A Playboy Mansion for Asia

The best place on earth is not where you think it is

EEK! Lock up your husbands. Playboy Enterprises hopes to build an Asian version of the Playboy Mansion in Macau, according to a newspaper last week.

The news promoted a reader to ask:

“If it's true that we go to a better place when we die, where will Hugh Hefner end up?”

Wow, tough question.

Playboy boss Hefner shares a house in Los Angeles with a production line of bikini models, many of which have pneumatically inflated breasts and amazing matching air-filled heads. So where would qualify as a “better place” for him? Hmm.
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An Australian friend had an instant answer. “Just off Second Road in Pattaya, opposite Mike’s Shopping Mall, is Bob’s BBQ, home of Asia’s biggest burger. That’s the best spot on earth.”
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A South Asian friend sitting nearby sneered at this advice. “No way. I’d nominate CGWH Highway in Sri Lanka, the road to Unawatuna beach.”
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A third participant nominated the island of Kauai, Hawaii, which offers beach life PLUS burgers so large that a fast food server once said to him: “Would you like a defibrillator with that, sir?”
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I was trying to choose between the three when a serious-minded eavesdropper interrupted. “You’re on the wrong track,” she said. “Surely this is a theological question. Is there anything in the Bible that says ‘Hugh Hefner shalt go unto a BBQ place near Mike’s Shopping Mall when he dieth’?”

I told her that that sentence appeared in 35^th chapter of Deuteronomy, but I think she realized I was bluffing.
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My mentor/ bartender was of the opinion that the question was neither literal nor religious. “It’s a joke, pointing out that Hefner cannot go to heaven because he is already there.”

This rang true. But it also rang a warning bell in my head. I once met Hugh’s daughter Christie, and did research on that family—and they didn’t seem happy at all. Perhaps Playboy Mansion is not heaven at all.

The bartender nodded. “Hefner may be surrounded by young women in bikinis, but if he is unable to have relationships with depth or endurance, he’s the loneliest man in the world.”
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The whole Multiple Women Thing, as many Malaysian guys have discovered, is not what it seems.

My father had more wives than the generally recommended maximum of one at a time.

One of his friends, in a similar situation, said having multiple wives was “like serving several prison sentences concurrently”.

I feel a list coming on!

So here are the five worst things about being a polygamist.

1. When one wife has got over her pre-menstrual tension, the next one is just beginning.

2. After the 15^th baby and the 1,956th^th sleepless night, the magic of being a new dad wears off.

3. Polygamists have multiple mothers-in-law.

4. You get phone calls from your secretary saying: “Sir, your wives are on lines 2, 3, 4 and five.”

5. Valentine’s day will bankrupt you.
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Our serious friend above suggested that the Playboy founder would not end up in a better place at all. “Surely Hugh Hefner will end up in hell,” she said.

The bartender was philosophical. “I don’t think he realizes it, but he’s probably already there.”

Now THAT’S deep.
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SEVERAL MEMBERS of the Jam Gang met for lunch on Saturday where we pondered about the Destiny that bought us together and where we should go next. The group featured amazing variety of cultural elements, from Chinese to American to Sri Lankan to Malaysian to Danish to South Korean to European to Just Plain Mixed Up.

Since Asia provides most of the world’s consumers and almost none of the world’s humor, there’s definitely HUGE growth ahead. Stay tuned.
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Technorati Tags: polygamy,humor,jokes,Playboy mansion,Macau,Malaysia

Comments

[mun]

I would like to clarify here that not all Malaysian guys are allowed to practice polygamy. Only the Muslims are allowed to because the religion accepts it. People of other races (non-Malay, since Malay = Muslim, in Malaysia) and other religions are not allowed to practice polygamy.

[TS]

6. All your wives will go shopping when there's a sale on, to "save" you money.

P.S. Great lunch on Saturday, where and when do we have another one?

[Thiru Cumaran]

Man, the list of reasons why polygamy sucks just made me lose 5 pounds by just laughing! Great stuff, Nury!

[farah]

you would have to divide your properties evenly among the wives and children even if it means 2 square foot of empty spaces.

but i am quite fascinated by Akbar (i think he's the mogul king of india). he had 3 wives of 3 different religion and he built huge spaces for each of them with massive courtyards, bathing space, kitchen etc etc. this reminds me what did the other queens did when one of them got away with super luxuries? like when Shahjahan built Taj Mahal for Mumtaz?

[Jimmy D]

I just have to point out that yr reason no.1 "When one wife has got over her pre-menstrual tension, the next one is just beginning." actually is not true. When women live together their bio rhythms synchronize and they will all be going though their menstrual period together. However, this, I fear, may be even worse for the unfortunate husband.

[Christy]

7. You have to remember multiple anniversary dates.

-----------
Friend: Teeheeee Christy you're interested in Islam, will you marry a Muslim guy and be his 1000th wife?

Me: Worst comes to worst, 4th only. But I think I'd rather be number 3. 4 equals death, very bad luck.

She walked away looking very thoughtful and I don't think she ever realized it was a joke.

[Mishi]

Talking about losing 5 pounds Thiru, did anyone do the Hong Kong marathon yesterday? I know there have been a couple of postings about jogging and exercise lately........

Maybe this will make you not feel so old Nury!

[Dancer]

Reminds me of my uncle again - five wives from 5 different nationalities where they all support him financially. They worship the ground he walked on and don't get jealous of each other. In fact, they go yum cha together once in a while. But then, again he is a cult mini-leader.

[Dancer]

8. The wives can gang up and nag you - marathon style.

9. You may be the only person ended up doing all the work.

[farah]

But look at the positive side: he gets to sleep with multiple women, legally without all the catfights, golf club throwings, abusive comments, heart broken text messages and voice mails and of course the wanted publicity.

[Nury]

I ran the half-marathon yesterday.

I thought it would make me feel good.

I nearly killed myself. Today I am dragging my bones around like an old man.....!

[Foxlore]

There was an interesting article on a potential rise in polyandry in Asia in yesterdays SCMP. One point that would make polygamy very difficult in China stems from the Confucian rooted fallout of the one-child policy;

In China, there is an additional reason for polyandry to replace the tradition of the rich and powerful having many concubines. Male chauvinism has led to a surplus of males, now nearly 20 per cent in younger age groups. If they want to find female partners, many will have to settle for sharing.

The full article can be found here; but requires membership.

For a recent local cultural take, one can turn to the 2009 HK film, I Corrupt All Cops [金錢帝國] a film based in HK in the 70s, which features a character (Eason Chan) who ends up having to marry all the mistresses of the big triad bosses (once they were discovered by their respective wives) in order to keep them in the crime family, so to speak. Thus he ends up with around 8 wives and he is arguably the most miserable character in the film.
The article also mentions that concubinage is on the rise among Chinese officials. And it is amazing to think that Chinese traditional marriage (i.e. polygamy) was not outlawed in Hong Kong until 1971, long after it had been done away with by the CCP in mainland China…at least ‘officially’, …or in the case of party members does that make it ‘un- officially'

[Mahjuja]

Can somebody tell me what beautiful and sometimes very independent and successful young women see in old, married men? I just don't understand and I'm a fairly young woman, (not in my teens or thirties either). Mr. Jam please?

[Dancer]

Since there are now more job opportunities in China, you hear more and more of those stories where sleazeballs in Hong Kong are getting concubines in China while already having a wife in Hong Kong. I don't know if that still counts are polygamy since since wife thinks they are the one an only one wife.

Anyhow, I happen to know one such sleazeball and he told me that his 'wife' in China gets Hong Kong $2000 per month pocket money and is already the richest woman in the whole village. Needless to say, she's very compliant.

[Foxlore]

@Dancer - HK$2000 per month? If she were wise, she would at least demand $2000RMB given the currency exchange flip-flop in recent years ;)

[fardel]

All those comments show people's ignorance of womens' philosophy:

A husband for the "Chic"
a lover for the shock
A Sheik for the check

[Denis]

Dancer, your uncle who is worshipped by five women who pay for him, can you persuade him to write a book?

It would be the world's number one bestseller instantly.

[Dancer]

He actually has published books - incidentally, they're Feng Shui Books.

[May]

Uncle Nury

i ran 10km with my friends last sat. & completed it in the following manner :-
chatting, laughing, drinking, eating, walking, photo-taking, queueing up for toilet, jogging, running & finally putting on coloured lip gloss, holding my signature smile & "sure win" pose & getting ready to be photographed by media when i was about to arrive at the finish point, haha...
Mr. Jam, will u try half-marathon again next yr.? If so, pls. let me know & i'll join u.

[Nury]

Good idea, May, let's do it together. I found it really hard work.

I think I hadn't trained enough. Also I had a stressful work week and just a couple of hours sleep for a few days in a row.

How long did you take for your 10 k run?

[May]

Uncle Nury

my performance is not so good as i needed to do so many things as above mentioned. ah, forgot to tell u, singing & dancing as well, haha...you may check my result (runner no.D2151) & yours here :-
http://www.hkmarathon.com/

[May]

btw, You may register at Marathon-Photos.com. In case that they have taken photos of you, they will let you know.

[fardel]

If he original Marathon was 40 km, half Marathon should be 20 km,right !?
Hong Kong marathon is only 10 km ??
Humm!

[Christy]

@ Fardel

We have full marathon, half-marathon, 10km and a bunch of other races on the side! :)

[Nury]

They say that being prepared is the most important thing.

I was fully prepared --- to run about five kilometers.

Unfortunately I was booked to run for 21 kilometers.

So I enjoyed the first five. And then the next 15 and a half were really hard.

And the last 500 meters was just fine.

May, I don't know how you have the energy to sing and dance and everything else.

I took about 2 hrs and 20 mns to finish my 21 k.

I will not be entering the olympics.

[fardel]

Is this marathon open to runners only or is there a walker race ( same distances)?
When is the next race?

[Angela]

Nury your time is good. I know someone who run the recent standard chartered marathon and his time was over 4 hrs. He do it annually so I asked how he would finish this one since it isn't his first and this, I quote his answer verbatim: "jog, run, walk, stagger, crawl to the finish line"

So Nury, did you feel like crawling at times? :)

I started training for the 10K but didn't go for it because I will have to wake up at 4 or 5am. That is a crime in my book.

Fardel, I will walk with you :) I prefer walking. And decent hours only please. That is the only thing decent about me.

[fardel]

@Angela

Why is it, that I am not surprised (°_°)

[May]

Uncle Nury

when i sing, everybody will go away & no one will block my way to finish point. it is a tactic, haha...& dancing....i love dancing indeed. Mr. Jam, if u want to win next time, pls. sing as there is no rule prohibiting us to do so.