12 funniest news tales of 2010

It’s been a great year for weird tales spotted by Mr Jam’s gang 

THANK YOU, commenters and readers, for all the amazing letters this year.

Yesterday I got one in which a reader told me that a Canadian couple had asked the Facebook community to name their baby. I just hope the little girl doesn’t mind growing up with the name Poke Me.

Nothing surprises me any more. This has been a weirdest year for ages, at least 12 months.

As the end of 2010 approaches, your humble narrator is feeling philosophical, or, to be honest, bone idle. So instead of thinking up anything new, let’s fill this space with a look back at the top 12 news stories of the year.

 

1. A new global study finds that Chinese students rank first in education. China’s President Hu Jintao comments: “Aw shoot, not more @#$%ing Nobel Prizes.”
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2. US authorities tell New York City taxi drivers to watch out for scary-looking potential terrorist bomber types. Dozens of drivers immediately arrest themselves.
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3. A lethal death cloud from an Icelandic volcano causes panic among air passengers in Europe. Asian travelers are unperturbed, saying: “In Asia, we already have a lethal death cloud. We call it The Air.”
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4. A video of Miley Cyrus smoking a bong appears on the Internet. Disney changes the name of her children’s TV series from Hannah Montana to Higher Montana.
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5. Google moves its services out of China after getting fed up of the censorship. Chinese leaders organize a party to celebrate, but no one can find the venue without Google Maps.
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6. A biography by Rolling Stone Keith Richards lists details of his birth and rise to fame but fails to answer the two most obvious questions: “When did he die?” and “What does it feel like to be a member of the walking dead?”
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7. New US airport procedures mean passengers MUST choose between being photographed naked or groped by a person in uniform. Everyone complains except for George Michael, who offers to pay extra for both.
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8. The sex imbalance in parts of Asia has become critical, with millions of women missing, United Nations demographers report. The women are later discovered in Charlie Sheen’s hotel bedroom.
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9. Paul, the German octopus who predicted the winners of the World Cup games, dies suddenly. A new octopus is given the name Paul, while the old one is renamed Fried Calamari with Cracked Pepper.
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10. An Indian deity in a Tamil Nadu temple calls on his disciples to smoke cannabis as part of the worship ritual. California secedes from the US to become part of India.
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11. Riots break out in Paris after the government raises the retirement age to 62. Protestors wanted it left unchanged at 23.
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12. PETA, an animal welfare group, offers to pay Lindsay Lohan’s rehab bills if she becomes a vegan. Lindsay says she wants to check which drinks contain meat before agreeing.
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Yes, that was the crazy year that just passed. But if you are reading this, it means that you and I survived. Thank God for small mercies.

Next year will be even crazier. I know this is true because I heard it from a suspiciously familiar-looking portion of imported frozen calamari.
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Technorati Tags: humor,best of 2010,top news stories of 2010,funniest stories of 2010,Lindsay Lohan,Paul the Octopus,Miley Cyrus,bong,Hu Jintao,Keith Richards

Comments

[Nicole]

Merry Christmas everyone! I look forward to a crazier, whackier 2011.

[Thanks for the laugh]

funny!!!

[Jason]

Merry pagan winter solstice. May your gods go with you.

[Paul]

Happy Holidays to Uncle N and all the community. Here's hoping we can have even more gatherings here at the cyber-altar of humor in 2011 (and even a few more face to face ones as well).

Now if you will excuse me it is time to sacrifice another piece of timber to the fire. ;-)

[Chamin]

Kuwait Times runs an article saying using Digital SLR cameras (those large ones that you cannot hide in anyway) is banned.
The readers wonder what is there to take photos anyway, with girls covering everything other than eyes and most of the land is desert :-p.

The newspaper later says it cannot verify a place where the rule is written. However, police keeps arresting people.

[Mahjuja]

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year gang. sigh.

[Lift Lurker]

I think in 2010 there is also many interesting news in this community.

For example grandpa ignore his arthritis and go to Hongkong and enjoy meeting the gang.

Angela became one-woman multinational company who can write both funny and serious in any language.

Uncle Jam brought his children to Sri Lanka (for the first time?) and then to Backward land.

Maybe next year, all the gang photos will be replaced by TSA X-ray photos of the gang.

[keefy]

hi nury & gang,
ur articles never fail to perk up my day, at the risk of sneak reading while at work,as my pc faces the office common corridor, and the crowd behind me is kind of like, the overhead bridge leading to wanchai immigration...Hv a VerY MeRRy & BleSSeD XmAs & NeW YeAr, take care on the road, while driving, walking or crawling in this season, but avoid the MiNi Buses like the plague even if it runs 24hrs ok.? Least, tis' not a crime to puke in public, but dun challenge the mini buses blokes who mostly hv triads links with revolutionary names. cheers,

[sheilajade]

Merry Christmas and a New and Happier, Funnier New Year to everybody.
I am like the air, you can't see me but i hope you feel my presence in this little (or not) community (a.k.a. Kingdom of Laughter).

Mr. Jam's Diary tops my list of Best things in my life, next is Just for Laughs.

[TS]

It was a fun experience to meet up with some of the gang and Uncle Nury earlier this year.
Hope we can repeat it some time in the future.

To all who celebrate it, I wish you a Happy Chrimbo, may all your presents come with batteries of the correct size included.

[Chamin]

Wish you all a merry Christmas, happy holidays, and lots of fun!

My body scan photos are due early next year. In case they leak to the Internet, be ready for laughs :-p

[TS]

@Chamin,

My wife just came home from a business trip to Tokyo.
At the end of the last meeting, the head of the project closed the meeting with the seasonal greeting of "Happy Birthday".

[Ram]

Hi Friends...

Wish U All A Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!!!