Pull your pants up!

Punishment awaits those whose crotches are at knee-level

FASHION VICTIMS HAVE the right to wear low-riding, underpants-revealing trousers without being arrested, a judge in the UK declared last week.

Slack-trousered Ellis Drummond, 18, had been legally banned from showing his undies in public. But magistrate Nicholas Leigh-Smith cancelled the order, saying it was “contrary to the Human Rights Act”.

I heard about this from reader Karuna Menon, who said: “Wow! A teenager has won the right to wear his tracksuit bottoms halfway down his backside.”
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Actually, this is not the first time human rights have been evoked in such a case. Your humble narrator, as an adult who works with children, was once asked to rule on a similar case two years ago. The discussion went like this.

Teacher: “We can see your underpants. You look silly.”

Teenage boy: “it’s my human right to look silly if I want to.”

Teenage boy’s supporters: “Yeah, he can look silly if he wants to.”

I thought for a moment, and then said to the boy: “I rule in your favor. The Human Rights Act defends the right of fashion victims to look like demented circus apes unable to dress themselves. You are free to go.”

His supporters laughed. He punched the air in victory.

But as he walked slowly away, I could see that his single-celled brain was slowly taking it on board that his victory was somewhat on the pyrrhic side.

The next day he came to school in a suit.
*
Low-slung jeans were already out of fashion then. If anyone reading this knows the abovementioned Mr Drummond, please send him a message:

You’ve won a great victory for the young people of 2005!

Pity you live in 2010.
*
Meanwhile, here’s a message to the judges in the UK. What would you say if I told you that you looked kinda ridiculous in your big black robes and your funny wigs?

Yeah yeah, I know, it’s your human right to look silly if you want to.
*
But having said that, there’s one way dressing absurdly can be profitable. Last week, TV buyers commissioned an eighth series of the BBC’s What Not To Wear. In each episode, hosts ambush a fashion victim and offer them US$5,000 for their old wardrobe. Cool! I’ve got loads of tatty t-shirts and underpants they can have for that.
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Low-riding pants don’t really work on Asian males. Many of us are born without hips. From armpit to ankles, Asian guys are a geometrically straight line. Low-slung trousers just descend to ground level. I was once ordered to take my belt off at airport security and ended up revealing my favorite underpants (they have pictures of cows on them) to the world.

The only place in Asia where low-slung jeans were big was Japan, where boys kept them aloft using chains. In some places the jeans were cut with the crotch at knee-level, so that wearers could only walk by waddling like ducks.

In one case, a Tokyo gang escaping from police included a young man wearing such fashionable pants. As he waddled away from the crime scene at a glacial pace, laughing police officers caught him with a gentle stroll.

As I told the teacher in the case quoted above, being a fashion victim is its own punishment.
*
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Below, Mr Jam’s friend Winston shows how pants should be worn.

Technorati Tags: low rider pants,low slung pants,low slung trousers

Comments

[Claudia]

Why does this remind me of "Pants on the Ground"?

[sej]

Hmmm... I think I'd be more concerned about Plumber's Crack... Except perhaps that of our very own Truck Driver.

[farah]

edge sticking out looks cool to some extent but some guys can really pull of the low riding jeans look.

i had one of my friends showing his butt crack to the whole world and it didnt look sexy (although he claimed it did).

[Mahjuja]

Ugh! Tell me about this low-slung mania. I wanted to sue some people for indecent exposure! I mean there I would be, say, in the library minding my own business reading a book and for some reason I look up for a moment and see a guy bending over at that exact instant ewww...I say it's abuse on unsuspecting innocent people! And Mr. Jam will know that men in this particular region look like they aren't even aware of the invention called soap or miracle that is deodorant so, imagine if you can, the horror I'm talking about.

[ECual]

It's a G' thing.

[Deepak]

I remember during summer holidays, we used to play marbles. There was one of our neighbor's boy (teenager) whose low slung pants could give us a glimpse of his crack as he squatted to throw marbles. We kids watching the game used to pick up small pebbles and quietly slip them in the crack for fun and laugh at the thought of adding to his balls. Well, this was at least 40 years back.

[TS]

I don't get it... I just do not get it..
As open minded as I try to be, it's simply beyond my comprehension.

I have tried to put it aside in my mind when I see young people unable to catch their bus because of their trousers down around their knees. Inside I'm screaming: "PULL YOUR BLOODY PANTS UP OR I'LL PUSH YOU IN FRONT OF THE NEXT BUS!"

But then I close my eyes, mumble my mantra: "PUT THE FREAKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!" and everything will be hunky-dory.

[Mike]

I don't get neckties or high heels.

I think the fad of wearing pants like that started because prisoners were not allowed to wear belts so they purposely got pants too big to annoy the guards. It worked so well rap stars and kids continued it to annoy their parents.

Since you guys are still talking about it, it apparently still works.

[Lift Lurker]

Barbarian attire is so distasteful.

Even my 4-month old daughter insist on wear her diapers hung low.

Don't worry. My plan to put Dutch-style doors in lifts should keep them out.

[Karuna aka Kaye Moreno]

it seems here in HK, more women than men wear this attire.
This fashion cannot be appreciated within a lift.
The viewer needs some distance from the wearer to get the right view !!

[farah]

in cases like this it helps if someone has a muffin top syndrome to avoid fashion disasters as such. skinny people tend to opt this outfit more.

@ Karuna

if you want view in a lift try looking at the reflection on the ceiling. recommended by a lot of experts =P

[Karuna aka Kaye Moreno]

@Farah, what is "muffin top" syndrome ?

[TS]

"Muffin top" is when your belly spills out over your pants like a.. eh muffin top.

[dehumanized]

it is very normal for people like our little friend here winsten to not get the point of wearing low weist pants.show butt crack in the process can be disturbing though.right now im in my ipe class sitting next to this guy whose butt crack ha been witnessed by everyone in the class except the teacher.

[fardel]

Young generations have been fashion victims for along time :
At the beginning of last century, young french men were all dressed in red jackets and blue pants.
It took a few month to find that it was a bad idea
The guys across the trenches did not like their style and shot them like sitting ducks .
In the forties ,the color in style was kaki.
The result was not better since the young generation was wiped out ( this time , the habit had spread all around the world)
In the sixties , a new style came out : camouflage fashion.
The results were not great either , especially in Vietnam
In the seventies , everybody who was not dead was tired of fighting .
Peace was the trend
The young generation (this is me..too) adopted new style :
skinny guys with long hair in tight fitting shirts.
Elephant-legged pants in rainbow colors..
When we look back at the pictures, it was ,not that elegant, really i
Today the pants are down...Yeurk....
But it will pass too.

Lucky me in the Caribbean, girls have adopted a new style....a lovely style
open blouses, right above the navel.
Brassieres pushing the breasts up,into a rounder shape, and at the limit of falling over (and out)
mini skirts.
The whole clothing in bright colors matching the beautiful skin colors of the wearer.
Sorry guys,
It seems to me that you will be stuck with asian fashion for a while:
black stockings , with unmatched colorless miniskirts , and dark jacket or shapeless T shirts;
If you want to see what I am talking about , you would have to visit.;
It is in the French Caribbean

[Dancer Arroyo]

@Fardel

'black stockings , with unmatched colorless miniskirts , and dark jacket or shapeless T shirts' sounds scarily familiar to my 'dress code' in my current contract.....

Good thing I decided to ignore it.

[farah]

i think faye lipad's comment on french fashion statement came just in time. i just came across this article on venus william's outfit in the french open debut.

...a lacy, black corset like dress with bright red trim on her bodice...

oohh la la !!

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

"Muffin top" was considered fashionable in Sri Lanka until about 20 years ago. May be because almost all ladies have it by the time they are 25 :-p

[Rehanna]

you sloppy mother fucker!!...stop poisoning our brains!