The wrong number of death

Warning: dialing a wrong number can get you shot

TRUE STORY: a single misdialed phone number last week led to angry words which escalated to an armed battle, I heard from reader Sunita Chau.

It all started when a man in his early 20s accidentally phoned a man of the same age. Hostility broke out. Nasty text messages grew into a row in a car park and then to a gunfight. Police jailed one man and sent the other to hospital in a “serious condition”. The incident happened a few days ago in the US state of Georgia, but similar trivial errors have escalated to shootouts in the Philippines and Vietnam.

These incidents tend to follow similar patterns.

A: “Hi, can I speak to Susy?”

B: “You got the wrong number, dude.”

A slams down the phone.

B uses caller ID to dial A.

B: “Hey. Don’t slam the phone down on me without apologizing, you rude moron.” B then slams the phone down on A.

A then dials B again. A: “You calling me a rude moron? I should kick your butt.”

B: “Oh yeah?”

A: “Oh yeah.”

A: “OH YEAH?”

B: “OH YEAH.”

An hour later, the city is littered with dead bodies.
*
If only people listened to King Solomon, who 2000 years ago anticipated misdialed phone calls when he wrote: “A soft answer turneth away wrath.”

If you can’t manage a soft answer, answer the phone thus. “This is a recording. You have reached Pay-Per-Second Phone Services. You will be charged our $200 minimum fee for this call, plus $10 per second.” They will slam down that phone and never dial your number again.
*
One reader got vast numbers of irritating voicemail messages meant for a guy called Steven. Eventually she left a recording on her phone saying: “If you are looking for Steven, this is not the right number for him.” Now she gets even more voicemail. They are from her friends and family, and say: “So, who’s Steven?” Everyone is convinced she has a secret boyfriend. Beyond irritated, she is saving up to buy a gun.
*
But most annoying are people who send you unsigned text messages meant for other people. I had a text message exchange which went like this.

HIM: “Meet you are 4.30 by the clock.”

ME: “Who are you?”

HIM: “This is Jamie.”

ME: “You got the wrong number.”

HIM: “Oops. Sorry, dude.”

ME: “Stop already. It costs me money every time you send me a text.”

HIM: “Yeah, I know. I just wanted to apologize.”

ME: “Okay. Shut up already.”

HIM: “Okay! I’m shutting up!”

ME: “SHUT UP”.

HIM: “I HAVE shut up.”

ME: “No you haven’t.”

HIM: “Yes I have.”

ME: ‘NO YOU HAVEN’T.”

HIM: “YES I HAVE.”

I showed this conversation to a friend of mine and told her that this was clear, black and white proof that the world contains idiots.

She read through it and said, “No, this is clear, black and white proof that the world contains males.”

What an insult. After brooding on this for a while, I sent her a text telling her to meet me at the car park at midnight with a weapon of her choice. I sent it to the right number. I think.

Comments

[sej]

There's only two things certain in life... death and stupidity.

[Sam]

In Australia, callers pay for the cost of making a call or cost of sending SMS. Receivers get everything free. We don't care when stupid people reach us by calling or sending SMS through pressing (i.e. dialling) an incorrect number. It is fair for them to be punished by paying unnecessary call/SMS charges out of their wallet. The more mistakes they made, the heftier is the penalty for their stupidity. The beauty of this charging method means receiver doesn't have to pay for business trying to sell whatever through unsolicited cold calls.

[Angela]

I got to work very early one day and I remembered it was my good friend Norman's birthday. At my desk, I picked up the phone, dialed his number, and took a deep breath as I heard the ringing on the other line...

He picks up the phone...

Norman: "Hello?"

Me: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, haaaaaaaaapyyyy birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy to youuuuuuuuuuuuu......."

then, still breathless from the high note, I whispered to him in my sweetest, most seductive voice I can manage:

"Happy Birthday, Norman dear! I am coming over tonight with your present"

there was few seconds of silence on the other line..then...

Norman: Sorry, wrong number.

I was too mortified to speak, I just put the phone down but not before I had a chance to check the number on the digital screen, I had gotten the last two digits mixed up.

This is when I decided not to play pranks with my friends anymore and I just texted Norman a birthday message. That evening after work when I attended his birthday party at a restaurant, he asked me to be the guest of honor and recount the story to his guests. I was the entertainment that evening.

[Leo]

Angela, that's great! You got to tell that to all of them. I guess you have figured out who's the culprit. Did you point him/her out in the party? Don't forget to reply to him/her: Thanks for your present! I would definitely love to see what you have for Norman DEAR!!!

I usually don't use the Pay-Per-Second Phone trick, I usually spend 1 minute to talk junks and jokes, which are so ridiculous that the interviewer forgot what he/she is supposed to ask. Of course, those phone interviews are in Chinese, if not, I'll be typing those up (btw, I can't do the translation right, like there's nothing right in my right brain and nothing left in my left). ^^

[sej]

Angela, now that would be an experience I wouldn't wish on anyone. Well, okay, maybe I would wish it on a few people, but certainly none of my friends.

[Nury]

Whoever got Angela whispering seductively, "I am coming over tonight with your present..." is a lucky man.

If it was me, I would have continued to pretend to be Norman. "Tell me more, tell me more..."

[farah]

due to intense competition we have plenty of offers of free texts and call times from time to time so
...we have sim cards of all the tel co in BD.
...we get prank messages ---> no reply
...more messages ---> still no reply
...get calls ---> pick up and tell to beat it
... more prank calls ---> we ignore
.... still more ---> pick up, dont talk and hang up

.... the prank caller finds someone new.

[Angela]

Norman is indeed a lucky guy. I met his boyfriend that night, and they look so good together.

Also, for his birthday present I got him a tea set with blue and gold floral design. He appreciates delicate ceramics. He does not appreciate girls in that way :)

[Momo]

Woah,just after reading this I got a wrong number incident. Freaky..

Dead silence on the other end made my thoughts imagine some strange person with a fetish for listening to people asking questions. (Heard someone breathing on the other end).

The person hung up on me and a moment later rang again, only this time there was a female sounding voice on the other end. Couldn't catch what she said before she hung up on me. Very odd..

[Dan Kubiske]

Then of course there is the old chestnut:
A guy calls and asks for Dave.
The receiver of the call says, "Sorry, you have the wrong number. There is no Dave here."

A while later another call comes in for Dave.

Same polite response.

This goes on for a few more calls.

Then comes another call: "Hi. This is Dave. Are there any messages for me?"

[Christy]

Ha, speaking of wrong calls, my grandpa had a GENIUS way of dealing with them:

Stranger: Meet you 4:30 at ____ , don't be late
Grandpa: Sure, okay. (Hangs up)

He *never* tells people they have made a wrong call. This man is a genius.

[Harry]

When I was a student we got a new phone line and used to receive a lot of calls for "Sally". After a while my flatmate stopped saying, "Wrong number!" and used, "I'm sorry. She's upstairs with a customer. Will one of the other girls do?"
Btw, I was gobsmacked when I found that one had to pay to receive mobile calls in N America. I would never, never have a mobile in that case. No way I pay to be harassed.

[Vaibhav]

I was at a friend's place and he got a call.
GS (my friend): Hold on one second
GS to me: Speak to him will you.
Me: Who is it?
GS: Its a wrong number

Me: Hello
Caller: Hello Mr. T L Singh. Can i come and collect the balance sheet at 11 am tomorrow from your residence.
Me: Sure. Make it earlier. i might have to leave early tomorrow.

I dont know what happened the next day.

[Angela]

My sister was helping her boyfriend to sell his old sofabed and she has been talking on the phone to prospective buyers until one guy agreed on the price and is making arrangement to pick it up at her boyfriend's apartment.

She was expecting the buyer's call so when her phone rings she immediately answered and said "Hi! I won't be around later when you come but my boyfriend will be home to help you"

After brief silence from the other end, guy's voice said "Hello Esther, It's nice to know that your boyfriend will be home later to help me, but didn’t we agree that we are meeting in your office to sign the contract?"

She was stunned. The caller was actually her top client with whom she is closing an important deal.

[mahjuja]

My cousin will always oblige anyone who calls on his mobile and requests for so-and-so by telling them to hold on while he gets so-and-so. I must say its amazing how these numb-skulls really hold on for sometimes even half an hour! But that's just routine. One day, my cousin gets a call requesting a Mr. (somebody) and he replies by saying that Mr. (somebody) has died. The moron on the line starts telling others around him the *shocking* news and asks them to say prayers. Then my cousin interrupts, and asks Mr. (somebody)'s name again and tells the moron that he had mistook Mr. (somebody) for someone else. For a long time I used to burst out in laughter when I remembered that one.