Long-distance love, pt 1

How technology makes new relationships for all of us

BLEEEAT-BLEEAT!

“Hello? Who’s speaking? Will you marry me?”

[Later…]

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today over this crackly phone line to celebrate holy matrimony.”

  Reader Karuna Menon, a Hong Kong-based electronics manufacturer, stepped off a plane in India to find a debate raging on a curious question: can a person be wed over the phone?

An Indian celebrity is trying to wriggle out of a marriage he made during a call.
*

Interesting question. I headed to the coffee shop to take a quick public survey: “Hands up if you would marry someone over the phone?”

Nobody moved.

This may have been not unconnected to the fact that most of them were on their third coffees, and had gone through the hyper stage into the stunned stage.
*
Then a woman clutching what appeared to be a paper bucket of shaving foam made a comment: “If you can’t see what he looks like, you may end up marrying someone who looks like a warthog’s backside.”

While acknowledging the logic of her comment, I could not avoid pointing out that she WAS married to someone whose resemblance to a warthog’s backside was remarked upon by all and sundry, passing strangers included.

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” she remarked. “So I am.”

The warthog’s backside, who was sitting next to her, nodded possessively.

“It’s too late, she can’t get out of it now,” he said romantically.
*
The youngest woman in the group said: “If someone wanted to marry me by phone, I would at least ask for a picture of him.”

After a moment’s reflection, she added: “Mind you, these days, you can use Photoshop to turn a warthog’s backside into a male model.”

The wife of the warthog’s backside pricked up her ears at that. “Does it work only on photographs, or can you use Photoshop on real people?” she asked.

The young woman didn’t know the answer to that, and looked to her boyfriend for help.

That young man spoke scornfully: “Nobody in their right mind would marry someone over the phone. You’d be an idiot not to check them out using Skype video or something,” he said. (This is a type of software which turns any laptop into a video-phone.)

He warmed to his theme. “Why stop there? Already you can beam a full-size 3D hologram of yourself to any location, as long as both sides have the right equipment.”

He told us that a hologram of Al Gore appeared at the launch party of the movie An Inconvenient Truth.

I said: “So THAT’s why he looked like a statue during the press interviews.”

But he told us that that was the real Gore.

The virtual Gore was more human and looked warm-blooded.

*
Technology moves so fast. To me, a “desktop icon” is a statue of Buddha. (The illustration at the top shows a 1910 prediction: it says that by the year 2000, we would be able to see and communicate with people using electronic devices.)
*
Back to the scene at the coffee shop: the young man explained what a hologram was---for the benefit of the many elderly (age 35-plus) persons present.

“A hologram of a person looks like a real, solid 3-D human, but it has no substance at all. It delivers its message and then vanishes.”

A woman who had not yet joined in the conversation looked up at these words and nodded fiercely.

“I married one of those,” she said.
*
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ON OTHER TOPICS:
RELIGION: Congrats to the gang for the comments on the previous post; we managed to have a discussion about religion where everyone is amazingly tolerant and no one calls anyone else an idiot or condemns them to everlasting damnation: that’s probably unique in the history of the internet!
*
FARDEL: I just had a phone call from Fardel, the Frenchman who posts always-thoughtful comments from his job as an aviation executive in the Caribbean.

I was intrigued to find that, despite his eccentric comments and unique writing style, the man speaks perfect English, albeit with a wonderful French accent.

Anyway, I just wanted to report that he seems entirely real. He is in Hong Kong on a business trip—the rest of the Hong Kong branch of Mr Jam’s gang will track him down, check him and post photos to show that he really exists.
*

Technorati Tags: marriage by phone,3D hologram,long distance love,skype,relationships by technology

Comments

[Angela]

Nury & Gang,

When you manage to track fardel down, can you ask him to call me? Make sure he is wearing formal attire. My priest and I are on standby for his phone call ;-)

[Paul]

To add on to Karuna's conversation about being wed over the phone, I recelled this case from Malaysia back in 2003 in which a man was allowed to
divorce by an SMS text message.

Acording to the article under Islamic Sharia law in Malaysia men only need to "to divorce their wives simply be saying the word 'talaq' - I divorce you - three times."

For non-Muslim westerners this in itself may seem extreme, but then I was reminded of an old stand-up skit performed by Steve Martin in the (way back in the 70s) on breaking up which was equally simple, "I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin)

However, having been a child of divorce myself, and knowing friends that have undgone this process in the US, these days the only thing seems to result from the break is a quick $hift to the past simple form...

...broke! ;-)

[Angela]

I was quiet and contemplative (apart from quarrelling with my 11-yr old spawn) over the weekend, thinking over the new information from Karuna, TS, Ram, Sej, Lift Lurker, et al. I shall be researching about Oneness and Atheism so that I will not remain ignorant in a world that is rich with knowledge and discovery.

*

More important than what people say, is what they do.

(This little story was told to me by someone who refused to believe in pregnant virgin)

One Sunday afternoon, the sidewalk was full of people coming out from the church after the mass, some were already walking on the street. An obviously drunk man had fallen on the side of the road, half his body was dangerously exposed to cars and motorcycles plowing through the crowd. And yet nobody bothered to help him. A man and his girlfriend (non-believers) stopped and pulled him up to the pavement and called an ambulance.

This made me think: Just because the drunk man came to that situation by his own choice to over-indulge in alcohol, does it make him any less deserving of your compassion? I think if someone who is not drunk had accidentally fallen, people will be more likely to help.

Flashback to a scene inside the church earlier. Congregation rose in prayer, holding hands then give each other their peace. Then everyone queue up to receive the body of the savior, women carrying expensive designer handbags, nobody trusted anybody enough to leave their personal belongings on the pew. I got up to take my place in queue and a concerned seatmate kindly pointed out that I had forgotten to take my bag. I whispered “there is nothing inside that bag that can save my soul, but thank you sister for your concern”. If my purse had been stolen inside the church what an interesting scenario it would have created.

[Nury]

Angela, if your proposal to fardel in the first comment on this posting is genuine, he is the luckiest guy in the world!

Paul, your Steve Martin quote made me laugh!

I also like Angela's comment on the drunk guy -- it's really like a repeat of the story of the good Samaritan.

One of the reasons why I abandoned my previous faith group and signed up with a new one was on this question of doing good.

The first one was a lovely group of people, but they tended to be focused on themselves and had no few charitable activities.

I visited a few non-faith-based groups, such the Rotary Club. They were much better, supporting at least one charity a year.

My current faith group does an astonishing amount of charity work, helping prisoners, rescuing street kids, doing earthquake reconstruction, etc. And none of it is disguised promotion. Unless asked specifically, they don't mention their faith. "You know a tree by its fruit" -- so true.

But being a "do-gooder" isn't easy.
Regular readers may recall my disastrous attempt to get my child to finance a piglet for a poor family:
http://mrjam.typepad.com/diary/2010/01/how-to-give-to-charity.html

[farah]

i always wondered how people know they're getting married to the right person over the phone. what if someone give proxy for the vows? what if when the bride and groom meet, they are not the real people?

[Lift Lurker]

Can also do away with wedding presider and just use interactive voice response system (IVR):

IVR: Husband please state your name

Man: Nury Vittachi

IVR: I'm sorry did you mean "Moorie Hitachi?"

Man: Nooreee Veetachee

IVR: Did you mean "Nury Vitacchi?"

Man: Yes

IVR: Wife please state your name

Woman: Cathy Smith

IVR: Did you mean "Tacky Feet?"

Woman: Katheee SSmeeeth!

IVR: Thank you. Nury Vittachi do you take Tacky Feet as your lawfully wedded wife?

Nury: I do

IVR: I'm sorry did you say 'hairdo?"

IVR: If anyone has cause to object to this wedding, please dial or text 333444555 now or forever not call that number.

IVR: You may now see the bride.

[Lift Lurker]

Maybe funnier:

IVR: If anyone has cause to object to this wedding, please press 8 now.

[Ram]

This is an era where people can manage their farms, restaurants etc over the internet (I am talking about Facebook apps like Farmville and other such stuff)... May be, a virtual partner can be created in the same way... We can choose our partner according to our interests... Probably easy to separate and find a new one if necessary...
Of course, you cannot go to the level of killing the virtual partner... Here is a link showing the story of a lady who was charged for killing virtual husband...
http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article5002721.ece

[Chamin]

Photoshop for real people does exist; it includes make-up, shaves, haircuts, clothing, push-up bras, breast implants, liposuction etc. :o)

[kartini]

@Ram: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

But nothing beats this piece of news:
http://www.google.com.my/#hl=en&source=hp&q=korean+virtual+baby+death&meta=&aq=0&aqi=g1g-m1&aql=&oq=korean+virtual+baby&gs_rfai=&fp=bba11fb48428640

Perhaps in future, parenting will require a license.

[Angela]

I remember many years ago I was a guest at a wedding ceremony.
Minister: Who presents this woman to be married to this man?
Silence…
Silence…
Then some rustling, shuffling and whispering…
Finally,
Father of the bride: “oh! I do!”
The ceremony proceeded.

[Vaibhav]

Just a quick correction for you Nury

It was a Pakistani celebrity (cricketer) who was trying to get out of a marriage with an Indian done over the phone.

[arcduc]

Nury,

What is the address for the coffee shop/ restaurant photograph used in Long Distance love, PartI post?

Thanks.

[Ram]

@Kartini: OMG!!! This looks even more scary... One day, people will probably not know the difference between real world and virtual world...which is more scary than the sci-fi movies where robots or aliens take control...

[sej]

Farah,

i always wondered how people know they're getting married to the right person over the phone.

Exactly my thoughts as I read through Nury's column... how does one ensure the person on the other end of the phone, is in fact the person they really do intend or mean to marry. What if its someone else pretending to be the bride? Who did you actually marry? The intended bride? Or the fake bride?

But what if, he was talking to an IVR? Who has he married? The computer? The company? The person who made the recordings? What if the recordings were made by several individuals? Does he end up marrying all of them?

PS: I have used in my examples here, the bride being the problematic one, and whilst this is far more often than not the case, I do recognise it can, just occasionally, be the groom who is the problem. :-J

[fardel]

@Nury
Thank you for your nice comments.
I fooled you
It was my IVR you talked to.
@Angela
do not tell me that you are in Hong Kong too?!?!
Catch me if you can....
I think that this country is big enough for me to hide for a while.
@Everybody
You are all welcome to walk backward sideways , as ong as you bring your silkworms,even angela as long as you do not bring your preist along....

[Mike]

You know you have been dating online for too long, when some of your facial expressions start to mimic emoticons.

[Erika Earheart]

wit the advent of technology, everything seems possible..and geographical constraints are no longer a hindrance.. and for the question would i marry someone over the phone?..if he is my loved one who happened to move in a far away place and we just want to get married no matter what, then i guess the answer is yes