Asians and the S word

Now here’s one real difference between West and East

A NEWLY WED BRIDE on honeymoon put on her sexiest clothes. Her husband reacted in the obvious way---he went home and filed for divorce, alleging "mental cruelty."

Huh? It may seem illogical, but remember: this is Asia.

At a court in New Delhi, the man's lawyer told district judge Manmohan Sharma: "During their honeymoon, she dressed herself in a very vulgar manner."

Shocked, the judge granted the divorce at once, visions of full-frontal nude ankles scandalizing his imagination.
*
I shared this recent news item at an international business conference. Western executives were amazed. "If Asian women want to inflict this type of mental cruelty on you, send them to us," they said. "We'll suffer on your behalf."

Hey, thanks, guys!
*
But reflecting on this issue later, I realized that we Asians better face the hard truth about ourselves.

Deep down, many of us don't like sex.

Our region is ALWAYS last in the Durex global survey of sexual well-being.

Last month, the Mainichi Daily News reported that more than a third of Japanese boys aged 16 to 19 and 59 percent of girls of the same age were "indifferent or averse" to having sex, according to a survey.

David McNeill, a journalist working in Japan, was amazed. "Where I grew up in Ireland, teenagers thought about little else."
*
The debate reminded me of a case I once reported on in rural China in which a couple complained that they had no children after five years of marriage.

The doctor asked: "How often do you have sex?"

The couple replied: "Sex? What's that?"
*
Maybe that's the problem. In many Asian countries today, sex education is strictly illegal. Instead, we have to learn about sex from the internet, and so we get put off by all the tentacles and uniforms and stuff.
*

*
One Canadian executive at the business conference asked: "If Asians don't like sex, how do you reproduce?"

Asians have three main methods, I told him.

1) Mosquito Pollination. A mosquito stings a guy, collects male chromosomes, and then stings a woman.

2) Cell Division. This is a convenient asexual reproduction technique, triggered by the powerful chemicals in chicken tikka masala. Men who wish to avoid getting pregnant avoid this dish.

3) Spore Transmission. Asian men release millions of tiny fluffy seeds which float through the air and impregnate women. "If you ever see a woman running down the street in Asia, look out for fluffy spores pursuing her," I said.

(I love talking to Westerners about Asian culture as they never know which bits to believe.)
*
After the conference, eight of us went down to the hotel bar for a drink. A trio of young women, as beautiful as they were unobtainable, tottered by unsteadily, their feet clamped in gruesome instruments of torture (designer shoes) for which they had paid small fortunes.

The guys instinctively pulled in stomachs and stopped breathing until they had left.

Sighing, the Canadian said: "Actually, the Asian male definition of women in sexy clothes as `mental cruelty' does kind of make sense to me."
*

Comments

[Paul]

At first glance, I kept thinking this article was called Asians and the Sword. It was only till I was about half way in that I realized there were no swords to be found in this article and that my brain, in its haste to consume Uncle's latest writing, had tragically omitted the requisite space. I fully blame the recent fetish film SUCKER PUNCH for my fixation. ;-p

However, once I got further into the article I was reminded of an old article from the China Daily back in 2004 that claimed some astounding figures. A survey was conducted by Durex (maker of condoms in Asia)...
...who of course have no vested interest in convincing people that everyone is actually having more sex, and it found that, "Chinese has on average 19.3 partners toping the sex league table where an worldwide average number is just 10.5...".

It does go on to admit that the survey is skewed because it was limited to Internet users only. But I still have my doubts about the figures, because as we all know Internet addiction in China is a huge problem…and, with all those blogs to write and comment on, how would Internet folks ever have the free time for sex???

;-)

CHINA DAILY ARTICLE

[Irene]

Thanks Nury for today's article. Very funny!! Maybe the Chinese still believe in the stork bringing the babies. But judging by the population in Asia, that's one busy bird, no wonder he is 5 years late.

[Dancer Arroyo]

Hey where is that place in the last pic? Seems like a good vacation spot.

[Jason]

Back in my single days, I was quite happy at the malaise and the lack of prowess in the local male community and I was happy to pick up the slack and do my bit to bolster Canadian pride. :)

You have to wonder how Indians and Chinese managed to have 2 billion people though. As Russell Peters said, "Reproduction in India is not a problem. If one child is bad, I'll get rid of him, have another and tell him what an idiot the last one was."

Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad.

[grandpa]

Arrgh ......westerners..
Big mouth ,,little.....
I remember in a previous life, I was askied to drive ( in my horizontal high altitude elevator) rich guys to a neighboring country for a sex party..

We ended up in the most famous place of the area, with topless, bottomless waitresses.
the guys were screaming whow! whaw!
"I shall take this one .. hugh no, this one; no you take this one and leave this one to me
"
By the time they made up their mind and chose (oops were chosen) , they were so drunk that they could not get up.
They did not remember how to find the door out either ...the girls had to carry them.

Next morning , i had t send for a cab to pick them up..
they had lost their........ money in the process, all of it.

The last thing they remembered was when the stripper started to "officiate"a the second pina colada " my recipe in another column)
......after that, they navigated in heavy fog... rocking in heavy seas

But when they got back home , they boasted to everybody about the best sex time of their life.
I wonder how they managed..
As we all know , too much booze make the ........"disappear"

I wonder too , why they never got children..?!

Sex is like happiness ,or like being rich : every guys talks about it, but only a few know what they talk about about ...

[Khaos99]

Sex. To the adult Asian, that three letter word is taboo. But to us youngsters, its kinda normal. Considering the guys watch porn in class and the girls watch porn at home. Liberated teen-aged male species of the Asian genus are quite a norm. Especially in Malaysia.

[Jason]

"Sex is like happiness ,or like being rich : every guys talks about it, but only a few know what they talk about about"

And thats why Grandpa and I are opening a school to teach those who don't know! What's that saying, those who can do; those who can't, teach! :p

[Bianca Schlimm]

I don't like sex either.

too dangerous - when you are past 40 you have to do terrible stretchings before in order to be able to keep on walking.

[Bianca Schlimm]

When a woman says "no"
it means "I don't want sex now."

When a woman says "I have a headache"
it means "I certainly want sex now but not with you."

[Lift Lurker]

You have to wonder how Indians and Chinese managed to have 2 billion people though

If you seen how beautiful their women are, you understand why there's 2 billion of them

[rafanjr]

...asian men not liking sex and the huge asian population is such a striking irony.

...asian men don't like talking about sex and prefers doing it. (the big difference to westerners: they talk a lot about it, video tape it, share videos about it... all for bragging and not the actual performance... just being too showy)

...the bottom line: asian men have sex and aversely talk about having done it, and they do it to asian women who equally like doing it but equally does not like bragging about it.

[Karuna aka Kaye Moreno]

Malaysian comedy of a china man discussing about having better sex
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jnUbEDWDs0

[ape]

Heard about the 60+ yrs old couple still enjoying oral sex along the corridor? Whenever they pass each other one would say 'f*** you' with the other responding in kind 'f*** you, too'.

[Peter W]

I was much inspired by your sense of humor when you demonstrated the difference between West and East in the above article by quoting an isolated case of an Asian husband winning a divorce at a New Delhi Court against his wife for putting on sexiest clothes during their honeymoon.

Still I can’t help doubting the Durex global survey of sexual well-being supplemented
by the Mainichi Daily News report about Japanese teenage boys and girls’ indifference and aversion to having sex.

It may be true that sex education is still illegal in many Asian countries.. But insofaras China, which has the biggest world population, is concerned, its sage Confucius stressed sex and large families as human nature, singling out “no posterity” as the biggest filial impiety.

Sex education may be considered illegal in some Asian countries, but in China the Su Nu classics with a comprehensive view of sex behaviour may rival even the Western sexology.

Obviously you’re perfectly right in quoting some of the Western sex surveys, but you’ll probably agree that all the male species in the world take the same sex attitude, given the high popularity of books, magazines, novels and movies about the subject. Ask any ladies, West or East, if they agree that all males are obscene or promiscuous. In fact, with a high content of male hormones, experience shows their sex life persists as long as they live. Correct me if I'm wrong!

[Peter W]

The fact that some rich HK business or gambling magnates maintain a number of concubines speak for themselves.

[Christyn Rana]

The mosquito pollination and cell division, yes i believe you. Check out the 2 most populated countries on earth. Here's a further proof if Singapore eased up on exterminating the poor mosquitoes every other day then surely the birth rate in singapore will start increasing.

[grandpa]

tap.........tap...........tap..taptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptaptap Hiiiii

A rabbit having sex ( or accountant, CEO..businessman)

[grandpa]

It is strange that you mention India this way.
In the west , Kama Sutra is considered the ultimate guide to sexual relationship

[awesomescope]

With the picture, I think the male brain should have larger areas for sex and beer

[Vaibhavchadha]

@fardel

Although we are the country that spawned the Kama sutra, the S word is generally frowned upon.
However this is a true story
a pizza delivery guy in Banglore was raped by 4 women