Comedy night

Revealed: how comedians make up jokes

THERE ARE SOME subjects you just can’t joke about (although we did surprisingly well with suicide in the previous posting/comments).

And there are some subjects that you can’t NOT joke about.

For example, a wealthy, married US football quarterback called Brett Favre was recently caught texting pictures of his private parts to women. All the US comedians went on the attack, with lines such as: “Brett had a groin injury at practice today, but he didn’t see a medic. He just texted him a picture.”

It’s irresistible. I’m sure even Brett’s MOTHER is unable to visit him without making wisecracks.

*
News events like that make life easy for comedians.

But in recent weeks, the topic dominating the public consciousness was the trapped Chilean miners, a topic WAY too grim to joke about.

But then of course everything changed.

Your humble narrator was actually in a bus on his way to a live gig when the news broke that the rescue operation had worked.

I threw the gag-list I had prepared out of the bus window. An hour later, on stage, I announced that all the Chilean miners had been rescued. The audience cheered.

“At this precise moment, the miners are being bombarded with requests to endorse products,” I said. “But which products? Their only claim to fame is to have survived in horrible cramped conditions for a long time. Who could make use of that skill?”

( A long pause followed to create tension.)

Then: “Yes! Property developers from Asia!”

(Nobody likes property developers, so teasing them guarantees a laugh.)

“Picture the forthcoming TV ads,” I said. “You see an image of a small, square, cramped living area. Into the scene comes a guy with a miner’s lamp. He says in a Spanish accent: ‘My name ees Raul Ibanez and I am famous Chilean miner. To me, this place looks fantastic. It has a door.’”

I told the audience that I had kept myself up-to-date on the rescue efforts by reading the miners’ Facebook page status updates.

For the first 69 days, it was pretty boring, consisting mainly of “trapped in a mine”, “still trapped in a mine”, and “thought about going to the beach but then remembered that we are still trapped in a mine”.

The 70^th day, it was: “More than a thousand reporters are running towards us, we are trying to scramble back down into the mine.”
*

I can’t remember what I said next. I just made it up as I went along. But it was a good night. And it reminded me of something important. People are always saying bad things about the media. But a great story can unite us all. When the media focuses on a fun tale, it really does appear to put the entire planet into a good mood.
*
All except a certain American sportsman called Brett, who is probably beyond cheering up just now.

Hey, Brett. If you’re reading this, can you send me an autographed picture of yourself, please? (Pause.) Thanks, Brett. But I meant YOUR FACE.

Yeah, yeah, he probably doesn’t find that very funny at all, but his mother is rolling around on the floor. It’s irresistible.

*

Technorati Tags: chilean miners,stand up.comedy,vittachi,brett favre

Comments

[granda]

Maybe I should not mention it here , since Hk developer are reading these columns.
Have any of you tried to live on an aircraft carrier ( not as a pilot , since they have their own "apartments")?

An aircraft carrier can pack 200 guys when Hk developers can pack only ten;
The difference is:
In Asia , at least people 's size can matches the size of their apartment;
This is not true to aircraft carriers.

[Lift Lurker]

One future product endorsement inspired by the miner ordeal:

"Living in cramp place, dark, wet, muddy, filthy, surround by your own excrement, no place to stretch your legs or lie down.
Living like this for 60 days with no future. "

This is how the Chile miners lived.

Do you know this is how caged hens live also!

You wouldn't serve to your family, eggs lay by the Chile miners would you?
So why would you served to them, eggs lay by caged hens? It's exactly same condition!

Buy "Uncle Jam Brand" free range eggs!

[Alexis]

Hey Nury, here's something to ponder on...a congress for accountant...
It even got its own website...here's the link
www.wcoa2010kualalumpur.com

[TS]

Kindergarten children were disappointed when the institution manager invited one of the Chilean miners to give a performance.

The manager later explained he thought he had booked a south American mime specialising in the "trapped-in-a-glass-box" act.

[Ellie]

Wish I could make jokes like you guys, i don;t know how you manage to be funny and clever constantly day in and day out.......

[Christyn Rana]

Why do bad jokes and accountants have to appear in the same sentence. We can be of valuable asset throughout our finite useful lives.
On an unrelated note, the Chilean miners were trapped and saved but what about our worthy accountants trapped and buried under the increasing files never to be saved till death? Has anyone thought of saving us for all the time we saved companies around the world from you-know-who? HAHAHA funny huh.

[fardel]

Accountants are as useful as vaccination.. but both are a pain in the ......

[Lift Lurker]

Ellie,

I been thinking about the same thing.
People here find something funny in day to day event.

But I have friend who find some profit making idea from every single Uncle Jam column. For each column he put up a startup and make millions (rupiah? dollar? I dunno).

I guess people are wired different and raised different.

For exact same event:

- one person will find something funny

- one person will find something disgusting
- one person will find money making idea
- one person will find something to write about
- one person will find something to strike about
- one person will find something indignant
- one person will not get the point
- one person will find mathematical equation in event
- one person will find cure for cancer
- one person will blame airplane (rightfully so)
- one person will find a recipe to improve mankind
- one person will say it should be "humankind" you male chauvisnit pig
- one person will find a recipe (to cook)
- one person will write a song about event
- one person will write a poem
- one person will photograph event
- one person will write peer reviewed academic journal about event (Chamin)
- one person will say they have predicted event (call their phone number to predict your future)
- one (million) person will text the scenario
- one person will commit suicide because of event
- one person will post a website comment about what other people do about event
- one person will read the comment that one person write about what other people do about event.

It is our differences as people that make the world inscrutable (dictionary word of the day).

[Mike M]

It is our love of life that makes us a family.

[rafanjr]

... its sad being funny. just a thought.

[sej]

Every day, is a bit like Shrodinger's Cat... It's going to be both funny, and not funny at the same time. You just don't know which, until it's gone.

(Idea of translating Shronginer's Cat stolen from this comic: http://xkcd.com/45/)

[TS]

The mathematical formula for the perfect day is to use "funny" as a constant and to never multiply with zero.

If you can't come up with something funny, just say the name "Bob" out loud.
I don't care who you are, that's funny right there :-)

[Jennifer S J]

I like humor,and am quite a good raconteur, but I think being a professional comedian must be one of the scariest things on earth. what if no one listens? what if no laughs? it must be horrible. Telling a dinner party tale that falls flat is humiliating enough. Doing the same thing in front of a paying audience must be much worse.

[Lift Lurker]

Comedians and other entertainers have gone a long way.

Imagine in year 1430AD in an English backstage:

Comedian (before performance): Im worried. What if the king doesn't like my jokes?

Co-comedian: Don't worry. I have bag here. I promise I'll bring your head back to your wife. Now go...

[Clara]

@ SJ
yeah but in some sense being a comedian saves you from being buried among mountains of files and folders. at least you are freeER than many white collar working class. for me, i'd choose comedian over accountants.

i wonder where mr. jam held his talk show? XD

[Maybe time to do something spontaneous...]

One thing I've noticed... how funny you are able to be, depends so heavily on those around you.

I changed jobs not quite six months ago now, and the guys I used to be with, were all really light hearted, able to joke about almost anything, even when times were really tough. Making funny comments of my own whether on this site or elsewhere was compartively easy.

Now, for the guys I work for, there is this sense of gloom. I really don't understand why, after all, it's the customers' problems that keep us employed, and I don't quite understand how their problems become "our" problems. The fits of laughter I had grown accustomed to no longer seems to exist.

The upshot being, that I've noticed, none of my comments have been anywhere near as witty, funny, regular, or even as interesting, as when I was at my last job.

@Angela,
Could this also be why you don't seem to be posting anywhere near as frequently as you used to?

[grandpa]

I just come back from seeing an Indian movie.
There was one thing said in what was supposed to be a light comedy.
You should add life to your days , not days to your life

How true