The truth about Strauss-Kahn

 
His predatory habit is just one of his problems

TODAY’S TOPIC, boys and girls, is Austerity.

Many people think Austerity is a small European country inhabited by singing nuns.

Not so!

In fact, Austerity is a big Pacific country inhabited by kangaroos, dinkums, and the famous cola bears.

But to economists (“bald men in suits”) Austerity has a completely different meaning: it means cutting spending to the bare minimum.
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Executives of the International Monetary Fund, known to diplomats as “the IMF team” or more colloquially, “those Idiotic M-Fs”, fly around the world telling nations to introduce austerity measures. This month alone the IMF has issued such commands to Ireland, Egypt and Pakistan.

Did outgoing IMF boss Dominique Strauss-Kahn practice austerity in his own life? Bien sur! Of course.  (See pic at the top.)

When he visits New York, does he have a mansion built for him? No, he humbly roughs it in a US$3,000 hotel suite.

When he travels, does he charter private jets? No, he makes do with the first class cabin of an international airline.

When he eats, does he demand the world’s finest caviar? Well actually, yes, he does. Yet instead of eating all the caviar on the planet, he generously leaves dribs and drabs for the rest of us.
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What’s vital to note is that any man working under such horrific conditions may make small errors of judgment, such as (to pluck a random example from the air) accidentally trying to impregnate passing journalists or hotel staff. Or even women.
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Whatever. Anyway, Mr Strauss-Kahn allegedly did something wrong in an alleged hotel in a city allegedly called New York on the alleged planet Earth.

As a result he was moved from the Sofitel to Riker’s Island Prison, where he probably had to revise his understanding of the word Austerity.]

Round of applause for Destiny.
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In the meantime, a transcript of the IMF’s most recent negotiations has been discovered in a dark corner of this columnist’s imagination.

Strauss-Kahn: Bonjour, finance minister. I have in my hand the cheque for the loan which will rescue your economy if you pledge to practice severe austerity. No, wait. This is my expenses reimbursement slip for last week.

Finance Minister: But if we make more cuts, thousands will lose their jobs!

Strauss-Kahn: Yeah, well send the cute female ones up to my room. Muah ha ha ha ha.

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Now at the same time, TV commentators are expressing horror to learn that Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who presented himself as the perfect husband, father and governor, in fact had the moral standards of a “rutting chimpanzee” or a half-Asian professional golfer, whichever is lower.

To these commentators, I point out the obvious: Mr Schwarzenegger is an actor. What do you expect?

Next these people will be surprised to learn that he is a half-cyborg from the future. Don’t these “experts” do any research before they start talking on TV?

 
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The curious thing is that Mr Strauss-Kahn, Mr Schwarzenegger, Mr Tiger Woods, Mr Charlie Sheen etc., all stay in hotel suites, eat caviar and travel first class. Clearly this combination of factors somehow causes sex.

It also explains why some people don’t get much.
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ON  OTHER MATTERS…

Here’s a couple of nice pix of readers. This is a great pic of Bianca Schlimm, who writes from Germany.

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And this is Polyn, daughter of Angela from Singapore. Polyn is shown reading this column on a laptop.

Technorati Tags: Dominique,strauss-kayn,funny,arnold schwarzenegger,austerity,imf,humor,jokes

Comments

[rafanjr]

....wow, bianca.....

[grandpa]

Morality
If you are famous , you can drink and get away with it.... (hilton lohan ,gibson and so on
You can beat up anybody you want , and get away with it..tyson

But if you are famous ,if your hold a powerful position ,somebody will want your job, your money, your house or even your wife.( sorry for you ,your kids are not part of the transaction)
In this case yo cannot have sex with whom you want ...any longer..
If you do you will be trapped into resignation..
(This is at least true in catholic countries t, the more so, now that Christians failed to
be raptured)

The only way to be protected is to be a financer...
There you can do what you want, rob people , starve people and scrw everybody

[farah]

wow what the world has come to? first women had to worry about teenagers/girls getting pregnant out of wedlock and now they have to worry about cheating spouses and their other child.

[Anon]

The earliest record of impregnating housemaids goes back to Abraham !

[lurker]

People are so cruel..... all Muslims are assumed to be al qaeda terrorists... all christians are assumed to be harold camping... i wish people would try to be more fair...

[lurker]

ps i am not lift lurker, but one of his many fans.....

[Bianca Schlimm]

Anon: And Karl Marx!!!

Some men are just brutes!

COLA bears, LOL, where is the comment from my Australian uncle??

Nury: I agree with your choice of picture.

Angela: I like your kid!

Rafan: Your turn!

LL: I need some lyrics!

[Karuna]

@Angela, your daughter is adorable.

@Bianca, have you found your job yet ? Maybe you should talk to Angela . Angela is a very talented writer and may be able to help.

[Karuna]

@fan of LL, it really does not matter if harold camping was right or wrong or is giving a bad name to Christianity
From science we know that world is a fragile place and entire species have been wiped out. The same we see through narrations from the past as recorded in all the religious texts.
As a person of faith see this Harold Camping as a reminder of our fragile existence and cherish the relationships you are blessed with.

[grandpa]

The poor guy was lost and confused, caught between the personalities of his grand father, the musician and his great great grandfather Gengis.
What started as a waltz ended ,, as we (don't ) know..

[TS]

If π entered any of the formulas that Harold used to calculate the end of the world, he would be a few years short. In the bible π is defined as 3.

[Karuna]

@TS, pi Is similar to religion. It is irrational and transcendental :)

[rafanjr]

...where is liftie?

[Nury]

Oops my apologies, I noticed that the over-active spam filter had eaten liftie's latest post; there must have been something in it that triggered a warning -- perhaps the numbers or percentage sign... Anyway, it has been resurrected, see below

[Lift Lurker]

I think it is unfair if the head of IMF travel first class.

He is responsible for the financial wellbeing of the whole planet!

Surely he deserve his own plane, maybe called "Air Force One Hundred % Per Annum"

You see, when poor countries put in huge ugly expensive airport instead of cheap beautiful Lift lobby, they have to borrow money from banks.

But banks charge interest.

So if the poor country borrow $50 million dollar, they have to pay the bank $800 trillion dollars plus every firstborn female for 3 generation.

However, the IMF is benevolent.

If the poor country cannot pay, the IMF lend them money so they can pay the bank, (because the principle is: a country can collapse, but a bank must not collapse).

So instead of paying $800 trillions dollar, the poor country only has to pay $100 million dollar.

This is the people's rental payment for living in the country (which is now own by IMF).

In that way, the banks who lend money do not collapse and other poor country can borrow from them to make gray cold airports

IMF own half of the people on earth, it is ok for them to use their property.

--

lurker, i knew it! I always think my fans do something strange when I am not looking. So, are you my ceiling fan, my exhaust fan, my tower fan, or my beautiful Flamenco fan? And how did you get on internet?

[grandpa]

LL
.there is no such a thing as a fan in an elevator.no ceiling fan, no exhaust fan or tower fan......
But in aviation we also have fan..tastic flight attendants

We also have a propeller ( you know, this thing which spins in front of an aircraft)

Propeller is a fan , installed in front of the pilot to cool him down.

Stop it and see him sweat..
oops

[H]

@Grandpa
Elevators actually do have fans in them. But that makes passengers feel as if they can't breathe.
@Farah
Women have been worried about cheating husbands for a long time now but the topic has been actually brought into light recently.

[Chamin]

Lurker,

Welcome to the gang! Lift lurker was originally posting under the name "lurker." So, are you later going to become "plane lurker" or "airport lurker" or "university lurker" etc.?

[Chamin]

By the economists' of austerity, it seems I have lived most of my life in austerity.

Hmm.. does that qualify me for Austerian citizenship? I am ready to put up with either the kangaroos or the singing nuns, or even both! :-p

[Bianca Schlimm]

Nury, typepad is eating my comment three times, I am lost.

[Chamin]

@Bianca:

Sometimes, the comment get eaten because of S P A M words. Other times, it works after I close the page and open it again. Try your luck!

[grandpa]

"Sometimes, the comment get eaten because of S P A M words"

That's not true..
Big brother is having our words for breakfast

[Bianca Schlimm]

I think typepad is working quite marvellous, otherwise there would be tons of spam

but what is considered spam word?

I know drugs don't go (?)

[Bianca Schlimm]

Karuna:

It's very nice of you to think about my job life.
but
I am enthused not to have to work this year!!!

[Bianca Schlimm]

I am working on becoming a German as foreign language teacher. They get little pay but it will be nice to welcome incoming folk to this rather difficult language. (Instead of just "my" and "your" you have to learn 14 other forms, at least, for instance).

On the other hand it is quite easy to get along as everything you like is just "horny" in German.

Maybe I'll jump around in the internet so that "y'all" can learn some of it too.

Or you could order me as a private assistant or teacher or whatever. No, better not whatever.
:-)

[Bianca Schlimm]

Nury wife is busy triangling toilet paper as fas as I remember. Plus she must be very annoyed that he is so unobservant never to feng shui their own flat

[Bianca Schlimm]

middle part causing big problem:

Maybe Nury needs a hel.per to look through his litt.ered apart.ment (has Grand.pa been there late.ly? it is quite litter(ar)y in the flat) for old books