Internut and other new words

Our “new words” exercise appears in several newspapers today

LIFE IS CHANGING so fast we need a constant stream of new words to keep up with it. University lecturer Jenny Eagleton wrote to me: “I wonder if you have made-up words for the following situations? I tried to get my linguistics students to do this, but I think they were stumped. Thanks.”

She sent me a list of interesting situations for which there should be words, but aren’t.

How do you describe battles for umbrella-space on crowded pavements? Or the politics of escalator-use? Or elevator etiquette?

Fearlessly I took on this assignment—and gave it to the smartest network of people on the planet—that’s you, the readers. And the result was a whole list of new words worth adding to the dictionary.

AUTOPSY: Cutting open a crashed car to see what went wrong.

BUSINESSIE: The Loch Ness businessman.

BUNDAMENTALIST: Person who will commit terrorist acts in the name of his favourite bread roll.

CAT-ASTROPHE: When your kitten knocks over your Ming vase.

CEMENTERY: Rubble-filled patch of ground where bits of concrete go to die.

CELEBRAT: Obnoxious kid having a party in a restaurant.

CYBERATTAX: Attempt to add a levy onto internet surfing fees.

DIN-GEROUS: Rock music loud enough to damage your ears.

DISKOVERY: Finding a long-lost computer disk.

DUSTRACTION: when you’re supposed to be listening to a speaker but your attention has been caught by a speck of dust in a light beam.

ESCABLOCKHEADS: People who stand on the left on escalators, blocking people who are in a hurry.

ESCABLUDGERS: People who storm up escalators knocking Escablockheads aside.

EMERGENTSY: When you desperately need the gents’ toilet.

FERTI-LISA: Young woman who gets pregnant easily.

FLOPPACCINO: Your cappuccino when the foamy part overflows down the sides.

GLOBAL WORMING: Computer virus that spreads across countries.

HAWKWARD: The uncomfortable feeling you get when you realize that someone behind you is getting ready to spit.

HUMONIOUS: An office so happy that workers sing while they toil.

HYPERPRESSERS: People who think pressing the lift button lots of times will make it come more quickly.

IMPUSSIBLE: Cat who won’t do what you want it to do.

INTERNUT: Stupid person in an internet chatroom.

PENTHUSIASM: Enthusiasm about your favourite writer.

PARKITECT: Low class architect who always get assigned to design car parks.

POORCHASE: Buying something so expensive it leaves you feeling broke afterwards. PUNION: Multi-layered pun.

MALLIGATORS: Dangerous people who hang around in shopping malls.

MOPERATIVES: Team of cleaners which appears after a spill at a supermarket.

RESIDUNCE: Building with a stupid name, such as Tycoon Heights.

SMELEVATOR: Lift in which a previous user has left a bad odor.

SHOCKSPEARE: Shakespeare plays jazzed up so much that you don’t recognize them.

TERROURISTS: Terrorists who do a bit of sightseeing before blowing a place up.

UNKINDERGARTEN: Preschool with unsympathetic teachers.

UNFORMATION: Untrue information designed to mislead.

UMBRAGE: The feeling of irritation you get when too many people with umbrellas are clustered too close together.

Big thanks to readers who contributed by email or by writing comments or by other means, including Mark, Eddie, Sin-meng, Angela, Fardel, Limbu, Thomas, Cookie, David, Sham and others. Other new words can be found in the comments sections of other posts on this theme.

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Want to see how newspaper columns such as that above evolve?

Click here for the original request for new words. 

Click here for  the update on that post.

Click here for our earlier list of new words.

Click here for a similar posting on new curse words.

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If more words occur to you, add them via the comment function below.

 

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Comments

[fardel]

This is strange
This gang came up with all kinds of words to your dictionary, yet you come up with new words ,which I did not find in previous posts.
How many gangs do you have ?
In how many countries ?

Polyganguy ,
a master of words married to a gang in every country

[Nury]

Hi, Fardel, the vast majority of readers are shy people who never post comments. But they send emails from time to time, often on a "no-names" basis, so that's where the words come from. Also, I tend to sit around with people I meet and bully them to come up with material for the column.

But you commentators are the most interesting group, as you are half-way between being part of the audience and being a key element of the show itself!

[fardel]

Thanks
I was just pulling your leg.
What happens this morning?
Is Everybody sleeping?!?!

Come on guys and girls, don't tell me that I have to go to bed without my daily Ulilaby ( lullaby from Germany )

[Angela]

Wow! 2 new words from an insomniac in the Caribbean :)

I like Ulillaby - she will be singing soon when the new baby comes :)

and Nury is definitely polygangmous.
Well, someone once said that interesting people cannot be monogangmous, they will become boring.

[Angela]

insongniac - people who use karaoke to cure sleeping disorder

[Chamin]

I think all cats are impussible,excluding the few performing in circuses (I wonder how those were trained).

[Angela]

Chamin, if you like to read and have the time, I recommend "the life of pi". It will tell you how even big cats can be trained. It's also a wonderful novel -- work of fiction, so I cannot be sure if that was just animal training lore or if it is really true that a circus animal trainer is able to control large animals by assuming the position of the alpha male, demonstrating dominance and an ability to provide for their needs.

From real life tale, my friend said he trained his cat shere khan (which descended from some wild cat), by knocking the puss on the nose every time it does something naughty like scratching him. Eventually the kitten got it and stopped scratching its owner.

Now you have to excuse me, I am going to visit myfriend in the hospital, shere khan just ate his leg for breakfast :)

[TS]

Chamin, You missed the point of the performance, the cats are the ones demonstrating what they can make the humans do.

Sigfried und Roy also have experienced an impussible tiger when Roy got bitten severely on the neck during a performance i 2003.
Both Sigfried und Roy insists that the tiger was trying to help him....

However, there is the Turkish Van Cat, not only does it enjoy swimming it's also so affectionate and trainable that it's sometimes called a dog in a cat suit.
It's the best of both worlds, a pet that doesn't spend most of the time ignoring you and you don't have to take it for walks.

[TS]

SNART - After dossing off you wake up with a start and a snort (usually in a public place, with lots of people turning their heads to see who snarted).

I thought I had invented that word, but unfortunately it's already in use as the event of letting a fart out while you sneeze.

[Danny Lam]

Thanks, Mr Jam! Now I know that I actually have a new identity: ESCABLUDGER!

[S]

Mr Jam, his columns and his gang are funtastic (fantastically funny)!

Keep them coming!

[fardel]

Training cats in a circus is simple; It is a technique very well known to women ( especially your wife)
It is called cat-and-mouse game

It is based on basic instincts ( food in this case)
You just need to make believe that the cat can have you for dinner one day and they do what you want.
when they get too close , hit them on the nose
The figures are natural and basic :roll over , jump, sit

Since cats are totally unrelated to financers, bosses and presidents,It works as long as their belly is full
( your wife knows this too; if she does not, your mistress does)

Medjas show only successful tamers, ( who wants to talk about pet food, anyway except for Catsup; of circus origin:Cat supper)
Successful cats ( those who transformed their master into a steak ) are rewarded by being presented in zoos

As a mark of respect they are presented a plaque , praising their power

The same works in a house,or in politics

Attract the man, feed him, hit him on the nose ,leave him on the couch and go shopping

It is the circus of life

[Chamin]

Angela,

Thanks a lot for the tip. I will look for the book when I travel next week, the only bad thing in Japan for me is that it is hard to find good English books.

[Chamin]

Hi TS,

I don't want my cat (or tiger) to help me by biting on the neck :o). And I will definitely look for a Turkish Van Cat, that sounds cool.

Hi Fardel,

Wow, you describe the circus of life pretty well. I am considering getting my next cat, and I am really happy that they are unrelated to financers.

[Angela]

The disillusioned cat from the Caribbean needs only to swim across the south atlantic, the indian ocean, into the small island at the southern tip of the malayan peninsula where the mice are of gentler kind. And he will be cured of his chronic cynicism :)

[fardel]

You are really funny;
did you know that cats do not like water?

[TS]

fardel, google Turkish Van Cat.

[fardel]

I just look up the turkish van cat.
It is impressive but.........
It does not look like me at all;

As for cynicism ...... well.

Is my description so accurate that it went straight in the bull's eye?
As for gentle mice?
Did you mean "where they mince the gents kind " ?
Did you mean " he will be cured in cinnamons"?

[Trecia]

Okay, i know I'm lame.
Library - A place where everyone studies bra.

Chemo - an emo with cancer

A little bit racist...
Blackmail - A black guy trying to get in through your letterbox.

[Chin]

BARISTAR - one who argues vehemently and furiously about their their favourite brew of overpriced coffee (barista + barrister)

[Chin]

Here's one I found:

Disemvoweled - Vowels in your post will be removed

[fardel]

disenvoweled: the vows of marriage with you are terminated

[Uli]

Thanks, Fardel and Angela! You really made my day with this word.

[fardel]

maternal leave
the leaf a woman should have kept there, for her not to be here
If you do not understand it , ask Adam and Eve

patternal leave,
When AWPG leaves the pattern:work,work, work,work to go to Europe