Mr Jam and the Prince

In which our humble narrator meets a real live Royal

YOU KNOW THOSE sweet-glazed breakfast snacks known as Danish pastries, which one would assume were Danish?

Well, I was amazed to discover that Danish people call them Viennese pastries.

I used the internet to track down a Viennese person to ask what THEY call them. "We call them Copenhagen pastries," said a girl called Anna.

An angry guy called Emirhan interrupted to say the recipe was stolen from Ankara, and they should really be called Turkish pastries. He threatened to slice me up and turn me into a savory snack should I refuse to make the correction.

Anyway, I was eating a Danish/ Viennese/Copenhagen/Turkish pastry (extra large, apricot flavor) when I received an invitation to have dinner with a real live Danish prince, who was on a private visit to Asia.

Wow. This was not a prince from some potty little country where everyone is royal. This was the Prince of Denmark, a top royal in a nation stuffed with castles.

I have daughters. I told them I was dining with a real live prince but they didn’t seem very impressed.

After reading one of their books (The Tough Princess) and watching one of their movies (Shrek the Third) I realized why. I went right off princes.

They all had three cringe- making attributes: 1) princes were handsome to a fault, 2) excessively stupid, and 3) worst of all, wore baggy white shirts with puffed sleeves. This, in my opinion, is a crime warranting the death penalty.

*
The following day, I showed off the invitation to a work colleague, who told me an amazing story. "I read something about the Prince of Denmark in the newspaper," he said. "His uncle murdered his dad, and then he murdered his uncle in revenge."

This was intriguing. I wondered how I could bring it up in conversation. "Good evening, your highness, how's things, no more murders in the family lately, I hope?"

It was only when I was halfway there in a taxi when I realized that my idiot colleague was not recalling something from the newspaper, but the plot of Shakespeare's play, Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. Why am I cursed to be surrounded by idiots? 
*
At the dinner, I was introduced to a man who was nothing like Hamlet or the prince in Shrek.

Denmark's top male royal, Prince Henrik, is a cheery 75-year-old with gray hair, a loud laugh, and sleeves that are not remotely puffed.

I was about to ask for his autograph when he thrust one of my books at me and asked for mine.

Of course, I would be honored, I said.

"Er, what's your surname?" I asked, wondering if asking such a question was disrespectful and punishable by death.

"Asking that question is disrespectful and punishable by death," he replied, taking out a large ax and making me rest my head on the dining table.

No, actually, he didn't.  He simply replied: "I don't have one. Members of royal families usually don't.”

I told him not having a surname was seriously cool: "I quite fancy that. How do I get to be a royal?"

He thought for a moment before replying with a laugh: "You'd have to marry into a royal family. But both my children are sons."

Oh well. I would look terrible in puffed sleeves.

By the way, I am writing this in a lovely little restaurant called Caffe Habitu which does great cappucinos. I ordered a Danish pastry, too, but I whispered it. Emirhan may be around.

 

 

Technorati Tags: Danish pastry,prince henrik,denmark,viennese,turkish

Comments

[farah]

i wish Prince William invited me for a cup of tea/coffee/anything/nothing and i would have happily obliged as long as he didnt wear that skirt thingy.

anyhow i'm still jealous of not ever getting invited by any prince, not even any person named Prince.

[Leo]

farah, how about inviting the Princes to your home anyway? How about the "Prince", the singer? Easy to get his CD anywhere, so grab one, and take him home!!

Or the Prince of Persia? Oh! That's easy! Just get a computer and buy "Prince of Persia"! There you go! You now can control the Prince through your PC!!!

Inviting the Prince would be honorable!!

[farah]

control the prince to get to the princess?? that would be suicidal! i will send prince william a mail today, if he refuses then you're going to get one hate mail from me Leo.

[Angela]

What about Danish cookies, should I just call them butter cookies, to be politically correct?

[TS]

Prince Henrik is a symbol of sexual equality in Denmark but also a victim of it.
The previous royal family didn't have any male heirs and to avoid some obscure branch of the royalty becoming the successor, it was decided that a female could take the throne after her father and become Queen. It was also decided that whomever she would marry would not become king, but only Prince Consort.
Hence we got Prince Henrik. By that logic the next king's wife should only become princess, but that is not so, she will become Queen.

I'm not a royalist as such, royalty is just the remains of an old dictatorship.
But that said, the Danish royals are far better connected with the population than, say, the ones in the UK.

[Julie]

I think those pastries look like croissants and preserves.

A perfect illustration for the meeting of this (originally French) royal and Mr Jam!

[Julie]

And to TS, as you point out, the sexism is interesting.

A foreign King is a threat to the country, a foreign Queen is not.

Especially now - you wouldn't want to end up with a kangaroo court!

[Johnson]

hey mr jam, concerning the Danish/ Viennese/Copenhagen/Turkish pastry issue, we got something similar in Hong Kong, for example, 'yeung chow' fried rice is said originated in yeung chow, but we can't find any fried rice in yeung chow actually . similarly, i once saw something like 'Hong Kong fried noodle' in Singapore, but i hv never seen sth like that before even i hv lived in hong kong for 18 years!

anyway, i really enjoy reading your daily column, the sarcastic things are really inspiring

[Angela]

What's in the name?

In the Philippines the Manila envelope is more popularly called brown envelope.

In a chinese restaurant in downtown sacramento (USA) I saw this dish called Singapore noodles. Having been away from Asia for a month I was in desperate need of my rice/noodle carbo fix so I ordered it. Tasted like manila envelope and doesn't even look remotely Singaporean, and definitely we do not have such a dish here.

[tamanna]

damnn im now hungry seeing the danish/ viennese/copenhagen/turkish pastry even after having dinner!
farah..we the unlucky bangladeshi ppl dont have any sort of prince in our country!

[tamanna]

why!?*sigh*

[Mike]

I once worked with a Greek officer. And I asked him we have an expression that if something is difficult to understand we say "That is all Greek to me" I wondered what he says? He replyed "We say Chinese"

[Sham]

What's in the name indeed?

In UK, there is a bottled sauce called Penang curry, which doesn't even remotely taste like anything from Penang.

We also have Singapore noodles in Malaysia, but it was much to my dismay that i found its name was something entirely different in Singapore (although it was just as yummy).

Angela, i have always wondered how the name 'manila card' came about. What about brussels sprout? Did it originally sprout in brussels, and hence the name?

The worst of all is of course 'french fries'...

[sej]

In the case of Manila Folders, I think the name came from what the folders were originally made from, not where they originated.

[Angela]

Both actually Sej. Those brown papers that are used to make manila folders, cards, envelopes, are made from abaca fiber, also known as manila fiber because of its abundance in the philippines and it has been used for many many years by filipinos for making paper, clothings, accessories, etc.
this abaca plant looks like a giant agave (that cactus which tequila comes from) and the fibers are really strong, it's even made into ropes.

Since Fardel may be somewhere in France hunting for his wormy camembret, thus too far to whack me on the head, I dare say "FREEDOM FRIES!"

hehehe...

great morning folks! :)

[sej]

Just looked up http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/french...

It seems "French" can also refer to various forms of oral sex...

You learn something new, everyday!

[Sham]

Aaah..the naughty french. I will never look at french fries the same again.

[Phil]

What do French people call french fries?

[Momo]

Don't they just call it fries?
'Frites' -or something, as my rapidly degrading secondary school French has taught me.

> Mike. Me and my friends say "it's all gobble-de-gook to me".. but that might have been based off a long-since forgotten kids show, dunno, memories are getting a tad fuzzy now.

[Momo]

toPhil

From my every degrading knowledge of secondary school French methinks the French call them "frites", or literally fries.

toSej & Mike?

Funny that, the Brits often use the term 'French-kissing' for (well have a guess, whereas the French uses 'English-kissing' to define the same kind of kiss.

Kinda makes you wonder who on earth invented that kiss to begin with...

[Christy]

Why do people say "pardon my French" when they swear? What if they were really swearing in French?

[Momo]

Pardon my English I suppose.. unless you're already speaking in English then I guess its
pardon my (insert another foreign language name here).

[Christy]

Pardon my Arabic, then. My mom really demanded (half-jokingly) that I apologize for making such disgusting sounds at home. (I'm learning Arabic and there's a sound that goes "arrrgh" and another that sounds like a man with pneumonia coughing to death.)

Mom, pardon my Arabic...

[Uli]

To add to the variety of names which the above mentioned pastries are called: in Germany they are called "Plunderteilchen" (read: "ploonder-tile-shen"). "Plunder" is the special dough layering dough and butter in many folds not unlike how the french croissants are made.
:-)

[Harry]

In the USA they have "English muffins". In England they're muffins.
In the eastern USA they have a "western omelette" ("omelet" in US-speak). It's an omelette with onions, ham and green capsicum. In the western USA it gets more specific and becomes a "Denver omelette". After all, Denver is in the west.
I once asked for "western sandwich" (the omelette in a sandwich). The waitress said, "You must be from back east."

[fardel]

It was about time that I could connect to the internet.
French fries are simply called frites ( angela ,you traitor, i want a divorce)
as for pastry, no danish pastry here, but pastries which would make your colesterol go through the roof: one third butter,one third flower, one third sugar.
Miam

They are easier to find here than internet connections.
Talk to you in a few days

[Christy]

Sej, people are talking about *food* here and you're talking about farts...how very inconsiderate of you ;P

[Angela]

Fardel, if you got married in Malaysia, you can text your spouse "I divorce you" 3 times and you are legally free to marry someone else.

need a proof? here goes:

=========================================
Abstract: A Malaysian Syariah Court allowed a husband to begin divorce proceedings by sending a text message on his cellular phone to his wife. This ruling generated an intense debate throughout the country, and initially the Malaysia government rejected the ruling outright. But later the government accepted the decision, and future divorces through the short message system (SMS) of cellular phones will be permitted.
=========================================

So there's no need to fly to las vegas, let's take the bus to kuala lumpur to say I do :)

ps: go easy on the croissant, leave some space for chili crab.

[sej]

Christy,

Pardon my French! That comment was meant for another post (The Wind of Change), which Nury has fixed for me.

Thanks Nury!

[sej]

Angela,

Can I save money by putting three "I divorce you" into the one text message? Or does it need to three seperate messages?

[Christy]

What if someone were to play a cruel joke by grabbing a co-worker's phone and send the "I divorce you" message to his wife?

(Or some men may not see it as cruel and instead as a relief and liberation?!)

[Angela]

You can get married quick in las vegas but you can get divorced quicker in kuala lumpur.

I think Malaysia beat US in this one.

Sej, since you are so cheap, no need to divorce your wife. She will divorce you.

[Harry]

Which brings up a question of manners or protocol. If one wishes to break up with one's "significant other" is the proper method -
e-mail
SMS
fax
voicemail
If you have one, get your secretary to call
Other?

[sej]

Christy: I get the feeling you've thought about trying that. Consider if you had a lover on the side though, you wouldn't want to leave your mobile lying around anywhere, would you?

Harry, Angela: Do you think you could use Facebook or Twitter? It'd be cheaper still than using SMS!

[Christy]

Sej: caught red-handed, AGAIN...are you reading my mind or something?! Lucky for couples that I don't live in Malaysia. What an evil marriage-wrecker I am.

[Sham]

The whole SMS divorce thing only works if you are a Muslim. Otherwise, the normal rules apply, and it could take several years before you are granted a divorce. Sorry to disappoint you guys..

[Angela]

Sej - Can you state as ground for divorce "found out spouse is cheating through facebook, twitter"

Sham - my father converted to islam after marrying my mother who is a catholic...until now I still haven't solved this mystery.

Harry - you said "significant" so I would say that the person deserves at least face-to-face talk. Anything less cheapens the relationship and the person who initiated the break-up via electronic method. I think if a guy did this he is a coward with balls the size of sesame seeds so good riddance!!!

Ultimately, imagine if you are inlove with your partner, and your beloved breaks up with you via any or all of this electronic methods. It is disrespectful, insensitive, malicious, and the person deserves to be castrated...hehehhe...

Seriously, in this case the golden rule applies "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you."

Good morning folks! :)

[sej]

Angela: Affairs via instant messaging and IRC have been grounds for divorce in the past. I can't see how Facebook or Twatter are any different.

[farah]

affairs or relationships on internet just actually doesnt exist cause this things are virtual and are taken literally as such. i was stupid enough to fall not once but twice in such mess and ended up with broken heart.

[Leo]

farah, I am happy to tell you I have not fallen even for once. But someone did fall in love with me because of my SMS.

Anyway, so long to my past glamours...I got faded out of her mind soon after that...Being poetic won't help you long enough in the battle of love.

[sej]

Leo: Really? You poor deluded sole. Every guy thinks that at some point, he has done something that has caused someone to fall deeply and passionately in love with him, but then reality hits. She never thought anything of the kind, it was all in our mind.

It usually happens to me as I pass a girl when walking down the street. As we cross, I smile at girl, she smiles back, I think "I'm in love", I think "She's in love with me"... then we keep walking... *sigh*

[Angela]

LOL @ sej

I was jogging at the park last saturday morning, serious and focused (or at least I pretend to be), then I looked up and this sweaty topless hunk with slightly greying hair at the temples, in all his bronze glory and rippling muscles is running straight towards me, we checked each other out, then my eyes met his green smoldering eyes that crinkled at the corners as he smiled at me. MY heart stopped (almost) but not from the cardiovascular exertion, I flashed my most demure smile as we pass by each other. Still smiling inside, I thought, well, let's see him turn around and catch up with me to ask my number. I already plan to suggest we get prata and lemon tea together after the run.

I keep running, but slower ofcourse, to let him catch up...

10 seconds, 20, 30...45..I can't run any slower or I would be walking...I turned around and I saw him at the other end, running towards the park exit.

And that is how my story ended.

I hope he had the same experience as me :)

I hope he had sleepless nights thinking of that cute girl in itsy bitsy running shorts, tanktop and pink visor and a very sweet smile...*sigh*

[Harry]

Angela,
It was intended as a joke.
Like love.

[Angela]

Harry,

I know that and I was joking about castrating you too :)

You know jokes are half-truths, right? LOL..

TGIF folks! woooohoooo....

[Karuna]

Angela..
it was a late Monday afternoon.
My bones were yawning. my shoes were yawning..everything in me was just bored with the sheer weight of existence.
Yawn..Yawn..
I walk over to take the lift.
The life arrives.
And I start slowly moving towards the lift, like Saturn's orbit around the sun.
When suddenly, chirped a voice from inside the life
"have'nt decided yet, eh?"
This set my legs into rapid fast forward, my arse followed and was soon inside the lift.
It was an usual Monday afternoon lift crowd, couple of courier folk, one fancy dressed insurance agent, the person who address me and me.
And I was standing facing this person who had addressed me.
The perfume wafted to my nose and my brain kicked in. Turned my head to the mirror on the wall to catch a glimpse of this person and find that this person was like ***REALLY WOW*** !
When suddenly I hear her again, "have'nt decided where to go, eh ?
My brain goes into overdrive. Different messages were getting processed.
One part of the brain was going. "hey..this Hong Kong, people are not supposed to speak to one another inside lifts."
The other was, "is that a philosphical question, where am I, where I need to be"
and as these different thoughts were debating inside my brain, I see that she is pointing to the lift buttons.
I get what she was trying to say. Quickly press the Ground button, which in any case was pressed already.
I look away tongue tied at the side mirror to catch glimpses of her.
The Ground floor arrives, I look at the floor and walk away to the coffee shop.

[sej]

Karuna...

You get into the lift, gorgeous girl facing you, looks at you and says "What are you doing this evening?"

You look at her, and say "Anything with you!"

She now looks at you strangely, puts her hand up to her ear, and you realise...

She's on the phone...

[Angela]

Nury,

what this gang has taught me is that: men and women are equally prone to fantasies about the opposite sex. Also that we are so romantic and so eloquent in our heads but we get too shy to even give coherent answer to simple question like which floor are you going to?

How come fictional characters always know what to say? even if it is cheesy lines.. they at least always get some action while real life characters as portrayed by Mr. Jam's gang members only get action in our imaginations.

[Vince A]

There was the man who sent 4 "I divorce you" messages in one text message. The court ruled that he did not fulfill the requirement to send 3 messages (4 is not 3), and hence remains married. It is impossible to unsend one of them. He now cannot try again and send 3 messages (since that would make a total of 7). He is therefore married forever.

--

And then there was the man who sent 3 "I divorce you" messages to the wrong number. The court ruled that the man and the recipient (a lady the man has never met) are now officially divorced. She has been collecting alimony from him ever since.

--

And then there was the man who sent 3 divorce messages to his wife, assumed he is now single and went on to marry another. The court ruled that his messages were invalid because he spelled them wrong: "I devours you". He is now stuck with two wives.

--

And then there was the perceptive woman who upon receiving the first "I divorce you" message, replied back with a reminder of what alimony does: "I divest you". On receiving the second "I divorce you", she again counters "I divest you". The final "I divorce you" message never came. Message received.

--

And finally, there was the young man who, running late for his own wedding, received a text message: "Do you, Harry take Jane to be your beloved wife?". He tried to reply back his "I do", but his prepaid load had run out. He is able to receive but not able to send text messages, and can only helplessly stare at the final message: "For the last time - do you take Jane to be your beloved wife?"

[fardel]

Wow

Hi guys
I'm back

The subject was supposed to be about french croissants and ends up about divorce in so many messages.
Is there any relationship between the croissants and divorce?
first of all let's straighten up some truth.
French croissants are not french.
They were created in Vienna to celebrate a military victory over the Turks ( I believe)hence the croissant shape.

As for french
French letters are called capote anglaise in French ( english condoms).

French kiss is not so disgusting , once you find the right partner to share it
Isn't it A......?

As a matter of fact, those who criticize wish they tried
As for what is french
gastronomy
fashion
perfume
romance
free thinking
free marriage
Freedom of democracy ( the real one)
Yes,I understand the criticism.It is called jealousy

Another french motto
Jamais deux sans trois ( i.e. there is always a third time)
This one is for you
Farah , now that I am divorced from this traitor..................

It is funny, after many days away, I recognize this traitor's writing before the end of the first line.
I must admit it.
I love your writing and your stories.
It is so fresh