10 top Indian jokes

South Asians have a rich and varied output of funny tales

IN INDIA, taxpayers used to finance a Vidushak, which means Composer of Laughs, to keep the king cheerful. This is an idea worth reviving.

The sense of humor gap between East and West has been identified as one of the world’s most pressing problems. So this week, readers are working with your columnist to build a bridge using funny but non-offensive jokes. In the past few days we’ve had fabulous jokes from Muslim and Buddhist communities. Today, Hindu readers share their humor.
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Your columnist was intrigued to note that Hindu humor, which can be found from India to Bali, differs from other forms of Asian humor. While Buddhists opt for clever riddles, and Muslims go for humorous wisdom, Hindus have an eclectic laugh-about-anything style. While some jokes mention Hindu gods (especially Krishna), many are about everyday life, featuring common objects such as tiffin-cases (lunch boxes) and train timetables. Here are some gems sent by readers.
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1. Did you hear about the man who bought a flask to work with his tiffin-case?

His workmates ask: “What’s that?”

He says: “It’s a thermos flask. It keeps hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold.”

Amazed, the men ask: “What’s inside?”

He replies: “Two cups of hot milk tea and a Pepsi-Cola.”
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2. A man is trying to sleep but a mosquito keeps dive-bombing his ear with its annoying high-pitched whine: “Zeeee…. zeeee.” He jumps up and catches it.

But now what? If he kills it, he won’t attain Moksha (Hindu Nirvana). While puzzling over this, he realizes that the mosquito has gone to sleep on his hand.

Smiling, he stays up all night bending over it, saying: “Zeeee… Zeeee.”
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3. Did you hear about the disappointed lover who lay on the railway tracks to die? A passer-by asked why he had a rice and curry lunchbox with him.

He replies: “In this country, you can starve to death waiting for a train.”
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4. A Western expatriate teacher at an international school offers a cash reward to the child who can name the greatest man who ever lived.

“Buddha?” says a Buddhist.

“The prophet?” says a Muslim.

“Jesus?” says a Hindu.

The teacher hands the money to the Hindu, who says: “Thanks, Miss. Actually, the right answer is Krishna, but business is business.”
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5. A prudish man is travelling in the back of a cramped auto-rickshaw with his wife. He realizes the driver can see them in his rearview mirror. He stops the driver and says to him. “I don’t like the way you have a clear view of my wife in your mirror. You sit in the back with her. I’ll sit up front and drive.”
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6. A man is driving home from work when he passes his friend walking, pushing his scooter. “Run out of gas?” he asks.

The scooter owner replies: “No, I left my ignition key at home.”

The motorist says: “But how did you get to work?”

The walker says: “I had to push this thing all the way to the office.”
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7. Did you hear about the disgruntled passenger who decided to trick the Indian railway company? He bought a ticket but refused to travel.
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Keep the funnies coming. Add more South Asian jokes below if you know any, but try to keep them non-malicious. (I called this “10 best…” despite only having seven jokes, in the hopes that someone would deliver some more.) The database is growing!

Tomorrow: Christian humor.
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Technorati Tags: Indian,Hindi,Hindu,jokes,humor,wit,South Asian

Comments

[Contributor]

Father of the now famous Indian golfer Jeev Milkha Singh is still known as flying Sikh in India. Reason, because he broke Olympic record in 100 m race but came fourth (all first four runners broke the then world record). He also won many gold medals in Asian and Commonwealth games. He supported turban, had a beard and used to run barefoot therefore attracting lot of media frenzy. The joke goes like this:

After a hard won race in an athletic meet, a female reporter came to Milkha Singh who was sitting on the ground breathing heavily:

Reporter: So you are relaxing...

Milkha Singh (bemused): No, I am MILKHA SINGH.

[fardel]

Air trafic control to Air India 725:
-Air India 725, what is your altitude?
- 30,000 feet, but for you my friend it will be 20,000!

[fardel]

How do you fly an airplane to an airport in the China-India-Burma triangle?
Just throw a brick through the window and try to catch up with it!

[Jason]

Christian jokes tomorrow, this should be good! Most of the priest jokes I know, I can't post here ;)

I remember one from over 20 years ago during the Irish Troubles:

An Irishman walking down a dark alley, suddenly feels a gun in his back.

"Protestant or Catholic?" the mugger asks.

Oh-oh, no matter which I choose he will be the other. Thinking quickly the man replies, "Jewish!"

"Allah akbar"

[Thankful]

This is actually a very good plan. It turns a simple blog community into something really worthwhile for the world. I have not commented before but I congratulate the whole ""gang"" on this. I am sure that over the next weeks and months, these lists of good-hearted jokes will grow longer and more valuable.
And then how about a set of Palestinian and Israeli jokes???

[farah]

i had this forwarded by my friend some time back and for some reason i saved it cause it's too funny.

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A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...

"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so... he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together."

"But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood."

And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's A*s in his own hood... Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they wouldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks..."

Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., thatwas the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

The mother fainted.

[farah]

but even after that i am a huge fan of indian food and beverages. and my all time fav is indian chai (tea).

[Nury]

Farah, hilarious, thanks!

[Vaibhav]

here is the extended version of the joke by contributor.
Milkha Singh is sitting on the beach when someone asks him "are you relax-ing?"
"no i'm Milkha Singh"
Milkha singh starts walking on the beach and asks another sikh lying around
"are you relax-ing", "Yes",
"Well someone is looking for you back there"

[Vriti]

Thanks Nuri!...you made my day!...:-)
Ok, one more to add on...
One Sardarji was driving his new car. The road was not a crowded one .. just one or two running vehicles could be seen. Soon he came accross a man driving scooter. Peeping out of his car window, he asked the scooter guy 'have u ever driven a car'. Offended, the scooter guy thought 'this sardarji is trying to show-off his new car. Can't he see I'm on a 2 wheeler and yet wants to make fun of me by asking such a wierd question. Upset, he rides away without answering the Sardarji. The Sardarji comes accross a Rickshaw driver and asks the same question. Similar response. Then he comes accross a pedestrian and asks the same question..yet another same reaction from the pedestrian. After just abpit a quarter mile away, the Sardarji is seen with his car bumped against the lamp post. All three of them in sight, come upto him, and ask him with a funny, taunt tone "you see, you should mind your own business...and you were asking US whether we could drive a car!"....The Sardarji replied "Thats the reason I was asking you about it...coz, I forgot where are the Brakes and needed help with those!"....

[Christy]

I used to trade Christian jokes with my classmates secretly during compulsory religious lessons...

1) A priest and a nun were playing golf together. To the nun's horror, the priest kept cursing "Damn!" whenever he missed the shot. "Father, beware of God's wrath for your vile language!" warned the nun. Within seconds, a bolt of lightening struck her dead.

Then came a deep voice from the sky: "Damn! I missed."

2) This one circulating around the net is a little long, but it makes me laugh every time: Man A was walking across a bridge one day and saw a man B about to jump off.

A: Don't do it, buddy, there's so much to live for.
B: Like what?
A: Well, are you religious?
B: Yes.
A: Me too! Are your Christian
B: Christian.
A: Catholic or Protestant?
B: Prostestant.
A: Me too! Episcopalian or Baptist?
B: Baptist
A: Wow! Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?
B: reformed
A: Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He
B: 1915
A: DIE, HERETIC SCUM! (and pushed B off)

[TS]

I thought the Christian jokes were tomorrow??

Well here goes then...

A man asks his priest "Do they have golf in heaven?".
Priest "I don't know, I will ask the good lord in my prayers tonight".

The next day.

Priest "The good news is that they do play golf in heaven, the bad news is that you are playing there tomorrow".

[Mahjuja]

This is a real incident. My friend and I went to Sri Lanka to attend a South Asian student conference and we were taken on a visit to a Hindu Temple, you know, where it is believed that Sita passed by while she was abducted by Ravan. Now my friend is a strict Hindu and she would not enter the temple because she had not bathed that day. So, we all went inside, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Indians and Sri Lankans while my friend stood outside. While she stood there, an Indian Hindu girl from our group askes my friend whether she wouldn't go inside the temple because she was muslim. I thought that was quite funny due to the irony of it all.

[YukiSoba]

There was one I notated from a few sermons of which I heard of this joke several times. This one is based on Christianity but it involves the Jewish Christian community in Rome.

Caesar hated the Jews to stay in Rome, so he ordered that they are to be sent away. But they protest to stay on in Rome. So Caesar challenges them that if they can win a debate with him the following day, they will be able to stay on forever and ever.

That night, the elders discussed about how are they gonna represent the Jews in a debate how are they gonna win. None of them stood out because they believe they could stand out in front of Caesar.

But during that time, there was a sweeper-boy who passed by their meeting place. He overheard their conversation and decided to volunteered himself. Guess what? The elders rejected him. But he asks the elders that if he couldn't challenge Caesar in a debate, why aren't they going instead. So they have no choice but leave the fate of the Jews in his hands.

The day came and there was Caesar on his throne. On his right is his Encyclopaedia Brittanica and on his left, his elders. The sweeper-boy arrives while sweeping his way to the debate hall. Caesar was astonished because his debater is only a sweeper-boy.

So he started out by pointing his finger towards the back of the boy. The boy pointed his finger down. Caesar thought to himself that the boy was smart. To avoid embarrassment from the audience, he pointed one finger up and wave it in the air. The boy pointed 3 fingers up. Caesar was shock and he thought that he was really smart. So lastly, Caesar takes out an apple. The boy took out his bread. And Caesar surrendered. The Jews rejoiced and they threw the boy up into the air.

The boy was puzzled over the people's reaction and demanded that he wants to continue the debate. But the elders insisted that he had won. He claims that the debate wasn't even over yet. The elders were astonished that the boy didn't even know that he had won the debate and it's all over.

So they went over to Caesar to ask him what happen and what's with all the sign languages. Caesar explains that the 1st time, he showed his finger that he is a God and he is most supreme. But the boy reminded him that there is also hell below. So he pointed his finger up claiming that Caesar also rule the heavens. But the boy pointed the three fingers which clearly represents God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. So lastly Ceasar took out an apple, which represents the fall of man. But was shocked when he sees the boy reminding him that the bread symbolises the redemption of sin by Jesus Christ.

The elders went on to the boy for his view. He remarked that Caesar pointed him to get out but he pointed to the ground that he wants to stay on. He thinks that Caesar gave him a last warning. But the boy insisted that 3 warnings also won't make him go away. Then the boy said that when Caesar took out an apple, he thought that it was Caesar's lunch. So he took out his bread which was his lunch and wave at him.

The next one is another classic one based on God's promise is never broken.

2. One day, God promises to grant a man 3 wishes. The man ask for his 1st wish to be a famous. He became more famous than anybody on earth. He then ask for his second wish, fortune. He became the richest man in the world. He then asks for his third wish to be the most irressistible to girls. God ask him that there are certain risks this time involving this wish. He ask God that he will not withdraw his wish and reminds God that God never breaks his promise. So God turned him into the most irresstible thing on earth - a box of chocolates!

[raj]

it nice but same new added pls
because many more thinks are over side
Exp.ipl,water not saving & that time , Roads siganals etc.