Scientists develop smell bomb

 

All the recent news items below are real, believe it or not

BOFFINS IN JAPAN have developed a “smell bomb”. Deaf people can use them as silent fire alarms. When the device, made by Air Water Safety Service of Osaka, detects smoke, it unleashes a blast of wasabi (Japanese green spicy paste) into the air. Tests had sleeping volunteers wide awake and racing out of the house within 120 seconds. It costs US$560.
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Who needs it? When I was a kid, my mother would unwrap a block of super-hot seeni sambol (a condiment from Sri Lanka) and the whole city stopped breathing.

Corpses sprang from the graveyard next door.

Aircraft zigzagged erratically as they passed over our house.

People in the next CONTINENT would phone to complain.   
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For non-deaf people, many things can be attached to fire alarms to get folk racing out of the house in 120 seconds.

A video of William Hung performing She Bangs would do it. Or just hook up the alarm to the CD on which William Shatner “sings” Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. (Sample at the end of this column.)
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Anyway, the smell bomb story was just one of the weird things I read in the paper lately.

Is it just me, or is life becoming increasingly bizarre? I know it’s April Fool’s day but the news items below are ALL REAL.
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1. “An influx of cheap electronic goods from Asia has prompted burglars to turn to other crimes.” I think this means they’re being retrained as investment advisors.
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2. “An iPhone application offers translations of baby cries to mothers.” I think I can guess what the most frequent baby cry is. “Put that @#$% iPhone down, stupid woman, and FEED ME.”
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3. “The W Hotel in Union Square, New York, filed for bankruptcy last week, owing creditors US$100 million.” It’s actually quite an achievement to lose so much money without the help of investment advisors.
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4. “Celebrities are lining up to claim Simon Cowell's seat as a judge on American Idol. All you have to do is sit in a chair and say, ‘That was HORRIBLE.’” People who have worked as restaurant food critics in Britain or Germany are automatically front-runners.
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5. “Scientists in Italy have developed a strain of chocolate-craving mice which will tolerate any pain, including electric shocks, to get some.” Let me guess. They spliced in genes from human women.
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6. “The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons reported that breast reduction for men is their fastest-growing procedure, with breast enlargement the top procedure for women.” Couldn’t the two groups simply swap identities?
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7. “A high-cabin truck in the UK sped down an expressway without realizing that a small car was trapped on its front fender.” People around the world who put their savings into Lehman Bros mini-bonds know just how that feels.
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8. “A bankruptcy petition has been filed by the creditors of the website Sex.com.” Now that Google has pulled out of China, many surfers can’t find the site, causing its rate of visitors to fall by 1.3 billion a day.
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Now if you’ll excuse me, I just have to go and deal with someone trying to break into my house. I think it’s an investment advisor.

I’m going to put on my William Shatner record. That should get rid of him.
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Technorati Tags: news humor,wasabi

Comments

[Angela]

According to my database, China has 338 million internet users out of the world 1.7 billion internet users, figures as of Sept 2009.

So 1.3 billion surfers of sex.com means this site is more popular than facebook which claims to have more than 400 million active users. That's roughly 23.5% of the total web surfers and approximately 5.87% of world population as of 21 march 2010 are facebooking.

Wow!

ps: I just happen to be working on internet statistics at the moment.

[TS]

Hey it could have been worse than William Shatner,it could have been Leonard Nimoy singing the ballad of Bilbo Baggins.

Look up William Shatner's version of common People and be pleasantly surprised.

[Kaamil]

OMG! How on Earth do u find these things? These are really weird, especially the one about chocolate. Y would anyone even want to make chocolate addicted rats?

[Kaamil]

I just finished watching the video and I think it's very creative. It proves that stupidity has no limits.

[Karuna]

@Kaamil....Christy's friend ?

[Christy]

@ Karuna

I didn't kill him! Whatever you're thinking of, it has nothing to do with me! I didn't do nuthin!

*hmmm. I'm in a rather . . . mad state
;-P

[Karuna]

@Christy, sub sai lo :D

[Lurker]

@Kaamil, they will send these rats to infest belgium and france chocolate and they will survive any rat control program.

The funding came from Italian chocolate industry.

The lift industry had nothing to do with such evil plans.

[Kaamil]

@Karuna
I assure u I am still alive. And yeah, nice one about the lift. :)

@Lurker
The evil Italian plans of world chocolate domination are fatally flawed. In defeating the Belgian and French competitors they will have opened the door for Sri Lankan chocolates to enter the international stage. Go Kandos!

[Christy]

@ Kaamil

Strange, I thought I disposed of your body in a very secure place. In fact, I threw your body down a lift shaft...Lurker must have been lurking there to retrieve & revive you...

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Chinese chocolate is WAYYYYYY better than Sri Lankan chocolate. The milk we use contain powerful additives that can cause kidney stnoes and cancer. Cool eh?

[Mike]

my favorite weird story is in Japan scientist impede the sound of a newborn crying in a ringtone, designed to make womens breasts larger through suggestion.

[Kaamil]

@Christie
Actually it was the LIFT ITSELF that saved me. So many people have wasted so much time inside the lift that all that lost time has accumulated there. Then the lift spirit subsei simply reversed time and brought me back to life using the key word lo.

btw, Y am I dead in the first place?

[Lurker]

@Kaamil, "wasted so much time inside lift" is a declaration of WAR!

Lifts are fast and efficient. It is cheapskate owners of buildings who force hundred peoples to line up in one lift. Soon they will realise they can sell Sri Lankan chocolates while people wait for lifts just like in the supermarket.

P.S. We are designing a superlift able to carry 700 passengers in one go. Researchers still trying to solve how to make it narrower than the building itself.

[Christy]

@ Kaamil

Lift spirit = =" actually, the lift spirit is a woman in an Indian call centre.

I killed you coz we're friends! *sweet smile*

[sej]

Lurker,

Lift capable of carrying 700 people? Easy.

Airbus A380.

[fardel]

Lift capable of carrying 700 people? Easy.
Saturn V with ropes attached to it.

Kaamil,Christy
Is that an online divorce ?

[Chamin]

I like it how Kaamil+Christy topic took control here, over the main topic of the article :o)

[TS]

As far as I can see we got a murder mystery, where the murdered person claims not be murdered and the murderer claim not to have murdered anyone.
We are not even sure of the identity of the murdered person.

Would murderer and murdee please clarify?

[Christy]

@ TS
It seems to me that the murdered person is now possessed by the lift spirit.

All clues point to a certain lurking person who has been exhibiting unhealthy fantasies and obsessions about elevators on this forum.

@ Fardel
I have yet to receive three "I divorce you" text messages from anyone.

Presently considering finding a ghost bride for the murdered person. (A recent article in the HK Economics Times reports that Chinese people are now burning fake "marriage licenses" for their dead male relatives. Upon request, it can include a "wedding picture" of the deceased with any young, hot female celebrities of their choice.Poor young hot things, they've been married off to hundreds of dead old men.)

[TS]

@Christy
Rubbish, lifts (or in Americano Vulgarus: elevators) have no spirit, air-planes does...

[Kaamil]

@Christy
Oh what a wonderful friend u r.
How many other friends do have?
Dead ones don't count.

@fardel
What has divorce got to do with this?

[Karuna]

@Christy, landed this morning in India. Read about an interesting case, which you may want to know since you are awaiting {"I divorce you" text messages}
This is about marriage engagement announced between 2 sports star, who also happen to be Muslims. The groom a Pakistani cricket star and the bride an Indian Tennis star.
In the midst of this engagement news....like a Bollywood movie..emerged a girl from India with a marriage certificate to prove that the Pakistani cricketer is her husband. It seems, the marriage was conducted through telephone and she has a certificate to prove it !!!
Now, the Islamic clerics on both side of the border have started giving their learned response. A top Pakistani Islamic cleric has gone on records that telephone marriages are not allowed. While a top Indian Islamic cleric has gone on records that telephone marriages are allowed.
Hopefully, while this matter of great importance is being discussed by the clerics, the media the public, everyone in general and may be the 3 parties involved, we can expect reduced terrorist strikes from Pakistan into India

[fardel]

@kaamil
"What has divorce got to do with this?"

When a couple, married or unmarried argue online, it evidently may lead to an online divorce

[fardel]

"Scientists develop smell bomb"

That is bull.....
Smell bombs have been developed long time ago
It is called an elevator

What is a 700-passengers elevator?
A gas factory

Why is it prohibited to smoke in an elevator?
To prevent the gas factory from exploding

[Lift Lurker]

@fardel, 700 passengers in a 1 minute ride does not produce as much methane as 700 well-fed (or peanuts fed) passengers in a 12 hour ride. That is why there is not mens and womens toilet in lifts.

@Christy, the obsession with lifts does not extend to dead lift passengers. Only to dead lifts. I cannot be a suspect. (But congratulations on your divorce. Sorry I do not understand the conversation)

@Fardel, Saturn V rocket brings back memories of the time men landed on the moon. Without lifts the astronauts could not reach the top of the rocket and climb into Apollo 11 module. Warm fuzzy feeling all over...

And listen close to the transcript:

10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1..we have LIFT off!

More exciting words could not be uttered.

PS I changed my name show my full name.

[Christy]

@Fardel
LOL!! I can't believe you and Lurker's "plane vs elevator" competition is still going on. Uncle Nury, please prescribe a dose of Angela's pics to take this tedious debate off their minds :)

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You need to have *a couple* for any potential "online divorce". But we have a "murderer-murdee" relationship here, in the words of TS...

[Kaamil]

@Karuna
I can understand how the cricketer felt. I just came online to post an innocent comment and Iv been murdered, divorced and apparently written off as coupled Somebody save me.

[TS]

Aren't you guys excited these days?
We are witnessing the foundation of a major religion based on consumer products.

I realised this as I read the news about the release of the iPad.
People are actually buying this for no other reason than that it is made by Appple and therefore must be cool to own.

I will not rule out that I might buy an iPad to supplement my iPod, but devotion like this kinda sickens me.
I want to know and see what the bugger can do, or if it will even be useful to me, before I hand over my moolah.

@Lurker
I was about to suggest that you change your name to lift-boy or something.
you no longer qualify as a lurker and I'm sure there's a bunch of real lurkers nosing about who can't wait to use that avatar.

Oh yeah, didn't you read the memo?
Peanuts are out on planes because people with nut allergies can be affected even by tiny airborne particles.

Lifts was not that critical to the Moon program, they could always have fallen back on the stairs.
Actually, it would have been far more memorable to hear Neil Armstrong say: "After two thousand bloody steps up the tower on Earth, this is one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind".

[Uncle Fester]

TS,

I'm with you... I still cannot work out what the iPad can really do. You can't type a document on it, you can't write like a notepad on it, so it's useless at work. You can't browse the web and listen to music at the same time (it doesn't multi-task [yet]), so it's really kind of one-dimensional at home too.

It seems to me, in the end, the only reason you would want to buy one is to get caught up in the hype.

Yet, as you put it, it seems we are witnessing the birth of a new religion, Personally, I'd prefer Sej-ism, but Apple-ism is what we seem to be getting.

Christy,

Most Murderer-Murderee relationships often revolve around some sort of romantic link. There relationship is very rarely chosen at random. So "online divorce" is certainly a feasible concept.

But, why didn't you come and talk to me. It would have been totally untraceable. No one would have known it was you!

[TS]

Uncle Fester, you seem to have jumped on the one and only multitasking capability that the iPad posses. It is possible to listen to music and browse the web at the same time, but that's about it.

[Lift Lurker]

@TS, president Kennedy's dying wish was to get to the moon before the decade was out. If Armstrong had to climb stairs, they would have taken off in 1970.

Regarding "falling back on the stairs" that is exactly why Neil Armstrong fumbled his saying. He almost slipped on the steps.

He was planning to say "One small step for A man. One giant LIFT for mankind."

[fardel]

@Christy
We are NOT in competition.
We not running out of ideas .......yet.
The proof?
How to improve aircraft fuel efficiency?
By connecting the toilets to the fuel tanks.....
Sorry , it cannot apply to elevators....

[fardel]

"murderer-murdee"

Isn't that the same as Husband -wife ?

[TS]

@Lift Lurker,
I think that Kennedy's dying wish was not to die.

He did however promise that USA would put a man on the Moon by the end of the decade, not because it was easy, but because it was hard...

Weird fella.

If it was up to Kennedy, all the shelves in the convenience stores would be three meters up on the wall. He could then go shopping there, not because it is easy, but because it is hard (of course the shops would by now known as inconvenience stores).

[Lift Lurker]

I think it is much worth re-reading JFK's full speech, specially for the young ones here who do not have such memory of it:

http://www.historyplace.com/speeches/jfk-space.htm

It is a staggering achievement. No nation on earth can dare do it today using the technology of the 1960s.

Sending a man to Mars is not the same. The equivalent would be sending man to the Sun and back safely! (at high noon!)

The most monumental lift ever created brought man to the moon. The lift industry did not fail you Mr. President!

If only you travelled to Dallas inside a lift cabin like we suggested (but you said it was too hard!!!!!).

[TS]

People are sadly ignorant of space and space travel. Most think that Mars is just the next step up from the Moon, when it's really much further away requiring travel times of up to several years.

Also, ask anyone how far out in space the International Space Station (ISS) is and you will find that most people have no idea, or think that it's thousands or even millions of kilometres away, when it's only (on average) 369 kilometres up.

To visualise this, imagine a normal classroom globe of about 30 cm in diameter. The ISS will only be about 9 mm above the surface. The Space Shuttle only go slightly further out to a maximum of 960 kilometres from the Earth's surface.

I have recently read a book about a study into the feasibility of an elevator into space and it concludes that with just a little bit of advancement in the development of the so-called carbon nanotubes, it will be possible in our lifetimes.

Read more here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_elevator

As for the scale of the solar system, check this web page here: http://www.phrenopolis.com/perspective/solarsystem/

When you first open the page you will see the sun, the planets will be out to the right, just keep scrolling.
The size of the planets and the distances are all to scale.

[fardel]

@ Lurker

There TS has posted a wonderful article about the space elevator and you are quiet?!
Even me , I am impressed.
Are you sick ,to have remained so silent for a few hours?

[TS]

@fardel
The book is: "Leaving the Planet by Space Elevator", by Dr. Brad Edwards and Philip Ragan.

you can get it from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Leaving-Planet-Space-Elevator-Philip/dp/143030006X

One of the proposed areas for the Earth tether, in fact the most favoured, is off the coast of Perth, where I have just moved to.

[sej]

TS,

I thought they preferred somewhere around the equator... Partly because this is where the tangential velocity is greatest, and so orbit velocity more easily attained, and partly because it minimises the coriolis effect.

Putting a space elevator anywhere else, and the planet would start flinging it this way and that, a lot like a pendulum. There'd be too much stress, and the cable would have to snap under the pressure.

[sej]

continued...

But, I also agree with Fardel... otherwise such a good article, pro-lifts, and not a word against it from anyone pro-aircraft, I would have thought Lurker would have been on to it in a flash!

[TS]

sej,

in the book they have a series of arguments about areas to tether cable (a ribbon actually), both in terms of climate and political stability and of course the normal logistics of materials and ground support, not to mention air-traffic.
It's not that critical that is exactly on the equator, there's a surprisingly wide band available.

[TS]

The space elevator will not replace air-travel, in fact it might increase it because people will have to travel to get to it.

[Christy]

I would not be surprised if Lurker is already busy plotting to take over the space elevator once it's built. In the mean time, he's going to form a political party and enlist pro-lift lobbyists/enthusiasts. Once the whole thing is build, they're going to launch a coup, declaring independence and demanding that the space elevator be ceded to them...

And THEN he's going to come back to this forum, and write:

"@Fardel: I WIN!"

[fardel]

@Christy
You are so right...
@sej
Lurker is an infiltrator from the Space Elevator Agency.
he knows that WE are the "sages "i.e Wise men and women showing the right direction to a world population which does not know what is left and right , backward and forward, As uncle Nury proved in his recent video

Lurker knows that we are going to influence international Politics to approve his project......

Yes I must admit it .he wins...........
(on the paper only , we still need airplanes to travel horizontally)
Therefore I am Still a winner

Hey Lurker
What is happening to you?
Stranded between two floors?
After three days?!?!

[Lift Lurker]

@fardel, I was so happy that the world finally learned about space elevator that I was speechless for several days.

Better let space lift get all the focus not me, I said to myself.

Not surprisingly, myself responded to myself and he said: "rub it in".

Yes, space lift allows lift to operate from ground floor to outer space where there is no air and so there cannot be any airplane.

Yes, airplane operates from 40,000 feet down to bottom of ocean (inclusive), but outer space are belong to us.

Evil airplanes destroyed hundreds of lifts during WWII, but out in space we will be free from tyranny.

Crap. Unless Boeing goes into lift industry.