3 new flying animal tales

The world is getting weirder. Here’s proof.

IN THE FEARLESS world of journalism, there are “slow news days”, when nothing at all happens, “heavy news days” when loads of interesting things happen, and “flying cow days” when columnists leap up and dance.

The last of these occurs when readers around the world spot Major News Events of Global Importance for Columnists, which almost always feature a four-legged animal in mid-air.

Woohoo—three arrived in one day, sent in by alert readers.
*
1) A man was driving along a dark road next to a farm last week.

He hit a black cow, causing it to fly over his car. As the cow shot upwards, it peeled back the bonnet, obscuring the windscreen and causing the car to smash into an electricity pole.

A surge of electricity ran down the wires, and made the meters at the ends to explode.

This set fire to the cow shed.

The flames melted a water pipe in the roof.

The water put out the fire.

The whole incident, which took place on Monday last week in the Taranaki district of New Zealand, is the long-awaited “smoking gun” that proves the laws of physics which govern the cartoon world really exist.

Suck on that, non-believers. Cartoons are REAL.
*
2) A dog fell out of a clear sky last week.

The white poodle landed in the grounds of a nursing home in Vancouver, Canada.

Vets bandaged up some broken bones and are hopeful she’ll make a full recovery.

No one knows where she came from, since there were no planes flying overhead at the time.

The main theories are:

a) She was dropped by a giant bird;

b) She ejected from an invisible stealth bomber she was piloting; and

c) She materialized from a parallel dimension in which poodles have invented molecular transporters.

The third option is the most scientific, so is probably the real story.
*
3) A cow who thinks she’s a horse has been leaping over fences and giving people rides.

Luna, a German cow, became a horse-substitute after the parents of 15-year-old Regina Meyer refused to buy her a pony.

Now Regina’s cow is a show-jumping champ. But since cows weigh 600 kilos, everyone’s hoping she doesn’t fall over onto judges pinning dressage medals to her reins.
*
Here in Asia, humans have a long-running love affair with cows, sometimes literally.

For example, Gau Brands, an Indian firm, last week announced that it had turned cow-poo and cow-urine into cosmetic products, including cow-soap and cow-toothpaste.

Consumers are urged to use these in place of soap and toothpaste, items which the company (surprise, surprise) has discovered are extremely harmful to humans.

“It gave me immense satisfaction to learn that people can easily switch over to such [cow-poo] products rather than using products that have harsh chemicals that harm the skin of people,” company representative Dr Pravin Togadia told the Ahmedabad Mirror.

Cow-poo cosmetics also cure cancer, the company claims.

That would be impressive except for the fact that EVERY medical product in Asia cures cancer.

Even Asia-made suicide pills cure cancer.
*
Meanwhile, please continue to tip me off about large airborne quadrupeds.

And if you are planning to go outdoors today, be sure to take a strong umbrella.
*

Technorati Tags: flying cow,luna,regina,showjumping cow,poodle,falling from the sky,falling out of the sky,cow poo,cosmetics,cow urine,India

Comments

[Nury]

Apologies for the "radio silence". Have been running around Singapore and had no access to computers. I loved reading your recent comments though, thank you! I've been hanging out with some amazing people including Angela, and a real live President of a real country. Still, looking forward to getting back to reality... have a great weekend

[Bianca Schlimm]

Nury: What country is really real?

TS: Maybe he ought to expand your Bob stories towards Horst Wessel. He was a real geek. He wanted to be radical, no matter what direction, I read somewhere. He might not have known how to bring a fire about. Or all other sorts of things...
I liked very much that the French in that warfare text took 5 years to learn the bleeding Horst Wessel song!
"Horst" is a synonym for a total idiot.

[grandpa]

Animals can do amazing things
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=minby9c0AlM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DZmgADlW5c&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=max7vGs-qBk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQzUsTFqtW0

[Ryo Surbakti]

this looks like the end of airlines...

[Ram]

Dog doing math...I dont know whether some trick is involved but looks cool...:))

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BFAX55W1TQ&feature=related

[Ram]

@Nury: may be that dog was abducted by a UFO and thrown down later...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZzJGM661D0&feature=related

The UFO could be just an invisible flying vehicle sent by Mcdonalds to abduct cows (as in the video).... probably, they caught a dog unknowingly and so threw it down later...!!!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Can someone tell me please how the self definition of East-Germany (DDR) as "really existing socialism" was translated into English? truly existing?

[Lift Lurker]

Many month ago there is an article in a science magazine.

There is a specialist doctor (real doctor, in Minnesota named Dr Khoruts) who use poo to cure people who are very close to death.

These people are dying because in their stomach and internals the evil bacteria become dominant and cannot be cured by medicine.

What this doctor do is he has a healthy 'poo donor'. This donor produce healthy poo, the doctor mix it with water and make the patient take it.

After 2 days, the patient become healthy again.

This is no joke (<-- and this is no joke).

The reason it work is because the poo drink restore the balance of good and evil bacteria in the human ecological system.

It is true, and I want you all to be aware (it is up to you if you want to practice it).

The two things you need to know: CPR, and how to make poo drink, and you can be life-saver.

[Bianca Schlimm]

This urban life in Montevideo/Uruguay
Maybe my chair is from a fashion horse?

[Chamin]

@Liftie,

Google for NEWater, and you will find that Singaporeans must be the healthiest people on Earth.

[sej]

1. This is proof the idea of the "Better Mouse trap" actually exists.

2. This is evidence of quantum tunnelling. It's a known fact that an electron on one side of a non-permiable barrier can spontaneously appear on the other. It is theorised this can also happen with much larger, more complex objects, but the chances of it actually happening are unbelievably small, however, "unbelievably small" does not mean "impossible"!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Sej:
And what is the theory about why the eletron can permeable the non-permeable? who defined the non-permeable?

does this mean in the long run people can be beambed like Captain Kirk?

[grandpa]

"does this mean in the long run people can be beambed like Captain Kirk?"

No but you can feed a human being with solids at one end ,and get a liquid result at the other one

[sej]

Bianca,

"does this mea ... people can be beamed like Captin Kirk?"

Well, that's the biggest question, isn't it? Some say "yes", most say "no". (Quantum) Teleportation as it currently stands is capable of sending information rather than the object itself, and I think the current limit is about 20km. Teleportation is also a different concept to tunnelling. Teleportation is the sharing of quantum states through entanglement, whereas tunnelling, is the borrowing of energy to pass through a barrier.

Imagine however, that your current body state could be read down to the finest detail. If you had technology capable of doing that, then it stands to reason you have technology of reconstructing the original object. The uncertainty principle says that your current state would be destroyed in the process, so based on these ideas, you would disappear from your first location, and re-materialise at your second destination. I could even see the possibility your "information" could be put on ice, so to speak, and you would re-materialise at some point in the future, possibly thousands of years.

Mind you, I noted recently some thought experiments in which researchers suggest you can actually read the quantum state of an object without destroying the quantum state you are trying to measure, suggesting you could end up with two of you.

"Two" of me, now there's a scary thought!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Sej: To me as a quantun unexpert this sounds a lot like scientist running after reincarnation thoughts!

Maybe we all will experience wild things once we die!

[Dog Lover]

The comments on cow-poo cosmetics was interesting - why not? It's been worm based to this point, maybe a mask of cow products would prove to be a miracle age reducer?

[Vaibhavchadha]

Moraji Desai - Former prime minister of India used to drink his own urine. His first of the morning. Lived to the grand old age of 99.
Cows urine is infact added to a lot of medicines and if applied on the hair sorts out dandruff and hair fall issues.
The most advanced AIDS medicine today contains cow's colostrum although still not a cure it is a step ahead of everything else.
There is a reason Hindus worship cows.

[acidrain]

Bianca: Michael Crichton's "Timeline" explains it nicely for me...