The first same-sex marriage

The original one, believe it or not, was in Asia

NOW THIS IS ROMANTIC. Or maybe not. US military gunmen will be able to marry each other under a proposed law allowing same-sex unions in the Navy, a Pentagon spokesman said last week.

Huh? I can only deduce that this is a thank-you for assassinating Osama Bin Laden. Did they request this?

Obama: “Job well done! Name your reward, guys.”

US Navy Seal: “Well, Mr President, me and Brad took a shine to each other on the helicopter over Abbottabad…”
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My Asian friends were baffled by this, but my Western friends approved, with one saying: “Americans are tolerant in sexual matters, not like Asia.” He said Asia was so primitive that not one country in the region allowed same-sex marriage.

Not true! I told him that Asia has had same-sex marriages for years, centuries before Westerners ever dreamt of them.

The American guy used his iPad to look up “same sex marriages” on Wikipedia. They were legal only in 10 countries, all in the West, the report said.

Wikipedia was wrong. I showed him a recent wedding report from an Indian newspaper. He peered at it and said: “That’s not a same-sex marriage. That’s a woman marrying a statue.”

I told him to look more closely. The woman was a hijra named Jyoti, in other words, a man in a sari. The statue was the idol Aravan, the Hindu patron saint of transgendered people. “They’re both guys.”

History lesson: The first same-sex marriage was in Asia almost three millennia ago.

In 900BC, a young soldier named Aravan asked Krishna for a favor: “Tomorrow I will die. I want one night as a married man.”

Krishna thought this a reasonable request. But no women wanted to sleep with Aravan. I have no idea why—perhaps he was a spectacularly unattractive guy, like, say, Donald Trump without his money.

Krishna had a brainwave. He transformed himself into a woman and became the bride.

Aravan was okay with this, and earned himself the permanent title of patron saint of transvestites. (Not sure that was what he really wanted.)
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The American tried to brush this away as a wacko Asian religious myth. But a listener from a Roman Catholic background said that the church in the West was also more broadminded than people thought.

The unofficial patron saint of transvestites is St Matrona of Perge. She spent half her life dressed as a woman and the other half in men’s clothing. Observers think that she was physically female because of certain small clues, ie, she produced a child from her nether regions (guys find this tricky).
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Even more remarkable was the story of a young English princess named Uncumber. Her father decided to marry her off to the King of Sicily. Uncumber (also known as Wilgefortis) refused (did the King of Sicily also look like Donald Trump?).

But in those days, only men could halt weddings. By sheer force of willpower, pretty Uncumber grew a thick moustache and heavy beard. The horrified King of Sicily backed off, being seriously not into the whole she-male thing.

Uncumber was made into a saint by the pope.

Now all I have to do is work out how to do an Uncumber-style miracle on my bald patch.
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Technorati Tags: same sex marriage,same sex,humor,st matrona,patron saint of transvestites,aravan,krishna,uncumber,wilgefortis,transgender

Comments

[Jason]

When I lived in Korea, I was told more than once by naive Koreans, "there are no homosexuals in Korea." This seemed remarkably obtuse given one of my co-workers was openly living with his Korean partner and there is an entire district of gay bars nicknamed "Homo Hill" strategically located one block from "Hooker Hill" itself strategically located in the Wan Chai of Seoul near the US army base.

Never underestimate the power of small-minded people to delude themselves with fairy-tales when the facts are staring them in the face.

[rafanjr]

...apparently "hooker hills" are also located near US bases in other Asian countries.... US Soldiers have an appetite for it.

...lets admit it, they (west) are more sexually liberated than us (east), just look at their sexual offenders list...

[Jason]

And the proliferation of tiger penis remedies and other oddball aphrodisiacs that include killing endangered species so horny Asian men can get "stiffies" by consuming some organ to mythically transfer the animals sexual potency, this would signify that the east is sexually repressed and not obsessed with it?

Note also the Muslim male (in some cultures, Turkey and others being enlightened exceptions) where the women have to be covered, lest they tempt these weak men into lust; also the desire for 72 virgins by warped martyrs who blow themselves up for this imaginary reward, would indicate a more than passing sexual obsession.

[rafanjr]

...everybody is horny then...

[rafanjr]

...good news: "horny" is not edited out by typepad.

[Bianca Schlimm]

R.R: In German "horny" means cool, since decades.
:-)

Jason: I can only think of something very awful when I read your comment. In North Korea they claim there are no physically disabled. Comic author Guy Delisle asked: "but there are X percent of every population "disabled"" and he got the answer: no, not here. And he says they made this be true.

[Jason]

Slightly off topic, but I wanted to share an interesting tidbit I came across on some research I was doing for a book.

1 Corinthians 6:9 "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate (read: homosexual), nor abusers of themselves with mankind."

This is the passage that devout, fire-breathing Christians love to use to berate and oppress those who bat for the other team. However people might be stunned to know that the original Greek word was catamite, which is...how to put this nicely...the submissive partner on the receiving end. Paul never said homosexuals wouldn't inherit the kingdom of God, nor the uh, dominant pitcher, ahem...just the "effeminate" souls who allowed themselves to be defiled. If you were the macho guy giving it, well that was ok. It was a sin to be the weak, submissive one.

The Bible ladies and gentlemen, Hypocrisy 101. You learn something new everyday, class dismissed.

[Anonymous]

malakoi

[Bianca Schlimm]

I know this girl and she had this teacher and he was gay.

But he is no longer.

He was eaten by another man.

wild love, really happened, right here...

[grandpa]

- Cobra 3 , this is Cobra one in place for mission "kiss my arse goodbye"
( the attack of a very important man , is a District of South Kirdikdustan; who was about to change the world order,by allowing smaller nations to vote an equal share on worldwide profit )
-
This mission involves ten helicopters, one aircraft carrier , the whole Pacific fleet, special services the whole satellite observation services with the assistance of East Asian countries....

The man is very well protected by a garrison , trained by the attackers , at a times when they were allies. ( when their presidents were sleeping in the same bed )
The man always wears a belt with a switch which can trigger a wholesales sell of the leading world currency
This would put the leading nations at risk of getting stiff competition from smaller countries who want their shares of the "pie".
It would collapse the world economy ,as we know it.
The only way to succeed is to launch the attack when he comes out of the shower just before his daily bl w job

Needless to say this is a high risk ,short timed operation.

Cobra 2 , Roger
Cobra; 3,5;6;12, Roger

All Cobras time, coordinating. launch attack in 3 mn and 50 seconds.
Set you watch 10..9...8..7..6..5..4...3..2..1 Top
Attack in three minutes..

Cobras ..acknowledge

Cobra 15, acknowledge ......
Cobra 15 , this is Cobra one .... Acknowledge

Cobra 15 , Acknowledge, this is an order

-- Cobra 1 , this is Cobra 15, I no longer take orders from you.

what ?!.! This is not the time for arguing .this is an order ..

-like the order you gave this new Lieutenant to stay with you for the night , for a last minute briefing,maybe??
-Honey ; if you do not acknowledge , you put the whole operation at risk
- Like you put our marriage at risk?
Honey ; If you do what I say , I promise that I I would cook for you everyday.I shall retire and se shall live in the the Galapenguis islands; just the two of us

Cobra 1 , tis cobra 12.
You promised me that two weeks ago
Cobra 12 this is Cobra 15,
So You are the bast.....rd
Cobra 15 , tis is cobra 12 , keep you weapons away from me

Cobra 12, tis is Cobra 9
How can you do that to me, you promised that we would get married next week..Sigh

Cobra 1 , this is Cobra 9.unable to competed the mission ,I am not in a mood to continue the operation

In the meantime in DSK , district of District of South Kirdikdustan, the man gets out of his shower; his maid give him his belt.
The racket of the helicopters puts him on alert; he presses the switch..

BREAKING NEWS, dec 2012

Foreign

In District of South Kirdikdustan (DSK) ; an international military practice turned into a disaster when attack helicopter started to shoot at each other
The high command suggests a malfunction in the communication systems triggered a change in target acquisition.

Economy
The world manetarry fond has voted a tax on rich countries .
This tax , voted by a 110 to three will allow the emerging countries to get a O% interest on loans to improve their consuming capability.

National
The bromide industry has suddenly increased with 2 000 000 jobs created.
The government is the main customer.
Medias were not told about the reasons of such an increase in production.
Those interested in the subject will look up the internet http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/sexandrelationships/sexualarousal/200160.html

Year 2050

Alien 12 reporting, from planet earth

Planet earth was once inhabited. we found traces of primitive metallic transportation systems on wheels, high building with cages hanging on cables in shafts, and primitive cigarshaped aeronautical devices.
We found lots of animals , but only whales can tell us what happened ..that is ..If we find a way to communicate with them.

We found a lot of ape looking creatures; wrinkled and covered with scars.It seem like they stopped procreating at the begining of the century .The reason is unknown yet

[Lift Lurker]

I will never look at SEAL the same way again. Anyway, we still have all he-man cowboys. No, wait.

My Liftuanian Orthodox neighbor (you must see their incense-filled Lifts, it is out of this world), he say St Matrona is not from Westernity but from Easternity because she is from Greekish / Constantinoplish area (you know, where they have tasty food), not the British / Frenchish / Germish area (where they have bland food).

Of course, there is those who say there is no such thing as "first" same-sex marriage because there is no such thing as "same-sex marriage".

Liftuania only recognize contradictory sex marriage (but we are progressive: we allow the man to be the bride and the woman to be the groom).

Once same sex union can produce babies for our society, we grant them marriage status and give them protection and support so they last at least 1 year or til death do us part, whichever come first. Until then they only receive boyfriend / girlfriend status. Our motto: Prudence and Prudeness.

[Bianca Schlimm]

G. What a very funny page!!!

"My wife cut her hair, so I don't like her anymore".

"I've never been interested in sex".

[Bianca Schlimm]

All this yucky nasty irritating wet and smelly love-making!

Who would want to have anything to do with that?

We women leave it all up to you guys among yourselves now

finish!

[grandpa]

Once upon a times there were dinosaurs on this planet.
This sudden disappearance is still unexplained;
They all turned gay

[Marie Anna]

Jason: "Turkey and others being enlightened exceptions"?
Pfuit

[Jason]

Gramps, the dinosaurs didn't turn gay, they were all bbq'd by Adam and Eve...cuz the fundy's say we coexisted 6000 yrs ago...like the Flintstones

[grandpa]

...everybody is horny then...
Horny like in the italian cornuto?

[grandpa]

they were all bbq'd by Adam and Eve...

Are you sure , it looks to me like it is a lot of meat for two guys

[TS]

they were all bbq'd by Adam and Eve...

Are you sure , it looks to me like it is a lot of meat for two guys

When the reality of facts get troublesome, words like "faith" gets invented.

[Karuna]

Seriously why do gays want to get married ? Is it the tax benefits and shared property rights that come with a marriage.
If it is ceremonial vow before friends, I suppose they can do it even now without enacting legislations. Or are there laws that prohibit gays taking these vows ?

[TS]

Gays wants to get married for exactly the same reasons straight people want to.

Think about it and then ask why they can't.

[Karuna]

TS, you mean acceptance of their relationship by their family and society ?

[Lift Lurker]

Many people think same sex marriage is boring.
That's why people buy kama sutra books so there is variety.

Or maybe you mean something else?

But I think TS, Karuna, the question is backward.
The question is why does society recognize, protect, and honor marriage in first place?

What happen to society if we change meaning of marriage to any 2 people?

Why not allow 3? Why not allow 4? Why not allow 1 husband + 5 wifes? Why not allow 1 wife + 5 husband?
Why not 6 wife? Why not allow brother marry sister? Or bother marry brother? Or father marry
daughter? Why not landlord nd room-renter?

What is the reason to make illegal any of the above?

Many people support same sex marriage because it make them blush and think it's cute, but sometimes do not think about long term impact on society.
Survey that say majority support it? That mean nothing. Majority support no taxes too. Majority think airplanes better than Lifts. All ridiculous ideas.
Majority of young people like Lady Googoo.

[fardel]

"Gays wants to get married for exactly the same reasons straight people want to." spend their life at .......work

[Jason]

Karuna, I say if gay couples want to marry and have to deal with mothers-in-law...then let them!

Gramps, a lot of meat for two "guys?" Would that be Adam and Steve?

[Bianca Schlimm]

Majority also wants death penalty – help!

Impact on society is that many sucessful politicians in Germany are openly gay.

It is a good thing. When you don't have own children, you have quite a lot of time (and money often too).

But now we have our first ASIAN big politician, how fun! Unfortunately he is very wrong party. He's somehow from Vietnam, but of course he is German.

And some straight people also enjoy anal sex. It is not out of this world.

And true: every second wife in Turkey gets beaten badly at home!

[rafanjr]

...Bianca, Germany should be ready with new and outrageous kind of government...thats: Politics Asian Style.

[Bianca Schlimm]

what do you mean? suitcases full of illegal money? we had that and we always will! we are just as banana as any other country!

[Ryo Surbakti]

That's why they invented cloning.

Human will survive.
Scientists/researchers will have as many gays as they want, fully customized.

[supra for boy]

Even if you are the only one who wants to save your troubled marriage you can do it alone once you know what you need to do. So, relax, take a deep breath and let's get started with some things you can do to get started on saving a troubled marriage.