somewhere else. Everyone is looking at their smartphone and somewhere else.

[Zibran]

Hey!!
isnt lavender,cerulean,fuschia,celadon are the towns in pokemon games?

[Ram]

I found this interesting picture which shows the way a man and woman choose colors
http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/269/colorswt.jpg/

[Priyantha Liyanage]

Over here in Colombo malls also have "manland" area which is generally referred by others as lobby. However buzzer should be made compulsory as i know some one who forgot her spouse until she was trying to reverse the car all by herself:)