6 dumbest airport guard tales

Apple Macbook shot dead by vigilant security officers

AIRPORTS WORLDWIDE are holding a secret contest to decide who can hassle travelers for the most outrageous reasons. That’s the only possible explanation for recent bizarre events.
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At the main airport in Philadelphia last week, guards forced a four-year-old disabled boy to take off his leg braces and stagger through the security gate. Actually, maybe the kid WAS a threat: he probably had more brains than they did.
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Hong Kong gave a good showing with the seizing of “the carrot bomber”—a man named James Andrew Matthews who was detained after he was detected to be carrying carrots and other vegetables.

Outraged at being searched, he said: "Look at me. I'm white, not religious and I have a stable background.”

Interesting comment. Like most of the world’s population, this columnist is non-white and I AM pretty religious. Since that makes me a terrorist, I guess I should immediately chain myself to a wall so the Homeland Security can beat me up.
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The third bizarre case was in Canada, where transport authorities announced that books and magazines purchased outside the airport would no longer be allowed on board flights bound for the United States. I’ve never heard of anyone hijacking a plane with a book before. “Fly me to Cuba or I will read a chapter of Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight out loud.” It could just work.
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Here’s number four. Lily Sussman, a student, flew from Egypt to Israel. Airport security at the arrival gate decided that she was carrying a suspicious article and shot it dead six times over with a high-powered rifle. It was an Apple MacBook. (Could the guards have been Bill Gates and Steve Balmer in disguise?)

A photo of her MacBook is at the top of the page.
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But Philadelphia airport is still ahead in the irrationality stakes. Talw five: The US government has been encouraging citizens to learn Arabic since 9/11. A young man named Nicholas George obeyed. But when he went to the airport in Philadelphia , staff spotted his “flash card” language-learning materials. They handcuffed him and threw him behind bars.

Hong Kong vased reader Christy Chiang, who is learning Arabic, said: “This is madness: I have exactly the same set of flash cards.” She raced off to warn her classmate, who also has the same cards, PLUS a beard.
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Tale six: But to go back to the carrot bomber’s comments: many people DO think like Mr Matthews. They call it “racial profiling”.

Compare the following two cases, both real-life incidents from the airport in Washington.

Case one: A group of nine US citizens get on an AirTran plane. Although born in the US, they have brown skin and are going to a prayer meeting.

Case two: An irrational white guy with a furious temper turns up at a US airport and demands to be allowed to take his firearms (he has three of them) on his flight. He is an armed drug addict with a hair-trigger temper.

What happened? You guessed it. Airport officials handcuffed the nine brown Americans and took them off the flight to punish them for being non-white and religious.

The raving junkie, whose name was Elvis Presley, received a personal apology from the pilot. He was escorted on board and enjoyed the flight with all his guns to keep him company.

He could probably even have got away with taking a carrot with him.
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CHRISTY CHIANG  adds:
      I have exactly the same set of flashcards that I carry around -- oops, should I even be disclosing that information? I should probably tell my Pakistani classmate to ditch those flashcards. He studies chemistry, has a huge beard, is (gasp!) Muslim -- add Arabic flashcards to that list, and you've got a bombmaker for sure. (My Arabic teacher has even more flashcards. And he TEACHES the language of terrorism! Do you think I can get a reward for reporting terrorism if I tell Homeland Security?)

Curiosity took me to a "how to wrap hijab" website. It looks pretty easy, just a few maneuvers and you've got a thousand different styles...
I decided to try it on a real head, that of my own actually. Why does it look so easy on the page?! I ended up nearly choking myself with the scarf. 
    Journalists would definitely love that story; what they would write is...

Homegrown terrorism: university student strangled in freak accident involving Islamic extremists.

Islamic extremists have converted a local university student to become a fervent jihadist. 

While attempting to hide a bomb in her headscarf to blow up the university, her inexperience caused her to accidentally strangle herself with the scarf instead.

Government and university spokesmen have taken a united stance to condemn her action, while Al-Qaeda headquarters also express regret at recruiting clumsy jihadists.

In a rare video tape appearance, leader-in-hiding Osama bin Laden emphasized the importance of "dexterity and agility" in carrying out holy war. He is also alleged to have said, according to a private source, that he would like to personally "chop off her clumsy fingers" but he knows that the "final judgment rests with God".
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NOTE FROM NURY to Hong Kong resident readers. Drop me an email if you want to join us for lunch on Saturday this week. The occasion is the visit to Hong Kong of commentator TS.

Also, save this date: Wednesday March 10 – at 9pm, we will be holding a party at Post-97 in Lan Kwai Fong to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the literary festival and other things. Free drinks, free books, free fun.

Also, May 1st, Fardel visits Asia!

Technorati Tags: airport security,humor,jokes,profiling,carrot bomber

Comments

[Denis]

I bet fardel could share some amazing airport security stories, after all, he works in an airport right? come on fardel, reveal all!!

[farah]

last year in Delhi airport (right after the news of female terrorists flashed red signal all across) my handbag was held and screened number of times. next was my mom's bag because it also looked to be carrying the same item. they decided i was carrying a knife in my bag and turned the whole thing upside down displaying all my personal items in front of everyone.

conclusion: the knife actually turned out to be my comb and they apologized less than the number times they screened my bag.

[Karuna]

Late one night, was stopped by custom officer at the road border crossing at Lok Ma Chau.
He did an X-Ray of my laptop bag. Then, emptied all its contents and started checking through it.
He then found the criminal item that he was look for. A bottle of paracetamol. He pushed me to the corner and wanted explanation.
Kept explaining that this was medicine. He was not convinced and continued to give me a hard time.
So, I started to violently cough right in front of his face.
The cop being a typical Hong Kong people, the fear of getting infected by the virus was too much for him. He quickly let me go !

[Nury]

Clever, I have to use that one!

Actually sometimes being brown is a bit of an advantage, as people in East Asia often will stand away from us in case we are dangerous or smelly.

Thinks: maybe we should do a list of Good Things About Racism.

Thinks 2: maybe too controversial.

[Jason]

"Interesting comment. Like most of the world’s population, this columnist is non-white and I AM pretty religious. Since that makes me a terrorist, I guess I should immediately chain myself to a wall so the Homeland Security can beat me up."

And you want us to join you for lunch and be guilty by association? No thanks. Actually you'll be fine Nury, when was the last time you saw a mug shot of a bald terrorist?

I would join you guys, but alas, Canada has just whooped the Russians butts and the semi-final game is Saturday at 10:30, thus I shall be otherwise engaged.

[agnes]

What religion are you Mr Jam? you talk about islam a lot but you said that your mother was buddhist i think last week.

[Dancer]

Like Farah, my bag was screened time after time after time in the Sydney Airport and I had no idea what they were looking for. In the end, they got tired of screening and decided to empty the contents. The culprit was - ta da: my hairpin - which they confiscated without apologising, saying that it's too sharp. Farah, at least you get to keep your comb ...

'Fly this plane into the IFC or you will be stabbed by this hairpin!' - somehow, I don't think it will work.

[Erich Beck]

Well, Hell’s bells, Mr Vittachi, your last example looks most logical to me. I would also apologise most profusely to a heavily armed drug addict with a bad temper. Arresting a probably most polite and apologetic group of clerics would be child’s play compared to arresting the drug addict. One has to consider the innocent bystanders who are in no danger whatever from the arrest of the clerics, while the drug addict’s arrest could have been most violent. Did anyone get hurt in either operation ? no ? case closed.

On the other hand, it is very disappointing to see that SOME religious people (sometimes) act in a peaceful and civilized way, as it does make profiling a lot more difficult. I think that the peaceful clerics SHOULD have been arrested for making things more confusing for airport authorities and law enforcement. Encouraging them to become more angry, upset and therefore potentially fanatical and (we hope) violent, merely re-establishes the correct order of things. White dude (albeit a drug addict) is encouraged to be calm and relaxed (as he should be) with apologies and free drinks, and tawny religious people are encouraged to show their true violent and bigoted nature by giving them as much inconvenience as possible, ie, airport authorities just doing their normal duty.

I cannot see what all the fuss is about.

Incidentally, people carrying FLASH cards SHOULD also be arrested. They are clearly trying to incite disturbances by carrying something with such an incendiary name. No wonder they also have to ban books.

[Nury]

Dear Agnes, thanks for your question about what religion I am.

My father's side is Muslim, my mother's side is Buddhist, and my wife is Roman Catholic. When we adopted our Chinese children, we were told to bring them up in their own culture, so they are technically Daoists. However we have discovered the most wonderful little Protestant church and have all signed up. I've got a lovely unofficial job writing Christmas songs for the kids there. I always loved Christmas, even when I was a Muslim.

These days I like to support interfaith groups and have a soft spot for atheists too!

I've read the Bible and the Baghavad Gita and the Buddhist books...

If I had to define my religion, I think I would say I was a "post-atheist".

I think human beliefs went through a stage which had simple religious beliefs, like animism and stuff.

This got more and more complex, until we had a few very large faiths in the world.

Then the intellectual element of the world turned to science, rationalism and atheism.

But I believe we have gone through that stage, having discovered that it can be as dogmatic and narrow minded as any earlier stage.

Also scientists are becoming more open minded and are having to react to the discovery that faith is hotwired into the brain.

I think we are entering a new stage in which the old divisions disappear.

The Post-Atheist Age is one in which we are all open and tolerant with each other, people of all faiths and none. It's a good place to be.

[fardel]

Good morning guys and girls
Nope, I am not going to tell airport stories
Yes I am coming to Asia ( Taiwan-Hong Kong) april 20-may 3)
Still looking for a chinese speaking guide in Taiwan
good looks , good legs and tireless since I have to visit three trade shows, five suppliers , two mountains , one lake , three cities in 6 days
(I tried "learn Mandarin in three months" but I keep forgetting how to say yes or no)
sigh!

[fardel]

On a flight from London to Johannesburg , a male Afrikaaner ( white South African) was flying coach next to a female "Kafir" ( black South African ).

The male passenger was not happy and he asked the stewardess to get him another seat.
- I am sorry , sir, the flight is full.
- How could you let such a disgraceful situation like this happen?
I paid a lot of money to travel with your airline to be seated next to this obnoxious , disgusting individual !
This situation in unacceptable , screams the Afrikaaner
I am going to complain to your management when we land ;
I want a refund of my ticket, he shouts
I garantee that you will hear about me"

As always in this situation other passengers keep quiet , although they disapprove this violent behavior on an airplane

-Hold on ,sir
I shall mention this situation to the Captain and ask his advice;
Can you wait a minute?

Five minute later she comes back.

Sir , the Captain agrees with you:
This situation is not acceptable, the airline should have been more careful ;
We should not tolerate that such an obnoxious , disgusting person be seated next to such a nice passenger.
Under the circumstances , and exceptionally ,he approved to take unusual decision so that you can be seated by yourself on this flight.
The passenger , so happy , looks around beaming with satisfaction

- Madam , if you please
The captain has approved that you will be seated in first class for the rest of this flight.
Please come with me.

There was a roar of applause on the aircraft.

[fardel]

about airport security:
One must understand this:
Rich multi nationals are going broke;
their boss pay people to be elected as Presidents ( that is that is , in the west;I do not know about China) to pass laws to sell their goods,or they pay somebody to shoot them if they do not.
At this point , with wars getting extinct ( I mean the old fashioned style war), it is getting difficult to justify the expenses of building heavy bombers , submarines for a war that they are going to loose.
Plus, wars are no longer popular, except when you attack somebody who cannot defend himself ( the lonely camel in the desert ,or the herd of goats in the mountains of Afghanistan)
Of course the kids behind their gameboy console which control the drones do not give a shit if they kill a family or two in the process ;

they call it collateral damage.
By human reaction, a hatred builds up , with the poor guy attacking the big intruding army with whatever weapon he gets, like himself.
this process can stop only with universal peace.
But this is not good for weapon makers who just happen to be airliners builders
they need the weapons revenue to pay for their research

This industry has to stay profitable ;
when things get too quiet , one organizes a "failed terrorist attack"

first a so called failed "tooth paste attack"
The result is:million jobs created , thousands of screening equipment sold

Huge profits
Who pays the bill ?
You the traveller:
a security tax is created.

second a so called failed "bomb attack"
the result
Huge expense body scanner will be sold
Who pays the bill ?
You the traveller:security tax will increase.
The taxes represent 45 of the value of the ticket for the airline I work for;

(When you buy an airline ticket you will find a breakdown on what you give to
the airline
airport taxes ( for airport maintainance )
security )

Aviation is a fragile economy
Aviation has been dangerous , at its beginning
people are still scared of flying.

But statistics have proven that Aviation has become the safest mechanical way to transport passengers, with less that 500 annual deaths for 4 billions passengers transported.
But , we are at the mercy of fanatics or deranged people like the one who blew up a building in Austin last week
when you board an airplane , you can feel safe because
As Aviation professionals , we want to make sure that you will enjoy your flight
we want it to be safe:
our airplanes are reliable
our pilots are well trained
our ground staff are trained to protect you from accidental explosions ( some "safe" chemicals can explode , when in contact with other "safe" chemicals.)

As a traveller, you want to be sure to see the happy face of your family at the end of your trip.

The security staff are very conscious about the risks, and they need to make sure that you , or the passengers on your flight will see the happy face of their family at the end of the trip.

Wouldn't you , too?

Thank you for joining Vittachi Airways
Now that we have landed , we wish you safe drive home:
You,will now start the most dangerous part of your trip

[Christy]

the last time i went on a flight, i had someone wave a metal detector around my body, and for some reason i started giggling uncontrollably...

"oi!" she gave me a terrifying glare...and i immediately shut up.

[suha]

funny! I wanna come to HK!!!!!!!!! have on my behalf too!! Add me on FB.

[Mike]

I remember being in the Manila airport with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. She was wearing sandals and the security guard asked her to take off her sandals for inspection. Since she was female,they had made her walk on the oposite line as me. When I laughed as I wondered how long they would wait for her to comply. I was detained 1 hour for laughing and almost missed my flight.

[Karuna]

@Fardel
Just like we have budget airlines,
the need is for minimum security airports and airlines. The flight prices will be very low. Make air travel like an ordinary bus travel. How many bus have been hijacked or blown up by terrorists ?
In case, terrorist do take over the aircraft, have a technology to allow the ground staff to take over the aircraft and fly-by-wire with the game consoles you mentioned about ! It may not be perfect. But, knowing human mind, most would prefer saving own cash, over saving own lives.

The rich, famous and those who value their lives can pay more and travel on the high security airport and airlines. This will attract all the terrorists to this sector and leave the budget airports free.

I for one as part of my daily life, travel to many dangerous parts of the world, like:
* Mong Kok, where deranged men throw acid on the pedistrians.
* Shenzen, where the police can throw me into a jail for no reason
* Chennai, where the rickshaw driver can mug me in broad daylight

So, why all this fuss about airport security. I say we close up the entire airport security apparatus.

[Jason]

Flight attendant: Excuse miss, please stow your handbag in the overhead bin.

HK Tai Tai: I will not, this is my LV.

FA: Please mam, airline regulations require you to stow all items.

TT: No! It's my precious LV.

Chief Steward: Excuse me mam, but we can't take off until you stow your bag.

TT: Do you know who I am? In HK I am known as a princess and I can do what I want, now piss off peon.

CS: Really now? In my country I'm known as a queen and I outrank you bitch, now stow it!

[Ames]

Everytime my family travels back from Sri Lanka to Hong Kong we enjoy a good bit of racial profiling!

Normally the kids run off ahead, I chase after while holding all the passports and my husband (who is brown) is detained by immigration officals making sure that he has a passport and is not sneaking in as a refugee. He yells after me, I finally catch up to the kids and head back to the gate to display the passport to an disappointed official who hasn't managed to catch thier refugee de jour.

Amazing.

[sej]

Nury,

Your comments about your religion reminds me of my grandfather.

He pointed out that it doesn't matter what religion, God does not reside in a church, or a mosque, etc.. Then pointing at his left chest, he would say, "God lives in here".

As for me... I'm a devout Sej'ist.

[fardel]

@ Karuna
It is not that simple.
The moment a lot money is at stake, the risk is high.
Aviation involves a lot of money.
This makes it a prime target.
the rich and famous do not travel on airlines, expect elected people
But they are expendable(i.e they will be replaced immediately if they disappear)

[Uli]

At Denpasar Airport I had a bizarre welcome in 1993: As a backpacker coming from Shanghai via HK to Denpasar arriving at 11 p.m. weary to the bones, while my pack went through the scanner a security man talked on his walkie-talkie beside me to which I didn't pay attention. Soon three policemen arrived armed with machine guns pointing them at me and the security guide beckoned me to follow him to another room... Unnecessary to say that I was wide awake again with the three weapons pointing to me I asked what the problem was. They said I was carrying drugs in my pack!
Feeling hot and cold at the same time I tried to make sense of that for I never left my pack anywhere unattended and I remembered that Indonesia had the death penalty for drug carriers then... (do they still?)
Enough suspense...:
They saw my medicine for my hypothyreosis on their scanners. A doctor came, looked at the medicine, examined me, and asked me to take it in his presence, we chatted amiably for 20 more minutes and I could leave with their apologies.
I couldn't sleep through the night, always waking up dreaming of machine guns.....

[Lurker]

Those of us who work in the elevator industry wish to inform those who work in the airline industry that we move more people than you everyday and kill fewer of them.

We, not you, are the safest means to travel.

[Fardel]

Prove it...............

[TS]

Alright Lurker, Where do I catch the lift to Australia from Hong Kong? :-)

[Lurker]

@TS, working on it, but aviation lobby is too strong.

@Fardel, 10 deaths per year in US mainly lift workers. We move 1 billion people per day.

[Fardel]

@Lurker
Totally agree with you!
the Us is not the world, and elevators are well maintained there
Give me the figures for France, as a starter

Aviation figures are recorded................... worldwide
And aviation does not move along a shaft without weather..

Do not try to argue with me......
You will loose (°_°)

Hey Nury
what about elevator horror stories, this week,

[Angela]

Was at an airport check-in last night with a big problem, my name not in the system. Apparently my return ticket was booked for 27 march instead of 27 feb so I am stranded in paradise for a month. Not a bad idea except that I have no accommodation, no money - i spent my last few rufiyaas on poscards for my family, and nobody I know to call on in Male. Luckily theres a seat and my ticket was changed so I could return home else I would Still be swimming in the Indian ocean. 

Early this morning as the plane is approaching singapore, pilot announced that we will begin our descent soon, He advised the local time and temperature, etc. But the humming of the engine lulled me back to sleep. Then it happened, i feel the plane falling and a loud thud that bounced me off my seat. We crashed! This is how i am going to die, squashed between two strangers, the guy to my left with a spunky underarm scent. I have Sunburn In my face and sand in my scalp. Last movie I watched was first 15 minutes of 'up in the air'. Aaaaahhhh!!!! I screamed in panic, anticipating what pain i would feel in few moments.

The plane Is still accelerating.  I rubbed the sleep off my eyes and look out the window to see fire or waves if we fall into the ocean. But all I see are more planes. We just touched down at Changi. Whew! Thank God! I was just having nightmare, in the morning. 

[TS]

@Angela, that wouldn't have happened if you had been contend with taking the lift a couple of floors up or down.

[Angela]

And then I arrived home sticky and sleepy and probably smelling like the guy seated to my left earlier in the plane. I had been lugging my suitcase and 2 bottles of duty free liquor through mrt and bus because I am too cheap to take taxi.

Scotch taped to my building's lift door is a hand written note in english and chinese, "under repair"

aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

[fardel]

Welcome back.
We missed your comments

[Lurker]

@Fardel, lift comment was not serious, but seems to have touched a chord :-) Western aviation is best maintained in world too. No lift death stats in other countries. Not worth it. More people die from riding on banana peel.

We also have weather problems. Earthquake is terrible on lifts. God bless the Chileans. Tall builds have difference in air pressure between floors. You do not want popping eardrums. Flooded ground floors and basements are a problem.

We are also smart: In case of fire do not use the lifts. Aviation should have similar "in case of hurricanes do not fly"

Our main rival is Star Ferry. 100 years operation with no deaths.

[Christy]

Didn't we have falling lifts in Hong Kong a while back?

[fardel]

Ok, Ok
I win!

I am very serious when I say that Aviation is very safe.
I believe that travellers need to be assured of that.
Sorry if I hurt your elevator fallings, oops feelings.

I should try Star ferry soon

[Angela]

My office in 33rd floor when intensity 6 quake hit. I figured i will have less chance of survival on the stairs which will be crowded and my short legs a disadvantage. So i went for the lift and arrived at the ground floor looooong before the building occupants who mostly took a sick leave the next day due to aching legs.

[fardel]

@ Angela
Let the Aviation technology come to the rescue next time it happens.
Take a parachute
you will come down faster,safer with a smoother landing
On top of that,you can land away from any building!
Ooops not in SG OR HK;
ok LURKER,You just made a point

fardel 5- Lurker 1
I still win
(°_°)

[Karuna]

... there is no security check required to travel in a lift.

[fardel]

... at this time (°_°)

[Angela]

There is no business clAss lift....yet..

[Dancer]

No, but there are those exclusive 'straight to the penthouse / presidential suites' lifts in some hotels.

[Lurker]

Aviation industry is trying miserably to copy lift industry. :-)

Aviation now experimenting with pilotless craft. Lift industry has done away with 'pilots' (lift operators) 3 decades ago.

Aviation now trying to do away with business class. Lift industry has done away with executive lifts 3 decades ago. (@Dancer - there are private lifts just like private jets)

Aviation now trying to arrive on schedule. Lift industry arrival and departure rates measured in minutes.

Aviation industry trying to offer budget fares. Lifts have been free for decades!

Aviation trying to offer inflight entertainment. Lift industry has always had free music. Now plasma TV (bigger than what you get in first class fares).

Aviation industry trying to match extremely low rates of lift fatalities.

Now aviation industry hoping security checks will be performed in lifts. Not a chance.

[sej]

Sorry Lurker, I know several buildings, including mine, where the lift performance can on occasion be measured in hours, if not days...

[fardel]

@sej
Thanks
Fardel 6 Lurker 1 1/2

@ Lurker
The comparison which makes aviation WAY safer than the elevator is the number of passengers multiplied by the distance covered ,compared to the death ratio
Fardel 26- Lurker 1 1/2
(°_°)

@ Lurker
where are your supporters?

Fardel 27- Lurker 1 1/2

[Lurker]

:-) :-)

@sej, that is exception. The lifts eventually arrive. Some flights never arrive (bad taste sorry). Also, you don't wait hours to find out arrival is delayed. You are immediately informed.

@fardel, there are many ways to measure. Yours is impossible to do (a way to hide something?). More appropriate is number of days since last fatality across the world. Anyway why is distance a factor? Longer flights are safer. Is that why? To dilute the number of fatalities? Better is number of flights that crash / total flights.

@fardel, supporters all busy at work because they all arrived safely and on time, not wasting hours at gates.

(PS. I am not seriously criticising aviation industry. This is all just for fun).

[Angela]

This is fun :)

Lurker, ever been trapped on a lift that just stopped in between floors and will not open, with a bunch of strangers, one with funky underarm smell?

It could take ages for the repairman to arrive, morning traffic and all.

[Lurker]

@Angela, yes in an airport.

@Angela, ever been trapped for hours in between countries with someone with a funky...oh yes you just told us ealier. And you actually pay money for that experience?

The trend is clear. Business conducted over internet. Air travel scary and smelly. Travel over google maps. No need to aviate. Support your local building. Have you visited all floors yet? Have you visited floor 13? Floor 4? Floor B?

[Angela]

I've never heard of lift maintenance personnel on strike but Lufthansa pilots were on strike recently, and Indian airlines last year I think :)

[Angela]

Lurker, I also paid for the lift that hasn't been working properly for 2 wks now. The explanation note says "door photo sensor out of order"

And I do not want to visit 4th floor. That's the guy who hogs my parking space. I had to get building security to settle it.

[Karuna]

On Saturday for the Nury gang, Christy's classmate Karmeel(hope I spelled it right) had come along. New to Hong Kong, he wanted to impress us with his Cantonese skills. He told the group "sub sai lo".
It took us a while to understand he was saying "14th floor" in Cantonese. He learned it from the elevators that he takes every day. The elevator would tell the floor number on arrival.
So, the discussion took a turn from there, on how to improve escalators. Someone came with the thought that we should have voice-activated lifts. Just get into the lift and say "sub-sai-lo" and it goes to the 14th floor. Then, someone else had a brighter idea, since voice-recognition would be expensive, the lift company to out-source the recognition bit. So, when you talk to lift, it sends the audio file through internet to an out-sourcing firm in India, where there would be Cantonese trained Indians who would listen and push the required lift buttons remotely.

Anyway, if you see a young Sri Lankan man in Hong Kong talking to lifts, don't get worried. It would be our Karmeel.

[fardel]

waiting time
2 minutes
ride:30 seconds

And you dare compare THAT "efficiency"?! to Aviation?
Humm

[Angela]

no check-in luggage facility for lift, all baggage hand carry only. and no VIP lounge, everyone in same queue avoiding any eye contact at all costs.

[Lurker]

Aviation: 3 hours check in time. 1 hour flight. 2 hours to get luggage.

If you're in a hurry, take the lift!

:-)

[fardel]

Do not try to look through the window......

Elevator
the fastest , most efficient , cheapest mechanical way to go.......... NOWHERE
And you call THAT transoprtation?

[Lurker]

Time to move on. Bottom line:

Ocean is so wide. Ships collide nevertheless. How they do that is amazing.

Airspace so wide. Planes collide nevertheless. How they do that is spectacular.

Each train has its own railroad. They collide anyway. They learned from their naval and aviation brothers.

Automobiles collide as soon as they drive out of garage. Idiots.

Bikes collide. Will soon be in aviation :-)

Lifts pass each other in narrow unlit shafts. No collision. Pure beauty. Like figure skaters in the zone.

You are safest in lift.

You are second safest in plane on ground.

Score: Aviation = 500, Lifts = 0 (fatalities)

[sej]

Karuna,

I'm going to return to one of my favorite predictions...

One day in the future... a chip in the lift will be able to read your brainwaves from a distance, and be able to determine which floor you would like to go to...

Sadly, it won't be able to tell whether the floor you want to get off at, is indeed the floor you need to get off at. I for one, am likely to get sidetracked, and end up having the lift take me three floors above the level I actually live in, or two floors below the level I actually work on.

No marks for guessing why :-)

[sej]

Lurker,

Didn't just a few months ago in Hong Kong, a lift fail, admittedly in a building still under construction/fitout, killing a number of people?

[fardel]

@Lurker
One must admit that you do not lack imagination.

.....Considering the view one gets from your box....I respect that

Thank you for the good fun.

I have to leave now ;( I need to make more money to travel next month on a mega box with mega wings called Airbus 380),to go around the planet to shake hands with you guys and girls .....

Try that with your " box"

[sej]

Going up and down in lifts is to flying, what masturbation is to sex! No foreplay, shortlived, unexhilerating, and nowhere near as satisfying.

[Angela]

ROTFL

Sej, you speaking from personal experience? been riding lifts a lot eh?

:)

[Christy]

@ Karuna

The way Kaamil (he told me to spell it this way when exchanging phone numbers) said "sub sai lo", it means "all wet lah!" instead...so the Indians might take it as a request to turn on the sprinkler...

Don't get worried if you see a drenched young Sri Lankan cursing at the elevator and "the darn Indians". :P

[Nury]

The comments today are crazier than ever!

How on earth did we all start talking about lifts?!

Excuse my absence. I am lecturing all day and night (until 10 pm). I am bashing out this note in a 10 minute gap in the middle of a three hour lecture.

Christy I tried that cantonese phrase you taught me -- "so amazing I couldn't recognise my own mother!"

It got a good laugh from the audience.

[Christy]

@ Nury

Now my lecturer must be so upset. He must have thought he was the only gweilo in town who knows that phrase!

[fardel]

For those unlucky souls whose limited travel experience is from home down to the floor then up to the office, provide by the elevator industry,the aviation community is proud to present:

The world's 18 stangest airports

http://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/transportation/4346192.html?page=1

----(one of them is where I live:St Maarten,
--- one of them is where one of your national (HK) carriers' captain comes from
( Saba, I trained him)
-----one , which does not appear here is St Barth airport where I certified over 100 pilots
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z2o0acIlm4

Enjoy

@Lurker
Sorry , I could not resist this coup de grâce

[sej]

Angela,

You offering to take me flying?

[Angela]

Sej, I am not licensed for that :)

Try Fardel :)

[Chamin]

> Good Things About Racism.
I am all for a discussion on this topic. The only advantage I know is the ability to sit comfortably in public transport in Singapore. It sure will make me happy to learn more :o)