Men and women: the difference

World’s top sports body calls summit to seek an answer

ARE YOU MALE? FEMALE? Are you sure? REALLY sure? The International Olympic Committee will be sending out invitations to a summit in January in Florida to discuss a single question: How do you tell if someone is a boy or a girl?

No, don't scoff. This is a tough question. I once mistook a woman for a man. She looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger, right down to the 18-inch biceps and the chin stubble. I called her "sir."

"I'm not a sir," she growled, in a voice so low that it shook the ground and would have made Darth Vader sound like a chipmunk. She and her friend, a female of the same age, angrily stormed out of the dinner I was hosting.

An elderly man standing near me said, "I think those girls were Lebanese," which is a term used by a certain social group ("stupid people") to refer to women who prefer the company of women.
*

The incident caused the conversation over dinner that night to focus on Caster Semenya, the athlete who wins female races, but has been accused of being a guy. "Caster has all the key male attributes," one rival athlete told a reporter, without going into detail. Presumably, this means she forgets to phone after a date, scratches her genitalia in public, and understands the plot of Transformers 2.

(Transformers 2 is about horrible scary revolting monsters, mostly)

I asked the one doctor present at the dinner to give an informed, medical opinion. "The difference between male and female is a gradient," she said. "At one end, you have people who are obviously women, with pronounced female characteristics, such as, I don't know, Sophia Loren. At the other end, you have ultra-macho guys who are incredibly masculine, like, er, well, you can probably think of an example."

I was deeply insulted by the fact she did not pick your humble narrator as an example, given that I was sitting right opposite her.

I asked the obvious question. "With people in between, can't you just inspect their `bits,' to use the scientific term?"

She shook her head. "Some people just have a jumble of bits `down there,' to use another scientific term."

There followed a lengthy discussion of the subject. It's amazing how you can have detailed discussions of intimate body parts with no embarrassment whatsoever, as long as you use formal scientific terms such as "wee-wee bits," "bottom," "front bottom," "chest bumps," and so on.
*
The following day, I had to give a talk at a school, so I asked the children for ideas we could send to the IOC. How are boys and girls different? The girls put their hands up and called out their opinions.

"Boys are sticky."

"Boys are gross."

"Boys are stupid."

The boys responded angrily to these accusations. "OH YES, WE ARE," they roared.
*
That afternoon, I asked a mixed audience of Asian and Western adults whether there were any females present who had understood the plot of Transformers 2.

There was silence.

A woman in the front row finally asked: "It had a plot?"

I rest my case.

 

Technorati Tags: Caster Semenya,transformers,megan fox,difference between men and women,IOC

Comments

[Sam]

Hope a trainer working in the hospitality industry can tell us how he/she teaches trainees to address clones of Governor Schwarzenegger.

[Angela]

hehehe...reminds me of this new I read about the miss transexual contest in pattaya, Thailand.

Here's the excerpt - ok, I copied and pasted but with some modifications:

Report mentioned that in Thailand, the gay contest is taken just as seriously as more traditional pageants in a nation famed for its sexual tolerance. However, compared to other western nations, Thailand's laws have failed to keep up with the country's tolerant reputation.

Transsexuals in Thailand complain that they are legally discriminated against because they cannot change their gender on their ID cards.

"In Thailand, after they operate they are physically a woman but legally a man. In the US and Britain and other countries they can change their passport so they are a woman," said Alisa Phanthusak, one of the contest organisers.

Thai contestant Sorawee Nattee, who won the domestic version of the pageant in May, said that she had been drafted for military service despite having had a sex-change.

"But when I went to the drafting centre looking like this, like a girl, with boobs, they told me to go away," the 21-year-old said.

[Angela]

So today I learned that in US and UK a man can legally become a woman and vice versa.

This certainly explained a lot of mysteries to me.

1. Dick Chenney accidentally shot his hunting buddy? come on! only a "scorned woman" will stoop that low. For someone who shoots his lunch, a friendly misfire (see? they call it miss fire) like that is a poor excuse. Tell that to the marines!

2. They called Margaret Thatcher Iron lady, I think that "lady" bit was just added on as another smokescreen, the english being so enamored with their royal family and titles like lady and lord, etc..

And you guys said that I am outrageous for asking my date if he is circumcised? I say better safe than sorry. Two cymbals make too much noise.

[Leo]

I don't see a plot in Transformer 2 either, does that make me a girl? I thought it was just the sequel of 1 and nothing else...or it's just a part of 1, the unfinished part?

BTW, I did mistake a "Tomboy" as boy and said, "Excuse me, do you know the way to the gents?"

She stared at me and said, "Are you dumb or what? I might look like a man, but I'm 100% woman. Ask those stupid, sticky slimes over there for your GENTS!"

I know why those atheletes complained, it's simply the champion is too "man-like". I bet one or two of the atheletes did scream when they saw her entering the changing room!!! lol

[Jason]

Angela, why would you ask your date if he is circumcised? Why not just wait until after dinner and find out for yourself?

[Cricket Tragic]

Leo, same probs here! Went to Transformers 2 with a couple of classmates and, as we came out, I told them 'Guys, I didn't understand the story but the graphics were worth the 300 bucks' and the expression on their faces were priceless! :)

[Nury]

I cant believe you girly girls have a problem understanding the plot of Transformers 2!

It's so simple!

10,000 years ago a race of aliens who just happened to look like US trucks searched the galaxy for Energon, which they had to find, because they were The Dynasty of Primes, whose job was to drain stars of energy using Sun Harvestors which converted it to Energon using the Cybertron AllSpark, a device which was destroyed, or so everyone thought in the last movie, but the last Sun Harvestor hidden on earth could only be activated by The Key, a device called the Matrix of Leadership, which was being searched for by a group called The Fallen, and which encounters two humans, one of whom is Megan Fox, causing a fight between the Fallen and a rival group of Transformers called the Autobots.

See?

[Johnson]

i don't get it.
only boys know wt transformer 2 is talking abt?
but that's just as simple as spider man or some other comics movies,
good vs evil
boy vs girl?! =]

[Sham]

Nury, you are such a show-off. We all know that you downloaded that info from the net because you too didn't understand the movie when you watched it as you were too busy focusing on Megan Fox.

[Uli]

Angela, I really laughed so hard about your question of circumcision or not. You really made my day! :-)
Nury, why does an intelligent man like you watch such crazy films? You are so alike my husband (in that respect, I mean), he watches what I call "late night rubbish" and even remembers plots and actors and so on...
If ever I get into the "Who'll be millionaire quiz show" I'll file my husband as my telephone joker for films.

[louise]

i honestly didn't bother watching transformers. My hubby needed to watch it on his own.

[Harry]

I knew a Greek-American guy in Hong Kong who used to claim that both of his parents were Lesbians.
He was right. They both came from Lesbos.

[YukiSoba]

Coincidence. I was reading about Billie Jean King, in an article on wikipedia. She is really against sexism in sports.

[Baffled]

Uli makes a very good point. How come highly intelligent men (Nury, plus Uli's husband, plus several guys I know) watch trash movies?

The plot synopsis of Transformers 2 provided by Nury in his comment above clearly shows that it is tangled garbage. It's not just that the plot is indecipherable. It's that no intelligent person would want to waste their lives trying to decipher such a plot. My male friends fully admit it is 95 per cent robots fighting with each other and 5 per cent Megan Fox's breasts.

Yet it will probably be the most popular film of the year. What's with the male sex? I don't get it.

[Angela]

Baffled: you just gave the formula.

male sex

male: robots fighting (95%)

sex: megan fox's breast (5%)

total: 100% perfect movie for the men.

Unbaffled-able ;-)

[Dancer]

Nowadays, it's just so difficult to tell gender. An oral exam in Hong Kong requires the examiner to introduce the candidates to each other by using Mr so-and-so and Miss so-and-so. You would not believe how many times I got it wrong. Then I would get these pure hatred stares from the exam takers until I squirm in my seats. As an examiner, this is surprisingly, this is the part that stressed me most.

[Chaminda]

I start watching trash movies if I have nothing else to during a long flight. The line of thoughts go like:

First 5 minutes: "looks interesting"

After 15 minutes: "oh, I knew that would happen"

After 20 minutes: "in 5 minutes, it's going to be ....."

After 25 minutes: "why am I watching this?" (turn it off and take out the book I carry)

[Fianne]

"An elderly man standing near me said, "I think those girls were Lebanese," which is a term used by a certain social group ("stupid people") to refer to women who prefer the company of women." bahahahahaaa brilliant I actually LOL'ed~

As for trash movies, I'm a girl and I watch trash movies all the time! Especially those funny no-brainers, what's wrong with that? I mean my brain would like to take a break every now and then and my mouth would like a good laugh :)

[mahjuja]

Please forgive me if this is indecent, but this is so hilarious that it kept me LOLing for a long time afterwards.

An extremely naive friend of mine has a knack for collecting and watching movies on DVD. Unfortunately in Bangladesh, the pirated DVDs don't carry ratings and there isn't any regulation anyways. So, she buys this DVD which appears to be a horror flick on snakes. But the movie begins with two girls on a camping trip (anyone thinking BrokeBack Mountain?) and my friend tells me with much indignation, that at first she thought one of the girls was in labor, having a baby. :-D

Poor thing, too much innocence can be so harmful, like we see in the case of children.

[grandpa]

In hong Kong the difference between man and woman is this:
There is a law allowing women to kill their husband who cheat on them....
Only if they do ti with their bare hands....

Oops
did I goof?