Fake your life on Facebook

 

People are using technology to fool their bosses (or their moms)

SHH! DON’T TELL HIS BOSS. Math teacher Johnnee Sum has two lives. He introduced me to both after inviting me to meet him at a café. I arrived to find a baggy-eyed man in his early 20s (or perhaps 50s) who made me promise to refer to him only by his pseudonym.

He moved the laptop to show me the screen, tipping his latte over his shoe. “Many people your age are skeptical about Facebook,” he whispered conspiratorially. “I thought I would show you how to use it.”

I bristled a bit at “your age” but let it go. On his Facebook page was a profile picture of him in a nice grey suit at a desk. Next to it were messages from students wanting advice on calculus, algebra and seduction.

A photo album showed him receiving an award. The what-I-am-doing-now line said,

“I spent the whole night marking year 11 folders.”

“That’s how my headmaster thinks I spend my time,” Johnnee said. “Now look at this.” He pressed a single button up popped another Facebook page. “This is what I was REALLY doing last night—er, well, early this morning.”

The profile picture showed a blue-bottomed baboon. The messages were from leather-clad people with names like partygirl, spittoon and yabbadabba. The photo albums were “Stoned on the street” and “So what DID happen last night?”

The what-I-am-doing-now line was:

“Suffering worst hangover of my life AGAIN.”

Even youngsters are using this software to create double lives. Reader May So said, “My nephew and the children I know have two Facebook pages, one for their friends and the other for their mothers.”
*
I was shocked. A technology guru told me via email that there are hundreds of thousands of fake lives on Facebook. “You used to be able to create a fake life on Wikipedia, but you can’t now,” he wrote.

I thought back to the last time I had looked him up on Wikipedia. I asked: “You mean you’re not a famous nuclear physicist with the body of a porn star?”

He replied: “Not any more, as far as Wikipedia is concerned. But I still am on Facebook.”

Meanwhile, apologies to people who don’t like Facebook (sorry, Fardel) but this seems to be a hot topic judging by my mail box.

Many readers shared their worst Facebook nightmares.

A reader named Dul told me he shares his page with a couple having a long-distance romance. He constantly gets messages such as "we r in lovve!!" and "so far away yet so close @ heart!" They post romantic videos and invite him to add applications by which they can share virtual kisses.

Reader Farah Huq said she has friends who update their what-I-am-doing-now line every few seconds.

A reader named Tamanna has a similar problem, sharing a page with “royal emos” who feel the need to make announcements such as “I’m feeling hungry” and “I’m now looking at the sky”.

Wendy Tong saw an update which said: “I can’t think of anything interesting to write.”

Reader Angela Sias was surprised to find that her elderly parents have signed up on the Facebook network. Oops, better remove all your party pics, Angela.

Or let me introduce you to a guy named Johnnee Sum, who can build you a new identity.

Now, if anyone knows how to Photoshop my head onto Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body, drop me a line. (Er, Arnie wants a more impressive profile picture, you see.

 

(Illustrations for reference only and do not indicate real people)

Comments

[Seema]

Thought you might enjoy this report out today on the newswire:

SHEFFIELD, England, Sept. 7 (UPI) -- British police said they used pictures posted to Facebook to identify and arrest gang members on firearm possession charges.

South Yorkshire Police said a Sheffield, England, resident in an area with high gang activity discovered pictures of Parson Cross Crew members posing with a shotgun online and created a Facebook group dedicated to identifying those in the photos, The Sun reported Monday.

Police Superintendent Andy Barrs said the photographs led to several arrests.

"We were already aware of some of the pictures but found out about others through the resident's Web site," he said.

Barrs said Joe Brent-Mitchell, 23, and Jamie Howden, 18, were each sentenced to 4 1/2 years in jail on firearm possession charges related to the gun in the photograph

[Leo]

Nury, I got a friend who knows exactly what to do, send me a email with your photo and Arnold's one, I will make it happen.

(No service charge needed)

[TS]

Both my mother and mother-in-law have decided that they cherish their privacy to much to put their life on facebook.

Instead they have opened accounts in their husband's names.

Now the dignity of these past-their-prime men suffers when they can be seen with their profile pictures and names next to posts such as: "You have completed the Sex and the City personality test and you are: Charlotte York" or "You have joined the group: Proud to be a woman".
Their hobbies includes knitting and sewing.

Couldn't they cover it up a bit by joining groups like Real men repair their own car, eat beef jerky and don't care about their plumber's crack!?

Guess it's not too bad, I haven't yet seen them join the group I like my men rough and tattooed, which would disturb me even if my mother used her own name

[TS]

Ah nice, HTML tags have now been inabled enabled.

[sej]

TS: The photo of the (fat) guy above was disturbing enough without adding to it a vision of Plumber's Crack. Urrrgghhhh!!!

Anyway, today I read an interesting article about Facebook, Twitter and the like... I think the psychologist though, was off her rocker.

In the bit I think she got right, Twitter got a blast, as Tweets are so short, they train readers and composers alike to have extraordinarily short attention spans.

Facebook fared much better, where she suggested it can actually improve your "working memory" as you have to put in effort to manage your obscenely long list of friends. I seriously struggle with this concept, where Facebook could provide such mental stimulation.

[sej]

Here's a reason to
* not put too much personal information into Facebook;
* not take anything put into Facebook by anyone too seriously;
* not expect Facebook to be taken seriously with anything you put in it;
* limit your friends to a select few:

A woman had her Facebook hacked and had her friend's scammed for cash...

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/security/robbed-by-facebooks-enemy-in-the-camp-20090908-ff5q.html

[dul]

Nury!
Thanks for mentioning me on your article!
(yayyy!!)
btw im a SHE. lol!

Im not a huge facebook fan now. My account was hacked. I must've forgotten to log off a public computer. Deleted all my albums and half my friends in rage when i realize i could just change the password.. lol

[Sham (female)]

Mr Jam, thats the second time now you have mistaken the gender of a poster. I think we have to add our gender to our names so as not to confuse you.

[Angela]

The solution is really to send your photo for 'meet the gang' corner so we can all identify who is a she and who is a he :)

[Chamin]

Hi Sham,

Good point. It's a common mishap in mailing lists with people from many countries. So far, I have been mistakenly thought of as a "she" twice :-p.

[farah]

Facebook has become such a burning issue that it's finally reached the brimming point. i recently read an article where a guy killed his girfriend because she was always logged on FB.

ps: i cant use html tags. whyyyy???

[Sham (female)]

Angela, what if you cant tell a persons gender from their photo? Then we'd really be in trouble..

[sej]

Farah,

Put a <i> immediately in front of the text, and a </i> at the end. Anything in between will appear in <i>italics</i>. Likewise, use a 'b' for bold, u for underline, s for strikethrough. I'm sure there are others, like fonts for example, but offhand can't recall what they are or they seem to get striped out (which is kind of understandable actually).

[Izzy Wong]

You know what really gets me?

When people write in the 'What's on your mind?' box, "NM" or "Nothing's on my mind".

Grr.

[Rika]

I don't 'get' Facebook. I get constantly poked, invited to weird surveys and games and as soon as I go online somebody wants to chat and this thingy at the bottom is flickering.

But all my friends are there, they refuse to read emails, I only can stay in touch by banging my head on the Facebook Wall.

I love Twitter, though. Well there are a lot of people who either want to sell extrememly boring stuff, things that don't work, like books that make you instantly rich, or tell you how to make millions on Twitter.

And then there are the ones who want to sell themselves, but luckily the 'block' button works instantly.

Another effect only known on Twitter is the autoresponse. They are looking for key words and then send an automated response in the hope you get interested and follow them. Oh that can get so weird!

The other day I sent the utterly important Tweet, that I had cleaned my pond and fish were happy now - well, there are people genuinely interested in my fish...

Who would have thought however that the word 'fish' is such an important one. I got a kind response saying that if I don't want to waste food I should rather freeze my fish before it goes off.

What a thrilling thought that is, in general and in my particular situation.

Then I investigated a bit further, and about 20 people who had posted the word 'fish' got the same message. Only very few were food related and showing recipes: I hope their fish was fresh. The rest was about dear pets one of which had only just died. Macabre!

But for the rest of it, it is brilliant. I found so many useful people, one of which is going to help me revamp Incredible Ladies for free! Tweet-Tweet! :o))

[Uli]

people are seriously interested in a foreign pond?! Now THAT is a really good one! lol

[Nile]

I also dont get the point of fb very clearly....i think.....just last night i saw a status update from one of my friends that his grandmother had passed away and everyone was requested to pray.....there were some comments and one person liked that status!!!!!! I'm still trying to figure it out.....i feel its like "Yeh thats great man, I'm also planning to get rid of mine".....i dont know who it out of his mind or its just me not compatible.....