Diworsification by Lift Lurker

 
These days you can get anything at the corner store

ASIA’S GET-RICH SECRET is out: extreme diversification.

In India, temples offer religion and aerobics.

In Hong Kong, I saw a shop selling earrings and apartments.

In Indonesia, village stores offer bags of hot tea and deeds for uncultivated land.

This is seriously bad news for impulse buyers such as this columnist’s wife. “I only meant to pop out for some eggs but I bought East Kalimantan.”

Fortunately, I now have a simple method to deal with this sort of problem. You simply leave the product unmolested and immigrate to another country.
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A Cambridge University survey revealed last week that religious organizations in India now offer cow-lending, computer classes and fitness programs. (Probably all at once.)

But this goes against teachings at MBA schools.

A businessman to whom I forwarded the report was skeptical, saying that he spelt “diversification” as “diworsification” because it usually made things worse.

His example: Walt Disney made a movie about a dog called Old Yeller, and then licensed the production of some sort of meat-related substance called “Disney’s Old Yeller”.

He said: “It’s pet food. But everyone who sees it says the same thing—ewww, who would want to eat chunks of dog?”

I was wondering whether to point out that this is Asia, where some people DO eat chunks of dog.

But instead I made a mental note to tell my neighbor Jim Leung (who works for Walt Disney Co.) to get his colleagues to sell Old Yeller in this region, and pay me a big fat commission.
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There was a much more positive reaction from reader Lift Lurker, also known as Otis Schindler.

This Asia-born elevator engineer reckons that extreme diversification is a great way to grow businesses, and came up with some creative predictions.

1) Asia’s top spicy sauce company will eventually launch a line of “Lee Kum Kee French Colognes”.

The Parisian perfumeries will fight back with “Chanel Fish Sauce No. 5” and “X.O Sauce by Dior”.

2) Beer-brewers will expand their market to lower age groups. “Miller Beer will launch infant baby milk formula with the slogan ‘It's Miller Time every three hours’, while Carlsberg will use the slogan ‘Probably the best baby food in the world’,” he said.

 

3) Refusing to take this lying down, baby food giant Gerber will move up the age range with “Gerber Cigars and Cigarettes”.

Philip Morris will launch “Marlboro Pacifiers” (menthol, filter-tipped).

The world’s best known lingerie firm will announce a chain of “Victoria's Secret Kindergartens and Youth Camps”.

4) Along with books and household items, Amazon.com will introduce an Armaments category in a bid to get a slice of the defense industry pie, offering one-click ordering. “Your cart contains two tanks, a stealth bomber and an aircraft carrier.”

Among the top sellers will be a newly diversified product from Japan: Cannons by Canon.

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I should point out that Lift Lurker, while clearly mad, is worth humoring, since his flights of fancy inevitably contain good ideas.

For example, he recommended that the company which invented jeans go into the babywear business. “They can cover the bottom end of the market with Levi’s 501 blue denim nappies,” he said.

Amazing but true: blue denim nappies are already in production in several countries.

Technorati Tags: denim daiper.amazon arms,armazon.amazon armaments,miller time,old yeller,lift lurker,levi's 501,diversification

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(Credits: Fishmarket illustration from here)

Comments

[Drinker]

I'd like a denim daiper for Friday nights. Do they come in large sizes, for an adult male aged 43?

[Dancer Arroyo]

This is not new. My uncle has already been doing extreme diversification for years. His 'company' offers the Feng Shui reading, CDs of buddhist chants in heavy metal and football training.

[Lift Lurker]

I just try to order aircraft carrier.
Delivery estimate is 18-20 years. I choose to have it sent bundle with a book on cross-stitch. Save on postage.

--

Whoever do your photos is a genius.

[grandpa]

We shall never complain enough about the medias , their biased ways and forgetful manners
The following article is missing the point
It should start like this

"The world should thank an international blog,based in Hong Kong:
A passionate group of highly skilled technicians teased one another into the most formidable project since the invention of the wheel......."
please read the rest of the news here:

http://www.solarimpulse.com/common/documents/news_affich.php?lang=es&group=news&IdArticle=78

[Angela]

There is actually a perfume called seven dwarves. You spray it on in the morning before going to work. By five o'clock when you time out, you'd be smelling like the one dead dwarf. My father told me this when I asked if the people on the bus complained about his cologne.

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Diversification is a new concept in the west only. In Asia we call that common business sense.

I offer copywriting and babysitting services. I also teach Bahasa Indonesia and collect your pawn items with lost tickets.

[Nury]

Angela, I could use two of your skills at once -- you can write my articles and baby-sit me at the same time!

Grandpa's link leads to a very controversial article -- it says that Schindler, the top elevator maker, is sponsoring a new aircraft. Finally peace may break out between the pro-lift and the pro-aircraft lobby.

Dancer, I can't quite imagine heavy metal Buddhist CDs -- definitely mind-blowing.

Liftie, great ideas, we should really do a TV segment on this....

[sej]

Angela,

I'd go a step further, and suggest diversification isn't really here in the West yet.

In the management school world, it's common knowledge that research showed supermarkets sold more beer if they put it next to their stock of nappies and baby food.

So, I've always wondered why then, don't grog shops stock the baby essentials - food and nappies. Surely, the extra lines would help support their core business, if nothing else?

[Bianca Schlimm]

how did that song go?

"One (beer) for you and one for me
money doesn't grow on trees
but babies come from ladies"

[grandpa]

Grandma is also a breakfast consultant.
I can testify about that

[Bianca Schlimm]

Angela, this is so funny: perfume dead dwarf. have you got other "wordings" for terrible perfumes?

grumpy old humourless Germ(an)??

[Lift Lurker]

When i was 13, my friends use to play "stretch the brand name" game to see how far we can get brand to diworsify.

So we come up with ideas like: "Colgate Ice Cream", or "Kraft Business Suits" or
"IBM Peanut Butter" or "Sony Fine Jewellery" or "Nescafe Shampoo"
"3M Chicken Marinade" or "Toyota Bridal Gowns" or "Microsoft Ramen"

It was good way to stretch your brain and make it snap.

[Denise]

You played the game a long time and your brain definitely snapped, Lift Lurker.....
..... in a good way!

[Samu Thangadurai]

denim nappies is nice idea i don;t think it's available in market ..

[vermogensbeheerder]

This is a call for great responsibility. Media and freedom of expression are conflicting theories that other overused. There are also instances that freedom of expression is used as their excuses. But in general there has to be right advertisement to the right product. That is why there is what we call censorship.

[TS]

What about a Jewish chapter of Hitler Jugend?

Joke aside. I was once on a camping trip around Germany with a friend. We were totally baffled by some of the shops selling two or more product lines with absolutely no common denominator at all.
I would like to give some funny examples, but I'm drawing a blank.
Maybe some German readers can enlighten us? If they have noticed the weirdness themselves, it's always difficult to see these things when they have been around you all your life.

[Germ Schlimm]

what is a demoninator?
kinky stuff?

I'd prefer nappies called "bud wiser"

I have a craving for beer ever since I read about the nappies next to the beer.

[Germ Schlimmer]

sorry, denominator

and I want a bottle of Chamin Nr. 1
extra large

and a Bernard and Bianca Burger
extra small

[Bianca Schlimm]

I know you guys in Asia are sleeping now.

I have to tell you about the weirdest thing in Germ.Any though.

Every little garden in Germany is regulated to the limit. (Because Germans tend to get very nervous about their neighbors and how they grow their trees, the shade of sun that remains etc., murderous business) Tons of laws.

But the nuclear plants, they SUDDENLY have to be checked. Why would that be? Do they really think a tsunami would suddenly hit middle Europe??
How great that we have a chanceloress that has a PHd in physics. She just recently realized there is something with radiation going on in nuclear plants.

ok, sleep well.

[Lift Lurker]

says that Schindler, the top elevator maker, is sponsoring a new aircraft

grandpa, this is like the Hitler / Stalin treaty that carve up Poland. Now this two are carving up sunlight. In the psychic word of the Independence Day alien: No peace!

[Ram]

Here is a perfect example for extreme diworseification... introducing Apple iWater...
http://img38.imageshack.us/i/iwater.jpg/

[rafanjr]

...diversification is great for consumers who like signature labels

...adidas lovers will be preping themselves all in with three stripes... and feed their babies with three striped food

...nike dudes will be doning checked apparrel...and eat check mark shaped cereals

...ecko buyers will be happy in rhinoceros computers

...lacoste enthusiasts will ride a crocodile car

[Ram]

In India, many things come in packages...

marriage + a huge amount of dowry (still not satisfied with and keeps pestering the girl leads to DIVORCIFICATION)

religious teachings in ashrams + sexual harassment (well, there are good ashrams too...but becoming more difficult to identify the good ones from the bad) - may lead to DIEWORSEIFICATION

and many more... Afterall, its the land of UNITY IN DIVERSITY...

[Bianca Schlimm]

Ram, did you paint the Apple water with Indesign??

I need to water my imac. Please send a couple of bottles to the land of fruits and nuts (California).

[Ram]

@Bianca - well, In(ternet)Design(ed)... Just stole someone's idea...

Land of Fruit and Nuts???

[Bianca Schlimm]

That is s US-joke about gays in California, fruits. nuts are crazy folks. of course, absolutely no offense meant!

I like apple water...I'm kind of an apple freak, but I heard they also exploit chinese workers for the ipad. don't need ipad.

[Bianca Schlimm]

#TS. My comment to you disappeared. I looked up denominate in the dictionary.
Now I think you were wondering about "no name" products that do have all the same name, such as the name of the supermarket or simply YES. for clever consumers who pay less.

[Lift Lurker]

So, I've always wondered why then, don't grog shops stock the baby essentials - food and nappies.

sej, how come it sound worse if baby shop start stocking beer?

Bianca, I saw your blog. Very philosophical oriented. Who are you?

[TS]

@Bianca Schlimm

I was actually thinking about hardware shops that also sell bananas. Hunting and fishing shops that also sells pets (in there you can shoot fish in a barrel for real!). Auto dealers with an in-store bakery.

These are not real, but it should give you an idea of what we experienced on our German holiday.

[Bianca Schlimm]

Lift L. what do you mean who I am? you mean real name?
give me your email and I'll tell you. who are YOU?

TS: so strange are the shops here?

[Lift Lurker]

Bianca, not your real name, just rank and serial number.

Or maybe what you do? Are you writer?

[Bianca Schlimm]

It's all written there truthfully. I have to look for a new job after 15 years of being an editor for radio programmees. I am also a sciologist but never worked as one. And a big reader.

And you are really a rather old man who worked at an airport?

the "human brain as a tunnel" is really philosophie of latest style. the philosopher who said it like that is called Thomas Metzinger and he takes a close look at brain research.

[Lift Lurker]

And you are really a rather old man who worked at an airport?

Yes, very old. (but I think you are thinking of my grandpa?)

[Bianca Schlimm]

How old? and what country?

[Lift Lurker]

It's a place call Liftuania. We don't publish GPS location so we cannot be target by cruise missiles from grandpa's airplanes.

[Bianca Schlimm]

Oui, je comprends. Ils sont fous les grand-pères. Ils mangent des grenouilles.

[Naren]

Well, come to Singapore, and you have Singapore Post selling pot, pans, and even laptops, and a whole lot more, while you buy your stamps ..!!!

[grandpa]

come to my shop
I sell model planes, but I can give you flight training,and teach you how to
-cook frog legs
- raise a child
- find you way to (from) Asia
- avoid a divorce
- predict weather
- grow tomatoes
- repair you car
and much more ( if you are a female and pretty)

[Somovalay]

Absolut ist mit Ihnen einverstanden. Darin ist etwas auch die Idee gut, ist mit Ihnen einverstanden.

[EnsuexyEvesse]

Entschuldigen Sie, dass ich mich einmische, aber meiner Meinung nach ist dieses Thema schon nicht aktuell.

[micyraivy]

Ich tue Abbitte, dass sich eingemischt hat... Mir ist diese Situation bekannt. Geben Sie wir werden besprechen.

[grandpa]

And you are really a rather old man who worked at an airport?

Yes, very old. (but I think you are thinking of my grandpa?)"

Yes LL works on an airport,
in a control tower
as a staircase
When he grows up ,he may become an elevator