Eight ways to be a Tiger Mom

I only call you garbage because I love you

ASIAN KID LIVING in London enters home. His school friends shout: “Happy birthday! Surprise!”

The kid continues on his way to his room, saying: “I have homework. Enjoy the party. I may join you later.”

That’s a true story. That kid was me. I wasn’t being obnoxious. Asian kids are rigidly conditioned to

a) study;

b) have bad haircuts;

c) like maths; and

d) eat foods that other kids find disgusting like dried squid or sliced, char-grilled dissident.

My upbringing did me no harm at all, except to turn me into the drooling, unstable, gun-polishing, stairwell-lurker that I am today.
*
Then I moved back to Asia and these days half the moms I know are Tiger Moms (a term popularized by US monster-mom Amy Chua), while others take a kinder, gentler stance. Let’s compare them.

1) What do you ask when you meet your child’s teacher?

Nice Mom:

“Is my daughter happy?”

Tiger Mom:

“Is my daughter top of the class?”

2) What do you say when your child brings home a finger-painting?

Nice Mom:

“Lovely! This blob looks like a cloud and this one looks like a rabbit.”

Tiger Mom:

“Eww! Horrible! This looks like a CHILD painted it.”

Nice Mom to teacher:

“She loves art. Can you cultivate those skills?”

Tiger Mom to teacher:

“She loves art. Can you beat that out of her? Here’s a stick.”

3) What guidance do you give the child about life?

Nice Mom:

“Eat your vegetables and grow up big and strong.”

Tiger Mom:

“You must try try try to succeed. Even then you’ll probably fail. Life is HARD.”

4) How do you handle work-life balance?

Nice Mom:

“After your homework, we’ll go to the playground.”

Tiger Mom:

“Work work work. Even then you probably fail. Life is HARD.”

5) How do you help her chose a career?

Nice Mom:

“So, sweetheart, do you still want to be a dancer or a singer or a princess?”

Tiger Mom:

“You can choose from this list: doctor, medical practitioner, surgeon or physician.”

Nice Mom:

“What’s important is to do what you love.”

Tiger Mom:

“You gotta earn a lot of money so you can look after me when I’m old. Life is HARD.”

6) How would you help your child learn a poem?

Nice Mom:

“Let’s make up a funny limerick.”

Tiger Mom:

“If you have to memorize something, here’s the Periodic Table.”

7) What do you say to her father?

Nice Mom:

“Good news, she’s making friends.”

Tiger Mom:

“Bad news, she’s making friends.”

8) What do you say at the parent-teacher conference?

Nice Mom:

“We want her gently stretched without being intimidated.”

Tiger Mom:

“Can you guarantee she’ll get straight As? Before you answer, I want you to know that I have a gun and it’s loaded.”
*

Which do I recommend? Neither. I’m a guy. Men play no part in this decision. Amy Chua lives in the west with a Caucasian husband but her kids are raised Asian-style. Your humble narrator lives in Asia with a Caucasian wife, but our kids are raised Western-style.

You see, moms may come in two flavors. But female spouses only come in one flavor: Tiger Wives. When it comes to family decisions, women rule.
*
 

Technorati Tags: amy chua,nury vittachi,tiger mom,asian education,chinese education

(Illustrations from memegenerator.net. Pix in video from Petr and Vera Kratochvil)

Comments

[grandpa]

First time I hear of Amy Chua.
I went on the internet to know more:
A third generation American for chinese origin, she is a bright successful mother and top teacher, in a top university..
Un-surprisingly ............
.for the US medias , she is still
a Chinese , she is not considered a full american ...............yet........;

[grandpa]

The turtoise and the hare XXI century edition...

Once upon a time in the west , there was a family of hare..
mummy hare, daughter hare,and sonny hare ......
They were so beautiful
with their long ears
With their soft fur
With their long legs.

Not far from there lived a family of turtoise :Mummy turtoise, daddy turtoise, daughter turtoise, and sonny turtoise

They were courteous
courageous
and laborious

Mother hare would spend hour
after hour
in front of her mirror
polishing her nails
to be the best- looking
hare
in the west

Her children would spent their time, taking a rest
Weren't they the best?
Mother hare would not spare compliments
to her children
"I love you....
You are so beautiful
so plump

Do not kill yourself at work
We are the best
We are the hares from the west"

Mummy turtoise adored
her children,
Who would help her with her chores
After learning old traditional
defense techniques
from daddy turtoise..

They were not famous
for sweet talking....
But they would give their most
to educate their offspring

"You are not the fastest,
nor the prettiest...
But we love you none the less..;
Be always prepared ...

Be always at your strongest
Be always at your top shape
But have no fear
We shall always be near"

All the while , a disaster was spreading through the whole world.
A hungry tiger family moved in
Mummy tiger, daddy tiger , daughter tiger and sonny tiger..

"Take cover" ordered father turtoise to his family
"Oh my God!
I love you" screamed mother hare to her family

"We love you" too said mummy tiger,adding:

You were right.......
You were definitely the best-looking plump hares
from the west.

[rafanjr]

...in asia, we also have tiger teachers, tiger policemen, tiger salesclerk, tiger waiters, tiger neighbors, tiger friends, tiger enemies, tiger politicians, tiger bosses, tiger bones, tiger hide, tiger organs, tiger shirts, tiger underwear, tiger gowns, tiger medicine, tiger balms, and best of all large, magnificent, rare, hunted, tigers...

...these are things that make asians tough.

[rafanjr]

...but im happy tiger mom was not my mom, and i would not wish any child would have tiger for a mom.

[Elaine]

Like your tortoise story Grandpa!

Mr J. i think this is the first time that you did a video that is exactly the same word for word as the column. it means that if i can read if i am feeling awake, can just watch if i am feeling lazy. nice to have a choice.
I feel lazier and lazier these days.
But its good that the comments haven't changed, always some good ones here.
One day I will think of something clever and witty to say myself. Give me time!

[TS]

Child: Dad, can I have a cookie?

Dad: Uh oh, I'm not sure if mom would be happy about that, you'd better ask her.

Child: Mom, dad said I could have a cookie if it was alright with you.

[grandpa]

@rafanjr

You forgot tiger Airways
@Lift Lurker
Are you sick?

[Lift Lurker]

Thanks to Amy Chua I now understand my 8-year old daughter is not insane, but simply Tiger Daughter.

Like many children she like to read. She spend two hours every day reading. She read four graduate school level books per hour.  

Or three if she has to make corrections and write to admonish the author ("Dear Professor: which diploma mill did you get your PhD?").

When I saw her studying hard, I ask: Are you hoping to get all A's?

She said: "(sigh) No Dad.  Remember?  I intend to skip two grades again this year."

When she quit her piano class, I ask: Are you tired of piano?  

She said: "Duh. No, the teacher ran out of piano pieces.  I can already play
Rachmaninoff while on life support. "

"And don't get me started on that
bubble gum children's song pop composer Mozart. I only need 4 fingers to play his tinny Concertos. Piano is boring. And nothing is fun if you're very good at it."

When she cried because she got rejected at MIT, Harvard, and Stanford, I ask: "Insane daughter, did they reject you because you are too young?"

She said: "No Dad, they reject my application to study there. They don't want me to be student in their school -- they want me to teach there!  But I'm
8 years old! I'm tired of teaching! Boo-hoo-hoo"

When I saw her editing an encyclopedia in the internet, I ask: "Abnormal eldest daughter, are you
editing Wikipedia?"

She said "No, this is Encyclopedia Britannica.  I hack into it.  I need to correct some of their time travel articles. People are not going to make it back to the present if they follow the trash written here. Unbelievable."

I now remember when she was 7 months in her mother's womb.  When she
was kicking, there was always pattern: "light-heavy-heavy-heavy light...."

Only know we learn it was Morse code saying: Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!" She found it hard to forgive us.

Yesterday she said, "Dad I want to assemble my own iMAX 3D HD LED TV.  Can
you buy these assorted components for me?"

I remember Amy Chua rule, so I said: "No! No TV! "  I don't want her to ruin her life.

[sheilajade]

Judging from your past commentaries here Liftlurker, i guess it is pretty much obvious where your daughter took up her "tiger-ness" from......

Validated by your last statement...

"I remember Amy Chua rule, so I said: "No! No TV! " I don't want her to ruin her life."

I thought my father was only tiger father id know..

[Subir Das]

A couple went to a shop to buy a curtain. After trawling through the pile of curtains, the wife chose one. Her spouse couldn't agree with that.
A dispute ensued and the husband debated loudly with his wife which made an embarrassing situation.

Suddenly he noticed that other customers were looking at them and his wife made a desperate attempt to fight back tears. With the trenchant wit, the husband turned the situation into the happy end of a romantic movie.
(He was ugly and his wife was beautiful.)
He said, "What curtain have you chosen? Do you have any choice? See my choice and your one. I chose you and you chose me."
The husband managed to elicit a sweet smile from his wife and other people around them smiled as well.

True story.

Yours' faithfully,

[sheilajade]

I thought my father was the only tiger father id know....

I bet all of the fathers here not only LL, and Mr. Nury himself, is a tiger father LOL

[Lift Lurker's Daughter]

Dad... I can't believe this!!!
You told the world about me!!! This is so embarrassing!!! I'm gonna tell mom about this.

(Stomps away and went back to her room to complete a nuclear reactor)

[Lift Lurker]

She is disgrace to family.

She is bright but loose morals. One day I sneak to her Lift and saw under her pillow.

She has big poster of Boeing 787!

And it has lipstick kiss!

First time I faint in my life.

[Angela]

My comment was removed. Here it is again.

Having late lunch at bus terminal. An old man with cane asked if he can share table with me, I said ok. He put his coffee cup down, took something from his pocket, and a little blue pill rolled over towards my drink cup, before it settled under my plate of flat noodles.

He winked at me as he asked "Did you see where my V1@9ra went?"

[grandpa]

I am a happy tiger father.
My daughter will never do that to an elevator

[Chamin]

Almost Sri Lankan parents become tiger parents when the kid is in primary grade 4. Primary 5 students sit for an exam that allows one to go to a "good" secondary school. The most competitive exam in the country is the one for which the youngest candidates sit :-p

In some Asian countries, we have tiger ministries-of-education. My former boss in Singapore sent his kids to a private school, saying that the government schools have a syllabus that gets harder every year.

[Paul]

I was somewhat shocked when I first came across Amy Chua's comments. Shocked that both the WSJ and an "Ivy League" university would hire a someone who writes in sweeping generalizations that are both 'racial' and based on very limited hard data. I think some points are valid and I do agree that in the US the education system has faltered and this is tied to trends in telling children niceties (everyone is a winner, etc).

However while @Grandpa pointed out that 'she is not considered an American' it is because she is trying to increase her book sales through her ethnicity. But I would argue that her 'Chinese' experience is rather limited in contrast with her 'American' experience. Most of my students are Chinese and yet they run the full spectrum of the bell curve when it comes to their academic performance (just as I suspect students would be in the US, or any other university). When I discussed this same observation with a Canadian Chinese friend, he commented (tongue slightly in cheek), “Maybe that is because they have a Caucasian teacher.” I countered by saying, “That would be a valid observation, but 4 of the 6 of us in our department are Chinese and their standards are just as harsh”. Are we all “Tiger Teachers?” I think not.

What about all those millions of moms in the mainland? Because of the one-child policy, the 'little emperor' syndrome that has taken hold of many in the middle and upper class and that has led to statistically readable data regarding changes to social behavior (divorce rates, job preferences, etc). This certainly seems to go against Mrs. Chua's generalizations.

In truth Mrs. Chua's experiences are simply a direct result of a privileged upbringing by parents who were fortunate enough to immigrate to a place that allowed them to work hard and succeed and allowed their daughter to do the same. And to that I say, good for her.

But her statements really decry the true hardships that many parents in her ethnic "motherland" that she lays claim to, must face on a daily basis. Sending their sons to work as migrant workers to build that latest modern architectural eyesore. Sending their daughters to work in factories in Shenzhen like Foxconn. These are the true Tiger parents, because they make these decisions for their children from a position of ‘no choice’. They don't tell their children to turn off the TV, because they have none to turn off. Practice the piano? They can't even afford an Ozark harp.

[Anon parent]

Well said, Paul. In fact, the truth is that Amy Chua is not Chinese at all. She is third generation non-Chinese. (Her parents are Filipinos, bought up in the Philippines.)
The whole race angle here is a despicable way to trade off on prejudices to create debate and raise book sales.
Your experience as a teacher of Chinese kids is much more valuable.