Trip to hell turns out heavenly

In which we take our spoiled kids to the poorest place on earth

IRONY ALERT! My friend Joseph is quite possibly the poorest child on the planet, and I mean that literally.

But I was astonished to learn that he has something super-rich people are jealous of.

This true story started with some bad news: bad from my children’s point of view, anyway.

A friend of mine had a wild idea: Instead of sitting on a boring beach at a boring luxury resort for our summer holidays, let’s do the opposite, she said.

Let’s go to the most miserable place in the world, eat bad food, work for no money, suffer from diarrhea, get bitten to death by killer mosquitoes and die in agony.

Genius idea! How irresistible is that?! It was such an original plan that several of us signed up at once, with the only proviso being that the die in agony part be listed as optional. (It IS possible to take the whole “adventure holiday” thing too far.)

Our chosen destination was the rural part of Uganda, Africa, a country journalists describe as “war-torn”, “disease-ravaged” and “dirt poor” and that’s when they’re being nice.

I showed my children a picture of people living in mud huts with thatched roofs.

The kids had only one question: “Do they have Facebook?”

That’s when I delivered the bad news: “I’m afraid not. Some people in Africa still live as they did at the time of the Dawn of Man. They’re probably still using MySpace.”

Gasp! The children were shocked, unable to comprehend pre-Facebook homo sapiens.

While they were still reeling, we bundled them onto a plane and flew to Africa.
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We arrived to find the journalists were wrong: It was a beautiful place full of gentle, smiling people.

We drove on rutted dirt tracks to visit volunteers who were building schools, clinics and children’s homes.

Several abandoned children, like Joseph, had mothers who had tried to kill them. (Sociologists call this “sub-optimal parenting”.)

For the next two weeks, we alternated periods of hard labor on building sites with sessions of organizing games for groups of needy children.

Facebook was forgotten. It may seem crazy but it was the best holiday any of us had ever had.

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Now here’s where the irony comes in.

On the last day of building, I was shaking gray cement dust out of my boots when a chauffeur-driven car pulled up at the school.

A rich woman in the back seat told me that she had heard that this was the best school in the country and had applied for her granddaughter to be enrolled in it.

I was struck dumb for a long time, maybe as long as two to three seconds. Then I congratulated her on her taste. “You’re right. I’m sure it IS a good school,” I said.
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After a sad goodbye to Africa, we arrived back in Asia on Monday this week.

Among the hundreds of emails awaiting me was one from a grand lady who had spent a miserable weekend trying to lose weight at a luxury spa in Singapore.

I felt sorry for her. “Poor you,” I wrote back. “But do you really want to drop a few kilos? Have I got a plan for you.”
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(Illustrations: all photos above by Megan and Kelci, above)
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Technorati Tags: Africa,Uganda,Kampala,King's School,charity,aid work,volunteers

Comments

[grandpa]

Uncle
I am really disappointed.
I expected a long story about roaring lions, elephants and the sort.

was this trip so short that you are at a loss with words?????

[rafanjr]

...“war-torn”, “disease-ravaged” and “dirt poor”...Name a country and attached this as a description of that country....there should be a truth in it somehow.

[Denise]

Hi Mr Jam, while you were away there was a news report about a woman in Colorado who was arrested for groping an airport security officer!
Maybe she was just getting her own back!

Granpa, havent you notice, the post is always exactly the same length so that it can fit into the newspaper??

[Nury]

Thanks for the notes, guys.

Grandpa, nice to be back in contact. We did actually see some lions etc so I may add some info about them later.

As for your comment, Rafan, Uganda has recently had wars and disease (Aids is huge there, and ebola was discovered there). But thankfully things are calm at the moment...

Denise, good one, can you send me the link if you still have it?

Generally speaking, the whole concept about taking a working holiday was interesting -- for some reason it was way more refreshing than taking a relaxing holiday. Human nature is odd!

[Lesley]

Nuri - I am choking back the tears reading about your holiday plan - really I am.

What a fantastic idea.

FB is over rated.

Lesley (currently being stared at by 8 H'Mong tribeswomen while sitting in a cafe in Sapa, Vietnam using my MacBook)

[Jo]

you're hilarious!!

[Stevadore]

This is brilliant. If you ever do this again, I;d love to come with you!!

[Stevadore]

Second thoughts.
If you ever do this again, I'd love to send my wife and kids with you!

[Lift Lurker]

I think what Uncle Jam did is very good.

It is good for Africans to meet other people so that they keep pace with civilization progress.

Sometimes Africans just come from such different world and are not inform about the real world.

I meet one African last week and it frustrate me so much because he is so backward and know nothing:

LL: Hello where are you from?

AF: I'm from Cameroon

LL: Please don't eat me

AF: Why will I eat you? I'm an MBA from Harvard

LL: Did you meet Tarzan?

AF: No.

LL: Korak? Bamba? King Kong?

AF: No.

LL: What slave ship did you come in?

AF: I didn't come in by slave ship. I came by private jet

LL: I'm happy you are not slave anymore. What do you do? Do you hunt deer for food? Or cook missionaries?

AF: I'm a fund manager in New York. I manage billions of dollars for one of the biggest financial companies in the world. We have 40% return each year for the past 10 years. Do you want to invest?

LL: Ha! You cannot trick me with that Nigerian scam. I not stupid lah.

[grandpa]

"AF: I'm a fund manager in New York."
As such (financers) , I eat 20 multinational ( along with their staff ) for breakfast every morning

You ( an theyr) are the ones slaving for me and my kind..

[rafanjr]

...i not stupid lah....very funny liftie. asians don't fall for such scams....only non-asians.

[eggie]

I not stupid lah. Ah ha, LL must be Singaporean then!

[grandpa]

an amazing story
out of Africa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2lSZPTa3ho