New look for New York

  
Lower Manhattan will look very different after planned redesign

OSAMA BIN LADEN is building a 100-story terrorist training school at the former World Trade Center site in New York. The Jihad Towers (see pic above) will be topped with a flashing banner saying, “Learn to kill infidels here”.

That’s what a Muslim friend told me as he took me to try out a new Taiwanese “jelly bubble coffee” shop.

I was highly skeptical, as you can imagine.

“I don’t believe ONE WORD of it,” I said. “NO WAY will jelly, bubbles and coffee form a palatable beverage for the discerning consumer.”

I was wrong. It was GOOD. No wonder Taiwanese drink shops are spreading around the world.
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As for the setting up of a terrorist center at Ground Zero, my friend said a buddy of his had seen it on US television news. “The terrorists were invited to New York by the liberal media,” he added.

Aha! That gave me the clue I needed. “Your buddy was taken in by Newt Gingrich,” I said.

You gotta admire this guy Newt. Despite having the looks and intellectual/ ethical capacity of the slimy water lizard after he is named, he gets his absurd claims broadcast internationally.

In fact, Newt is pretty much a one-man argument against having a free press.

The governments of China and Singapore ought to pay him a fee. They probably do.
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White House staff are right now working overtime to correct a belief among followers of Mr Gingrich that US President Barack Obama is

(a) a Muslim;

(b) born outside the US; and

(c) an alien lifeform sent to infiltrate earthling society.

My advice to Mr Obama’s people: Don’t fight it.

If people think Obama is a Muslim, he’ll get 1.1 billion extra fans right where he needs them: in Asia and the Middle East.

If people think Obama is not American, he’ll get a boost among literally billions of Earth citizens who have been turned off that country.

And if people think he is an alien lifeform sent to infiltrate earth, folk with under-sized brains (like small children, nematodes and followers of Mr Gingrich) will think he is “way cool”.
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Of course, there’s always the chance that Mr Gingrich may be right.

Mr Obama’s achievements are suspiciously superhuman.

The guy won the Nobel Prize WITHOUT GETTING OUT OF BED.

People have been trying to pass the healthcare and financial regulation bills since the dawn of man, 3.5 million years ago. Obama got them both passed on the same day.

Obama has other suspiciously non-human traits. He doesn’t like ice cream, rarely takes alcohol and never drinks coffee.

When he needs energy, he eats a mystery rectangular snack. Staff claim they are energy bars, but they look to me like small slabs of kryptonite.
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My files say people have over the past 12 months alleged that Obama is:

(a) an alien;

(b) a superhero;

(c) Jesus returned to earth; or

(d) the Antichrist.

No, wait. Those are the comments on my work appraisal form.
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But let’s all remember: life is so weird these days that nothing can be beyond belief.

Even the fact that jelly bubble coffee tastes good. Try some.

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TOMORROW: Angela exclusive including NEW PIC.
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Technorati Tags: New Gingrich,New York mosque,mosque controversy,bubble tea,coffee jelly

Comments

[Christy]

Bogus article "Burn a Qur'an Day Fails Miserably"

http://maniacmuslim.com/?p=965

Simply brilliant!

"Arabic translations of the Twilight series and Goosebumps were also accidentally burned...I don't think burning Twilight was an accident" LOL

[Paul]

Good to have Mr. Jam back in full form.

It is sad to see the level of hatred that has been ginned up in the US recently. The vicious attack on a Muslim cab driver in NY last week just highlighted how dangerous comments by people like Mr. Gingrich can be when taken to heart by drunks and morons.

While I respect Newt's right to open his pie hole, I am (as an American) often very embarrassed by what he spews out of it.

It seems to me that 'freedom of speech' has become a shield which people use to hide from the accountability of speech.

[Ram]

Jelly Bubble Coffee?... I didn't know that... I know that it goes well with tea and is a Taiwan Specialty...In Chinese, "Zhen Zhu Nai Cha". Those black pearls are made of tapioca, and comes in different sizes, the smaller ones looking like frog eggs.

[Lift Lurker]

So how to make? Iced coffee + sugar + milk + black pearl tapioca? I will try at home.

@Paul, never apologize for freedom of speech, even abuse of it. It is much much worse when it is gone.

[Angela]

Yes it is sad, what is happening these days. I am very much affected, I must say.

On my first date with a young English heavy weight boxer, I told him my father and brother are moslems. Since then we have gone on three dates and he have not even made a single indecent move. 

A perfect gentleman. Now I know why the Brits are famed for their good manners. But this is getting ridiculous.

I am afraid to ask if it is because he doesn't find me attractive or if he is turned off by my family background. 

Whatever the reason, I plan to jump him on the next date. Wish me luck. 

[Male population of planet Earth]

JUMP ON ME! JUMP ON ME!

[Dancer]

Jumping on a heavy weight boxer? Way to go, Angela!

[grandpa aka Faye Libad aka fardel]

I think that grandma means "dump" him i.e. put him in an elevator and send him to mars

[Chamin]

> TOMORROW: Angela exclusive including NEW PIC.
Does the "NEW PIC" have anything to do with lowered pants(mentioned on Cougar Updates)?

[Linda]

I read Mr. Jam regularly but today's post New Look for New York really hit home. I'm an ex-New Yorker whose been in Macau for over three years and feel oddly detached from what's happening there. The insanity continues...I shared today's post on my Facebook site for my fellow American friends to read. Many/most are dillusional about how the rest of the world sees us. Thanks for lending humor to a not humorous time in our lives.

[TS]

When he needs energy, he eats a mystery rectangular snack. Staff claim they are energy bars, but they look to me like small slabs of kryptonite.

As a geek I feel it is my duty to point out a flaw in your implied reference to Obama as "Superman".
Technically Kryptonite is poisonous to Superman. Depending on the colour of the Kryptonite, it will all have a more or less negative effect on his health and mentality.
However, Obama could turn out to be Bizarro, in which case green Kryptonite will actually strengthen him.

[Lift Lurker]

Linda, do not feel too sad about New York.

It is wonderful place. It has glorious past. A great man Mr. Otis grew up near that city and give civilization a very wonderful gift (and safest form of transportation)

It cover up the sin of Ohio and Indiana who give us the Wrong Brothers.

[Angela]

NYC is still on top of my list of places to visit.

Start spreading the news
I am leaving today
I want to be a part of it
New York, New York

These vagabond shoes
They are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it
New York, New York

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

My little town blues
They are melting away
I gonna make a brand new start of it
In old New York

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

[Angela]

Obama is not superman, you never see superman eat anything. Not even when he took lois lane out on a date. He flew her to impress her, didn't even take her out to dinner. What kind of man is that?

Obama must be Popeye!!!

Those little green bars are slabs of fortified spinach bars. 

On one press briefing, when a cheeky journalist asked , "who is Barack Obama?"

The US President was reported to flex his right arm and declared, "I yam what I yam!!!"

[Barack]

Thanks for the posting above. However, I would just like to point out that I do NOT eat kryptonite bars. As Mr TS (is that a Chinese name?) says above, it would harm my superpowers.

In fact, they are normal granola bars but with around 10 grammes of green krytonite and 10 grammes of red kryptonite in each. I take them to build my immunity.

Incidentally, all this is classified information, and I may have to send the intelligence officers around to shut you people up if you don't keep quiet about it.

I know it's hard but it isn't impossible. Just keep this thought in your mind: YES YOU CAN.

[bkeefe]

Are you sure you mean Gingrich? He strikes me as being to involved in the political process to have made those comments. Those comments sound much more like Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck than Newt Gingrich.

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

From my recent trip to China

Newt can use that as evidence :-p