Changes at airports

 

Getting bumped off the plane turns out to be good news

EXCITING CHANGES ARE are happening at airports. Soon to disappear: Long, miserable queues in front of overworked, blank-faced staff. Soon to appear: Long, miserable queues in front of overworked, blank-faced computers. Staff will have been sacked. (This is called progress.)

It's already happening. A few days ago I entered an airport and saw a huge line of people with bags. But the brand new self-service check-in machines were deserted. I stepped up to one and fluttered my hands over the keyboard. Sixty seconds later, it spat out a boarding pass for me. Hah! Piece of cake.

Then I took a closer look. Arrgghh! Instead of a confirmed economy class seat, I now had a STANDBY seat. At this moment I realized the downside of using machines. There was no one to shout at.

“Hey you stupid computer, my seat was confirmed, not standby,” I said. It did not respond. I typed the words onto the screen, but it thought I was a new passenger whose name was Hey You Stupid Computer.

The people in the long, unmoving queue slowly turned their heads to look at me. They reminded me of cows. Their eyes said: Serves you right, nerdy-boy.

I wearily trudged more than 200 kilometers (or so it seemed) to the departure gate with a sunken heart. A long-haul overnight flight in a tiny seat was bad enough. But it would be agony if it were prefaced by sleepless hours on a plastic airport bench.

At the departure gate, a staff member explained the problem: “The flight is overbooked. We're asking for volunteers to fly a different route.”

The other people who had been demoted to standby were seething. The room was so full of negativity that it was how I imagine a Simon Cowell family gathering to be. I decided to get out of there. “I'd be happy to volunteer to give up my seat and take some other route,” I said.

The harassed-looking woman at the counter looked grateful and promised to issue a new ticket. I phoned my colleague Eddie and told him that I would be back at the office behind schedule.

“You didn’t demand compensation?” he asked. “Idiot. You should wait until everyone is screaming. Then they'll bribe travelers with hard cash to give up their seats.”

At that moment, they opened the gates and people surged on to the aircraft. It turned out that there were lots of no-shows and now they had exactly as many people as they had seats in economy class. Except for me. I was the only person who had given up my seat.

The harassed airline staff member beckoned me back to the desk. “Don't worry, I've got a new ticket for you,” she said.

I asked: “Which airline?” I prayed it wouldn’t be Air Koryo, the North Korean airline, or Afghan Airlines, described by European Transport Minister Jacques Barrot as “flying coffins”.

She said: “You’re on this plane. The main cabin is jam-packed so I’ve found you a seat at the front. You’re upgraded.”

Grinning, I moved away from the queue for economy class passengers and prepared for 12 hours of pampering and luxury. Heh heh heh.

 

Technorati Tags: self service check in,bumped off,airports,funny

Comments

[Angela]

Wow! Now that's lucky! hahaha...

I've heard similar stories from friends whose seats were upgraded because the economy class was over booked and I know at least 2 guys who always wear suit when they go on long flights, their theory is: if you LOOK like you belong in business class, the woman behind the counter will pick you to be upgraded first before the young punk in jeans and crumpled t-shirt. It's all about impression, they say. My theory is that they group people who LOOK like they belong together, e.g. all suits in business class, all jeans in economy :)

Another gal pal told me she always dress very nicely and put on make-up and style her hair when she is flying because this way she gets better treatment at immigration counter and no questions asked. She also gave me a tip: LOOK like you are on a VERY IMPORTANT business trip and have no time to waste standing in queue or answering inane questions.

The luckiest I ever got was on the flight from Paris back to Singapore, I smiled nicely and chatted a bit with the guy at the Air France counter then asked him to seat me at the exit row so I have lots of rooms to stretch my short legs...and boy was it a treat on such long flights. Ofcourse I promised him I would assist in case of emergency.

[Karuna]

It was my first week in this job at my first MNC. Had an early morning flight for a client meeting scheduled for that afternoon. Arrived at the check-in counter, 55 minutes before boarding. It was a full flight and my seat was taken by someone in standby.
I was fuming and upset. So, went up to the counter and started abusing the lady there for not keeping my seat. She listened and then gave me a real great advice.
"Look son, I know you are frustrated. There is a flight after 2 hours and even that is running nearly full. The person who can make the decision is my manager. Now, if you go over to him and ask very politely and in a sweet voice, he may help you."

Did that. Went over to him. Spoke to him in my sweetest voice. Told him how young and foolish that I was. And how important this meeting was. And about my ailing grand mother and other tear-jerking.
It worked and got my seat. Was able to make on time for the meeting.

[Rick Stik]

People forget that airline staff are human beings too. nuri because you volunteered to change airlines and help her get out of a problem you did her a favor, so she did you a favor.
As for Angela's "wear a suit" i believe that is true. If you can look good (but not feel uncomfortable) then wear a suit. Karuna's story shows the same as Nury's, if you treat staff nicely they treat you nicely,

[Mahjuja]

Mr. Jam I can't post a comment on the Super Tutor Page, :-(

I thought these things only happened in Bangladesh. But I guess I was wrong, the commercialisation of education is becoming ubiquitous. As one who has suffered, I can tell of the immense suffering and havoc this is causing not just students, but society as a whole.

[fardel]

He guys
I am airport staff;
We are not savages with clubs.
It is going to change.
I made a petition to have base ball bats distributors in airports to be used .............by airport staff only

tips
Arrive early, you will be given choice for your seats
Arrive early, airport staff are " fresher"
Be polite , we are not dogs...... yet
If you are not polite, we are not dogs , but we may bite

Customer , running ,sweating and late
Good morning
you are late
sorry
I prepared your boarding pass, throw your luggage on the scale and run to departure room.
If you are not there in ten seconds , you swim to your destination
Customer
Thank you .You are so nice

One week later
Same customer calling, 10 mn before departure

- I am sorry , I'm running late.
- No problem sir, You will swim early to your destination.
- But..........
- Your flippers and snorkel are waiting for you at the checking counter

One week later
20mn before departure
Calling customer

In ten minutes you will be late, in fifteen minutes , your can head to the beach to swim to destination instead of coming to airport.

- Thank you .You are so nice

One week later
same customer.......

Long haul flight is harassing ;I do not understand how you passengers can arrive late , unprepared and irritated.
This is contagious and airport staff are not immune to this disease.

AND never forget; People pay good money to travel in comfort and for the plane to be on time .
They are not at the disposal of late irritated passengers.

GRRRRRRRR!

[Harry]

I note the comments about wearing a suit. However, it does have its disadvantages. I sometimes travel to the USA and I really am on business. It's hard to pretend otherwise, even if not wearing a suit, when carrying documents, drawings, laptop computer, etc. And the Americans really are on the lookout for anyone who may be intending to "work" in the USA. So, when asked the purpose of my visit, I tell the officer that my overseas client is buying a lot of very expensive US-made equipment and I'm there for meetings with the supplier. (This has the added virtue of being true.) At this point I'm usually welcomed with a smile. They love foreigners to come and spend, but not to earn.

[sej]

In one sense, I'm lucky, I can't say I've ever come across these dramas at the terminal during either check-in or arrival. The worst that's happened is the self-checkin machine didn't work for my ticket, so I had to use a companion's, and it then allowed the whole group to checkin in the one go.

All the dramas I've had have been in the air

• A pilot keeping the wheels down for 20 minutes into the flight to cool the brakes off after take-off;
• A pilot immediately on take-off not going straight through the middle of one thunderstorm cell, but two, with the prerequisite accompanying thuds;
• A flare-out on take-off in a dust storm - plane goes up, plane goes down, plane goes up again;
• Coming in too fast on landing and the pilot making the excuse there was another plane on the runway (at least though he had the decency to do a go-round);

But!! I'm Alive!!

Funny, one of my best experiences, was a shuttle flight from Singapore to KL - a 777 which only remained level for only a few minutes immediately after take-off and again a few minutes before landing - thunderstorms the whole way.

This post also reminds me of a story I read somewhere about Qantas cabin crew back in the 1930's... they apparently had a motto... "coffee, tea or me?" The Ralph Fienne's case a couple of years back suggests this probably hasn't changed.

[peter bentley]

Hi again Nury, your latest airport story reminds me of something that happened to me about 15 years ago when my mother visited Beijing. Our BJ office is at Landmark Towers, next to the Great Wall Sheraton: one of BJ's first ever 5 star hotels, and certainly one of the most famous. We have a hotel contract with them for 20 years. Our BJ secretary had booked my mother a VIP room on the excecutive floor, full VIP treatment etc etc. But when I went with her to check in : could we find her reservation ? NO ! We tried everything : Mrs Bentley, Mrs Evelyn , Bentley / Evelyn/ , our company name, my name, our BJ secretary's name , every possible name combination we could think of ( BTW : often I find I am checked in as " Mr Peter" in Chinese hotels) . Finally we gave up , but they said there was a room free and they kindly gave us it. Next day I asked our BJ secretary to find out what had gone wrong - just out of interest, knowing it was certainly the hotel's mistake and not her's ( she being super-efficient) . She found out that the reservation was in the name she had used to stress the importance of VIP treatment : Mrs " MY BOSS'S MOTHER " :-)

[Nury]

Hilarious, Peter. Reminds me of a friend at the airport who was met by a driver holding a sign saying "Mr Gwailo"

(Cantonese for 'white guy')

[Karn G. Bulsuk]

Hi Nury

Actually, gwailo means "white ghost". It has always been a rather derogetary term, but seems to have lost its potency in the past decade. Some white guys now even insist that being referred to ask grailo is okay! How times change...

[Aaron]

Yeah, It kind of means ghost guy, something like we are not the same country.

[Nursing top]

now i'm loving your post! i'm laughing a lot on these! lol!

computers cannot really phatom human intelligence...lol!

[search engine rankings]

Wow nice plane!! i love to aboard on it!!

[Vernette]

Love the experience of being upgraded -- I was once upgraded to business class but without the chaos. And last Christmas, we were offered USD300 each to give up our seats and fly with Emirates! And the most wonderful thing was, we arrived almost the same time as the original flight!

[grandpa]

Talking about suits:
The suits which will make you cross a border without Immigration harassment.
Bumped out of a flight?
No problem;The Suit will take you to destination
The suit ; half way between airplane and elevator: no more cables, no more long lines>
The only way to travel in the near future :
THE SUIT
Made In the West, Of course

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N9t5qOSzCU