8 funniest sports quotes

  Exercise is bad for you, it does things to your head

I ONCE SHARED an office with a sports commentator who was unable to open his mouth without uttering a cliché.

When he came into the room, he would throw his 7-Up can into the bin and shout: “He shoots! He scores!”

When his girlfriend was late, he’d say: “It’s a nail biter! She’s going right down to the wire!”

His sister told me she once overheard him smooching with his girlfriend in his bedroom. He kept up a sort of running commentary like this:

“And he’s moving in. He feints to the left and then smartly swerves right. And yes—he’s through the first wall of defense! He hesitates. But no–it’s a trick. Now he’s literally FLYING down the left wing. Crosses to right. Dives left. Ducks under. Can he get past the final wall of defense? The man’s a blur. Yes and he’s heading into the penalty box. He’s in! He’s in! And he shoots! He scores! Yes yes yes yes! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD.”
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But I shouldn’t make fun of sports journalists. It’s a hard job. I’ve done it myself.

I once had to write a 2,000-word analysis based on a single quote from a sports manager: “It’s not over yet, it’s over when it’s over.”

I was lucky. At least the quote made sense. Footballer Kevin Keegan once told a reporter: “What disappointed me was that we didn't play with any passion. I'm not disappointed, you know, I'm just disappointed."

When asked about a game featuring a team from Chile, the same Mr Keegan said: “Chile have three options: they could win or they could lose."

And that’s not the dumbest thing ever said by a long shot. When Welsh footballer Ian Rush was asked to comment on the time he spent in Italy, he said: "It was like being in a foreign country."
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I’ve noticed that sports people in general talk rubbish. I blame it on the exercise. Exercise is a high-risk health hazard which should be avoided by sensible people.

Worryingly, even when non-athletes use sporting terminology, they start to output garbage. Former British Prime Minister John Major said: “When your back’s against the wall, it’s time to turn around and fight.” This only makes sense if you are being attacked by a wall.
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The undefeated kings of sports absurdity are British footballers. Here are the four dumbest things they ever said.

In fourth place, Ron Atkinson: "If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was ‘concentration’ and ‘focus’."

In third place, legendary commentator David Coleman: "Here they come, every color of the rainbow: black, white, brown.”

In second place, David Coleman again: “Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5,000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen.”

And in first place, Ron Noades, chairman of Crystal Palace football team, who said this: "The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."

Thanks, Ron. My advice to you: go back to the clichés. They’re safer.
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Comments

[rafanjr]

...all those quotes come from football, no wonder soccer sounds really self-defeating.

[Mike M]

My favorite sports quote is " A tie is like kissing your sister" by Duffy Daugherty Head football coach of Michigan State University.

He also said “I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.”

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

Hmm, makes sense that John Major joined MCC, one of the oldest cricket clubs, after retirement :-p

[grandpa aka faye Libad aka fardel]

"I’ve noticed that sports people in general talk rubbish"

That's normal, the skull is the only place left where they can save on weight;;
in other words : brain is the only muscle which is underdeveloped

[TS]

In second place, David Coleman again: “Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5,000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen.”

This is not as dumb as you might think.
Records only count when performed during an official competition.
It's not unsual for sports people to have a "personal best" that's better than the world record.

[Stephen]

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

[kim]

Nothing to do with sport, but your John Major quote reminds me of a letter from his wife, that I saw proudly displayed in a shop window on the island of Skye. It included the line, 'I love the past, don't you - it's so nostalgic.' The Majors must have enjoyed some wonderfully woolly conversations together.

[Vaibhav]

Surely Geroge Best has the best quotes
"If i'd been born ugly, you'd never have heard of Pele"

"I spent 90% of my money on women,booze and fast cars. The rest i just squandered away."

I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes. (on his blood transfusion)

Pele good, Maradona better, Geroge Best

[TS]

Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker
going here, two down, nobody on, no score,
bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up and
there it is, a line shot up the middle, look
at him go. This boy can really fly!
He's rounding first and really turning it on
now, he's not letting up at all, he's gonna
try for second; the ball is bobbled out in center,
and here comes the throw, and what a throw!
He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out!
No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really
makes things happen out there.
Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch--
he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying
for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt--
safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!
He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost
daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher
glance over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted
down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on!
Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close,
here's the throw, there's the play at the plate,
holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!

[Lift Lurker]

It's hard to play games inside Lift so I do not have much sport experience.

(Grandpa, before you hit keyboard, its hard to play soccer in Airbus 757 too).

But from experience of years listening I, can say that radio sport live commentators have ability to get us, excited, with overused, cliches, with exagerated hyperboles, and very loud!, screaming! -- exactly the tools that keep literary type person awake at night: without worrying about, punctuation; at all.

(Maybe that's why Shakespeare didn't become a good basketball player).

You can imagine how interesting (zzzzzz) it will be if Literature majors apply their art to the job.

[Chamin]

I do play games on lifts, using my Nintendo DS. It occasionally makes me get off at the wrong floor, but other than for that it is an elevating experience :-p

[grandpa aka faye Libad aka fardel]

It is a beautiful day here on sunset beach, in sunny S t Martin .
we are a few minutes before the game.
the crowd is lining up along the wall
the players are still relaxing warming up for a new run
The records stand at 40 seconds.
are we going to see a new records today ?

3 minutes to go and the blower is approaching.Now the players are facing the fence... No wait , what d I see ?!
A player is pulling out his umbrella ...
30 seconds to go

this is crazy ,this is the first time I see that. We are setting for a new record
20 seconds to the start
10 seconds 5 4 3 2 1 go
the blower is revving up

Hold on . Most of the players are hanging to the fence Here we go ,

Now the blast is reaching a good speed and the team are still hanging there.yThe umbrella guy is still resisting
Now the wind is up to 100 Mph and the players are stil at the fence, holding Nobody let go yet.
wait a minute One of them cannot resist any longer , yes no he is resisting 20 seconds into the game .
The moment you turn your back you loose Here we have one , turning his back no yes, he cannot resist and starts flying 30 seconds into the games and we still have a team hanging there.
wait a minute the umbrella guy is in difficulty, he is pushing hard 35 seconds into the game
the umbrella guy is now horizontal , he is still resisting we are going for a new record Wait a minute
His umbrella is pushing him he is still resisting but now he cannot face it any longer , he is hanging to his umbrella n which is deformed under the pressure 50 seconds into the game
whow thats it , that's it look at him wrapped up in his umbrella, but still there stnding up
54seconds into the game
he is still there , but the umbrella flips him over but he is still on dry ground s, no wait he is loosing ground , his umbrella start rolling with him all wrapped up in ti .

58 seconds into the game a nd still going
59

FIFTY NINE seconds, we have a new record.
we are waiting for confirmation
59 seconds , this is a new world record
This is now official , the new world record has just been established at 59 seconds , live here in sunny St martin

Oops I forgot the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RILkG2yhAAM&feature=related

@lift Lurker
try that game with an elevator

[Ram]

Wish U A Very Happy Bday Nury...

Have a good day and a good year ahead...

[fardel]

Unclke's birhtay is today and nobody told me?!?

@Uncle
Trying to catch up with me ?
Happy birthday

[Angela]

Happy Birthday Mr. Jam!!!

[TS]

Happy Birthday Uncle Nury!!!

[Lift Lurker]

For whole day today, I decree that all Lifts in the world will play Happy Birthday melody* in honor of Uncle Nury Jam ! ! !

*or suitable Lift music. Or silence. Or Bloomberg. But all in honor of Uncle

[Chamin]

Happy Birthday, uncle Nury!

[Chamin]

Fardel,

I watched the TV program. The guy tried three or four times to get it even that good :o). But then, I like people who try these things :-p

[grandpa aka Faye Libad]

Warm birthday from the sunny Caribbean

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1GJGuMG2ro

[Funny facebook status]

I just searched for sports related blog and ended up with your blog this seem to be a funny post.