Alcohol and religion

 

Some faiths forbid wine-drinking, while others require it

THE VIRGIN MARY BAR in Melbourne had to change its name.

The Buddha Bar in Central Jakarta has removed its name plate.

This week the St Thomas Taverna in Goa is looking for a new sign.

All over Asia-Pacific, authorities are forcing through laws which separate religion and alcohol.
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Why? Indian politician Manohar Parrikar last week explained why he was campaigning for these changes: “The chances of unholy things happening in bars with holy names are high."

What unholy things?

Bars in Asia are full of long-haired guys in flowing clothes drinking wine and prophesying the end of the world, a scene pretty much straight out of The Mahabharata, as far as I can see.

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Owners of Jakarta’s Buddha Bar are upset.

But to be really honest, I sympathize with the protestors. I just can’t see Buddha sitting at a bar with a vodka martini (he was more of a White Russian or a Rum Zombie kinda guy).
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I decided to visit people of different religions to find out what their beliefs said about drinking alcohol.

The Buddhists and Hindus I found were mostly teetotalers.

Muslim friends took a more complex position. One of them, a drinker, said: “Some of us drink, although stricter ones don’t. In one part of the Quran, it says intoxicants are ‘abominations of Satan’s handiwork’ which, I give you, is a bit on the negative side. But in another part, it defines heaven as a place which contains ‘rivers of fine wine’.”

He explained that some hardliners “get over this theological problem by saying that the rivers in heaven are made from non-alcoholic wine”. This surprised me. I asked: “You mean like Vino Zero or Junior Berry Spritzer or Near Beer?”

He said: “Well, yes, I suppose so.” This is pretty impressive, since the Quran was written 13 centuries before these ghastly drinks were invented by scientists born without taste buds. But it’s not much of a recommendation for heaven.

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Christians take the opposite stance. Alcohol is not only allowed, but required.

Jesus asked to be remember with a meal of bread and wine. “Take a little wine for thy stomach’s sake,” wrote St Paul.

Normally the emphasis is on “little”, but a drunken priest named Father Maurizio was arrested in Italy last month after attending four masses.

He should switch to Norse Paganism, the most enthusiastic drinking religion of all. Believers have to get into a state of extreme intoxication as part of their fertility rite. This religion has pretty much died off, and anyone who has tried to be fertile after a night’s drinking will know why.

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One UK researcher embarked on a project to examine “The Relationship of Religion to Alcohol Consumption”.

His outline reads as follows:

Researcher Nick McVernon has observed that those who consume sufficient alcohol invariably proceed to lean over a toilet bowl and exclaim "Oh God! Oh God!"

The researcher proposes to visit all of the pubs in the South-East of England and personally test a full range of ales, stouts, porters, and lagers to determine:

a) whether sufficient alcohol will cause him to see God;

b) which variety of beer is most effective in bringing on visions of a deity; and

c) which particular brand is most effective.

Mr McVernon added:

Research assistants are welcome in this endeavour, provided, of course, they have full funding and are prepared to buy the occasional round for the head researcher.

I imagine he will have no trouble finding volunteers. Cheers.

Comments

[Nury]

Guys, I have enjoyed reading your comments the last few days. It's been great to see yet more "new words" come in. And Angela, Fardel, TS, Chamin and the gang are as creative as ever.

Also I enjoyed re-reading the comments on "what is two times two" again, a funny series of exchanges revived by a couple of people commenting on it.

Apologies for my inability to join in. I have been on the road, and unable to find an internet connection.

It'll get worse. I'll be completely out of range of the internet in a primitive place (Europe) for much of the next three weeks, so I'll be unable to do postings or comment on them for days on end...

The summer has well and truly arrived.

[Minkha]

Dear Nury,

Enjoy yourself in our part of the world :-)
I hope it will be holiday, not work.
Make sure you take a jumper and an umbrella if you're planning to be in the UK.

Best wishes,
Minkha

[TS]

If you find yourself in London, you should arrange an informal book signing night in a pub with a silly name. I'm sure there's other readers of this blog who would like to say hello.

[fardel]

If you plan to visit France, you should start a diet.....NOW

[Cookie]

Alcohol compels people to do things they
otherwise would not have done in a stable
state.It is addictive and stays in the
bloodstream for 40days.Because of its
addictive nature inducing people to perform at its extreme level even sins
it is banned in our religion(Islam)!
And the rivers of Paradise shall contain
roohafza and other juices.
As for alcohol being missing in the past,
well I have stories of corpses of dead
princes in sea voyages being stored in
wine barrels.Wine perhaps is old as
civilization itself.People in Stone Age
probably did not ferment grapes or sth!

[David V]

If I may add to Fardel's advice: and if you plan to start a diet then go to England first;) Enjoy your Europe trip!

[TS]

David V,

That's a bit mean, there is nothing wrong with English cooking that a good stomach pump can't cure.

Joke aside, having lived in UK for a bit more than four years, I have gained great respect for English food.

The only problem is that a good portion (no pun intended) of the population have lost the ability to cook not to mention knowledge about general kitchen hygiene and are completely ignorant about what constitutes a healthy diet.

As one of my Australian friends told me: "it's the only place I've been to where you can get french fries everywhere, even in the Asian restaurants".

[David V]

TS,I liked your first joke,it made me laugh quite hard.To be honest I must admit I never lived in UK so I apologise if ppl did find it appropriate. If anyone knows a good English restaurant in Hong Kong I will be delighted to know more about the culinary charms of this country.

[May]

Nury

what is 3 times 7? it equals to :-
3 wks x 7 days
3 wks x 7 days x 24 hrs
3 wks x 7 days x 24 hrs x 60 mins
so 2 times 2 is not = 4. let me give u an example. 2 drops of water + 2 drops of water = 1 large drop of water
so, before u go, pls. sign an undertaking letter promising that u will resume writing your columns after your trip, haha...
subject to your compliance of the term as aforesaid, i hereby grant you a few wks. holiday on behalf of all your loyal readers & fans but i reserve my right to leave messages in your columns during your leave....Nury, the above words usually appear in legal letters as corresponded to your article 2 x 2
(UK LOLawstudent but now is a small potato working in local ppt. developer firm)....Nury, travel safe

[Amreen]

Hmm.Wine and religion and closely
associated.No doubt about that!
Most religion say something about
drinking habits and most comment about
its disadvantages.Drinking in our religion is totally N-O!Some people do it
out of curiosity and get addicted.
But if they start driving after drinking
then the first thing they do is remember
the Almighty!

[Amreen]

That reminds me:In India there is a new
system of discouraging drinking and driving.Instead of fines, people will
be taken to Emergency Wards to be shown
the consequences of Drinking and Driving.
And the people do here is say "OH,MY GOD!"

[fardel]

If you drive through Germany around Bayreuth, I shall give you the address of a small hotel lost in the woods where the food is amazingly good;
As for England, I did not stay long enough( two days) to find any restaurant open when I was hungry( even when I was not)
I remember spending two hours in the southeast of London, looking for a town with something open
But the food on the ferries to France was worth dieting for a day an a half .

Hey guys and girls
What about writing
" The master of Vit & Chips goes West" , a global chronicles gone wild

[Vaibhav]

David - Fish and chips is english food.(period)They still dont know how to make or eat Yorkshire pudding. It was voted dessert of the year yet its mostly had with meat. Other english foods are Donner kebabs, chicken tikka masala etc

[TS]

Vaibhav, that's just plain pignorance (popular ignorance).

Yorkshire pudding was never a dessert but a way of stretching the Sunday roast a bit further in lean times.
As for Donner kebabs and the like is just an example of how even the English have lost connection with their own culture.

Just Google "english food recipes" and look through the traditional dishes and see how varied it is.

[Sham]

Dont know about the Buddhist, but most Hindu's are definitely not teetotalers. Far from it..

In fact, in some Hindu rituals, stout and beer are even placed as offerings. I once went to a temple where this guy would go into a trance and drink Guiness all night. In the end, he died of liver failure:( Seriously.

On certain auspicious days, certain Hindu's practice vegetarianism. But alcohol is not excluded from the diet, as it contains no meat. Dont think that tequila shots with a worm is allowed though.

[Supak]

In Buddhism alcohol is prohibited when consumed for fun (drinking pleasure) as it is considered as a de-stabilizer of mind. But it is allowed in small portion for medical purposes (as a medicine)