World’s easiest test

 
At last, an exam where even I can score 100 per cent

ASIA IS THE BEST place to be educated, a global survey said last week. I was astonished.

Education elsewhere must be really bad.

I mentioned this to a headmaster friend, who replied that he wanted to introduce an entrance exam for his school. “We accept anyone who will pay, but the parents of the kids like to be able to boast that it’s tough to get into,” he explained.

Parents are strange creatures. They were irritated when he said that there was no waiting list for his school, so he started pretending that there was. This also annoyed them.

One parent lectured him on the evils of grade inflation, and then demanded that his son be given ‘A’ grades, despite having an IQ to match his shoe size.

Another tried to bribe him with a dusty box of mooncakes which had clearly been passed around since Confucius had been the big name in Asian education.
*

The headmaster asked me to write an entrance exam like the sort of contests you get in the media, which are so easy that it’s almost impossible to get them wrong.

So here it is:

THE WORLD’S EASIEST ENTRANCE EXAM

Time limit: 30 minutes.

General knowledge:

1) Greens are a healthy vegetable. What color are they?

2) What time is it when both hands are on the 12?

3) What does UN (United Nations) stand for?

4) How many weeks are there in a two-week period?

5) What do coffee shops sell?

Mathematics:

1) A bald man’s hair is 0.0 inches long. Convert this to centimeters.

2) If I had three apples in my left hand, how many apples would I have in my left hand?

3) If two and two equal four on every day of the week, what does two and two equal on Tuesdays?

History:

1) What was Henry VIII’s personal name?

2) What was Chairman Mao’s surname?

3) What rank was Admiral Nelson?

4) How many rules are there in The Ten Commandments?

Geography:

1) What language do Dutch-speakers speak?

2) What country is the Queen of Denmark Queen of?

3) Where is the North Pole?

4) Name the moon which revolves around the planet Earth.

Biology:

1) Birds are a type of bird. True/ false.

2) What insects do anteaters eat?

3) What is the breast color of a robin redbreast?

4) How many cells do single-celled amoebas have?

5) What substance do woodpeckers peck?

SCORE:

13-21 right answers:

Congratulations, you’re in!

7-12 right answers:

Congratulations, you’re in!

1-6 right answers:

Congratulations, you’re in!

0 right answers:

Try again!
*

We tested the exam out on a group of five children. Only two of them passed. The third spoke only Urdu, the fourth Hokkien, and the fifth lost the paper.

So we decided to shorten the test to just one question and allow the parent or guardian to answer it.

“Does he know his own name? Yes/ No.”

This time, most of them passed. The Hokkien-speaking family just sort of glared at me, but I took that as a “yes”.

Besides, there are no wrong answers in that sort of test.

If only the same was true for real life.
*
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RELATED ISSUE…

Don’t you just love school names in Asia?

 

Technorati Tags: worlds easiest test,education,humor,school humor,school jokes

Comments

[Anonym]

General knowledge:

1) Grin

2) Twelf vo clok

3) Untied Notions

4) Too

5) Coffey

Mathematics:

1) 0.0 centemeters

2) Tree

3) For

History:

1) Herny

2) Moa

3) Amdiral

4) Tne

Geography:

1) Ducks

2) Danemark

3) Norht Poll

4) Moone

Biology:

1) Troo

2) Atns

3) Reed

4) Oen

5) Wud

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

Secondary school admissions test:

Q: Name an amphibian.
A: Frog.

Q: Name another amphibian
A: Another frog.

[Jason]

Zero answers right...apply for a job as a Hong Kong civil servant (or any civil service for that matter, bureaucrats are universally brain dead).

[grandpa]

i might be too old for this test
can you clarify the questions?
1 what is a vegetable?
2 whose hand, mine or yours?
3 UN ; you AND who?
4 I did not not that "two week" had their periods too...i thought only w....n did.
5 you forgot to mention in which country the coffee shop is located.

mathematics
1 I am a catholic , i cannot convert to anything else.
This question was about mathematic, not religion.
2 before or after lunchbreak?
3 two , because it is twosday

History
1 Thierry Henry did not play in the last soccer world cup.
his shirt number was never 8, you soccer.

2 Ri,because Mao ri

3 one ,Nelson was always sitting on the first rank of his church
4 I need a ruler to measure that

Geography

1 A speaker is an instrument which boosts the voice which is sent through a microphone; whether Dutch or Japanese , it will reproduce the voice of the person who speak in the microphone, in HIS OWN LANGUAGE;
what kind of stupid question was that?
2 There is no mark in my den, and there is no queen there , sorry , I cannot answer this one
3 holding the broom, in the broom cabinet.
4 How do you expect me to answer that if I you do show me where I can find planet Earth .

Biology

1 Not always, because we also have "Happy bird day to you"
2 For breakfast,dinner , for lunch or for a snack?
3 I thought that pornography was not allowed on this site
4 This is the first time I hear of a jail called Amoeba;
You do not know what to invent to fail me.
5 What???????

[dul]

Some of your questions would've tricked me if i was 9...

2) What time is it when both hands are on the 12?
12.12

4) How many weeks are there in a two-week period? One. ('in 2 weeks' means you exclude the first and last days = 12 days = 1 week)

5) What do coffee shops sell?
coffee beans

1) A bald man’s hair is 0.0 inches long. Convert this to centimeters.
no answer. but a long time spent thinking "i cant convert centimeters to inches!!"
2) If I had three apples in my left hand, how many apples would I have in my left hand?
The rest of the apples.

1) What was Henry VIII’s personal name? err.. Harry?

4) How many rules are there in The Ten Commandments?
none. there are only commandments.

4) Name the moon which revolves around the planet Earth.
They call all moons revolving around planets "moon"s??? what the scientific name for our moon!!

[Lift Lurker]

1) Greens are a healthy vegetable. What color are they?

This question is discriminating against color blind people. Expect letter from my lawyers.

2) What time is it when both hands are on the 12?

12:05 because I keep my watch 5 minutes late so I never be first to get to meeting.
Or 11:05 if daylight saving period

3) What does UN (United Nations) stand for?

It stand for peace, harmony, financial contribution from member countries, projects that keep staff employed.
It stand for developing friendly relations between nations (not too friendly otherwise no need for UN).
It stand for helping people live better lives, to eliminate poverty, disease and illiteracy in the world (not completely eliminate, otherwise no need for UN)
It stand for talking and talking and talking and talking before acting at acting.

4) How many weeks are there in a two-week period?

Up to 3 weeks. Two weeks mean 14 days. 14 days can cover up to 3 weeks. (14 day period from Dec 8-21 cover 2nd, 3rd, 4th weeks of Dec)

5) What do coffee shops sell?

If you think answer is "coffee", try to go there and ask for "coffee".

Mathematics: 1) A bald man's hair is 0.0 inches long. Convert this to centimeters.

Up to 1 mm. (0.0 inches mean it can be from 0.00 to 0.04 rounded. 0.04 in x 2.54 cm/in x 10mm.cm)

2) If I had three apples in my left hand, how many apples would I have in my left hand?

Zero. You "had" 3 apples. You no longer have them.

3) If two and two equal four on every day of the week, what do two and two equal on Tuesdays?

If this question written by Advertisers, it is not possible to determine unless one read the fine print.

4) How many rules are there in The Ten Commandments?

According to scholars up to 15. (Wikipedia)

1) What language do Dutch-speakers speak?

Their own.

Which is a dialect of Afrikaans.

2) What country is the Queen of Denmark queen of?

Depending on century: Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Iceland, Greenland (according to Wikipedia)

3) Where is the North Pole?

In Russia according to Russia. In Canada according to Canada.

(PS I just find out from Wikileaks that North Pole is in middle of ocean. So how can Santa live there?)

4) Name the moon that revolves around the planet Earth.

Thank you for this opportunity. I name thee: "Liftuna" (Lift to the Cosmos and Beyond)

1) Birds are a type of bird. True/false.

According to cognitive scientists, for most people, some birds are more bird than others. A canary is more bird than owl. An owl is more bird than ostrich, Big Bird is more bird than vultures. So it depend on what Bird you mean.

(I think scientists are running out of niches to be scientists of).

Does he know his own name? Yes/ No.
My Tibetian neighbors say there is no "Yes" and "No" in Chinese.
They have "is", and "is not"
So the question must be rephrased.

Does he know his own name? Know/ Know Not.
And then Hokkien speaker understand question.

[Chamin]

According to Wikileaks cables, there seems no such thing as United Nations :-p

[Elaine]

very funny post and comments, esp Lift Lurker who is a bizarre genius

[Ram]

General knowledge:

1) Greens are a healthy vegetable. What color are they?

Depends on how fresh they are. becomes kind of black when they start decaying.

2) What time is it when both hands are on the 12?

Depends where you are. For example, when both the hands are on 12 in India, it is 2:30 (AM or PM)in Taiwan.

3) What does UN (United Nations) stand for?

According to Kofi Annan, UN stands for "an intersection of tolerance, peace and democracy"

4) How many weeks are there in a two-week period?

During difficult times (Like final exams), two week seem to be like 2 years.

History:

3) What rank was Admiral Nelson?

In which exam?

Geography:

2) What country is the Queen of Denmark Queen of?

Will answering this question give me den marks? (Sorry, ten marks?)

3) Where is the North Pole?

In the Atlas.

Biology:

1) Birds are a type of bird. True/ false.

2) What insects do anteaters eat?

Termites.

4) How many cells do single-celled amoebas have?

Depends on how many single-celled amoebas are there.

5) What substance do woodpeckers peck?

A natural composite of cellulose fibers embedded in a matrix of lignin.

[anne]

Am I being too simple-minded or... naah. Life is simple, don't complicate stuffs!!

SMART questions, and also hilarious picture (referring to the picture on the bottom of the post ;)) Have a nice day everyone.

[TS]

3) Where is the North Pole?

Depends, is the magnetic or the geographical North Pole we are talking about?
Or is it person from the northern part of Poland?

[Lift Lurker]

@TS,

re: North Pole. I laugh so hard I pee.
Lucky I always read Mr Jam while in Lift toilet anyway.

North Pole could be Polish person living in most North part of Poland, just like person listed last in phone directory.

In the year 1902: After 3 month of hard expedition, the Eskimo guide finally able to lead the band of Danish explorers to the North Pole: "There he is! Hanging his washing"

Communication fail.

The Eskimo guide was never seen again.

[TS]

@Lift Lurker
LOL (Laughing Outside Lift).

[ismsons]

THE WORLD’S EASIEST ENTRANCE EXAM
Time limit: 1 hour
General knowledge:
1) Which politician resembles to a chimpanzee?
a. Clinton
b. Bush
c. Laden
d. Non
2) What is the name of “you know who”?
a. Bat Girl
b. Sponge Bob
c. Voldemort
d. Harry
3) What is the celebrity name of Miley Cyrus?
Mathematics:
a. In Mortal Kombat Goro has 4 hands. What is the total number of Fingers Goro has?
History:
1) In the history of Pokemon the strongest trainer is known as?
Geography:
1) Which planet consists of vast deserts (Hint: Birth place of Anakin Skywalker)?
a. Tatooine
b. Coruscant
c. Dagobah
d. Earth
Biology:
1) Reproduction: What do adult male and adult female produce?
a. A badminton team
b. A football team
c. Babies
d. Siblings
2) Heart Attack happens when:
a. A girl leaves a guy
b. When your heart muscles are weak
c. There is no form of such attack in any style of combat

[ismsons]

i missed the last part.
Write an essay on 'The Cow'

[Chamin]

@Lift Lurker,

Be careful if you go to Singapore, the lifts have urine detectors installed (okay, there are signs that say so) :-p