How Gabby’s secret spilled

 
Strange tales of hidden surprises in receipts

A WOMAN IN Canada is suing a phone company for breaking up her marriage. The telecoms firm sent Gabriella Nagy an itemized phone bill. Her husband spotted a number he did not recognize and dialed it. It turned out to be his wife’s secret ex-lover. After the conversation, the husband packed his bags and left. Gabriella, 35, is suing her phone company Rogers Wireless for C$600,000.
*
As I sit in a noodle shop reading this, I’m filled with irritation that NOT ONE news source reports the conversation between the husband and the lover, SURELY the key element in the story. It must have been something like this.

“Hullo? Who’s that? My name is Nagy.”

“Oh, the ‘goofball husband too dumb to see what’s under his own nose’?”

“Er, yes, I suppose that IS a good way to describe me.”

The cheating wife was particularly stung that this happened after her three-week affair ended, so she was left with neither of her guys—and a big phone bill from the company she blames for ruining her life.

I show the news report to other diners at the shop. The proprietor, a moralist with a penchant for gangsterism, gives a stern judgment: “You should tell Ms Nagy that itemized bills are not the problem. Her behavior is.”
*
After giving this some thought, I point out that there are cases in which itemized bills harm people who are totally innocent.

A friend of mine had his expenses claim rejected by the company accountant, who said: “We don’t pay for THAT SORT OF THING on business trips.”

The business traveler reexamined the receipt he had submitted from a Bangkok restaurant. It listed “two beers and a virgin”.

All he had done was order a virgin pina colada, a revolting drink apparently made of pineapple juice and pureed Gummi Bears (I tried it once).
*
As I slurp my laksa, the conversation reminds me of the itemized bill received by writer Bernard Cooper. His hardnosed father, a Wall Street lawyer, was furious when his son grew up to be neither a lawyer nor a heterosexual. So the dad sent the son an itemized bill for his upbringing. It added up to US$2 million.

It’s kind of an interesting idea. My children’s pocket money savings accounts have already grown larger than their father’s meager pile of disposable income, so I file this notion away for possible future use. Bernard kept his sense of humor and wrote a book (“The Bill From My Father”) about their relationship.

Nice guy.

No wonder he failed to become a lawyer.
*
Sharing my table was a businessman. “People don’t read itemized bills,” he said. “Over the past few years, many big corporations have quietly added an extra item called a ‘billing fee’ to your bill. Most banks and telecom companies have already done this.”

With a sinking feeling, I ask the obvious question. “Is a billing fee what I think it is?”

He nods with a wicked smile. “Yes. They send you bills for sending you bills.”

That is SO outrageous. I nearly choke on a bean spout. Gabriella, I’m on your side.
*
MORE RECEIPTS




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ON AN UNRELATED SUBJECT: Here’s proof (as if any more was needed) that this website has the most gorgeous contributors (host not included).

Below is Ram, who is clearly a MAJOR stud.

And here is Mahjuja, who is absolutely gorgeous:


And here is Mike and family, all three of whom are cute and adorable:

Comments

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

If vampires are reading this blog, 195 Franklin St. is going to have a busy time tonight :-p

[Lift Lurker]

This will be end of free market!

I am sure that because of Gabby incident, the laws will change again and all bills will have to be itemizized even shopping bills.

When you shop for business suit, your invoice will look like:

- Raw materials 18.00
- Shearer 7.8
- Production overhead 4.50
- Laborer salary 0.50
- Shipping cost 23.00
- Packing cost 12.50
- Advertisement & Marketing 3.40
- Salesclerk salary 1.20 ( x 3 hrs talking with you)
- Putlong hamen chiz 8.00 (salesclerk snack)
- Lighting 1.4 (x 3 hrs for you to decide to buy)
- Shopping mall overhead 3.10 (x 4 hrs while you roamed)
- LIft Free (forever free)
- Brand name factor 450.00

Mahjuja should consider being lift lady. She too pretty for outside world.

[fardel aka Faye libad]

Somebody must have had a veeeeeeeeery long weekend, driving all night........
she did not comment about Ram yet

[Maharlika]

Nury... I'm not really good with words so leaving 'intelligent' comments is a little difficult for me.

Can you add a like button at the bottom of your articles so I can express my joy in reading by simply clicking one button instead of typing?

I LIKE(a million times) your articles in the last three days!

[Rehanna]

where do you get5 these stupid stuff...dont you have anything else to do mann....i mean c'mon...its not like the end of the world is it!....so stop writing these rubbish!

[farah]

writing stupid things is in and serious things are out these days.

people need wired laughter therapy... there are too many dying of heart attacks.

[pretty in pink]

rehanna, jealousy is like farting in the elevator. we can't see your face (in this column) but we can smell you.

yeurk!

[fardel aka Faye libad]

@Rehanna
These columns are reserved to those who have something to say, preferably funny.
They are reserved to humor-oriented souls.

Please remember that we are from different part of the world :Caribbean, India, Bangladesh, Hong kong, Australia, Germany, USA,United kingdom, Canada.

Depending on one's background and culture, the fun can be interpreted differently, or not understood at all

The fact that you do not like us or what is said here, should be kept to your sorry self.
But, You are free and welcome to post anything positive or funny;
I am sure that you have funny , decent stories to talk about.
Everybody does.
Everybody needs it,
Fun is an universal stress therapy

You definitely need a powerful treatment.

[Christy]

@ Lift Lurker

No lifts are not free...what about the monstrous "maintenance/management fee" we have to pay?

[Dinu]

we DO have a cola drink in bangladesh called just "virgin".

so its nothing unusual to be asked in a shop: what will u have sir; mojo, coke, seven up, sprite or virgin?

virgin is a soft drink. here's a fair minded suggestion for a hard drink...call it "macho" ... or "stud"...

[Lift Lurker]

@Christy, To have such fabulous machine is not free of course. The best thing in life is not free. But riding is free.

[Mahjuja]

@ Rehanna, none of us have ever written such rubbish like, four-letter obscenities, here which is more than can be said for you.

[Your fan]

i have followed this group for a long time but this is my first time to comment. I'm always impressed by how you guyz always come up with such funny comments and stories about the ordinary things of life.
Your fan

[Mahjuja]

@ Mr. Jam So, you think Annie Leibovitz did a good job...

And about the gorgeous contributors thing, it must be the Patrick Stewart/Sean Connery effect. ;-)

But then again, beauty is a relative concept, it is in the eyes of the beholder. Since we all get to show our minds first here, I think it says something about our perception of beauty.

Another miracle for Mr. Jam, to be able to find decent personality-focused as opposed to appearance-focused people ON THE INTERNET of all places! OMG!

[Ram]

Here is a receipt:

[url=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/][img]http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg[/img][/url]">http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg[/img][/url]">http://www.freeimagehosting.net/][img]http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg[/img][/url]

[Ram]

OOPS!!!...Always a problem with uploading images...

[url=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/][img=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg][/url]">http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg][/url]">http://www.freeimagehosting.net/][img=http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg][/url]

http://www.freeimagehosting.net/image.php?bd3ab59f9e.jpg

[Ram]

Again!!!...Ok, here is the link...

http://www.freeimagehosting.net/image.php?bd3ab59f9e.jpg

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

Hi Ram,

Thanks for the receipt. Trying my luck to see if I can get it to appear here.

[img]http://www.freeimagehosting.net/uploads/bd3ab59f9e.jpg[/img]

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

I think just the link is fine for now. Sorry for the garbage, folks :o)

[Mahjuja]

Ok now of all the pics in this column, that one (the receipt) made me smile. :-)

[TS]

Johnny Cash, No Charge:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9v5Aex7RL8

[fardel aka Faye libad]

@Your fan

Do you know the story we, in aviation, have about you?
No?
i guessed so

Definitiion of a propeller:
It is a fan , located in front of a pilot to cool him down.
Stop it , and watch him sweat.

[female reader]

The girls on this site are famously beauutiful, thanks, Ram, for providing eye candy for us gals!!!

[fardel aka Faye libad]

@female reader

What about us???

[fardel aka Faye libad]

#Christy
"......... the monstrous "maintenance/management fee" we have to pay?...
Can you give me an idea of the bill and the distance covered by the sliding box in your building.
I would like to compare it with air travel.
I ma sure I can beat Lift Lurker on the eternal debate
We ,in aviation, remain cheaper, and the more enjoyable way of moving around

[sej]

Lift Lurker,

No lifts are not free...what about the monstrous "maintenance/management fee" we have to pay?

See? I'm not the only one!! :-)

[Ram]

@Female reader...

Thanks!!!

[sej]

Fardel,

I completely agree... I reckon flying has to be cheaper per km than lifts... And certainly far more enjoyable.

[sej]

I recall a customer of mine... one of their customers was giving them a hard time one day, so when they invoiced him, they added a TFL charge.

"Thanks For Lunch"

[Lift Lurker]

@Christy, Sej, Fardel, your obssession with lift is unhealthy. Even I am not that obsessed (I live in lift, raise my children in lift, but not obsess about it).

Topic is about Gabby and itemizized bill.

(@Fardel, since you are older than me, you will not win eternal debate. You are 45 right? I am many years younger than you)

[TS]

@Rehanna

Nobody should be forced to read these pages.
It's something that the gang have taken up with Uncle Nury on several occasions.
It's immoral and possibly illegal to chain people up in a basement in front of a computer with this drivel scrolling down the screen.

I assume that you somehow have wrestled a bit lose from your chains and are now commenting by pecking your nose at the keyboard.
Just type in the location where you are held prisoner and we will send help as soon as possible.

[Lift Lurker]

Why everyone gang up on poor Rehanna? We must be warm and welcome to newbies. He make legitimate questions and has a good point.

where do you get5 these stupid stuff...

From real life of real people.

dont you have anything else to do mann....

Thats right. Nothing else.

i mean c'mon...its not like the end of the world is it!....so stop writing these rubbish!

Agree 110%. Mr Jam must start writing this rubbish only when its the end of the world.

[Lift Lurker]

@Chamin, your receipt gave me a lift!

As we lift people say: "You can have your cake and let them eat cake, too"

[Mahjuja]

I say that airplanes have at least two advantages over elevators-

1) however cramped, everyone gets their individual space.

AND MOST CRUCIAL,

2) No one except the pilot (and even that only under certain circumstances)or a hijacker can hold up a plane!

[fardel]

@Lift lurker

whatever my age,I shall survive you..
for the simple reason that Aviation is safer than elevators
By the way, I am old enough to be your grandfather

"Topic is about Gabby and itemizized bill."
You are right
Let us talk only about to itemized bills

here is a good one ( the one I paid last month)
round trip ticket from Paris to Hong Kong on an airbus 380:
total617 Euros
, aviation taxes 54 Euros
the ticket fare is 563 Euros roundtrip for a distance, twice 7500 Nautical miles at a speed of 450 Knots ...roundtrip

@Christy
Can you send an itemized maintenance fee?

I was wondering why Hong Kong is a city where people are parked in 40+ floors towers.
Thanks to lift lurker, I have the answer.
HK is the only nation run by the elevator industry

do the math
40 floorsx5 appartments on each floor=200 times the bill
Just multiply that by the amount of towers in hk = .....................
the income for the elevator industry is 40% of the national revenue.

My hat to you , lift lurker you are working in a gold mine

[fardel]

8 US dollars for a chicken sandwhich!
9US Dollars for the salad which goes with it?

No wonder the US of A have an economical crisis!!!!

[Abk]

Maybe u should try the virgin pina coladas with ice cream and without the Gummy bears. They ain't that bad! Depends on where u try it.

[fardel]

Are you sure that you did not mistake the pina colada for a halo halo?

In the Caribbean , they are made from the finest rums and pineapple juice, with coconut cream( not the coconut flavored ice cream )
Delicious

[tomal]

hellow everyone

[tomal]

@Rehanna,
I can tell you at least a hundred interesting activities should you ever really be bothered to hear.
It is pretty obvious that you really are looking for something funny as you are simply unable to do anything other than reading this column.

[tomal]

@Female reader
I agree with Fardel.What about us who are a little less ugly than the ugliest?
@Ram
Thanks for the links.

[Lift Lurker]

@fardel, is it possible you are my grandfather?

I do not know my grandfather because my mother left me at orphanage. She left me at orphanage when i was very young.

The people who raise me said it must have been a very dark night because my mother thought she left me at doorstep of the orphanage. Actually it was a railroad track.

They also think it was a windy night because my mother tied me very well to the basket and tied the basket very tight to the track so that the wind will not tip the basket over and hurt me.

Maybe it was also rainy because she also put plastic bag over my head so I will not get wet from rain.

It must really be dark because she packed rat poison bottle instead of my milk bottle.

That's why I do not know exactly how old I am. They estimate I was 15-19 years old when I was left in the basket.

If you are my grandfather it is really small world. Even if you are eccentric because you like flying around in drums filled with super-inflammable fuel.

[Dancer]

@Lift Lurker

My eyes are filled with tears... of joy.
How wonderful for you to find your long lost grandfather! Maybe now you will have new found respect for aviation.

[Nury]

wow, the saga of Lift Lurker finding his grandfather is really very touching.
I am deeply moved.

[Christy]

@ Fardel:

Distance covered = 11 floors

Bill: a little less than 100 USD, including

-your share of the security's guard's income: 1% (they don't get paid much)

-lighting & maintenance of "common area" in your apartment block (i.e. the lobby where you wait for LIFTS!: 10%

the remaining 89% must go to the hated lifts ;-P

[Chamin AKA Maria Chaminda Veneracion DeJesus III]

I think lifts are far better than air planes in one aspect. Most of them are free of security checks (I know one exception in Tokyo).

[farah]

dear boy elebator,

kindly please tell me why do lifts crawl when you want it to go faster? and speed up when you want it to go slow?

frustrated lift user

[Lift Lurker]

@farah,

Lift is designed to build character.

When you are in hurry, you are stressed. Lift slows down to remind you to slow down and smell the roses.

When you want to slow down, it usually mean you are afraid of something (like going to dentist or interview). Lift speeds up to help you build up courage and learn to do what needs to be done.

Or maybe just some problem in the motor.

[Angela]

While I enjoy flying, I also appreciate the lift, especially when I was living on 12th Floor and the lift broke down so I had to walk the stairs in work shoes.

Thought this is an appropriate song for elebetor boy: (from josh groban)

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;

(elevator to go up a mountain?)

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;

(for those working on deep sea drilling, oil rigs)

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;

(if you're on elevator shoulders you better be fixing it or you might be crushed)

You raise me up: To more than I can be.

(and sometimes to where I don't want to be)

[fardel aka Faye libad]

@ ram
are you a kite surfer?

[fardel aka Faye libad]

11floor=33 meters
waiting time,30 seconds,ride time 10 seconds
use of the elevator
twice a day 6 days a week
once on sundays
=33x2x6=396 meter at 100 USD =USD 0,26 per meter

in aviation mathematics
Paris HongKong at elevator cost=
0,26x1852x7500 each way

Sorry , my calculator does not accept so many digits

[Lift Lurker]

@Grand-père,

Having lift is like having private jet. No...much better. You only wait 30 seconds and you're off! Not even private jet that conveniient. $100 per month is privelege of having Lift at beck and call. Lift ride is FREE.

To compare Lift to Airbus 737 is like comparing apples to socks.

You must compare Lift to having your own Learjet (maybe $25 million. Can you imagine bargain of Learjet for only $100 per month?)

Plus Lift ride is FREE. Learjet to Paris cost maybe $50,000 (maybe some discount if plane lands in ocean).

But I amazed at your love for airplane. We share personality trait. You are indeed mon grand-pere!

When can I give you hug!

[Ram]

@Fardel...

No...But, I really love to learn.... why do you ask???...from the pic??...Well, The red color stuff is my backpack...

[fardel aka Faye libad]

@Lift lurker
There is no such a thing like an airbus 737;
Those plane are made by Boeing, in the USA.
Airbus are European made airplanes ( over 6000 , flying worldwide)

Lurky,
I love aviation, like I love boats.

Nobody nowadays can live without aviation, but are still afraid to fly ;
I find it magical,oops I STILL find it magical that a 600 tons piece of man-made equipment can fly around the globe ( in unprecedented comfort) with a crowd inside the belly at a cost per km per passenger which is not higher than a scooter;
Stlll those monsters are capable of soft landings ( not like the smaller jets ,like the B 737 you mention)

Flying a plane ( as a pilot is a unique , thrilling wonderful experience.
Your first solo ( the first day your instructor let you go by yourself) is like a second birth.
Teasing you about elevators is a lot of fun.
After all these weeks , you still find amazing, surprising and funny unexpected arguments about what I consider a sardin can flying in a shaft.

Somewhere , you could deserve to be called my grandson....

@Ram
Your backpack looks like a kite harness, another great ,thrilling,funny way to elevate humans .

You look like a surfer or kite surfer.........

If you have the opportunity to try kite surf , do not hesitate one moment.

[Vaibhav]

How about having this as an energy drink.

And imagne the name on the receipt??
http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/photo.php?pid=12856720&id=529845152