Breast milk from cows

This is all going to get very embarrassing

COWS ARE GIVING OUT milk containing human breast milk proteins. A 300-strong herd of cattle has been “biologically re-engineered” in a step towards getting their udders to do the job of female boobs, scientists reported last week.

No doubt textile companies are at this moment racing to create the world’s biggest brassieres.

Until those have been issued and fitted, I suggest red-blooded males avoid visiting farms, in case they see things which cause embarrassment and confused feelings.
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Anyway, this development by the China Agricultural University in Beijing is part of a long-term plan to stop hundreds of millions of mothers having fist-fights over tins of baby milk.

Instead, they’ll whack each other over D-cup cows.
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But here’s a warning. Do not get close to these dangerous, unpredictable beasts (this applies to moms AND cows).

Cows are vicious, unrepentant killers, according to this month’s issue of Popular Mechanics.

In a US survey of human deaths caused by animals between 2003 and 2008, just four victims were killed by sharks, while 108 people lost their lives to cows.

Cows have a unique attack strategy: they fall over on people. A single cow can weigh as much as six human males or half a Kirstie Alley.

After interviewing killer-cattle expert Wayne Sanderson, the magazine says: “If you have a cow or bull that you know to be prone to violent outbursts, Sanderson says, get rid of it.” (The same for spouses.)

Turn it into “a nice steak dinner”, he adds. (Not the same for spouses.)
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Cows are dominating the news.

Last week, the US government released recently unclassified documents which revealed that the FBI believed aliens have been abducting cows.

There’s a video on YouTube (see below) showing a cow being sucked up into the sky by some sort of flying vehicle.

Of course, it could be a Beijing mom ensuring she has her own personal milk supply.

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In India, cows have been revered for centuries.

As recently as the 1960s, the punishment for killing a pedestrian was three months in jail, but anyone who killed a cow would get life imprisonment. (Not a joke.)

The law was changed after officials realized that motorists trying to avoid injuring a cow would be better off driving through a crowd of officials instead.
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And let’s not forget that communists already have their own sacred cow. A Cuban dairy cow called Ubre Bianca (above) was hailed as a “triumph of communism” because she regularly pumped out 100 liters of milk a day, winning a mention in The Guinness Book of Records.

When the cow became too old to give milk, in 1985, the communist party killed her, stuffed her and put her in a glass case.

I just hope the communist party never decides it loves me that much. (Unlikely, thank goodness.)
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As the world becomes globalized, there may be trouble on the horizon. The Maasai tribe of East Africa has an ancient scripture which says all cows on earth are their private property.

I can just see the Maasai turning up at the agricultural university in Beijing with spears and a fleet of trucks, asserting ownership of the enhanced human breast milk cows.

I just hope the bras have arrived by then.
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(Below is a flying cow picture just for Grandpa Fardel:)

Technorati Tags: cows,holy cow,cow bra,breast milk,cows in India,maasai,Ubre Bianca,Beijing Agricultural University

Comments

[grandpa]

Uncle
If this picture is for me, how come I see Liftlurker in the tin can , hanging on cobles?

[grandpa]

Uncle

Isn't this article insulting??
Unlike some spouses,, cows do not let more than one person touch their ............

[grandpa]

I like the article from Popular mechanic

"In fact, the majority of deaths in the CDC study involved older men who had worked with the animals for years."

The statistic does not say if the men were attacked after introducing their newer girlfriend/ mistress to the cow

was that , lust , love or the lack of it?

"Avoid getting into a confined space with cows."
This rule applies to anybody , male or female, especially in elevators

"If you do find yourself staring down an angry cow,run..
This applies to anybody as well
""Don't be afraid to kick, yell, punch, whatever,"

Same here

"Carry a broom. "Not necessarily to smack the cows," Dunn says, "but to make yourself look taller."

What do you mean a broom stick makes you look taller?
where do you put the broomstick to look taller?

What does popular mechanics know about cows and broomstick?
Do new cars lack horsepower that this magazine turns to cows.?

[madcow]

Do I look like a killer , hey

tell me, or else

[Lift Lurker]

Like many times before, Uncle Nury give us glimpse of human future.

When women discover that cows can do the feeding. they begin to not want to do it anymore, in order to preserve the shape of their upper body.

Soon they also demand protection of their lower body shape. They demand that cows will carry the human fetus and give birth to it as well.

Everyone will be born from cows.

And then scientists will discover that people if born from cows are stronger and bigger than those born from human (and also eat more grass).

Then they will ask: What if?

And soon people will be born from different animals

- Those born in cats will have cat-like reflex, very stealthy. Perfect as ninja assassin except cannot be controlled, hate bathing, and like to lick their hands.

- Those born in dog are very friendly and loyal. They like to lick other people in the face instead of shake hand.

- Those born in horse are very strong, can run very fast and have very big teeth. But nice shiny hair. And tail.

- Those born in ducks are very noisy. Many of them get shot. But they don't need umbrellas or raincoat (perfect for UK)

- Those born in lion think they are king. They do not like to work but only grab food from women. Perfect as leaders.

- Those born in pigs are poor people who cannot afford other animal. They are cute and not picky with food at all. You should hear them when they squeal and laugh.

[Paul]

Speaking of cows and milk and such things, this story is now making the rounds on the inter-webs;
Man in Cow Costume Steals 26 Gallons of Milk From Walmart, Because He Can

yes, yes he can. I guess he thought he was being a good Samooritan ;-P

...and whether you are stuck in line for the iPad 2 or stuck to your TV for the Royal Wedding, have a happy Friday folks. ;-)

[Bianca Schlimm]

So Bianca was a LIL overactive because Fidel used to be so sexy.

[Bianca Schlimm]

LL: You know how lions make love? Thy meet for two days and they do it every 30 minutes. You can set your clock to their timing. That sounds Germish to me... do something excessively, on timetable and with a strange air of rationality...

animals always so funny. I love your ducks!

[Bianca Schlimm]

Two Sa'idi are sick of being treated as the blondes of the arab world. They migrate to India. When they arrive they are greeted with bowing. One says: "See, they like us better here."
Other: (or someone else?): "They worship cows."

[Bianca Schlimm]

about jumping:

A plane is about to crash. There are five people left on board but only 4 parachutes.
First: "I am Michael Jordan, world famous basketball guy. My team needs me, let me go please."
Off he jumps.
Second: "I am Hillary Clinton. I am a very ambitious lady, the world needs me please let me go."
Off she jumps.
Third: "I am George Bush jr. I am the most powerful and intelligent man in the history of Umrica. Maaa country needs me."
He adjust the belt and off he jumps.
The pope is left and a student.
The pope is being nice and offers to sacrifice his life for the student: "Take the last parachute and have a nice life young man."
The student grins: "Don't worry. There are two parachutes left. The most intelligent man in Umrican history has just jumped off with my backpack.

[Bianca Schlimm]

Two bedouins are laying on their backs. They are gazing at the stars.
"What do you see?"
"Many stars I see."
"And what does this mean to you?"
"It means there are things out there, a meaning beyond and..."
"You foolish idiot. It means our tent has been stolen!"

[sej]

A friend of mine many years ago was actually hurt quite badly when she got squashed between a cow and a barbed wire fence after the cow got spooked by something... A 60kg girl doesn't mean anything to a 900kg cow.

[Yummy Mummy]

I used to think that Mr Lift Lurker was completely insane.

Now I know for sure. His essay above made my mouth drop.

What do you have to ingest to make your mind work like that?

[grandpa]

@ sej
Your friend did not know that the barbed wire is supposed to be between the cow and her, not the way around ?!?!

[sej]

Grandpa,

At the time, it surprised me too as she had more or less grown up on a cattle stud.

However, I guess as the saying goes, "familiarity breeds contempt."

[Lift Lurker]

Yummy,

I eat a lot of German cheese when I was little. That is what I ingest. I think most of it still in me.

I only extend Uncle Nury's ideas to the excessive rational Germish conclusions.

---
grandpa, I do not know if the balloon cow is Lift or evil airplane. I am feeling confused.

[Angela]

germish is germanish?

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how an article about cow's milk turned to a discussion on love and lust? you people are pervs!!

[TS]

I remember seeing Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for the first time. Unlike the TV series the babe, Kirstie Alley, wasn't scantly clad or romantically involved with either Kirk nor with Spock.
But to a geek she was really really hot, even without showing much skin. With her good looks, those pointy ears completed the dream of the ultimate girl for a confused nerd with hormones in overdrive. A female driven by logic.

Of course, if Kirstie Alley was offered a role in a Star Trek movie today, it would be as the Enterprise itself.

[Lift Lurker]

Bianca start this.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: Hundreds of stars
Holmes: What can be deduce from that?
Watson: It's a whole universe out there.
Holmes: It means someone stole our tent!

--
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: Hundreds of stars
Holmes: What can be deduce from that?
Watson: Someone stole our tent
Holmes: It means you did not put up the tent!

--
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: Hundreds of stars
Holmes: What can be deduce from that?
Watson: But I put up the tent...
Holmes: It means you are lying outside the tent!

--
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: No stars!
Holmes: What can be deduce from that?
Watson: We are both lying inside the tent.
Holmes: Excellent! Now get out of my tent! Sleep in you're own tent!

--
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: No stars!
Holmes: What can be deduce from that?
Watson: I am lying in my own tent?
Holmes: It mean it's morning! Go make breakfast.

--
Sherlock Holmes and Watson were lying on the ground:

Holmes: Watson, look up in sky. What do you see?
Watson: Holmes, look in my hand. What do you see?
Holmes: A gun!
Watson: What can be deduce from that?
Holmes: I need to shut up.
Watson: Elementary my dear Holmes.

[Bianca Schlimm]

LL: I am bowing (down?)!

(you use your verbs like a "black" man from Arkansas by the way)

next movie please: the lion in the jungle, Hercule Poirot and Mrs. Marple

In one movie Poirot says that it is absolutely necessary that a woman listens to what a man says., in German expression: that he should "keep his pants on"

[rafanjr]

"Soon they also demand protection of their lower body shape. They demand that cows will carry the human fetus and give birth to it as well.

Everyone will be born from cows."

...Liftie,
very precise prediction...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E-pHMN4DyA

[grandpa]

"Cows have a unique attack strategy: they fall over on people"

Not true any longer

As you will see in the following video

It happened in Mexico ( I believe)
The employee was watching Jacky Chan movies on his I pad instead of feeding and caring for the animal

He did not that "cows have a mind of their own"

The toro learned a trick which succeeded, as you will see

Please look at the precise position of the hooves, and the elegant move after that....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZmrdCqm4_c&feature=related

[grandpa]

" A 300-strong herd of cattle has been “biologically re-engineered” in a step towards getting their udders to do the job of female boobs, scientists reported"

That's bulls....t as you will see

The process started more naturally as you will see in this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXx5nEX0yok&feature=related

[Bianca]

Ay – que toro más cariñoso!

[Bianca]

http://tinypic.com/r/2l8cb9h/7

time to let you know what I look like

[grandpa]

Bianca

Are you Lift Lurker twin sister?
The invisible family?

[Angela]

Inspired my sherlock holmes, I will say that Bianca lives on the second floor, at least not the ground floor, because of the floor tiles :-)

At least one cow was killed to make her chair.

[Chamin]

I don't care, I want to be reborn from a cat! :-p

[Chamin]

Hey Bianca, the Maasais are coming with spears and a truck to take your chair!

[Bianca]

Angela: second floor is correct!

But no cow killing, that stuff is fashion cow

[peekaboo]

hahahaha... OMG i can't stop laughing.