22 signs you have grown up

Watch out: these things kinda creep up on you

ONE FIFTH OF the planet’s moms now wait until they are over 35 to start having babies, says a new survey by the BabiesOnline website. Doctors worry that older moms will struggle to find enough energy.

I know the feeling. These days I do weight-lifting only twice a day: I call it Getting Up Out of My Chair.

A reader named Jason, who hits 40 in a few months, told me he hurt all over: “The warranty has expired and all the parts are breaking down.”

I asked other readers to comment. The result is the following:

22 Signs That You Have Finally Grown Up.

1. The numbers in your bank account won’t go up and the numbers on your weighing scale won’t go down. (Christian Fardel)

2. The tunes you used to “rock out” to are now playing in elevators. (Paul Fox)

3. There is less hair on your head than on any other parts of your body. (Farah Huq)

4. It’s Saturday night, you have no-one to see and nowhere to go, and you think: Yippee!

5. “Putting on your best clothes” no longer means choosing between four different pairs of jeans.

6. The end of the movie is no longer when the fun begins, it’s when the date ends. (Joanna Chung)

7. Pregnancy tests no longer pop up as regular scary incidents in your life.

8. You think of chess as a physical sport you will play if the pieces are not too heavy.

9. By the time you’ve finished dialing a long-distance phone number, you are too worn out to talk to the person.

10. When you were young, you could get really high on a playground swing with nobody pushing. Now it’s hard work to get the rocking chair moving.

11. These days you are more likely to wake at 4 am than go to sleep at that time. (Sunita Chau)

12. Your fridge contains items which are not beer. (Yes, this will even happen to 22-year-old Western males.)

13. Taking a nap changes from something you are forced to do, to something you look forward to. (Paul Fox)

14. You eat vegetables willingly.

15. You are thinking about getting an automatic scrolling ebook so that you don’t have to make the effort to turn pages.

16. Every time you forget something you blame it on old age. (Farah Huq)

17. The words “summer holiday” no longer makes you think of an endless vacation, but a snatched break in Thailand.

18. Every time you see an old picture of yourself you think: I used to be soooo thin!

19. You say the same thing about modern music that your parents said about your music. “Where’s the melody?”

20. You can’t remember the last time you slept in a single bed.

21. You use your computer for work, rather than for pretending to work.

22. You eat all sorts of bitter, sour foods like durian, camembert and bitter gourd that you used to think were disgusting.
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A 28-year-old who looked at this list declared herself old, while a 50-year-old claimed none of it applied to her, declaring: “You’re as young as you feel.”

Well, THAT’S bad news. For me, getting old is when you wake up with the “morning after” feeling without having had the night before.
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Technorati Tags: getting old,middle age,old age jokes,old age humor

Comments

[Christy]

Every time I forget something, my mom would yell "EARLY ONSET OF SENILE DEMENTIA!" at me. = ="

[Denis]

This is a circle. Nuri suggests a column topic. we post comments on that topic. he picks out the best comments and turns it into newspaper or magazine column. the column then gets posted on the internet. we add more comments.

Nuri if you work this right, you could just write one column and keep printing the follow-up comments to fill your newspaper and magazine pages for the rest of you r life!

[Nury]

Denis, that's the plan.

[Jason]

When do we get our royalties? You know a little stipend to help is on our retirement years. I have an urge to watch Grumpy Old Men now.

[Lexis]

I am 22 years old and some of them do apply on me men!

[fardel]

I think I know who the 28 year old one is.
But I am a gentleman , I am not going to tell anybody

You know when you are young : you look forward to the future.
You know you when you have grown up: your kids/ spouse/ job keep you back from achieving your dreams;the future is right at your fingertips.....out of reach!
You know when you are older, you look backward to the future.
Thank God , there is the mid-life crisis!

a tip : if you are like me ( young like me I mean) make it last a little longer ( the mid life crisis, of course)

definition of baldness:
somebody who has grown through his hair

[Foxlore]

Personally, I'm not too concerned about the whole mid-life crisis thing...

...it's the after-life crisis that I'm worried about. ;-)

[Stephen]

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

[Rika]

You are getting old when it makes you happy to think, that this obnoxious, blissfully unaware young girl will run into the same open knife than you did!

[Rika]

... and when it makes you chuckle that you KNOW and that you WON'T TELL HER!

Basically when you turned from obnoxious, blissfully unaware girl to nasty, grumpy ol' bitch.

[Angela]

When he was 28 he told me that when he is 40 he will drive down orchard road in a flaming red farrari with a hot 18 year old girl beside him.

He is now nearing 40 and driving a toyota with 2 little girls strapped in baby seats behind him.

His planned adventures of mid-life crisis buried in the daily grind of being a family man.

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I wonder if mid-life crisis is a one-off thing, like chicken pox, or is it recurring, like herpes?

LOL

TGIF folks!

[Nury]

Rika, you look like such a sweet person, and now you are admitting that what you really want to do is stab children!

Angela, one of my buddies sounds similar to your friend. In the end, he bought a sports car for himself and a big Toyota people mover so his wife can transport his three kids.

He chose a sports car with only two seats so that he can never be asked to transport them anywhere.

A psychotherapist told me that "change your life" crises don't just happen in your early 40s -- they happen at roughly seven year intervals, so they happen about 21, 28 and 35 too.

[Angela]

So it IS like herpes, init?

And Rika is just an example that Nury's chinese HORRORscope is accurate.

[Christy]

Is it only men who have mid-life crises?

No fair, I want an excuse to do ridiculous things when I get 40 too.

[Jason]

Women have midlife crises too, they're called cougars. And I hope I'm never caught driving a soccer mom mobile!

[Angela]

I thought female mid-life crises is called Men-o-pause.

Which basically means you stop being interested in men.

Dry well has no need for pump nor bucket.

[Julie]

You know you're getting old when you look at yourself and your contemporaries and you realise that the cliches (like mid life crises) are true.

And that your generation isn't any different to preceding ones. We didn't listen, we were going to be different - just like the *Youth of Today*.

[fardel]

You realize that you have grown old
And it is a shock:
when the little baby girl whom you see making her first steps ,unassisted is not older than her grandmother whom you saw for the the first time ( like it was yesterday)
Sigh

[TS]

You know you are old when wake with a jerk in a theatre during a production of "Waiting for Godot" and find Patrick Stewart looking straight at you.

True story...

[Harry]

I knew a mid-twenties woman whose 40+ "boy" friend persuaded her to move into his flat.
First thing he did after the move?
He dismissed the amah.

[Rika]

Oh well, since it turns out that according to the Chinese Horror-scope I am an Ox I can as well admit that I am not planning to let the children win. Old age must be good for something - and be it being able to outwit the young brood! ;o)

It seems I am together with young people too often at the moment... Hell, can they rub it in! Have been ageing a decade during the past two month!

[Rika]

Just realised... age is determined who is around you! I need granny therapy! Where is a holiday resort with a lot of oldies... 70plus or so? Is Miami still good?

[TS]

You know you are old when people around you think that you are talking about food when you mention Meat Loaf...

[TS]

Got sidetracked a bit with the "you know you are old" stuff.

You have finally grown up when you realise that you don't give a hoot about what other people think of your taste in music, films, clothes or any other things that you would find embarrassing in your younger days.
Even your own attitude towards others have changed.
Live and let live.

[fardel]

You know you have grown up when you hear the local storeowner call you "Sir" for the first time .
You know you have gone one step further when the kids in the neighborhood call you "Mister"
You know you have gone one step further when they call you "grandpa"
You know you have gone far when you cannot hear them any longer

[Angela]

Rotbl.. Hillarious.

I was singing along to meat loaf on mtv, couple of yrs ago, and my young cousin asked, who's the fat dude? Blasphemy!!!

[Angela]

When kids call me auntie i correct them. Call me jiejie (elder sister) auntie is for retirees.

[Caihan]

For the record, i LIKE durians.
and im 15...
and im lucky the above barely apply to me ^.^

[Foxlore]

Take Meat Load and add a little Curry and you get a Rocky Horror. And if you understand this reference (without looking on Google) then yeah....ur old! ;-)

[TS]

Ya should have asked: "what do you get when you add some Curry to Meat Loaf?".

Let's do timewarp again.

[farah]

i do usually forget the age i really am. some of my friends now have kids and so do my colleagues at work and every time they introduce me to their kids as aunty i cringe... very badly. auntys are mature older woman, not someone in their 20s right?

so, whenever my friends are not around i go back and brainwash the tots to call me apu (sister). muhahahahaha!!

[Nik]

you know you're old when your friends has got kids and you're still not making any plans to tie the knot anytime soon.

then you get introduced as tito (uncle) to their kids or ninong (godfather) but, like Farah, I have my own brainwashing technique as well. I teach them to call me as "batman" - that ageless dark knight.

Kids easily agree to this and the parents are mad at me for teaching their kids to be "disrespectful". (Which I don't believe is true.)

as for much older kids, well, I'm just glad that I'm still called as kuya (big brother) rather than uncle - which sounds really old.

honestly, i'd rather have the young kids call me by my first name but the prevailing local culture won't let me. again, too "disrespectful"

[Karuna]

@Angela, wonder if you should be addressed as "jiejie" or "jījī"(knowing your taste) :-)

[sej]

I'm not so sure it's the "getting old" bit that worries, or perhaps more accurately, disturbs me... it's the fact time gets past so quickly without being noticed...

• When it takes as much effort to go down a set of stairs as it does going up;
• Birth control walks into the bedroom 7am every Saturday or Sunday morning;
• Your friend's four year old daughter, is now grown up and at university, and still calls you "uncle";
• Your own son is not just talking about "kissing girls", he's actually doing it (kissing the girls that is);
• You start doing the wedding rounds again, and then, yet again.

[farah]

it's ironical that when we're young we wanted to have more birthdays so we would grow up earlier. now that we're grown up (or at least look like one) we dont want to age at all.

ahhh...such is the misery of life!

[sej]

Karuna,

I think Angela would rather be called "Mistress", or "Ma'am", but that's a whole other story.

Oh hang on, that might be Christy actually...

[Les]

You know you're old when you went to a restaurant your father also frequents and the owner asked you: "Is mr X ( my father's name. No really) your big brother?" But i'm only 26!!

In my defence, my friends did say i look 'matured' for my age (mind you i got married at 23 and now have a 1 year old kid)

[Uli]

I love being 41 and to find myself loving comforts and being obnoxious to my children AND my parents AND my husband ...!
It really a good age, but I hope no one dares to call me Ma'am... I'd die laughing because I still am able to laugh myself silly at "ye moste olde jokes" :-)
Uli
PS: And I regularly do the timewarp...!!! Don't dream it - BE IT!