3 ways not to propose

Marriage may be good for health, but popping the question is tough

READER KARUNA MENON showed me a questionnaire from a chain of bookstores. It asked:

Which of the following best describes your marital status?

a) Single

(b) Married

(c) Other

(d) Refused.

The first and second options are logical enough, but the next two are baffling.

People are either married or single, so what would qualify as “Other”?

And why do they want to know whether we’d been “Refused” or not? Bit cheeky, no?
*
As an experiment, your humble narrator printed out copies of the question and distributed it at the bar that night.

“I’m doing a survey,” I said. “Answer this question.”
*
Five minutes later, it had been answered by everyone except one elderly gentleman in the corner, who just stared at it.

I gathered in the results. Two people were single, and three were married. One person was confused, explaining that he was a polygamist. We decided he was not just married, but double or triple married.

The one divorced person present had ticked “Single” and added a huge smiley face. One doleful young man had ticked “Refused”. I didn’t ask why in case he burst into tears.
*
After a few minutes, the old fella in the corner finally handed in his paper. He had ticked “Other”.

I asked him: “But what do you mean by that? Are you married or not?”

He replied: “I had to tick ‘Other’ because my answer to that question is ‘Can’t Remember’.”
*
The survey got us chatting about marriage proposals, which tend to be not very romantic these days.

Here are three real-life examples.
*
1. A guy called James went to buy an engagement ring as a surprise to his girlfriend. The credit card company, noting that he was making a larger than usual transaction, halted the sale, froze the account and notified the joint card-holder, James’ girlfriend. The pair ended up with no ring, no surprise, no money and dead credit cards. Yes, the happiest day of their lives.
*
2. Then there was Mike who had a furious row with his girlfriend. She was screaming that he didn’t really love her. He screamed back: “I DO love you, enough to marry you even.” She shrieked: “Okay, then DO IT.” He yelled: “OKAY I WILL.” And they stormed off to sign up. Looking back on it as a now-married man, Mike admits the whole thing lacked romance.
*
3. A guy called Sammy wrote to the letters page at groomgroove.com about how he secretly created a wedding invitation in the names of his girlfriend and himself. At dinner with her family, he handed her the card, inviting her to her own wedding. “Then I went down to one knee and pulled the ring out and asked [her to marry me]. She looked at her parents and looked down at me with a ‘Yes!’” Sammy wrote. That story IS romantic. Until you read the last line of his letter: “Since then she’s run off with my brother.”
*
Meanwhile, the doleful young man in the bar was curious about why a book store survey wanted to know that he had been refused.

“Maybe they reckon guys like you are such total losers that they don’t even want you on their spam list,” I said. Life is hard.
*

Technorati Tags: marriage proposal,humor

Comments

[TS]

I think you guy didn't get option D.

It should probably read re-fused, as in married, divorced and married to the person you were divorced from the first time round.

[Paul]

@TS

That is in fact the very thing my grandparents did. They divorced and later remarried each other again. They lived the latter half of 60+ years of marriage in a continued state of antipathy towards each other, and when asked why they said 'at the time they did it for their children' (of which they had three). Again this was back in the 1950s when divorce was not quite so common.

I can't recall where, but I am reminded of a quote that says, 'today, marriage is the new dating.' So I guess that would make the proposal the new pickup line.

* Man in Bar - “Wow! You are soooo hot! What say you and I go out to dinner, then to a movie, and then over to the government office and get hitched?”

* Woman - “Ok, but I have to be home by midnight and divorced by August 2011.

This in turn reminds me of a 2006 article on the rising divorce rate in China among the 'me' generation ( Time magazine article )

[fardel]

Interesting article about divorce in China;
Do not put the blame on me !

[Nishat]

Divorce is also rising in Bangladesh.

A matchmaker I know (she does matchmaking as a hobby) has two files, one contains cvs for unmarried ppl and one is for divorcees. The divorce file is again sub-divided into with or without children, divorcees who are willing to marry divercees with or without chidren etc.

[Sara]

It's good to marry divorced people. They are not idealistic, but realistic people with low expectations, so you have a better chance of happiness

[Nury]

I didn't really ask my wife to marry me. We were so close for so long that it just became obvious that we were going to be married.
But she never stops complaining that I never made a formal proposal.
So guys, my advice: even if it's really obvious that you two have become a unit, you should still take the trouble to make a formal proposal.

[fardel]

Uncle
Maybe you should get a divorce , and re marry again after making the proper request.
But do not worry if she picks on you for other reasons..
This is what marriage is all about: having somebody around on whom one can pick without reason.

[farah]

not you too Nury. these days the hottest topic around me is marriage. blehh!! i dont know whether this is a sign or a nightmare and if it is a sign what is it inidicating?

i need a break!

[fardel]

Run ,if you can
but.....
it will catch up with your sooner or later......

If you are lucky, it will not last.....
Maybe I should set up my international agency
"hit and run wedding international Co"

It works like vaccine. you get married to get protection from suitors. you divorce any time.
In some countries being divorce is seen as a plague.
No suitor would ask you .....again.

Sorry every medicine has it side effects: you will end up alone .. for a good while.

[Angela]

3 ways not to propose?

1. Do not tell other people about your plan to propose before you get her answer

2. Do not do it in front of many people if you are not confident she is head over heels in love with you and might reject you

3. Do not ask the question at the end of the day when she is tired from cooking and cleaning and washing all day

My ex proposed as I was sitting on the couch resting my feet, he paused the xbox and turned to me and popped the question. Ofcourse it was not a surprise as we had gone to Tiffany’s days before and I had chosen a ring (the cheapest one because I hate to see him waste money on jewelries and I am not a jewelry person. Guys, take note that not ALL women thinks diamond is her best friend. I had wanted my partner to be my best friend, not a rock, no matter how shiny or expensive).

So my answer was a very reasonable “I will think about it.” Marriage to me is a very big decision and not one I could make in a split second like they do in the movies. I could not understand why he was so upset and was uncommunicative the following days.

Turned out he had told his family and friends about the ring. So it was really about what other people will think of him, not about how I feel. Now even his friends hate me. The whole idea of marriage came about because his friends were all married and some with children and he must have felt the pressure to produce his little ones.

Another ex taped the ring inside a valentines card. When I opened it, there is another piece of paper with small prints, I thought it was the pre-nup but turned out to be a note on “how to care for your platinum jewelry” must have come with the ring.

Needless to say, I am still single and have pretty rings that I don't wear.

And whoever said divorced people have lower expectations, I am divorced, and have a child. It is true though that we have a more realistic expectations and are happier (because we escaped from hell) and you have a better chance of being happy with us.

As you get older you also become more realistic, it is not really lowering your expectations, not settling for less, you change because you have grown.

As if on a cue, this morning I got a phone call from the Doctor's office, the secretary is looking for Mrs. Smith. Turned out they sent my ex's medical records to his home address but the mail bounced back because he has moved away and they cannot contact him as he did not pick up his phone. Even his Doctor expected we would have been married by now.

Such is Life.

[Angela]

Guys!

before you propose, remember that marriage could ruin a perfectly good relationship.

:-)

[fardel]

Angela at her best .......... again!

Hey guys , are you like me? clicking on her comments before reading anything else?

Oops!

[farah]

if marriage does ruin good relationships then why do people get married in the first place?

[Angela]

The same reason people invested in ponzi scheme, the same reason nations go to war, the same reason tom cruise jumped on the couch. It is also known as trust. People need something to believe in. Marriage is an institution younger only to organized religion. Built on the Same foundation of human need for security. Although we know absolute security is an illusion, we put Our hopes on temporary security because only security can make you happy. I think for some it is the need to belong to someone and for some to own someone. It is good though to get married because then you learn about the illusion of ownership.

Get married, not to get married, it's the same. You will regret it just the same.

But dont listen to me, go get married anyways.

[sej]

Fardel,

She scares me with her common sense.

She's got both looks and brains. A rare combination.

[sej]

Farah,

Social conditioning. It's something society expects you to do, whether it is good for you or not is beside the point.

[sej]

Hmm...

I think I'm going to get shot now...

[si miut]

Nury, our situation is quite similar. I've been dating my gf (now fiancee) for 9 years and it became clear to everyone and their grandmother that we're gonna get married. There was no formal proposal! For a hopeless romantic like me, that's deeply unsettling.

But now u've made me more resolute than ever to propose to her. Thanks for that. Oh yeah, our wedding date is exactly one month from now. All preparation's ready.

It's a tad improper maybe, but I don't want to take her on a sort-of-understood-to-get-married basis. So i'll just pretend that she still has the option to refuse.

(But what a bummer it'll be if she really did :)

[Mahjuja]

Oh please cut the marriage crap already! Aren't there better things to post about in life? I hear enough on this topic from people in my immediate vincity. And I see what Angela says as clear as day, so I think it is easy to understand how confounded and tormented I must be.

Honestly, it would not have been so bad if getting married for a woman in Bangladesh didn't mean automatically also becoming a cook, housekeeper, cleaner, reproducer and anything-else-that-need-be without anyone ever asking you if you want to be any of the above. This is all assumed by default! And if you think then you will just not get hitched, people will hound you into it. Gee, doesn't this sound familiar... like the times when society upheld slavery?

[Karuna]

@Angela, Why did you go with this poor man to chose the ring, only to tell him the next day “I will think about it.” ??

[fardel]

the revenge of the Amazons

[Angela]

Karuna, because 'i wanted to think about it'. I wasnt opposed to marrying, just cannot answer immediately. but he got angry that I cannot answer in an instant.

I think one young man got it right when he said ' pretend she has the option to refuse'. That is romantic that he wants to give her that experience every little girl dream of having when they grow up.

An expectation courtesy of movies and books. For the men the expectation is also to get immediate answer. Just like in movies. There is nothing to think about you idiot! Press the button and say your answer.

Maybe A marriage proposal should be answered like a tv game show except you cant phone a friend and theres no lifeline.

[sej]

In days gone past, marriage was a partnership of two complementing souls.

Today, marriage is a partnership of two conflicting souls.

[Karuna]

@Angela
My teacher once told me,
When you were asked to choose a dress to wear, take your time to decide.
When you are asked to choose your life partner, answer immediately. Yes or No.

[Angela]

Karuna, I will take note of that for future reference :-)

Yes, maybe I was really selfish and thinking only of myself. Fortunately I have grown since then. Not vertically though, just horizontally.

[Chamin]

Marriage is a way to keep two conflicting souls together :-p. It is not necessary for keeping complementing souls together.

[fardel]

MARRIAGE
the only war where one sleeps with the enemy

DIVORCE
a truce , to dresses one's wounds

SINGLEHOOD
freedom and peace

SOLITUDE
Suffering from not having fought and won the war

Sorry Mahjuja

[Mahjuja]

@fardel, Why the sorry? Was this an implicit nudge for me to get married? If not, no need to be sorry. :-)

[fardel]

@mahjuja
"Oh please cut the marriage crap already! Aren't there better things to post about in life?"

sorry
because ,no longer concerned, I still find the subject funny

[Alicia Van-Weed]

perhaps the reason why marriage fails despite the length of the relationship before settling down is because some think they were forced to do something because they are already married, unmet expectations, and some levels of immaturity

[grandpa]

Here comes another suicidal character
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6SsQ0cAI8Y&feature=aso