5 best Islamic jokes

Muslims have been making people laugh for more than a millennium

PHEW! IT’S WORKING. Jokes are coming in – good ones, too.

This columnist took a huge risk by devoting this week’s columns on the web and in newspapers to Asian humor, trying to show that Asians are unfairly labelled as humorless.

Would my email box and the comments section be empty? Or filled with angry abuse? Happily, neither of those two things happened.

Instead, good humor is flowing in.
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Joking is a serious matter. Millions of Westerners think Asians, and particularly Muslims, never laugh.

US blogger Jimmie Bise recently wrote: “I’m beginning to think the humorless Muslim stereotype is true.”

An internet writer called Instapunk commented on the row over Danish cartoons: “We have a couple-thousand year head start, and they have no sense of humor.”

Jack Lumanog, an Asian priest working in the US, lamented: “Asians are expected to be humorless.”
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The good news: smart folk go beyond those stereotypes. An audience member at a show by US comedian Azhar Usman told a BBC reporter: "It doesn't matter whether you're black, white, Muslim, Chinese, Indian. Humor is humor."

 

In the movie Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World, Albert Brooks does a stand-up comedy routine in front of an audience of Muslims, Buddhists and Hindus. No one laughs. But after building relationships, he discovers Asians have their own sense of humor.
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Muslim reader Wang Daiyou wrote to tell me that Mohammad himself had a playful wit, so let’s give him the first spot.

An elderly woman came to him with a request: “Pray to Allah for me, that I may enter heaven.” 

The prophet replied: “There will be no old women in heaven.” 

Bursting into tears, she left the room. 

Mohammad told his assistant to run after her with the punchline: “Because old women will be made young again.”
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This columnist’s father was a serious Muslim but loved sharing the Nasruddin Tales, which are 12^th century Islamic jokes. Check out these three.

1) Nasruddin tells his wife: “I’m going to spend the day ploughing and will be home for dinner.”

His wife responds: “You should never make a statement without adding insha’Allah, if that is God’s will.”

Ignoring her, Nasruddin sets off. He is struck by lightning, falls off a cliff, washed away by a flood and carried away by a tornado. He crawls home on his hands and knees and knocks on the door.

His wife asks: “Who is it?”

He replies, “Nasruddin, insha’Allah.”
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2) Nasruddin falls asleep under a tree and misses an appointment with the mayor.

When he gets home, he finds the mayor has scratched the words “IDIOT” on his door.

Nasruddin races to the mayor’s office and says: “Sorry, I forgot our appointment. Luckily, someone scratched your name on my door.”
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3) Nasruddin is guest of honor at a dinner.

But when he turns up in casual clothes, his hosts tell him to come back in formal dress.

Nasruddin returns in a suit and pours the soup onto his clothes.

“Meet my jacket,” he tells the guests. “It’s the guest of honor.”
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One reader even sent me a modern Islamic joke:

A man walking in New York’s Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.

A passing Fox News reporter says: “You’re a hero. Tonight’s TV news bulletin will say: ‘Brave New Yorker Saves Child.”

The man replies: “I’m a tourist from Saudi Arabia.”

That night the news on Fox TV says: “Islamic extremist kills New York dog.”
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The humor gap between east and west has been identified as one of the world’s biggest problems. This week, we are trying to solve it. To help build a database of funnies to bridge it, send me Asian jokes, non-offensive but genuinely funny, or add them to the comments column below.

Tomorrow: Buddhists share their humor.

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Technorati Tags: Asian humor,Indian humor,muslim humor,buddhist humor,Chinese humor,jokes,moslem humor,islamic humor,moslem humor.hindu humorjokes

Comments

[first time contributor]

I hope this counts as non offensive to Moslems, I am trying not to be offensive as I come from a moslem family myself.

An atheist walks past a Christian. "Your beliefs are a load of fantasy," he shouts at the Christian.

Then he walks past a Buddhist. "What a load of rubbish you people believe," he says to the Buddhist.

He walks past a Moslem. "Good morning," he says to the Moslem.

Do you get it? We moslems have a reputation for being touchy, so this jokes poke fun at ourselves for having that reputation.

again, i hope no one finds this offensive. thank you.

[Karn]

I once heard one of these Ah Beng jokes from my Singaporian friends. Apparently Ah Beng is a stereotypical Chinese guy there. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ah_Beng)

***

Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'

He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

***

Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD'

Wife: How do you know??

Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! You have come again.

***

Ah Beng: If I die, will you remarry?

Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?

Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

_______

Also, there are lots of jokes which are play on words. In Thai, the government is notorious for making plans but never following them up, so the word PLANNING has now been given a new life.

In Thai, the word "ning" means to stay still/never progress, so in this case, PLAN (as in the English meaning) is coupled with NING - overall meaning you plan but never do anything about it.

[Angela]

This is my favorite because it is supposedly a true incident took place in South Asia. I like it as it reflects human nature -- or at least mine :)

A man was praying in his house. He was praying as fast as he could as many of us do.

All of a sudden, he heard the door behind him open.

Since, someone entered the room, he started making his ruku (bowing) and sujud (prostration) longer.

Upon completion of the prayer, he looked back to see who it was. To his amazement, it was a dog!

[farah]

i hope i offended no one with my essay :O

coming back to the topic great collection Nury. i wish i could now grab the English version of the Nasiruddin Shah jokes and send it across.

[another FTC]

Your essay was excellent Farah really helpful. I had lots of questions about islam which i must admit i tend to see very negatively but you explained it really well, thank you.

I would like to donate a quote.

GK Chesterton. "It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it."

[TS]

One day Bob's neighbour came to him and told him that the area they both lived in would soon be flooded. The neighbour offered Bob a seat in his car.
Bob answered "No need for me to flee, God will protect me".

Soon the area was flooded and Bob had taken refugee on the roof of his house.
A boat came buy and the people in it offered Bob a seat.
Again Bob answered "No need for me to flee, God will protect me".

Eventually the water rose so high that Bob could only keep dry by standing on the chimney.
A helicopter flew by and rope was lowered to hoist Bob to safety.
As before Bob answered "No need for me to flee, God will protect me".

Bob drowned.

In heaven Bob finally met God face to face and asked "I'm a good man and I trusted you, why didn't you help me?".

God answered "First I sent you a car, then a boat and finally a helicopter. How much help do you need?".

I guess this joke could be adapted to any religion with a few name changes.
Who knows, I don't know the origin of this story, it might already be an adaptation.

[Nuie]

To claim that moslem jokes are from the 12th century, it is odd to think that 12th century jokes would refers to formal dress and jacket ... it is one thing to write jokes and another to attribute then to the 12th century.

Not all of the reading public are stupid to fall for your lies.

[Julie]

TS, that joke is in an Encyclopedia of Jewish humour which my Dad owns, along with a lot of other really good jokes.

I think reading that helped to develop my sense of humour.

I wonder if anyone has read books like this in order to find out about a new culture? I know there are several compendiums of Australian humour - and that they include quite a few recycled jokes.

But hey, humour is something you can always get through Customs - even if you're not allowed to use it during the process.

[Angela]

Well, I hope humor will never be in the customs list of banned substances, else a lot of us will be in a "no fly list" including one pilot.

I fear that it might in the future be the case since humor does have the same narcotic effect, laughter makes you high.

[Dominic Chew]

Here I contribute a joke:

Alphabets and some guess who it is:

A for apple, B for Boy, C for Cat, D for dog. - that's kindergarten level alphbet, but i heard in some high-end kindergartens, kids are told A for Astronauts, B for beaureaucrats, C for Chimpanzees, what the FORKS is going on?
U for Youtube i guess it is easier!

when we do the spelling over the phone, we adopt another system... A for Albert, B for Betty, C for Cathy,,, seems we have to know a lot
of people in order to get the alphabet known...

2 guess who games:

for one particular american, what he knows is: A for Al quada, T for Terrorist, S for shoe-bomb, who is he ?

another person, C for Cigar and I for Intern, L for Lewinsky, so who is he?

[Nasruddin fan]

I love the Nasruddin stories because they are so ancient, hundreds of years old, and yet they are still funny today.

I like the fact that he is not always super clever, sometimes he is incredibly stupid, sometimes he gets it right, sometimes he gets it wrong. He's a very modern-style creation.

There are some excellent books of Nasruddin tales around, and a couple of good websites too.

[Christy]

I was sent this joke:

An Imam shocked his community when he announced that he was resigning from that particular Masjid and moving to a drier climate. After the session, a very distraught lady came to the Imam with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Imam, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kind hearted Imam said "Now, now, sister, don't carry on. The Imam who takes my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . "

[Wisteria Blossom]

A policeman had a haircut and asked the barber, "How much?"
"No charge. I'm retiring at the end of the week and, to show my appreciation to everyone in the neighbourhood, I'm giving free haircuts."
Later that day, he gave a free haircut to the florist and to the baker.
The next morning the barber arrived at his shop to find a box of doughnuts from the policeman, a flower arrangement from the florist and an assortment of rolls, croissants, etc from the baker, all in recognition of his gesture.
That day a Singaporean IT worker came in for a haircut. Again, the barber told him that there was no charge in his final week.
The following morning the barber arrived at his shop to find a hundred Singaporeans, all waiting for their free haircuts.

[Nasruddin fan]

"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of huge, horrible, bloodthirsty bedouins to take to their heels and run."

“Really?” said a skeptical listener, looking at Nasruddin’s skinny, unthreatening body. "So how did you manage that?”

“By fleeing.”

[Joker]

Islamic joke:

A man was loading far too many boxes on to his camel. It was soon covered with boxes.

But he had one small box left. He asked the camel, “May I also put this box on your back?"

The camel replied: "Sure - I'm not going anywhere."

[YukiSoba]

I've kind of strongly agree with Karn. The Ah Beng jokes were strongly associated with the Singaporean and Malaysian stereotypes based one of the common features, which is like "act blur".

[YukiSoba]

One of the jokes I happen to know, was concerning about Ah Beng's entry to Medical School.

"One day Ah Beng's father was talking to one of his friends about his son being in Medical School.

AB Father : My son is in Medical School.
Friend : Really? What is he studying there?
AB Father : He is not studying there. They are studying him. "

You can refer more about their personalities here (http://kunkun.tripod.com/ahbeng2.htm) which I found very helpful and useful for others to understand, other wise Phua Chu Kang (a SG comedy series) is one form, where the character of the title role is "like" one.

[Joker]

A Muslim goes to a Christian service.

Afterwards, his Christian friend asks him: "what did you think?"

He replies: "The singing and stuff was okay, but the commercial went on much too long."

[Angela]

Years ago when I brought home a boyfriend (American and devout catholic) to meet my father, I warned him, "please do not ask why my father wears skirt. He is just getting ready for prayer."

[Nile]

I know a few really good Islamic jokes but unfortunately those are context and language specific. Translating them in English would not make it sound that funny. The x-factor would be missing.

Here is an example.

Disclaimer: this is not to offend anyone or any Mullah or Islam. I am a muslim and i do take things lightly. So if anyone feels hurt then apology in advance. Read at your own risk.

Confused about her permitted activities in a relationship, a religious girl went to a Mullah(Muslim Cleric)to know what she can do with her boyfriend.

She asked the Mullah,” Can I kiss the boy I like, even if he doesn’t like me?”
The Mullah replied,” ASTAGFIRULLAH!!!!!!!!” (Something like absolutely not)
Then she asked, “ Can I kiss my boyfriend?”
The Mullah replied,” NAUZUBILLAH!!!!!!” (Something like totally forbidden)
Finally out of despair she asked, “ Can I kiss you?”
The Mullah, “BISMILLAH” (Lets start in the name of Allah:D)

[farah]

LOL Nile...good one!

sad to say but that context is almost true in real life.

[Nile]

Thanks Farah...I do agree with you...but thats a different story altogether....n on a lighter note i would also have agreed :D

[tamanna]

aah the classic joke!though reading it in english isnt tht funny..
astagfirullah part reminds me of a real story..once my frnd was watching tv in her mother's room and suddenly some censored scene came up..before my friend could change the channel her mother woke up and shouted ASTAGFIRULLLAH! and then fell asleep again..

[Not Robin Williams]

This project IS valuable, for sure.

What I'd like to see is each group coming out with their own self-deprecating jokes.

Like this one from Robin Williams on terrorists would have been much funnier had it come from a Moslem comedian:

“My only hope is when those terrorists get to heaven, they meet up with the kind of virgins we had in Catholic school: Sister Mike Ditka from Our Mother of Eternal Retribution.”

[Christy]

This is a little belated but I stumbled upon this amazing Muslim comedian; his writing reminds me of you Nury!

http://maniacmuslim.com/2005/11/30/annoying-quirks-of-masjid-uncles/

[Cheap Jordans]

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[Gucci Shoes]

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[Lol]

There was a very religious man walking in the park one day. So he see's two people making out on a bench. So he picks up a
pebble and throws it at them and runs away.

The guy felt really guilty afterwards and
went to his sheikh and told him what happened.

Then the sheikh says,"THAT WAS YOU?"

[NFL Jerseys]

This is my favorite because it is supposedly a true incident took place in South Asia.

[ugg womens boots]

I enjoy your posts. You write beautifully. That’s all…

[gucci shoes]

In fact, humor is a good point regardless of their national religion, perhaps they have different way of life, yes, I think so, the humor might not be the same for various reasons, a place of humor may be another way to Not so ridiculous.

[ismsons]

The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in, sees them and asks the barman, "Isn't that the President and the Vice President sitting over there?"
The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning World War Three."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big breasts."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big breasts? Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?"
Bush turns to Cheney and says, "See, I told you no one would care about 140 million Arabs".

[ismsons]

It would be stereotyping to say muslims have no humour. But the culture of Islam does not allow to misuse humour as well as freedom of speech as a tool for showing disrespect to any religion, person or anything. Whereas in the western world i have seen the humour and freedom of speech has frequently been used to disrespect or stereotyping .

[Mod]

I think the problem is when people use phrases like "misuse humor or freedom of speech". For young Muslims (and non-Muslims) we are pretty relaxed about joking about ourselves or anyone else. But older Muslims are sometimes very uptight. I think it is mostly a generational thing.

[grandpa]

Older people ARe uptight.
Period.
Of course , there are exceptions

[Steelers jerseys]

I feel so far away. Thank you, Garth, for writing this. I'll miss Mott - and I miss everyone else now too.

[クレジットカード現金化]

Thank you

[bella vita]

Never seen a hilarious muslim before.

[models in london]

Made me laugh so hard!

[musa sadiqi]

this joke is about 3 young men .they decided to visit new york city on. the were staying in a 60th floor hotel and they lied on floor 60. the next day the hired a car to go on a tour but reminded themselves that they should come back before midnight otherwise the lift wont work .so the next day they came back after midnight .the first one said ok i have a plan that will keep as amused i will say funny jokes for first 20 floor you will say wisdom jokes for the20 floors and he will say sad stories for the last 20 floors so the were laughing for the first 20 floors paying attntion for the next 20 floors and cryed for the last 19 floors when they reached the 60 floor the 3rd guy said i have the saddest joke i rememberd that we left our room keys in the car