ZAP! A mysterious lightning bolt struck many members of a North Korean sports team, leaving no visible marks but wiping out their skills. That’s how coach Kim Kwang Min explained his team’s failure in a women’s soccer tournament recently.
Mr Kim wins a place in our World’s Wackiest Excuses list.
He comes from a country famed for creative factoids.
Premier Kim Jong-Il picked up a golf club for the first time in 1994, his biography says. He shot a 38-under-par round including 11 holes-in-one. Then he gave up golf!
Why can’t I do things like that? The only time I tried golf, I couldn’t hit the ball, let alone send it in any particular direction.
Remember the football World Cup last year? North Korean coach Kim Jong Hun said he was getting tips from Kim Jong-Il through “an invisible cell phone” invented by the Dear Leader himself. (In 2004, the Dear Leader invented the burger.)
Anyway, many readers wrote to share creative excuses after a column on the subject appeared in this space.
The title of Best Excuse for Speeding goes to a Swiss man stopped by police on a highway in Canada. Why was he going so fast?
“Because of the absence of goats,” he said.
There’s no answer to that.
In cold countries, the weather provides great excuses. For example, if you fail to go to work, you call your boss and say:
“I dropped my car keys in the snow and I'm waiting for the temperature to warm up so I can find them.”
Another good excuse used by people working in chilly places is this:
“My apartment was so cold that my hair froze after I washed it.”
Best excuse for non-delivery of homework:
“I fell down and have a huge bruise on my butt, wanna see?”
Best excuse for late delivery of homework:
“It’s only a day late, and if there is an infinite amount of time in the universe, then one divided by infinity is zero, so it’s actually on time.”
A prize for creativity should go to the student who said:
“I was out walking my dog when this UFO came down and the alien said, ‘My ship runs on Year 11 homework.’ What could I do? I handed it over.”
Science students always have the best excuses for non-delivery of work, since their assignments often include creating things.
1) My homework ate the dog.
2) Government agents took my homework as they think I may have discovered a cure for cancer.
3) I did my assignment on this new invisible paper I invented and now I can’t find it.
Work in an office? Simply phone the boss from home on a Monday morning and use this line from a BBC best excuses contest:
“I am caught in some kind of space-time continuum loop and I am re-living Sunday. As soon as I can reverse polarity I will be in work late, or maybe early.”
But in general, medical excuses work best. If you’re running late, enter the office slowly, saying:
“Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.”
No one will get in your way.
ON UNRELATED MATTERS…..
Today’s headline in the newspapers says that people in Israel want more money for social justice. Wouldn’t they have more if they didn’t spend so much money making sure Palestinians didn’t get any social justice?