The immigration officer’s smile

 

It’s weird: they’ve all gone nice and smiley these days

IF YOU WANT to terrify a small child, you say: “The boogeyman’s gonna getcha!”

If you want to terrify an adult, you say: “An Immigration Officer Class A (section II) civil servant is looking in your direction with a quizzical expression.”
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These days adults of my acquaintance seem to be scared of people in the following order, from least to most frightening:

4) Escaped lunatics;

3) Serial killers;

2) George Bush; and

1) Immigration officers.

People in the first three categories can’t do you any lasting harm, other than beating you up or killing you. But immigration officers can make you suffer exquisite agonies of stress for long periods.

True story: a friend of mine went travelling around Asia this year with a new passport. There was a mistake on it—his date of birth was off by one day.

On arrival in Hong Kong, he was immediately arrested for “bearing a false document” and thrown into jail. No joke. Lawyers spent weeks getting him out.

So when I got a call from an immigration officer recently, I broke out into a cold sweat. The caller explained that there were serious inconsistencies in residence application papers I had filed for Grandma, who had overstayed her visa because she was too fragile to travel. “What sort of problems?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. “Discrepancies,” the officer said. “Big ones.”

I shuddered. I wondered whether to save time by simply turning up at the nearest jail and asking to be directed to a cell. But then the immigration officer, a young woman, said something unexpected. “We may be able to overlook the problems. Bring all your papers and come in for an interview.”

I spent several days gathering every document I had ever signed, including my kindergarten paintings and the fingerprints taken when I was born, and turned up at the immigration offices.

A smiling officer said the department had decided to ignore the inconsistencies in our papers. Granny and her sponsor (me) were in the clear.
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I was still marveling at this when I found myself on a trip to Australia. Airport officials in that country are normally highly suspicious of me, possibly because of my brown skin, Islamic name and tendency to joke about bombs. But on this occasion, the burly immigration officer was so friendly I thought for a moment he was going to hug me. This was followed by trips to Singapore and Beijing at which immigration officials fell on me as if I were a long-lost family member.
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The climax came last week when one of my children lost her identity card and had to get a replacement. The immigration officer was not just friendly, but cool: she wore jeans, a black t-shirt and had spiky hair dyed blue.

What’s going on? The best theory came from a business traveler friend. “First, I think immigration officers realized they had a terrible reputation and are really working hard to fix it,” she said. “And second, they know they are among the few professions where everyone is still employed, and they want to keep their jobs.”

These days, if you want to REALLY scare an adult, tell him: “An Immigration Officer Class A (section II) civil servant is coming your way and wants to give you a hug.”

(Top illustration: PA)

Technorati Tags: immigration officer,friendly,smiling

Comments

[Dancer]

Friendly? I'm not so sure. Yes, many of them now have a smile on their faces but that just made me more suspicious. I remember going to Japan on holiday and the immigration officer asked such intimate questions that I almost thought he was going to ask me out on a drink.

Then I get to customs and I have to explain almost what I do with every piece of item inside my luggage (They're just clothes.)

Definitely still suspicious.

[fardel]

Yes
The recession is there;

Unknown to everybody, every country has Brains ( you know, those guys and girls who can think faster than a computer).
When a president ( or prime minister ) does not find solutions to his problems,he either sacrifice animals, go visit sorcerers or witches , and in last resort goes to the Brains.

Brains made an interesting discovery that computers and medias did not see:
The recession did not really come from the terrorists but from the rules to stop them ( and the rest of us in the process) from entering any country
Airlines are bankrupt and tourist industry is dying along with them;
Have you seen the bargains we can have on airlines these days?
(for the price of an inter island flight, I could get a round trip across the atlantic , a roundtrip around the planet on an airbus 380,plus a stay for two in the islands , including airfare, plus a few train tickets)

; wow
Isn't the recession great for those who saw it come?

back to my story

There is a sign seen in most of US businesses ;
rule #1 If I do not take care of my customers , somebody will

The Brains say:
There is only one way to change that :
Move the monkeys guarding the gates and replace them by friendlier-looking people( beware ,they are still law enforcement people)
Open your doors to foreign money ( i.e. tourists, i.e . the rest of us)

Yes , soon when you enter a participating country , you will be taken aside by an immigration supervisor , but this time , you will not have to strip;
they will strip in front of you, FREE OF CHARGE
As long as you spread the word

Mark my word!

[Sam]

We went Hong Kong to visit our family and friends about 5 years ago. My wife suddenly had bowl movement and a visit to the toilet caused some delay. By the time we approached the Immigration counters at Hong Kong International, everyone on the same plane as we were on had already left. The two of us were the only one at the ultra-spacious queuing space. The Immigration Officer spent about ten minutes time in asking us stupid questions regarding our Aussie passports. All at a sudden, another plane load of arrivals arrived and the queue started to build up. The bloody officer quickly stamped our passports and let us go. Clearly he treated us as a weapon to kill his boredom caused by repetitive clerical work.

[Jason]

10 years ago I was applying for a work visa in the US and the immigration officer challenged my qualifications, as I used a computer but didn't have a computer science degree. I said I use application software like Word and Excel, I'm not a programmer. Deer in the headlights stare, "I'm sorry, I don't know what that is." Microsoft? I queried. Same reply. Bill Gates ring any bells? Nope. And this knuckle dragging bureaucrat is qualified to determine if I am qualified? Ultimately my visa was refused and I had to wait several days to get a new employment letter that had no references whatsoever to computers before they would approve it. Those who can, do. Those who can't, get cushy civil service jobs with job security and generous benefits while making the rest of our lives a living hell of bureaucratic quagmires.

[Denis]

This is true. I travel a lot and can report that most immigrations officers are going through customer relationship training. For once, here is something that will make our lives less miserable.

[Angela]

Has anyone ever really, genuinely, sincerely, smiled and greeted an immigration officer?

I did! I always do. And guess what? they are suspicious of me too... why would anybody smile at anybody? why would a tired and harassed passenger smile at an immigration officer? What does she want? The officer probably thinks that.

I just wanted to smile and wish them a good day because I bet not many people thinks immigration officers deserve that. And I know how that feels like. When customers treat you like the enemy.

For some years in the past I also worked at a boring, repetitious office job, answering phone calls from tired, harassed, angry people. I worked as a helpdesk agent for a government ministry. On a good day, I get an average of 65 calls a day from angry, frustrated, screaming users who are having problems with online applications. I learned from dealing with my customers that it is not personal. They are angry at the system, frustrated at their inability to use the application, and screaming because they need help. My greetings with a smile never falters and I always speak softly after I let the customer yell out his/her frustrations. And you know what happens next? I become a friend to them. The next time they have any problem, they call and look for me. Sometimes they email to tell me how they appreciate my help. I don’t take it personally either, it is just my job to help. I am being paid to do that. Although outside of work I would probably help anybody in need if I can too.

But that’s not the point. The point is that we all do our jobs. Don’t you ever have a hard day at work? What if your work is facing hundreds of tired, and harassed customers every day? It is going to take a lot for you to be able to smile when you greet them, day after day after day. But it is your job. It is what pays the bills and put rice on the table. I know I am still lucky because immigration officers seldom get compliments from passengers. This is the kind of job that if you do it right, you get no thanks, you should do it right anyways, no excuses. And if you do it wrong there will be hell to pay.

The next time you stand in line at an immigration queue, try to imagine if instead of standing there looking at one immigration officer, you are an immigration officer on your booth looking at a long queue of passengers.

Next time, try to smile back or better yet, smile first!

And if the officer did not smile back, don't take it personally, you are walking out into the sunshine and fresh air, into the arms of your loved ones waiting outside. The officer is just beginning her/his shift.

Just be thankful you are not in the booth.

;-)

[Angela]

I forgot to mention, the immigration officer also have to watch out for terrorists. Now, can you imagine the pressure?

[fardel]

yes
whatever one says, they still are watchdogs , paid to guard the doors.
The watchdogs' attitude will be different in each country depend if the country has an open door policy, or if it have a closed-door policy
I found the the ones in Singapore friendly, when the ones in the US are there to nail you.
But the best ones are found here in my island :they make you regret you have paid a fortune to buy a ticket.
After ten years of this attitude , they have been more efficient to chase the tourist away than the combination of weather , high cost,traffic congestion and tourist harassment.

[Angela]

Coming back to US through San Diego border -- from a day trip to Tijuana, the young officer checking my passport asked what I brought back from Mexico.

Flushed and a bit tipsy from buy-1-take-1 margarita, I said, "tequila"

Smiling, he goes, "oh yeah? where?"

I pointed to my belly and smiled back.

He burst out laughing.

Now can you blame me if I cannot find it in my heart to be mad at immigration folks?

[Foxlore]

My happiest day ever came when I was finally granted 'permanent resident' status here in Hong Kong. I used to hate the annual or bi-annual trips to Immigration Tower with a file-cabinet's worth of documents that were often exactly the same documents I had turned in the year before.

I smile at the notion of being a 'permanent resident' or any place when I think that I likely have less than another 40 years left on the planet.

I wonder if the afterlife will require quite so much documentation...? ;-)

[Shaik Anwar Ahamath]

I believe the Australian Immigration has got much friendlier. A blind visitor was told that in Australia they trained kangaroos to guide the blind. "Surely not" quizzed the visitor. "Most countries train dogs".
"Sure" said the officer, "For walking. But these are for jumping".

[Vince A]

Immigration counter officers are highly trained individuals, whose 2 day training is second only to trolley recovery pushers (3 days). And to strip searchers (5 days). And luggage inspectors (10 days). And sniffer dogs (12 weeks).

A typical 2-day course (circa pre-new wave of smiling immigration officers):

Lesson 1: How to type names and make it look like you are doing something very complicated.

Lesson 2: Amusement: How to say 'What is the porpoise of your trip?' and make it sound like you said 'purpose'

Lesson 3: Surliness: Or how to disable friendly grins from travelers so that they look like their passport photos.

Lesson 4: Crowd control: How to say 'Next'. How to gesture 'Next'.

Lesson 5: How to locate the right page to stamp in a passport in 0.5 seconds.

Lesson 6: Disaster Recovery: How to remove ink when you accidentally stamp the back of your hand.

Lesson 7: Identification: Physical differences between Chinese and Kenyan, Swede and Indian, English women and Russian men.

Lesson 8: Systems: How to make the shortest queue the slowest queue.

[Harry]

I notice that many government departments are now calling themselves "service". See the picture at the top of this page.
Are they using the word in the same sense that it was used by John Steinbeck (I think it was Steinbeck.)? His story is, approximately, "When I was a boy, my daddy told me to take the cow over to the neighbours' so their bull could service her. I did what daddy told me and I watched the neighbours' bull service our cow. Ever since then, whenever I've heard "service" I've known that someone's gonna get screwed."

[Christy]

I once mentioned somewhere here I know someone named Israel studying Arabic. In HKU, if we decide to minor in Arabic, in the 3rd year we get to go to an Arabic-speaking country to polish our skills.

Now THAT's someone I can see being denied entry by suspicious Arab immigration officers (not that I blame them, especially if Israel starts bombing Gaza again).

[Shubear]

I never had any problems with immigration officers except for the lack of them at the S'pore-Johor Baru causeway checkpoints. In fact I've had friendly people all the way.

That being said, I don't think they are the scariest people to adults. Have you heard of Fred Philips?

[Shubear]

Whoops, it's Fred Phelps. No offense to anyone with the last name Philips!

[mahjuja]

The two times I travelled with a group, I heard complaints of harrassment from the others in the group about the visa and immigrations officials. Interestingly, this surprised me because I was treated quite well, and when I mentioned this to them, they said it was because I was a 'girl'. Gee, I can see that growing old is going to be a 'culture shock or something', at least the immigrations officials are now nice to everyone irrespective of age and sex!;-)

[Shaik Anwar Ahamath]

I once visited Sri Lanka on a 3 month visa but I didn't notice that the Immigration Officer at Customs had stamped my passport with the usual 30 days departure. When I discovered it and to avoid any problems when leaving, I got it amended at the immigration office in town. When leaving I was stopped for nearly an hour with several officers scampering around checking my passport. Although my passport stamp had been amended, nobody had bothered to change the original computer entry.

[sej]

A guy I used to work with, visited Vietnam a few times. First time he went, it took him 30 minutes or so to get through immigration. The next times he went, took him about 30 seconds.

The difference?

A couple of USD 50 notes stuck inside his passport.

[Chamin]

Hi Fardel,

The ones in Singapore are friendly only if the passenger is white, or is dark but wears a really expensive-looking suit, branded watch etc.

[Shira]

Nice column and grate comments guys, but try traveling to Srilanka, and try commenting here again!! immigrations officers at banana republic are simply unbelievable, you'd definitely have a laugh later.

[ANDRE DELHAYE]

I ENJOY READING THE STORY A LOT.