Imaginative finger-pointers reach new highs
US CITIZEN REBIYER KADEER started the recent street-fight in China’s Xinjiang province, despite the fact that she was on the other side of the world, fast asleep.
The Dalai Lama threw the first stone in Tibet 18 months ago despite the fact that he was cutting his toenails in a bath in India, oblivious to anything but his bunions.
And Falun Gong founder Li Hongzhi is behind every action done by his followers, despite the fact that there have been fewer sightings of him than Elvis.
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The writers of editorials in government newspapers in mainland China should really get the Man Booker Prize for Fiction.
But other people play shift-the-blame too. In Sri Lanka earlier this year, Tamil Tigers shot at escaping hostages and issued daily news releases blaming the people trying to free them.
I once got a press release from an undergarment company blaming global warming for its failure to meet its bra sales targets.
Fortunately, we the public are intelligent enough to make up our own minds about important things.
No, wait, what am I saying? We the public are so stupid we think Miley Cyrus makes music.
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All governments like to spin the news their way, but the prize for imaginative blame-attribution must jointly shared by the People’s Daily and the Central Propaganda Department in Beijing. If there was an Olympic prize for the furthest distance blame can be shifted, they’d win the gold.
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What are these folk like at home?
Here’s how I imagine the scene.
It’s 6.30 pm. The Minister of Blame comes in.
His wife barks angrily at him: “You left your dirty socks on the floor. I told you to put them in the laundry bin.”
He retorts: “It’s not my fault. It was the Americans.”
His wife puts her fists on her hips. “The Americans are in America. Your socks are on the floor by your bed. How can it be their fault?”
He sighs in a condescending manner to express his amazement at the depth of her naivety before explaining: “America has sent secret agitators to China. The Dalai Lama personally broke into our home to disarray our laundry basket.”
But tonight his wife is not taking any bull: “First, the Dalai Lama is not American, and second, where’s your evidence?”
The Minister of Blame, skilled in these matters, responds calmly: “All non-members of the Party are American lackeys by default. And I cannot reveal my evidence because it’s a state secret.”
Wisely, she changes the subject. “I hope you remembered to pick up some rice on the way home like I asked you to.”
The Minister of Blame looks momentarily stricken, but quickly recovers himself. “No, but it’s not my fault. I could get no rice, thanks to the British.”
She awaits an explanation with a this-better-be-good expression on her face.
Fortunately for him, it is good. “Er, the British halted rice distribution to distract me from the fact that they are backing Rebiyer Kadeer’s riots in Urumqi.”
His wife is puzzled. “But everyone in that fight was of Han or Uyghur race.”
The Minister confides: “Ms Kadeer’s main supporter is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth, who has 100 per cent Uyghur blood.”
He goes into the bedroom. “Hey, whose socks are these? Have you had a visitor in here?”
His wife smiles. “It’s a state secret,” she says.
state secret is used again in recent Rio Tinto case.
Posted by: gm | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 11:33 AM
You forgot the ubiquitous reply in each and every government spewage:
"It hurts the feelings of the Chinese people"
Posted by: Jason | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 11:43 AM
Strange how all 13 billion of Chinese people are all big softies whose feelings get hurt on a regular basis, isn't it?
"Commie (short for comrade, rhymes with mommy), they hurt my feelingth."
Translation:They are telling some kind of unpleasant truth. Kill them, lock them up, or just whittle them away to some remote village to be re-educated, or do all three (though not necessarily in that order).
Posted by: Christy | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 12:58 PM
I dunno ... have you ever known a husband (Minister of Blame or no) to win any kind of argument against his wife?
Especially about dirty socks on the floor.
Posted by: Marcus Yan | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 06:03 PM
Marcus LOL
You're right!!
But it's not just the Chinese govt who are masters of blame-shifting, i had a boss once who was a genius at it
Posted by: Sally | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 06:41 PM
A need for another new word here: after "Censorsheep" I think we have a serious case of "Hippocrisy". George Orwell and his visionary 'Animal Farm' must probably rejoice from out there...
Posted by: David V | Wednesday, 15 July 2009 at 10:23 PM