Huge dessert threatens city

 
Amazing true story about killer pudding that caused panic

DANGER. Children and a male were cooking.

Mom fled, having premonitions of disaster.

I couldn’t blame her. Having used every container in the kitchen, I left the room to scour the apartment for vases and toothbrush mugs to press into service.

Big mistake. When I returned, the children were cooking an astonishingly large amount of macaroni.

“We’re hungry,” they said.

I told them that macaroni expanded. A LOT.

Five minutes later, we transferred the overflowing pasta into a larger pot, and then into several huge pots.

Half an hour later, we had enough pasta to feed Italy for a year.

My wife returned, surveyed the damage, and expressed bafflement as to why anyone would want to cook several cubic meters of macaroni.

I suggested we let it harden and then sell it as building material to property developers making stadiums.
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The scene reminded her of a book in the kids’ room, The Magic Cooking Pot, a fairytale about an overflowing porridge pot which floods a village.
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But it reminded me of a true story: the Great Pudding Bomb of Wales. It’s a tale worth repeating.

Your humble narrator spent a year as a student reporter in a harbor city called Cardiff in the UK.

On arrival, locals told me in hushed terms about the day the city was almost engulfed by a giant pudding.

A huge cargo ship from Thailand, carrying timber and 1,500 tons of raw tapioca, arrived at the dockside one day.

(Illustration: The good ship Cassarate)

Sailors told dockworkers the timber had caught fire and been burning for several days.

The fire service arrived and started spraying it with water to put the flames out.

But after hours of soaking, the only development was a series of strange creaking noises from the ship.

Onlookers suddenly realized what was happening. The flames and water had turned the ship into a giant steam oven and were cooking the tapioca, which was expanding into a massive dessert.

“It’s like a huge tapioca time-bomb,” gasped the fire chief.

(Illustration: tapioca pudding)

It became clear that the cargo would turn into the biggest pudding the world had ever seen and either sink the ship or explode out of it, possibly engulfing the city dockyards.

City officials calculated that the dessert would fill more than a million plates.

Police wracked their brains about what warnings should be issued. “Evacuate the district. This is a giant killer dessert warning. Move to higher ground. A very large pudding may be approaching at high speed.”

(I know this sounds like an urban legend, but I swear it’s true.)

In the end, fire-fighters managed to soak the timber and remove it from the ship, halting the cooking of the explosive pudding.
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But back to the present day.

Another food miracle happened:

In just five days, my children and their friends managed to consume that mountain of pasta.

“How can children eat something bigger than they are?” my wife asked.

“Quantum physics,” I replied.

But if there’s ever another giant pudding disaster at sea, I know how to solve the problem.

Make a million plates of dessert vanish? Kids, we have a job for you.
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ON ANOTHER TOPIC…

The world is getting steadily crazier. The evidence is mounting. Readers sent in a host of pics and clips in the last day or two to prove it.

Here’s a selection.

A kid throws a tantrum in the supermarket -- A powerful ad for controceptives! Sent in by Paul.

 

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On the plus side, perhaps kids can save the world? A spoof of Iron Man, starring an Iron Baby (sent in by Paul)

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Here’s a really funny audio clip from comedian Bill Engvall on disciplining kids, sent in by Jason

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The Czech President quietly pockets a nice pen at a press conference – hilarious real-life video sent in by Kavinda. (This one doesn’t embed, so click the link if you want to see it):

 http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-13065038 
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A brave police officer holding a can of pepper-spray backs away as a fearless baby squirrel approaches. Sent in by Grandpa Fardel:

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And here’s one from me. This is a typical moment in the life of a business reporter. The journalist does his job, asking important questions about the current problems of Blackberry, which has been battling with the government of India. The boss of Blackberry is increasingly surly and horrible. (It doesn’t embed so click the link and suffer through the ad to watch it). 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/click_online/9456798.stm
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Thanks for the laughs, guys, have a great weekend.
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Technorati Tags: tapioca bomb,exploding dessert,cardiff docks,cassarate,pudding,engulf,baby squirrel,Blackberry,RIM,Iron Baby,banned condom ad,President,Czech,Bill Engvall

Comments

[Anne]

Wow, I really don't want to buy a Blackberry if I am contributing to that guy;s paypacket, what a monster. (referring to the final video link above)

[Lift Lurker]

At home I have machine to:

- cook rice automatically : rice cooker
- cook bread automatically : breadmaker
- boil water automatically: water jug
- toast bread automatically: toaster

Only thing missing is machine to cook pasta automatically:

- put 1 cup macaroni in slot 1
- put 240 cups water in slot 2
- put 1 tsp salt in slot 3
- put 1 can of tomato sauce in slot 4 (do not include can, dummy)
- put 3tsp olive oil in slot 5
- put 1 cup red wine in slot 6
- put parmesan cheese in slot 6 (warning: mozarella will clog system)
- set timer then click on.
- sit back and relax.

----

Or take US Army solution: MREs for MREs (Meals Ready to Eat for Males Ready to Eat)

[TS]

Ned the Neanderthal and Bob the Sapient hadn't spoken to each other for a long time.
A new invention had come between them, the cooking pot.
Some nomadic people that came through their area showed them a new way of cooking their food. They taught them how to shape clay from the ground into a bowl and then harden it by burning it in the fire.
Filling the pot with water and let it simmer over the fire with some dried meat and vegetables, transformed the food saved for lean times into a feast of a meal.

After some time, Ned had noticed that he was contributing the most to their meals.
Bob had gotten lazy after they started cooking their food in the shared pot and took long naps when he should be hunting or foraging.
In the end Ned made a pot just for himself.

One night as Bob came over to Ned and said "Blimey! I am really sorry it's all me fault. Nuff said, yeah?"
"Gah!" Ned Answered.
Bob continued "Awright geeezzaa! I'll make i' up ter you, I 'ave developed some food what only requires a only bi' ov water ter make a meal worthy ov a... 'ermm... Village Elder. Sorted mate."
Ned: "Gah?"

Only now did Ned notice that Bob hid one hand behind his back.
Bob stretched out the hand he had held behind his back, palm up and showed Ned a small round stone he had been clutching: "Guv'ner, I call it a Soup Stone".

[Bianca Schlimm La Horrible]

I think Bob needs a good kicking by his wife.

wouldn't it be nice if Nury got some big literature prize and would throw a party for his commenters?

or if we could all meet in North Korea and drive those poeple nuts?

[Chamin]

Having seen how reporters distort interviews, quotes people out of context, and behave irresponsibly in situations like the recent quake, I have NO sympathy for reporters any more. The CEO was too nice to him :-p

[Bianca Schlimm]

Chamin, here is the according music:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a-eWFSWf8A&

[sej]

Nury,

Another CEO avoiding answering the question...

http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2011/s3165939.htm

Albeit on a more serious note.

[sej]

You know, if there's one way to go, I think it would have to be...

Death by Dessert!!

[Chamin]

Hi Bianca,

I started watching the video, and the apartment started shaking. A minor earthquake well timed with the video and sound, for a creepy experience.

[Chamin]

@Sej,

That's an interview between a reporter with the short term goal of finding people to blame with sensational news, and a CEO with the short term goal of getting out of the blame game :-p

But I am with the CEO on this one. In crisis situations we cannot just make reporters happy.

[Chamin]

By the way, count me in for helping with the next dessert disaster. I still compete with most kids when it comes to finishing desserts!