China uses flag in seabed claim

In which we report on how you can grab some new territory yourself

SOME RECENT NEWS stories have been shocking. A report that “Japan-China row could start World War III” shared the top slot on a news website with a tale that Paris Hilton had cancelled her Asian tour.

I was outraged. Why do news editors assume we are interested in pointless trivia about shallow people? If I wanted to know when World War III starts, I’d set up a Google Alert.

But then a correspondent known as Beijing Blogger told me some dramatic news on a related subject.

China now owns the sea: “Didn’t you hear? Our government planted a flag on the seabed last week.” She sent a link to a video clip showing a red flag being planted underwater by a submarine with a robot arm.

I thought this was a bit cheeky, but she defended the action thus: “In 2007, the Russians planted a flag on the North Pole. And the US put an American flag ON THE MOON in 1969. So why can’t we have the sea?”

I was amazed. The large countries known as the G3 or BB (“group of three” or “big bullies”) are running amok with flags claiming everything. What about the rest of us?

We, the rabble, need to claim something in the name of humanity, or a charity like Save the Children or Christian Aid.

The sun?

Too far away.

A reader suggested we use a Unicef flag to claim the Diaoyu /Senkaku Islands, the much-disputed rocks that China and Japan are now fighting over, and give them to a charity.

“We may prevent World War III,” he said.

I told him: “This would be a wise answer to a tough problem. So it could never happen.”
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The wildest idea came from a kid.

“Let’s plant a flag in the sky,” said a girl of 14. “No one’s claimed THAT yet.”

This idea was so dumb that it was brilliant. The sky. Of course. But how?
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I consulted experts, ie the people who write comments below this column on the internet.

“If you want something to stand still above the same spot on Earth, you need to put it 36,000 km away in the Geostationary Orbit, also known as the Clarke Orbit, named after Arthur C. Clarke,” said reader Thomas Seifert, better known as TS, one of those people who knows everything.

 
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Another reader said that if we claimed the sky for humanity, we could charge everybody one US cent to look at it, and we’d have raised enough money to solve ALL the world’s problems by lunchtime tomorrow. Pretty neat.
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The last step was to email a lawyer to check if there were any loopholes in our plan.

“It’s perfectly fine,” came the reply, two hours later. “Except for one thing. Planting a flag somewhere gives you no legal claim of any kind. it’s a trick, a PR stunt, a symbolic act to fool the gullible. You weren’t fooled, were you?”
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I didn’t answer that one. Instead, I wrote to Beijing Blogger with a JPG attachment of a flag and a note: “I hereby claim your bedroom in the name of the Democratic Republic of Dontundistan. We’ll give it back if you give us the sea.”
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WORLD’S WORST FLAGS


Flag of Burgundy – too busy

 
Flag of Libya – too plain


Flag of Pohang, Malaysia – aiyeeaah

IS THIS THE WORLD’S BEST FLAG?

 
Flag of North Bothinia Province, Sweden
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Technorati Tags: worst flags,seabed,flag,claim,china,japan,diaoyu,senkaku

Comments

[Dancer Arroyo]

This Japan-China row is down right scary. For performance purposes, I had to wear a kimono last Saturday and was generally glared at in Tsim Sha Tsui. One woman had to turn her head back so much (I was standing behind her), I thought she could actually audition for the Exorcist movie if another one is being made.

[Dancer Arroyo]

It's lucky no one asked about my nationality in the streets. If I answer Japanese, I am not going to be safe. If I answer Chinese, I am going to be in even more trouble coz people will just assume you're a traitor or something. Either way, I'm screwed.

[rafanjr]

What is with Chine trying to expand their already expanse land area? Im not sure what happened, but they also tried to pull the same thing with Spratly Islands with the Philippines...

[Ram]

Well... China always have problems with other countries when it comes to land issues. For example, google maps from India show a different map with the head part of India completely whereas google maps accessed from China will show a different one with a part of the region belonging to China.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

[Ram]

The picture is too big to see directly... Here is the resized one...

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

[grandpa aka Faye Libad aka fardel]

@Ram
I did not see any difference between the two pictures:the rivers did not seem to have move North to China.

@
Dancer
Maybe in times like this, it may be better to keep the costumes in a bag;
We do not want you to get into trouble

[TS]

Few people know that Denmark and Canada have been in a border dispute for years over a tiny island.

It's all rather low key with the captains of the two countries's navies leaving small presents to each other on the island when they dropped by to replace the other country's flag.

In 2005 both countries agreed to submit the dispute to the International Court of Justice for a resolution.
The Danish foreign minister ordered the Danish navy to leave the Canadian flag for now as he found the whole flag replacing thing childish.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Island#Timeline

The island itself is of course insignificant, it's all about sea borders and ultimately, as always, oil exploitation rights.

[Chelle]

is there any sense if you put a flag on their flag? like saying, whatever they claim, they claimed it for you...
here's another story about flags:
http://ph.news.yahoo.com/ap/20100926/tap-as-philippines-us-inverted-flag-fe2a5de.html

[TS]

Talking about flags, I can't help wave the old Dannebrog, which is the name of the Danish state flag, even though I haven't lived there in almost thirteen years.

It's the oldest state flag still in use, with almost 700 hundred years of history behind it. More if you don't mind using unverified folklore in place of undisputed facts.

It's an all-time favourite among Danish school children, it's so easy to draw.

[grandpa aka Faye Libad aka fardel]

We had the same problem in my island , centuries ago.

Instead of fighting each other, it was decided that two runners would leave the same point ,one would follow the south shore line, and the other one the North shore line.
The meeting point would become the other end of the border.
It was decided that people and goods were free to move from one side to the next.
Without any natural resource this island has turned out to be one of the most prosperous island, because of this particularity.
It is called St Martin/St Maarten

Hey guys , there is more money to be made in sharing than in fighting
Look at what Europe has become

[Nury]

Thanks for all the interesting comments. Ram, the google maps thing is very clever, I had no idea they had political sensitive ways of moving the border.

Dancer, keep safe! I don;t know, last week your husband is hanging out with contract killers, this week you are risking being lynched in the street -- you guys live dangerous lives!

[Ram]

@Nury,

Interesting thing is, for the rest of the world, the map shows this region as "dotted lines" meaning "region under dispute between two countries". Here is the google maps from UK.

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[Karuna aka Kaye Moreno]

@Ram
The whole state of "Arunachal Pradesh" is missing in Google's map for Chinese. No mention at all.

[fardel]

Uncle Nury's gang just started a dispute over a border.(°_°)

[Lift Lurker]

If planting flags can show ownership, maybe someday we will not longer have any more wedding rings, but instead use wedding flags.

We will say "With this flag I thee wed!" before plunging flagpole on back of person and claiming that person.

Or maybe just have wedding rings with little waving flags.

One day all maps will be printed in China. Then all China need to do is little by little, adjust the borders inch by inch per year.

One day Vlad Putin find his home is inside border of China and they ask him to move a little. No dispute is needed.

Just like how capitalist consumer products change quality little by little each year.

[Angela]

Few days ago, I was having drinks with a friend at an English pub. It was only 5:30PM and the kitchen has not yet started dinner menu so we were told we can only order bar food.

We ordered french fries and the pretty young waitress suggested we order fries with english curry instead of just fries which is usually served with catsup.

At this point, Tom and I looked at each other, eyebrows shot up, jaws dropped.

"Curry is English?!" I gasped.

In his typical English manner, Tom quickly regained his composure. Pale stubby chin in the air, he smugly declared, "Indeed, my dear!"

Still stumped, I asked, "So the Indians stole the recipe from the English?"

"Quite correct. And now we are claiming it all back. English Fries, English Pizza, English Sausage, English Adobo, English Nasi Goreng, English Noodles, etc."

We toasted to many glasses of English Cabarnet Sauvignon, and two hours later we were as drunk as two English Skunks.

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But I had the biggest surprise of all at an American Diner when my hamburger came planted with American flag.

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And at a boutique changing room, my hairstylist friend flashed me the union jack on her butt.

[fardel]

@Lift Lurker
That's is an interesting concept.
when our dear Dancer ,walks the streets of Hk , dressed as a japanese, thanks to her flag on her head , everybody will know that she is not.

But the question is : can tall people enter an elevator with their flag planted on their head ?

[Ram]

@Karuna,

True... I didn't notice that before. Well, China can probably take the slogan from South Africa "A World in One Country".

@Fardel,

No border disputes here... We are trying to help the aviation industry... Imagine, "Good afternoon everyone, Right now we are flying at an altitude of 30000 feet, just above Arunachal Pradesh, India...errr...China...errrrr...Well, I don't know".

[Angela]

Americans do it best. They plant their flag where it really matters.

[grandpa aka Faye Libad aka fardel]

Planting their flag into hamburgers is a way to tell the illiterates, that hamburgers are not chinese food, or French food.
It is a kind of trade mark

[Seri Ayu]

The white and black flag is from Pahang, Malaysia not Pohang :-)Sorry, can't help being a bit anal.

[grandpa aka Faye Libad aka fardel]

@Uncle
rebel to the core !
You chose the flag of Isle of man as a symbol to claim the sky in the name of humanity

This is of keltic origin.
the triskelion is one of the oldest kelt symbols ,going back thousand of years.

But.................
Local residents of the Isle of Man explain that the legs on the flag turn anti-clockwise so that they don't kneel to the British!

You will never stop surprising us!

[Lift Lurker]

Ram, you see we never have problem like that in Lifts.

Score:
Lifts: 872
Airplane: 0 (and decreasing)

[Lift Lurker]

Americans plant the US flag on hamburgers to show it is American food?

Didn't this food come from the famous German city called Frankfurt?

[Nury]

Hamburgers don't come from Frankfurt. Hamburgers come from er, Dusseldorf, I think. Or Berlin.

Angela, I think "fries with curry sauce" is definitely an English dish.... Not sure about the rest of your strange menu.

[Karuna aka Kaye Moreno]

once Nury gets to own the sky when he gets his orbiting flag in place, will it mean that we need to pass through immigration while taking a lift to the high floors of a sky scraper ?

[TS]

In 1492, after having seriously underestimated the size of the earth, Columbus rocked up on an island in the Caribbean.
He rushed into a McDonald's and ordered a curry, as he was convinced that he had found a shorter route for Indian take-aways.
The language was a barrier, but the personel at McDonald's are always eager to please, so they decided that he probably wanted a hamburger and asked if he wanted fries with that.

Columbus never realised that he had not been to India, much less realising that he had not actually had a curry for lunch that faithful afternoon.
This is the root of the English curry/fries abomination that is with us today.

Incidently, Columbus invented the cheese burger.
As a young boy he had helped out in his fathers cheese stand.
This gave him an obsession with cheese and he would always find a way of working cheese into any conversation he had.
So in actual fact, the first burger he had was a cheese burger. Although he called it a cheese curry.

[Mike M]

Nury, Is there another Asian miltary seeking world domination?

[Dancer Arroyo]

Actually I have seen fries / chip with English Curry. It's kinda popular with those Fish & Chips with Chinese takeaway shops in England.

[Will]

Apparently chicken tikka masala is now, the national dish more so than fish and chips.., they also eat egg and chips, which I thought was a bit odd also black and white pudding and they have strange deserts like spotted dick....English food never had the glamour and refinement associated with french food (snails and frogs?) or the rustic charm of italian cooking (pasta with evil sounding names, mentioned in one of Uncle's articles)English food is more stuff yourself with a pint of ale in the pub sort of food

[Will]

And speaking about chips..the english are proud of their "chips" as in the large rectangular potato pieces which are usually deep fried or oven baked, unlike its more popular cousin "french fries" or "freedom fries" some americans call them, because the french refused to invade iraq, which are small and crispy with no flavour at all

[TS]

Having lived in England for about five years, I found that the bad reputation English food have is unfair.

During and many years after World War II there was a food shortage in England that caused a whole generation to lose touch with their traditional cuisine.

Many farm products fell out of favour, simply because people was not familiar with them and did not know how to use them.
Veal, which is a by product of the milk industry, is almost unmarketable. I could only ever find it on farmers markets, never in a supermarket.

England have come a long way and the bad reputation the food has belong at least two decades ago.

All that said, there's still some weird stuff around like the Chip Butty:

Only McDonald's and Burger King use the term "fries", English people calls them "chips" and what we call chips, they call "crisps".

[bob]

Sorry. I have nothing really funny to say.

I live in NY,USA, but discovered Nury on one of my trips to Hong Kong, and have been reading the column every day.
If I think of something clever, I'll let you know
bob

[Will]

Isn't the diffrence between the english chips and french fries are chips tend to be fatter and rounder, and hot and soggy in the middle and fries are small, slender and crispy with no flavour and tons of salt and had to be eaten with catsup or chili sauce, oh and another thing is you can get curry sauce for your fries in the UK

[V]

I wonder why China hasn't confronted Russian Federation yet about a large amount of land previously "owned" by China and then "given away by mistake" to the Russians... If a tiny island is so freaking important, I just can't imagine what they would do to get these large amount of land back. That could cost the entire civilization...??