I touched a guitar from U2

In which your humble narrator has a brush with greatness

LIFE ROCKS. Someone invited me to be master of ceremonies at a charity ball to raise funds for a children’s home. Sure, no problem.

Up for auction was an autographed guitar from U2, the mega-famous pop band fronted by Bono. Cool!
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But when I arrived early at the venue and saw the framed guitar, my mouth dropped open. It was EXACTLY the same as my guitar at home. Same size, style, color and brand name: Fender Squier.

My head swelled. Me and Bono, I thought: we’re TWINS!

We’re both creative guys who do charity events.

He wears tinted glasses, I wear tinted glasses.

He has a red guitar, I have the same red guitar.

He is a handsome, rich, famous guy who drives women mad with lust. I… Yeah, well, okay, never mind.
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Later, I mentioned this in a chatroom on the web, and got a curious reply. A guy in New Zealand said the same guitar, with the same signatures from members of U2, was auctioned at a charity ball there.

Things got curiouser still when I opened the newspaper to read that former UK leader Tony Blair last week revealed that he had taken some “official gifts” with him when he left Downing Street—including a Fender guitar signed by the members of U2.

So THAT’S why U2 hasn’t done an album for more than a year. They’re too busy on a mission to autograph every guitar on the planet.
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Intrigued, I emailed a few musicians to learn more about celebrity instrument sales, and one of them asked me to send him photos of the guitars mentioned above.

Less than an hour later, the guy, from a band called the Bluenotes, gave his verdict.

“The ones sold by charities do have some value, since the autographs are genuine, but they have never been played,” he said. All were made by Squier, a Fender guitar company subsidiary which makes cheap guitars in Asia.

“The only super-valuable one is Tony Blair’s one, which is a Fender original the band possibly did use. And the least valuable is yours, a cheap Indonesia-made Fender Squier with no autographs, and which has only been played by one really, really bad guitarist.” (I decided to interpret this last comment as ironic.)
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After listening to me grousing about this, a friend told me that a DJ who had breakfast with Justin Timberlake auctioned the singer’s leftover bit of French toast for US$3,154 (HK$24,600). Even more shocking, someone else told me that the actress Scarlett Johansson caught a cold and auctioned her mucus-filled tissue on eBay for US$5,300.

“That is ridiculous,” I said. “Surely my guitar must be worth more than Scarlett Johansson’s mucus?” None of my friends responded. They were all thinking about the question, which was clearly much harder than I thought it would be.

Anyone out there want to pay me a small fortune for a coffee-stained, red, slightly battered Fender Squier guitar, possibly the LAST guitar on the planet not signed by any members of U2? 
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ON A RELATED SUBJECT… regular readers know that I have a band (average age of members: 11) called The Sky People and our thing is to create Next Generation Christmas carols.

One member, my buddy Victor, is sometimes incorrectly thought of as the Naughtiest Kid on the Planet, but the truth is that he is a smart, talented ace guy. For those who don’t mind a bit of sentimentality as Christmas approaches, here’s our latest song. The style can probably best be described as Angelic Choirboy Meets Heavy Metal.
 

Comments

[Jason]

I was at a charity celebrity event in high school that my dad was one of the organizers for and so I was behind the lines in the rarefied air to keep the riffraff out. As I walked by my swim coach started, jokingly, yelling "oh my god it's you, can you I have your autograph."

Needless to say scores of young, star-struck teen airheads rushed over and thrust their autographs books into my hands. Who knows how many girls are reading it many years later and wondering who the hell is this guy? Of course, maybe one day I will eventually be a famous author and that autograph might actually be worth something.

[TS]

So when you tell people that you touched a guitar signed by the members of U2, the answer will always be: You too?

[grandpa]

The value of an object is not its value.
It is the value that fools can give to it.
this value is increasingly proportionaly to the fame of the owner,/author of the object
This value multiplies by ten after he passes out ( or away , as you choose)

Based on this principle , I plan to get rich.
I am inventing, creating all sorts of things which do not have any value now ( nobody buys them yet ,since i am the most unknown famous creator/author)
But when I die, broke, I shall become the most famous poorest inventor

Therefore my objects will sell at high prices , like hot bread.
I shall become rich ..........................
posthumously!

Isn't that smart ?

[Clara]

but sometimes the value of an object really means something to die-heart fans of the band/singer.
it gives them something to hold dear to, a signed album or autograph.
the problem is to some people who are non-fans, of course the thing is meaningless.
i, for one, saves up all my pocket money to buy mj products, and i don't think i'm being foolish =]

[Nury]

TS -- your comments are so smart, I often have to think about them for a moment before they click!

Jason -- I agree, I think everyone is famous these days, and no one is...

Grandpa: you are so right. The value of something is what it is worth to the buyer.

By that way of counting, a diamond (a tiny rock) is worth nothing to me. But friends who can make you smile -- well they are priceless...

[Sara L]

I think someone should do a project where they academically trace the growth of a piece of humor.

It starts off with a comment or a link in this comments column, and then Mr Jam discusses it at the FCC or some bar or coffee shop where it grows a bit, then he turns it into a column which eventually goes in the newspapers and on this website.
And then more comments are added. And then a week or so later, it reappears as a follow-up column.

Then it becomes a discussion on the weekend radio show that Mr Jam does and finally the best lines go into live comedy.

Someone could probably do a nice chart, The Life Cycle of a Laugh. Just a thought.

[grandpa]

"The life cycle of a Laugh"
This is a brilliant idea;

From SaraLee?
The food corp?
"Our mission is to simply delight you....everyday "

Sounds good to me !

"and i don't think i'm being foolish =]"

Yes you are , but you do not know it yet.
You will have to wait until your children or grand children know about it.........

Since my last autograph , I no longer tell my daughter when I run for autographs....

By the way, how can I get one from the 12 girls band????

(°_°)

[grandpa]

"In which your humble narrator has a brush with greatness"

An air brush , you mean ?!?

[Peter Bentley]

Just want to say that I love Mr Jam.

Nury, your sense of humor has if anything matured since your laisee days.

Making people laugh and be happy is one of God's greatest gifts

Love Ya

:-)

[Peter Bentley]

Forgot to say : the carol started well, and the vocal was good, but the heavy metal stuff was a bit much ( unless angels these are now punks and do rap )

[Sara L]

I agree with peter bentley, people are always nostalgic about laisee, since it was perhaps the first real bit of worldclass humor from this side of the world, but in fact the mr jam columns are actually sharper and funnier and more interactive (which is improtant) .
as for the heavy metal christmas carol, I'm also not sure that it works. Some people will love the first half and some the second, but will there be any overlap?
I guess it works as a joke. People sitting in church on Christmas day will be suddenly blasted out of their seats when the electric guitar goes wild!
you should have done a video with the kids in choirboy smocks who then suddenly go wild.

[Anthea]

Things in auctions are meant for fund raising anyway, so the more the better. It's good that U2 gives out signed guitars instead of toast crumbs or used tissues. They would have a hard time storing all those in test tubes or something. Adn who knows when the things are gonna expire?

And if you want a guitar that bands really did use, go to their concerts. Last time I went to a Green Day concert and the frontman Billie Joe gave out a black cool Gibson. He kind of just held the neck of the guitar and fed it to fans downstage, who were jumping up and down like fishes. Oh by the way, drumsticks and band tees ware alsp thrown and shot out by air rockets ... loads of them. You see I really love Green Day.

[Mahjuja]

I have never been able to understand why carbon bonded in a specific way (diamonds) has so much value, or why anyone would want to pay so much money for such a thing...

[Christy]

@ Mahjuja:

Totally agree...and my mother would say, "Eh you see through them!"

[TS]

You can't buy true friends, but you can buy diamonds and diamonds are a girls best friend.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this...

[Mahjuja]

Well, my friends I'd never belittle by comparing them with diamonds, that's for sure.

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

Mahjuja will now become very popular among guys who are not rich enough to squander money on diamonds :o)

[grandpa]

Diamonds shine in the light, but true friends always shine, especially in dark times.
True friends are the jewels every body can afford.

[Mahjuja]

@ grandpa aka fardel, I couldn't agree more with that, :-)