Huge brainwash scheme starts

TVs watched by one in five humans are the tools

QUICK! Switch your brain off! The world’s biggest brainwashing operation has just started. The victims are 20 per cent of Earth’s population. The tool is TV.

The 90^th birthday of the Communist Party of China is coming up in July. But nobody likes communism any more. Not even communists.

So Beijing last week tried to fix the Party’s image by banning the majority of popular TV dramas on every channel in China, and supplying TV stations with a list of “approved” replacement shows.

* All crime stories are banned as there is no crime in China under Party rule.

* All love stories are banned as emotional fulfillment comes only from supporting the Party.

* All stories featuring time travel are banned in case they imply that the universe existed before the Party moved upon the face of the waters and said: “Let there be flags.”
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Viewers who last week switched on their TVs to watch the latest tear-jerking installment of Jade Palace Lock Heart instead found dramatizations of the emergence of modern socialist thought, with their famously stilted bits of dialogue.

“Good morning, comrade, how wonderful to see socialist grassroots movements rising unstoppably from the bowels of the earth!”

“Yes, comrade, long may unstoppable bowel movements continue.”

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The TV drama ban operates on all channels throughout mainland China, although not in Hong Kong or Taiwan, which are considered beyond salvation.

At the same time, 36 “red” songs have been added to music playlists throughout China. Patriotic songs are sometimes so simplistic that they even embarrass toddlers.

Titles include: “Socialism is Good” and “The Cultural Revolution is Just Great”.

Bo Xilai, party chief in Chongqing, defended the move by telling the press: “Only dilettantes prefer enigmatic works.” (So there, fans of Stockhausen or Pink Floyd – you’re just a load of dilettantes.)

Student Jiang Shuai from Southwest University in Chongqing told the Global Times: "I prefer those songs to pop music.” This line surely should get some sort of journalistic award for Least Believable Quote of the Year.
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More believable are the rumors that senior staff at Chinese TV stations are horrified. They fear advertising income will fall since many people will just stop watching TV.

As Confucius said, “You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him sit through a boring TV show, especially if he’s only drinking water.”
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It’s good news for pirates. The people of China are far too smart to sit in front of drivel, and will instead watch pirated movies on DVD or on Tudou, the Chinese copy of YouTube.

A Beijing-born friend was asked by a tourist: “How can the TV authorities be so daft?”

She replied: “They practice a lot.”
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We forecast that these will be the top three drama shows in mainland China over the next three months:

Spongebob Redpants: A talking sponge at the Krusty Krab café tells the denizens of the deep about the glories of Mao Thought.

Baywatch: A group of buxom life guards on a beach reveal that they wear red swimsuits to identify with the struggle of the proletariat masses.

Big Brother: 1.3 billion people are locked into a country where they get only tiny bits of information from the outside world and are constantly monitored day and night.

Hey, wait. That’s not drama, that’s a documentary.
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Technorati Tags: Communist party of china,communism,communist,funny,china,hu jintao,TV,drama,ban,anniversary,90th

Comments

[Ryo Surbakti]

Oplah: a dark-skinned chinese lady with fat ego speaking mainly about herself.
Glee: high school voice assemble singing patriotic 'red' songs and fancily dancing.

Too bad many websites are banned in China. Communism can rule the world again if they have a good hold of Facebook, Youtube and Mr. Jam's blog.

[Paul]

More TV to be included;

Small(minded)ville:
The origin story of a young man who would go on to become the mind of steel.

$#*! My Party Says:
A plot about all of those crazy things the CCP would tweet…if they allowed twitter.

And some film classics to be re-released;

The Red Shoes:
A tale of the heroic proletariat factory worker dedicated to making fashionable footwear at low low prices.

No Trouble in Big China:
A film that has no antagonists and, as a result, no protagonists. You don’t need Jack Burton or Wang Chi…because there is no trouble here.

Hu’s Life It Is, Anyway:
The daily adventures of Hu Jintao, what better programming could there possibly be???

Red Riding Hu:
My my grandmother, what big capitalistic practices you have…
…The better to consume you with.

The Road to Beijing:
Hope and Crosby head to China’s capital. Hope gets lost and Crosby gets stuck in a 9 day traffic jam.

Happy Friday folks :-)

[Nury]

Love them, thanks Paul and Surbakti

[grandpa]

As you may have heard about , this cannot happen in the west
I mean the takeover of So shall istme.
It gets locked up before being e- lected.. with chains
Long liv freedom.. the westarn way

Brainwashed with too much information ...
If you want to keep your sanity .. turn off you TV and stay tuned to Me Jam channel one..The news ..the way people should see them.. uncensored, unfiltered ( as long as you do not use words like ...., like .... lke.....like...)

[Lift Lurker]

F1rst reaction: Why they have no patriotic song about Lifts?

2econd reaction: Thank goodness we live in free world. We can watch TV that is free from brainwashing communist who only wish to control our life for their benefit.

Instead we learn about important facts and scientific knowledge:

- in order to be regular we must eat Brand A for breakfast everyday ('branwashing' )

- we must always look younger than our actual age, so we need to put on Brand B every night on our face

- people will respect us only if we shampoo our hair with Brand C

- and drive Brand D cars otherwise we are not legend.

- we learn that no meal is complete without Brand E cola.

- luckily, we can get Brand E cola together with meals from Brand F

- we learn that our children will only have friends if they dress in Brand G clothes.

Thank goodness for freedom. Where we lead to horse to water, and then make it buy our water.

Th3rd Reaction What so wrong with patriotic song?

Songs touch us and help us express and feel and enjoy our emotion.

When we in love, love songs express our joy.

When we get hurt in love, songs about heartbreak express our sadness and plans to shoot everyone with 12 gauge shotgun.

Religious songs express our longing for
Heaven and Glory and Goodness and Peace (and sometimes fire, and brimstone).

Rock songs express our desire to make nonsense noise like little children.

Western imperialist Rap song express the view that women are beetches and objects (not my view).

Patriotic song express our love of our fatherland and our people. Love of fatherland does not mean hate of reactionary scum countries who will be destroy soon.

(This post officially approved by Communist Party of Liftuania. Approval #45678)

[rafanjr]

...just got off from a wedding reception...weddings....not so much of it happens when there is communism..."will you marry me comrade?" wouldn't be that bad i suppose...

...grandpa, i know you are dismayed at the sight of w-e-d-d-i-n-g... i couldn't find a way to make it blink.

[Bianca Schlimm]

LL:
Need to make liftuanian hymn! really – I will try.

ranfanjr: were you groom or broom? started baby production yet?

Jason: what kind of books do you write?

[grandpa]

rafan
I am not
I loved this proposal, which I thought I posted here ( but which I cannot find back)
Maybe Chaina controls( censorss ) those lines
Here it is again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnVAE91E7kM&feature=aso

[rafanjr]

...bianca: i was a guest, could have been the groom if it wasn't for the groom.

[rafanjr]

...Communism style

...bianca: i was a comrade, could have been the comrade if it wasn't for the comrade.

[Bianca Schlimm]

¿¿she wanted to marry you??
You cubano?
you beat me
:-)

[rafanjr]

...grandpa....you are a badass, how can we ever measure up to our proposals now?

[grandpa]

You cannot..........

[Bianca Schlimm]

and you make everyone cry!

those cruel frenchmen!

nice idea though, you can always come up with other ideas.

R: what do YOU look like?

[grandpa]

He stop it
This proposal was not mine!!!!!!!

Yes Rafan

where is the picture?

[Bianca Schlimm]

He stop what?

I am so dumb, his name is Rafan. Sorry Rafan jr., I am a little blind.

And it was Ram who had no woman yet.