World to end soon: proof

Scientists and crazy people agree on this one

MONDAY NEWS FLASH: The world is ending. This is the final generation.

No, really. There’s widespread agreement on this. Consider the evidence.

First, the TV news. I arrived home to find the kids spooked by a jittery climate change documentary.

“I don’t want the world to end next year,” said one child crossly. “My hamster’s not married yet.”

I postponed worrying about the hamster’s love life until after I had opened the bills. There were so many that it seemed to me that the world ending would be rather helpful just now.
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That’s probably what people in Taiwan were thinking last Wednesday. A prophet (“deranged bearded male”) named Wang Chao-hung (pic above) predicted the island would be flattened by an earthquake on May 11 at 10:42:37.

As the appointed time approached, watchers held their breath.

Tick tock tick tock.

The moment came and went.

Nothing happened.

Believers looked sheepish. Non-believers mocked, but also looked rather relieved, it must be said.

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In Japan in 2000, a guru named Yuji Taniguchi, 65, said the only way to escape the eminent end of the world was by singing a song composed by a space alien named Elina, who would then rescue them.

The song went like this: "What's your name? I feel wretched about myself, oh yay, yay."

Thousands in Japan sang the song (the lyrics were actually superior to those of most Japanese pop songs that year) but the world failed to end, except for music lovers, who probably felt suicidal.
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Coming bang up to date, some Americans think the world will end on May 21, 2011,which is the coming Saturday (see pic above).

Harold Camping, an 89-year-old American, says he and his flock will be lifted into the sky in a religious event called The Rapture.

(Hearing this, one entrepreneurial man put up an ad on Craigslist, a web-based classified ads board, offering pay-in-advance dog-sitting services.)
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Mr Camping reminds me of Edgar Whisenant, the king of failed predictions. In 1988, he published a book called 88 Reasons Why The Rapture Will Be in 1988.

That year came and went. Mr Whisenant remained ground-bound.

Unrepentant, he published a new book in 1989 explaining that the world would end in 1989 for sure.

That year also passed uneventfully.

In 1993, Mr Whisenant (oh how ironic was his name) published a book saying that the world would definitely end in 1993, following by a book in 1994 saying it would definitely end in 1994. Then he shut up.
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No, forget all these wacko religious nuts. The best bet is to trust science. Scholars have been examining the works of Sir Isaac Newton, listed in numerous history books as the greatest scientist who ever lived.

In 2003, unpublished papers revealed that he’d calculated that the world would not end—until soon after the millennium.

He specifies 2034 or 2060 at the latest.

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At the same time, today’s most popular scientific “futurist” is a guy named Ray Kurzweil, who reckons the physical world will come to an end on or around 2030.
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So basically everyone agrees that the world is going to end in 20 years or so.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Yes! Anyone know any banks which are giving out 30-year mortgages just now?

Muah ha ha ha ha.
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ON UNRELATED MATTERS… My previous post was on the benefits of being a really irritating person.

I might have guessed that it would result in a big flow of examples of irritating behaviour – thanks so much for the comments/ messages/ emails/ which didn’t annoy me at all: they were too amusing!

And thanks Paul for the tip-off about Outsourcing: good one. Pity it’s gone. In the www.mrjam.org version of this column, Grandpa’s and Lift Lurker’s “sub-columns” were wonderful as ever.

Some good news: more newspapers have contacted me asking to print this regularly—in the next few months, we’ll probably have another million readers…
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Technorati Tags: end of the world,harold camping,familyradio.com,ray kurzweil,singularity,wang chao hung,edgar whisenant

Comments

[Jason]

Regarding the wingnuts in the US who think this Saturday we all go poof, I have one question: is this calculation based on Eastern Standard Time? I ask because this has ramifications for all of us on the other side of the International Date Line, because we'd all have an extra day, nah nah! Not that I believe in this horse manure.

I eagerly await the inevitable backtracking, fragrant excuses and the next re-calculation we all know is coming. Fools and their money as the saying goes.

[Jason]

And just in case we have any evangelical wingnuts on this site worried about their pets after this Saturday, I too accept paypal and promise to look after your beloved pets post-Rapture. All sales final, no refunds. Premiums are $500 per pet.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/doomsday-approaches/2011/05/05/AFcZJn7F_story.html

[Ram]

This is Ram reporting live from Taiwan...Ya,I think I am still alive :)D

Actually, my friends here told me the day after may 11 that this guy Teacher Wang (Wang Chao-hung) said that nothing happened to Taiwan because gods heard his prayers for the past 30 years or so...

and not only that poor little hamster, even I am not married yet :(( [or is it something for which I should be happy???]

[Bianca]

Mr "Kurzweil" means he is not boring.

Ram: do not get married, but do the ramification = make some nice kids

[Ram]

@Bianca: haha...does that make any difference??? I mean getting married and do ramification and not gettin married and doing so???

[Bianca]

Ram:
I think so. But I haven't told any state about what I am planning to feel for the rest of my life, seems quite absurd to me.

[TS]

Message to anyone who thinks the world will end:
I am willing to wager a bet with you. Name a sum of money.
If the world ends on the day stated by you, I will give you that amount of money.
If the world does not end, you give me the money.

How can you possibly loose?

[grandpa]

Hum Hum

somebody else who is wise about getting married.
End of the world?!
First there was the 2k bug
Then it was saddam Hussein WMD
then it was....
Now it is the end of the world.......

Hey guys , we can see that some churches,temples etc are in deep need of repair.;

Financial crisis hit religions too..?

[Bianca]

Many esoteric freaks seem to believe end of world will be 2012

there was a big meeting in Austria.
critical journalist asked some woman at the entrance:
"Would it not be sad if this was going to be the end?"

she said, quite funny, sarcastic:

"No, to me it would be quite awful if everything went on the way it is now."

I think she is a little right

there must be loads more learners autonomy and dancing
:-9

[Lift Lurker]

TS bet is very very tempting, but we need to get operational definition of 'end of the world' here.

If I say end of the world will happen in May 21, 2011 what do we mean?

- Is it May 21, 12:01am?

- Is it May 21, 23:59 pm?

- Is it mean the end will start in May 21 and continue for 2 days, 3 weeks, 5 years, 9,000 years?

- Must it begin after May 21, 12:01 am and end by May 21, 23:59pm?

- If all humans die but cockroaches live is it end of the world?

- Does it mean all plant animal die? How about virus and bacteria?

- How about if cosmonaut, taikonaut, astronaut in space station remain alive, is it end of the world?

- If one person left standing by May 22, is it end of the world?

- If it happen May 22, 12:01am do I still win?

- If it happen May 20, 23:59 do I still win?

- As Jason say, which time zone do we base on?

- Do we use daylight saving time?

- Which calendar do we use?

- We need to put the fund in escrow account. Which country have jurisdiction?

- Who will verify the criteria is met?

- If new world replace the old world, does it mean end of the world? Or is it only end of 'a' world?

We need to be precise because we are talking about the most important thing: money. It make the world go round.

[Bianca]

I suggest we take Bob's calendar.

I volunteer for jury when end of first world is come.

Maybe when Berlusconi and Sarkosy dance hand in hand with millions of Africans?

[Nury]

Lift Lurker actually makes some very good points in his piece -- the silly people can always say that the end of the world "begins" now -- they can claim that there's a crack in the earth's core, for example, that no one can see...

[grandpa]

- If all humans die but cockroaches live is it end of the world?

coakraoches run the world.
The end of the world is going to happen when human humans take the planet back.

[Graham]

I was intrigued by the comment I got at the end of last week about “The Geeks shall inherit the Earth”.

Wow, what a powerful thought!! The Bible has long been seen as a book of prophecy, but I hadn’t looked at it from the view of IT users before, and that maybe there were hidden clues such as this.

Of course, were they to inherit the earth they would probably find that their software was incompatible and would wait for version 2 to come out.

They are probably the ones who came up with the phrase “What is this world coming”, and then the sequel “What is this World coming 2” !!

So here are some more IT inspired phrases that might be found in the Geek’s Bible.

Who were the Israelites strongest enemies? The Gigabites.

Money is the root password of all evil.

The Tower of Cables.

Samsung and Delilah.

His name will be written in the Facebook of life.

You cannot surf 2 masters.

And the number of the beast was www.

In the beginning was the Word 93

The Firewalls of Jericho.

Moses descended the mountain with the 2 tablets God had given him.

Honour your father and your motherboard (although this will immediately say that “honour” has been spelt incorrectly)

God loves a cheerful Twitter.
For the wages of Bing is death,

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control+alt+delete.

And (as an example of computer justice) An i-pad for an i-pad, a Bluetooth for a Bluetooth.

It should also be understood that Bill Gates would probably remind all his followers that the only reason that God would want this world to end is as a result of Satan tempting man with an Apple !!!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Yes, I am extremely tempted by the Apple!

And I have to remind of very sweet joke from grandpa:
If Adam had been an Asian
he would have eaten the snake.

selfcontrol..."monkey grasp" = reset

[Bianca Schlimm]

TS: you know this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAkhKmLXr4o

[TS]

TS: you know this?

How on earth did you recognise me under all that make-up, wig and false beard?

[Bianca Schlimm]

I did not and I can't understand him
:-(
but he pretty
:-)

[Lift Lurker]

Graham, your wonderful post remind me of one favorite author, from very very long time ago (SKB). He wrote 'The Computer Contradictionary'.

In this book under the entry "MAW" there is amusing discussion not very similar to your post.

If you Gooooooogle coats the computer contradictionary maw coats (without the coats) and go to Goooooogle Books, you may find it.

But warning: the english is very very very difficult. The subject matter is very very computer science techie and you have to be interested in computer industry many years ago, and you have to read it in sitz im leben of 1990-1995 when the book was wrote.

[Bianca Schlimm]

The Nenglish is difficult because YOU wrote it?

http://biancaschlimm.blogsport.eu/ego-meets-imac/

[Jason]

It seems Slate had the same idea I did: which timezone is the world going to end in?

http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/scocca/archive/2011/05/16/countdown-to-armageddon-maybe-the-world-will-end-friday-night-or-sunday-morning.aspx

[grandpa]

My colleagues keep reminding me of the ned of the world may 21, 2011 .....
Is that the world of the medjahs.
http://www.expatica.ru/news/russian-news/medvedev-appears-to-question-bin-laden-s-death_149954.html

Any way see you monday in the next world

[grandpa]

@ Bianca
Finally , a face behind the cowhide, humm my english is wrong
Let me try again
a nice face hiding behind the cow

Humm

a pretty face hiding the cow

This looks better

[karuna]

Time for a roll call..
those who have been left behind by the rapture, please post your comments !!

[Bianca Schlimm]

K: I am alive

G: thank you! your english is so good I am a little jealous. You must have read not only Proust and friends by the kilos but also english books.

[TS]

The world didn't end on Saturday as predicted. As time approached 18:00 yesterday, I did get a little bit panicy. Fortunately I found that the TV remote had just slipped down between the cushions in the sofa.
It would really had been Hell on Earth for the next five months if I had to walk up to the TV everytime I needed to change something.

[grandpa]

Bianca
Learning a language is as easy as 1,2,3
1 Go to the country ( preferably on vacation)
2 Find a teacher (opposite sex makes it better and easier)
3 find a pillow ( yes , what universities will never say: the learning of languages is easier in a horizontal position)
I do ,not understand this
:-( :-)
Is this a pregnant woman talking to a beer drinker, with their belly out?

[survivor]

Welcome to post may 21

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9KlMWzKj4s&feature=topvideos_nonprofits

[Deepak Whateverker]

From all the comments above, the world is sure going to outlast every lunatic doomsday-monger that is there today and those who are going to sprout, even if the old world ends.
I love this world because I get to live longer by reading Nury and HIS first world disciples.

[TS]

June 8, 2011.
The Internet becomes self-aware and takes over control of the world.

[Karuna]

Watched the BBC serial Survivor for the first time week. It is about the few people who survive a deadly epidemic that kills most of human population.
@TS,
Thinking about it, realizes that if Internet gets shut down completely, most of human race will also be at the same level of frustration and despair. Internet already controls our life.
It will interesting to read Liftie or Angela comments on post Internet world :))

[grandpa]

"It will interesting to read Liftie or Angela comments on post Internet world :))"

Their comments are already in the mail. You should receive them within three to eight months, depending on the weather

[sheemeavaigh]

What do you think about new Social Network website http://facesepicentre.com/ ?