10 weirdest headlines ever

Proof that the world is becoming more bizarre

A TEENAGE VIEWER of the “E!” entertainment channel told me that its website last week contained a blatantly misleading headline.

I was shocked. People who watch “E!” can read? Who knew?

Annoyed reader Paige Lam, 16, showed me the headline: “Which Gossip Girl character is going gay?”

The article below revealed the answer: None of them.

But that was just the tip of the iceberg.

Even odder was a headline sent to me last week by top Hong Kong-based journalist John Berthelsen: “Gordon Ramsay Porn Dwarf Eaten by Badger”, a UK Daily Star tale about the finding of the corpse of a short “actor” resembling a TV chef.

Headlines are definitely getting weirder.

Here are my top four memorable ones:

4. “Stephen King Impersonator Steals 5,000 Lobsters” was the title of an article in Horror News, a movie magazine.

3. “Politician Says Too Busy to Cheat on His Wife” was a Reuters headline.

I love the wistful tone. “My schedule’s full right now, but watch me get stuck into some SERIOUS round-the-clock cheating on my day off, woo HOO.”

2. “Ex-Dictator Broke, Living With Mom” was an Associated Press headline over an interview with a former despot of Sierra Leone. Mom has “been very supportive,” he told reporters. How sweet.

1. “He Was Naked, On Crack and in Alligator’s Mouth” was in the Seattle Times.

The story: A drug-taker took off all his clothes and fell asleep by a river. He woke up being eaten and had to be extracted by police.

Why waste money on anti-drugs campaigns? Just blanket the world with photocopies of this article.

Other great headlines:

AND HERE IS THE NEWS….
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SEX ADDICT Dominique Strauss-Kahn, back in Paris, is branding his rape accuser as a compulsive liar willing to say anything in a bid to get rich. Clearly this woman is not fit to be a hotel maid. Give her a job at UBS.

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CLOTHES MADE cheaply in Asia to be shipped to the UK’s NEXT fashion chain store will be shipped back to Asia for buyers using NEXT’s Asia-based web stores. It’s more profitable that way, executives told the business press last week. Do you think these guys have even heard of global warming?

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A PLANET with two suns was discovered last week, and described by scientists as “a giant frigid sphere of gas”. No, wait. Or was that a line in a profile of Oprah Winfrey?

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REAL QUOTE from Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi talking about women: “Last night I had a queue outside the door of the bedroom. There were eleven. I only did eight.” Only eight? Is he trying to get the sympathy vote now?

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US SOLDIERS have just been told that the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is now officially withdrawn. Now it’s: do ask, do tell. Next: Taliban fighters in Afghanistan sow confusion among advancing US troops by broadcasting questions over loudspeakers: “So, who’s gay? What’s it like?”

***
 

BIG MOUTH Russian billionaire Sergei Polonsky, 38, who says “anyone without a billion dollars is a loser,” ended up flat on his back on the floor after being punched by another billionaire on TV last week.

Hey, Sergei, before you get up, could you just remind us again who the losers are?
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Coming up later this week: A cure for “girly” boys…

Technorati Tags: funny headlines,Sergei Polonsky,DSK,UBS,Silvio Berlusconi,Don't ask don't tell

Comments

[grandpa]

"Dead body found in cemeteries"

This is just a beginning. with the funeral cost soaring at elevator speed, people will use self service at cemeteries, except in towns equipped with reservoirs

[grandpa]

http://www.ocbc.com/personal-banking/loans/Lns_Pel_EasiCredit.shtm

I can imagine feminists reacting to these news found in an asian newspaper
"women are not piggy banks"
technically, i wonder how someone could get the money out of this one.

[rafanjr]

...headline from Uncle older post.
"Peanut butter contains peanuts"

[Jason]

Weird HK headlines:

"Government takes decisive action"

"Consumers protected from predatory sales practices"

"Developer finds a soul"

[Ram]

PEANUT BUTTER :)

http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/155/peanutbutter.jpg/

[ape]

"Peanut butter contains peanut" could be a result of health authorities regulation that anything containing peanut must carry the "contain peanuts" label... because some people are allergic the peanuts. The allergy can be serious enough to result in death.

[sej]

Grandpa,

Did you notice...

Yes, I confirm that I am
• A Singaporean or Non-Singaporean

[grandpa]

@sej
No I did not
Where was that?

[Bill]

Many years ago I saw this headline in a collection of newspaper misprints, gaffes and poorly expressed headlines. From an English newspaper during WWII...

"8TH ARMY PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS"

[sej]

Grandpa,

Go to the URL you gave, and then have a look in the Overview section...

[sej]

Bill,

"8TH ARMY PUSH BOTTLES UP GERMANS"

Although I don't know my history very well, I suspect this headline was pretty accurate which-ever way you decided to read it.

[grandpa]

"A Singaporean or Non-Singaporean"

This is funny.
I do not understand the sense of putting such a question there

[Chamin]

May be it means "We don't care as long as you pay the interest and we can catch you if you don't" :o)

[Lift Lurker]

They need to hire writer such as Angela to fix this.

I have send them complain to fix this. The new message will be:

I confirm that I am

- A Singaporean or non-Singaporean

- Aged at least 21 years or below

- Earning over S$20,000 or less