Raising girls 2: the 4 stages

Daddy-daughter relationships go through 4 steps, getting easier

DADS GET WEEPY TOO. Men also get post-natal depression after becoming parents, according to a report in Daily News & Analysis last week.

The cutting was shown to me by a new father, who said: “That explains why I feel sad and fat and old and tired.”

I pointed out a flaw in his argument. “No, it’s because you ARE sad and fat and old and tired.”

This evidence that he wasn’t suffering from depression curiously failed to cheer him up.

He fought back by arguing that an article that appeared in this space last week, which said men face special challenges raising daughters, had left him in a state of grim foreboding.

I told him to fear not.

Experts say dads and daughters go through four stages, each easier than the previous one. 1) The first stage is babyhood, when guys feel totally left out.

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2) The second is almost as scary. Daddy and Daughter are the Kitten and the Dog, different species who cannot communicate.

Typical conversation is as follows.

Daughter says: “Daddy, which would you rather have? A set of glitter scooby strings or a rainbow BF4L bracelet?”

Dad replies: “Er...”

The Kitten knows that Dad's guilt can easily be used to her advantage. “I'm the only girl in my class without a Baby Alive, almost,” she sighs.

Dad has no idea what a “Baby Alive” is, but he pats her hand and replies: “Well, we'll just have to see what we can do about that.”

At which point, the Kitten pulls out a Toys R Us order form with 17 items ringed in scented pink glitter ink, totaling $4,995, and says: “Just sign here.”
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3) As daughter grows from being an irrational blob into an adorable young girl, the daddy-daughter pair becomes the Enchantress and the Spellbound Suitor.

At this stage, Daddy is stunned that he has produced this gorgeous creature and carries her photo everywhere.

But in reality, the Enchantress is in complete control, and Spellbound Daddy is unable to say no to even the most extreme requests.

Here’s a typical conversation:

“Daddy, can I have Ferrari F420 Spider?”

“No, sweetheart, you're only nine years old.”

“But you can keep it in a garage until I’m old enough.”

“Well, okay, let me talk to your mother.”

This is a tricky stage for mothers, since dads constantly make ludicrous promises and it’s the moms who have to scratch the Ferrari F430 Spider off the shopping list.
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4) Luckily, that stage only lasts a few years, and then father-daughter reach the Twin Planets stage.

Dad and daughter become Mars and Venus. Both know their job is to circulate around the Sun (who is, of course, his wife/ her mother), but both have their own gravitational fields.

Although mom makes most of the key decisions, father and daughter sometimes unconsciously work together to subvert her wishes.

Here’s a typical conversation.

Mom: “I think I'll make my carrot and courgette special tonight.”

Dad: “Er, that would be nice, but didn't we have it recently? I fancy a steak.”

Mom: “We haven't had my carrot and courgette special since 1974.”

Daughter: “Actually, mom, I'm in a steaky kind of mood myself. “

Mom: “But you're a vegetarian.”

Daughter: “That was last week.”
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At that point, it’s the moms who start to suffer from depression.
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Technorati Tags: dad daughter,dads and daughters,family humor

Comments

[Chamin]

Splendid :o)! And the funny thing is, I still want a daughter (I think carrying the photo in stage 2 is worth the trouble)! :-p

[farah]

the whole article reminded me of my sister and dad. she always used to be cunning and all sugarcoated when it came to getting things from him.

now she gets all honey-dewy with me to pay her pocket money. *sigh*

[Jason]

This reminded me of a great quote about teenage girls from a very short-lived TV show (3 episodes before puritanical {tyrannical?} American Christians had it pulled) ...God, The Devil and Bob.

God: "The Devil and I have a deal: I get them until they're 12, he gets them until they're 20."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0221751/

[fardel]

@Jason
Are you sure?
Everybody knows that only the Chinese have censorship on what goes public.....

[Nury]

Great quote, thanks Jason

[Jason]

Fardel, don't you recall the Superbowl episode when Janet Jackson's boob popped out for .003 seconds and the country lost its collective uptight mind? "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Little Jeremiah will be scarred for life now having seen a natural human appendage. Get me the FCC I want to file a complaint."

To quote Robin Williams, as I am fond of doing: "The Puritans, our ancestors, people so uptight the English kicked them out."

[sej]

Fardel,

You obviously haven't been to Australia and met Senator Stephen Conroy.

Uncle Nury,

You might soon be banned in Australia if Senator Conroy gets his way.

[Nury]

I don't know, sej, it's a strange thing but there is a gulf between Asia and the west on the whole issue of sexually conservative societies.

I know that Conroy (the guy who is pushing for Australia to have a blacklist of internet sites containing obscene images etc) is seen as a major villain in the west. But I suspect, in most Asian countries, he would be seen as a hero.

[Chamin]

I used to think that all westerners are more open than South Asians, until I learn about puritans, Senator Conroy, etc. May be it is just a matter of proportions.

[sej]

Nury,

I think that "gulf" you talk of, is only in public. In my experience, behind closed doors, I find that Asians are often more honest and frank about things, whilst Westerners are the exact opposite. And I'm a Westerner!

But Conroy wants to filter other material as well, not just what is sexually suspect.